Author's Note: I didn't intend to write a sequel, because I usually crap
them up. Besides, no-one ever likes the sequel better than the original.
But it just happened, so let me apologise in advance in case it's rubbish.
Disclaimer: I wonder, does anyone even read these? I could write a poem in here and I bet no-one would notice. Anyway, the point is - I don't own Captain Archer, Commander Tucker, Sub-Commander T'Pol, Hoshi, Reed, Mayweather, Phlox, Porthos or Ensign Cutler. I probably own the crewman from the end, but he's so pathetic that I'll disown him right now. There! He's in a downtown orphanage, where he'll probably be recruited by a strange man who trains him to be a pickpocket. Meh...
---------------------
"Captain? Can I sit here?"
"Sure, Hoshi, knock yourself out."
"(pause) Um... Sir? I hope you don't mind me saying this... you look like hell."
"(sighs) Yeah, I know. I feel like it, too."
"Can't you - I don't know - order them to take it to his quarters?"
"I would, but either way, someone's going to end up being kept up at night - aside from them, I mean - and I'll be the one they complain to, you know."
"How many people know? Apart from you and me."
"So far? Reed, Phlox, Mayweather, Cutler and Porthos. Poor dog. He doesn't have a clue what's going on."
"At least he won't say anything."
"Yeah. Unlike Cutler and Mayweather, who gossip about it every chance they get. I swear, it's just a matter of time before Starfleet or the Vulcan High Command find out, and boy, some heads are gonna roll then."
"Do you think it's a good thing? Them being together?"
"(sighs) Yeah. I do. I can't explain why, but they make a good couple. It's... disconcerting, to say the least."
"Tell me about it. The other day I found them in the gym. I don't understand why they have this need to do it *everywhere* on the ship."
"Their own quarters aren't good enough, apparently. I found a list on Trip's desk of all locations on the ship. Some were crossed off. Most notably the Jeffries tubes."
"Eww. I just had a flashback."
"We really need a counselor on board, don't you think?"
"For them or for us?"
"Both. And I'll tell you something else - some people are feeling left out."
"What?! You?"
"No! No no no no no. That's not what I meant at all! I just meant that people are starting to miss their partners, back on Earth. This whole thing with Trip and T'Pol... it makes them wish they had someone to be with right now. Them! Not me!
"(dubiously) If you say so. At any rate, there's nothing we can do about it. Unless you want us to go back to Earth?"
"Not a chance. I can survive the sleepless nights, and the weird looks over breakfast, and the gossiping--"
"Hold on - weird looks over breakfast?"
"Yeah. They just... *watch* each other. They don't even say anything. They just... watch. It's scary. You can tell he's thinking up uses for the maple syrup."
"Ugh! That's it - I'm not talking to you anymore. I think you should seriously consider getting a counselor."
"Charming. Oooh! Leftover pie..."
***************
"I can't believe you just did that!"
"Was that a complaint?"
"What?! T'Pol, sweetie, when have you ever known me to complain?"
"Frequently. However... not about that."
"Damn straight. You think Jon minds that we're up this late?"
"I believe the Captain left his quarters several hours ago."
"Do I even wanna know how you know that?"
"You did once refer to my ears as 'super-ears', did you not?"
"Yeah, but I've been thinkin' about changing that to 'cutie-ears'. This little point at the top... it's just so cute!"
"I must admit, I prefer 'super-ears'."
"Your choice. Want some more pecan pie?"
"It's four in the morning."
"Never stopped you before. Here ya go. 'Fraid there's no whipped cream. We kinda... used that up."
"I have found that the pecan pie alone is satisying. It does not need the cream. Besides, Vulcans do not consume dairy products."
"Really? Guess what we did two hours ago was just a figment of my imagination, then."
"You are correct."
"Don't worry - your secret's safe with me. Um... I was thinking."
"I must notify the Vulcan Science Directorate immediately."
"Ha ha. Y'know, I'm not so sure a sense of humour is something I want to nurture in you after all."
"I believe you would miss it if it were gone."
"Yeah, you're right. As always. Anyway, as I was saying - I was thinking. You know that list we've got? Well... the bridge is on there, right?"
"Correct. But the chances of an unattended bridge are extremely small. It is unlikely--"
"Never say never, sweetheart. Tomorrow night's the night - I've changed the roster so it's you, me and Travis on duty. I'm sure we can get Travis to take an extended toilet break. So what do you think?"
"It is... a risky plan."
"Yeah, but that's what makes it so much fun. You up for it?"
"I never said I was not."
"I'll take that as a yes. Put it this way - Jon might actually be able to get a decent night's sleep. We'd be doing our loyal captain a favour."
"There is no need to convince me further. What time are we rostered on for?"
*************
Captain Archer had been asleep for four very peaceful hours when a loud knocking jarred him awake. He growled a very irritated, "Come in!" and was surprised to see one of his crewmen stumble in, looking oddly traumatised.
"Captain!" he squeaked, sounding breathless, "Come quick! I think Commander Tucker and Sub-Commander T'Pol are... beating each other up!"
The captain frowed and glanced at the wall that separated his apartment from the Sub-Commander's. He hadn't heard anything all night. He'd thought they were having a night off, but maybe he was finally learning to block offensive sounds. The crewman dashed his hopes, however. "They're on the bridge. And sir... they're naked!"
It brought to mind some disturbing memories from his childhood. Like when his much younger brother had rushed in from his parents' bedroom and tugged anxiously on his coat sleeve, saying, "Daddy's hurting mommy!" He couldn't believe *he'd* been landed with the job of explaining the birds and the bees to his sibling, and now, decades and a starship later, he was in exactly the same position.
