A/N: Most of this chapter is written in italics because it's basically one big flashback. I hope you all enjoy this story! I've been really excited to write it but I don't know if I'll be able to continue if it's not well received tbh. So if you like it please let me know, if not please keep your opinions to yourself! Thanks.
XXXXXX
She's nervous as hell as she sits in the dull room of the clinic, legs elevated with her feet in stirrups. The weeks leading up to this replays in her mind as she leans her head back and stares blankly at the ceiling.
She's just shutting down her computer, looking forward to the weekend when Antonio; their sergeant's voice bellows through the bullpen.
"Before we all call it a night, we have one last thing we have to do."
Detective Lindsay's cheeks become tinted pink as her colleagues start singing "Happy Birthday." Feeling uncomfortable, she looks down at her black jacket lying over her arm.
Once they're done singing, she looks around at her fellow detectives—she's a little surprised when she doesn't see her partner and best friend. She scans the room for the green henley he wore today, the one that makes the green in his eyes pop and his arms looked as if they were going to burst through the sleeves. Someone nudges her shoulder, bringing her out of her daze. She looks over her shoulder to discover it was the very person she was just daydreaming about. Jay Halstead has been the bane of her existence since they met at the academy thirteen years ago. A fire ignites over her skin and spreads from her neck down to her toes when he leans in to whisper in her ear.
"Come on Lindsay, blow out your candles so we can have some cake."
She can see his signature smirk in her peripheral right before she closes her eyes and does as he says.
XXXXXX
She's just walking out of the clear doors of the district when he jogs up behind her with a small paper plate with his slice of cake on it.
"So what'd you wish for?" He asks as his shoulder brushes hers.
"I thought you weren't going to ask this year."
"I have to keep up the tradition." He states as seriously as he can before grinning at her.
"Well then you know what I'm going to say."
"Do you really believe your wish won't come true if you tell me?" He asks as he finishes his cake.
"I can't risk it." She answers with a smirk and he chuckles.
"Fine. Are you up for getting a drink? You know, for tradition."
"Only if we can skip the bar scene, I'm just not feeling up to it."
"Of course, I'll just meet you at your place."
"Ok, I'm going to stop at the supermarket first."
"I'll supply the drinks."
"I have beer and whiskey at home. I just need a few things."
"Alright I'll see you in a bit." He tosses his keys up a little in his hand and hops in his car.
XXXXXX
Erin pulls a box of cereal off the shelf, and just as she turns she kicks something soft. She looks down to find a stuffed bunny. She turns again and sees a woman with toddler seating in the cart. She picks up the pink toy and walks over to the woman.
"Thank you so much." The mother says and little girl giggles as her mom hands the bunny. Erin smiles at the sight of the child hugging the toy.
"No problem." Erin says after a few seconds and then she heads to the self-checkout kiosk. She waits patiently behind another mom with a young baby in her arms. He's looking over his mother's shoulder and smiling at Erin. Her nose scrunches as she smiles at the little blonde baby. A kiosk opens up and Erin moves towards it.
XXXXXX
"I was just about to call you."
"Did you miss me?"
"Nah, I just didn't want to finish the whole six pack before you got here." He jokes and she laughs.
They put the groceries away together and he opens the beer bottles for them before they walk to the living room.
She turns on the TV and just leaves an episode of Fixer Upper on; setting the remote back down on the table. He chuckles as she takes a swig of her beer.
"What?" She questions.
"I'm still surprised you're into this stuff, it seems too girlie for you." He replies and she attempts to punch him in the arm but he stops her hand by catching her wrist. He pulls her towards him and their faces end up only a few centimeters apart. He looks just as shocked at their closeness as she does. They both shift their line of sight between the other's lips and eyes before she's pulling away.
After watching a few more episodes of Fixer Upper and finishing off the case of beer, she falls asleep. He cleans up the bottles and pizza box before carrying her to her room. He covers her with her comforter and places a kiss to her forehead whispering against her skin.
"One day."
XXXXXX
Only an hour or so later, she wakes up to go to the bathroom. After washing her hands and walking back to her bed she feels wide awake. She turns her flat screen on just in time to hear a woman talking about her dream nursery as she slowly opens the white door. She mentions how she always imagined her husband putting the nursery together and painting the walls, but she felt like she couldn't wait anymore. Erin feels for the woman and admires the beautiful room before pulling out her laptop.
She spends a few hours researching before falling back to sleep again.
XXXXXX
"Erin, are you sure this is something you really want? IVF is expensive and it can be discouraging from what I've heard because it doesn't always take right away." Kim asks as they exit the gym.
"I know. I've done a shit ton of research. It's all I've been able to think about for the last few weeks. Every mother and baby I walk past on the street, every diaper and Johnson & Johnson commercial."
"Have you told Jay?"
"Why would I have to tell Jay?"
"I'm not saying you have to, but he is your partner and one of your best friends. Not to mention you're in love with each other. Do you need me to continue?"
"No."
"What about your one day?" Kim asks next, putting up air quotes with her last two words and Erin stops in her tracks. Kim can see the wheels turning in her head. She takes a sip of her coffee as she moves to stand in front of her friend. "Look Erin I'm not trying to talk you out of it, I support whatever you decide, and I'll be crazy excited to become an aunt again but I do think you should tell Jay." She states and Erin nods as she considers her words. Kim steps to the side, and turns around so they can continue walking.
Erin finishes her cup of coffee a couple blocks before they arrive at the station. They scan their access cards and walk the rest of the way to the bullpen, where they're met by Jay and Adam.
"Hey darlin', where's mine?" Adam greets, gesturing towards the cup in his fiancée's hand.
Kim shrugs. "You didn't say you wanted anything."
"I thought I did."
"No you didn't." Kim argues. Jay and Erin chuckle at the exchange between their friends.
Jay wordlessly offers the second coffee cup in his hand to Erin.
"Large, two creams and one sugar." Jay explains.
"Thank you." Erin says as she takes the warm cup.
"Halstead, Ruzek, get these files downstairs, would you." Dawson orders and Jay hands Erin his cup too; knowing she'll just put it on his desk. She and Kim walk to the elevator.
"Maybe he'll be willing to save you some time, money and discomfort and just knock you up himself." Kim jokes as they go to their desks.
Erin elbows her friend lightly and they both chuckle as they each bring their cups to their lips.
The timer dings and snaps her out of it. She takes a deep breath before moving to sit up a little. The doctor comes in to talk to her a little more. She goes straight home and spends the rest of the day in bed; her legs elevated with four of her six pillows.
XXXXXX
A week later she goes to work and immediately gets called into their Sergeant's office. She wipes her hands on the front of her jeans.
"Take a seat and relax Erin, I just have a quick question for you." Antonio states.
"Ok."
"I was just made aware that there's an opening in the new S.W.A.T unit."
Erin nods for her boss to continue.
"They've been scouting our team for someone to join this new unit and they asked me who I thought fit best."
"I don't think I'm the right person."
"I agree."
"Then why am I here?"
"I wanted to let you know that they're going to offer the job to Jay." He finally states and she's not sure how to feel as she gets dismissed from the office. Her limbs feel heavy as she slowly makes her way to her desk. Jay gives her a crooked smile as she takes a seat and she gives him a weak grin in return. He doesn't say anything but his furrowed eyebrows silently asks her what's wrong. She answers with a shake of her head and big fake smile. She knows he can see past it but she turns to face her computer just in time to blink back tears.