"Come in, crewman." He obeyed, looking somewhat awed at being in a captain's private quarters. "Now let me explain something - when a man and a woman love each other very much..."
Disclaimer: I wonder, does anyone even read these? I could write a poem in here and I bet no-one would notice. Anyway, the point is - I don't own Captain Archer, Commander Tucker, Sub-Commander T'Pol, Hoshi, Reed, Mayweather, Phlox, Porthos or Ensign Cutler. I probably own the crewman from the end, but he's so pathetic that I'll disown him right now. There! He's in a downtown orphanage, where he'll probably be recruited by a strange man who trains him to be a pickpocket. Meh...
---------------------
"Captain? Can I sit here?"
"Sure, Hoshi, knock yourself out."
"(pause) Um... Sir? I hope you don't mind me saying this... you look like hell."
"(sighs) Yeah, I know. I feel like it, too."
"Can't you - I don't know - order them to take it to his quarters?"
"I would, but either way, someone's going to end up being kept up at night - aside from them, I mean - and I'll be the one they complain to, you know."
"How many people know? Apart from you and me."
"So far? Reed, Phlox, Mayweather, Cutler and Porthos. Poor dog. He doesn't have a clue what's going on."
"At least he won't say anything."
"Yeah. Unlike Cutler and Mayweather, who gossip about it every chance they get. I swear, it's just a matter of time before Starfleet or the Vulcan High Command find out, and boy, some heads are gonna roll then."
"Do you think it's a good thing? Them being together?"
"(sighs) Yeah. I do. I can't explain why, but they make a good couple. It's... disconcerting, to say the least."
"Tell me about it. The other day I found them in the gym. I don't understand why they have this need to do it *everywhere* on the ship."
"Their own quarters aren't good enough, apparently. I found a list on Trip's desk of all locations on the ship. Some were crossed off. Most notably the Jeffries tubes."
"Eww. I just had a flashback."
"We really need a counselor on board, don't you think?"
"For them or for us?"
"Both. And I'll tell you something else - some people are feeling left out."
"What?! You?"
"No! No no no no no. That's not what I meant at all! I just meant that people are starting to miss their partners, back on Earth. This whole thing with Trip and T'Pol... it makes them wish they had someone to be with right now. Them! Not me!
"(dubiously) If you say so. At any rate, there's nothing we can do about it. Unless you want us to go back to Earth?"
"Not a chance. I can survive the sleepless nights, and the weird looks over breakfast, and the gossiping--"
"Hold on - weird looks over breakfast?"
"Yeah. They just... *watch* each other. They don't even say anything. They just... watch. It's scary. You can tell he's thinking up uses for the maple syrup."
"Ugh! That's it - I'm not talking to you anymore. I think you should seriously consider getting a counselor."
"Charming. Oooh! Leftover pie..."
***************
"I can't believe you just did that!"
"Was that a complaint?"
"What?! T'Pol, sweetie, when have you ever known me to complain?"
"Frequently. However... not about that."
"Damn straight. You think Jon minds that we're up this late?"
"I believe the Captain left his quarters several hours ago."
"Do I even wanna know how you know that?"
"You did once refer to my ears as 'super-ears', did you not?"
"Yeah, but I've been thinkin' about changing that to 'cutie-ears'. This little point at the top... it's just so cute!"
"I must admit, I prefer 'super-ears'."
"Your choice. Want some more pecan pie?"
"It's four in the morning."
"Never stopped you before. Here ya go. 'Fraid there's no whipped cream. We kinda... used that up."
"I have found that the pecan pie alone is satisying. It does not need the cream. Besides, Vulcans do not consume dairy products."
"Really? Guess what we did two hours ago was just a figment of my imagination, then."
"You are correct."
"Don't worry - your secret's safe with me. Um... I was thinking."
"I must notify the Vulcan Science Directorate immediately."
"Ha ha. Y'know, I'm not so sure a sense of humour is something I want to nurture in you after all."
"I believe you would miss it if it were gone."
"Yeah, you're right. As always. Anyway, as I was saying - I was thinking. You know that list we've got? Well... the bridge is on there, right?"
"Correct. But the chances of an unattended bridge are extremely small. It is unlikely--"
"Never say never, sweetheart. Tomorrow night's the night - I've changed the roster so it's you, me and Travis on duty. I'm sure we can get Travis to take an extended toilet break. So what do you think?"
"It is... a risky plan."
"Yeah, but that's what makes it so much fun. You up for it?"
"I never said I was not."
"I'll take that as a yes. Put it this way - Jon might actually be able to get a decent night's sleep. We'd be doing our loyal captain a favour."
"There is no need to convince me further. What time are we rostered on for?"
*************
Captain Archer had been asleep for four very peaceful hours when a loud knocking jarred him awake. He growled a very irritated, "Come in!" and was surprised to see one of his crewmen stumble in, looking oddly traumatised.
"Captain!" he squeaked, sounding breathless, "Come quick! I think Commander Tucker and Sub-Commander T'Pol are... beating each other up!"
The captain frowed and glanced at the wall that separated his apartment from the Sub-Commander's. He hadn't heard anything all night. He'd thought they were having a night off, but maybe he was finally learning to block offensive sounds. The crewman dashed his hopes, however. "They're on the bridge. And sir... they're naked!"
It brought to mind some disturbing memories from his childhood. Like when his much younger brother had rushed in from his parents' bedroom and tugged anxiously on his coat sleeve, saying, "Daddy's hurting mommy!" He couldn't believe *he'd* been landed with the job of explaining the birds and the bees to his sibling, and now, decades and a starship later, he was in exactly the same position.
"Come in, crewman." He obeyed, looking somewhat awed at being in a captain's private quarters. "Now let me explain something - when a man and a woman love each other very much..."