A/N: I have had a few problems with uploading this story. Hopefully it works this time. I am sorry to the people who favourited this story before it was taken down.

Well I am back after much thought about a new story. This may not be everyone's cup of tea, as it deals with some things some readers may be against. I am trying something different this time too. I am not telling the story from beginning to end I am telling it by jumping around the different time periods of the relationship some chapters will be when they are together some will be when they are apart. I will be very interested in your feedback good or bad. It all helps to make me a better writer. I hope you enjoy it! Thanks Chanel.

Chapter 1 - Can't Stop

Jo arrived home, expecting to find her apartment empty. Of course it would be she lived alone. She was surprised to see Alex sitting on her sofa. He had obviously let himself in. Her brain was telling her to ask him to leave, to tell him she was done, she couldn't, no she wouldn't do this anymore. Her heart and her body did the exact opposite though and she walked into his open arms. Not a word was exchanged. It never was. It had never needed to be. They always just knew.

They looked into each other's eyes before he leaned in to kiss her. She responded to the feel of his lips on hers and kissed him back with the same desire. As it always did, whenever they kissed it took on a life of its own. Jo's hands held his face and Alex's hands rested on her hips.

"I missed you." He whispered as he began to kiss her neck.

"You seen me at work today." She said with a small sigh as she enjoyed his kisses.

"You know what I mean." He said as he pulled away and took her hand and led her to the couch.

"How long have you been waiting?" Jo asked as she played with his hands that were resting in her lap.

"Not long. I've ordered some Thai food for dinner."

"Sounds good."

They had so much to talk about. There was so much that needed to be sorted out. But neither one of them wanted to bring it up. Complicated didn't begin to describe the situation they found themselves in six years after their first meeting.

Alex and Jo talked about everything except the huge white elephant in the room. They shared a connection of a similar upbringing or lack thereof depending on how you wanted to look at it. They shared a love of medicine, of surgery, of helping heel children. They had a bond that couldn't really be explained. Simply put they loved each other, regardless of everything else or was it in spite of everything else?

Dinner arrived and they ate out of the cardboard boxes. They talked about the day's events at the hospital; Alex made a couple of phone calls while Jo had a shower. Everything seemed so normal, so ordinary. Jo came back into the living room, dressed for bed.

She took Alex's hand and he stopped her. "I didn't come here for that." He said looking at her.

"I know." Jo replied simply and tugged on his hand again and led him to her bedroom.

"God Jo..." He said as he ran his hands through his short hair as he watched her take her black negligee off. He knew this was all kinds of wrong, he felt it everytime, for those brief moments, before they made love. But as soon as they kissed nothing else mattered. Jo was his addiction, and from what he could tell he was hers.

She smiled slightly and moved towards him. He closed the gap quickly and kissed her with such passion it took both of them by surprise. It wasn't long before he was naked too and they were on the bed together.

He kissed her neck and moved towards her breasts. He brushed his thumb over her left nipple and it hardened immediately. He would never tire of watching her body respond to his touch. He cupped her right breast and took that nipple into his mouth, be flicked his tongue across it before sucking on it lightly, eliciting a soft moan from Jo.

She held him close as he moved further down her body. Just as he got to her naval she stopped him.

"Alex, don't."

"Why?" He said caressing her face.

"It just feels selfish."

"Selfish? For me maybe, not for you. I just want to taste you. Please." He muttered as he kissed her mouth seeking a yes from her.

He continued kissing her as he trailed his hand down her side, then up and down the inside of her thigh. It was when he moved his hand in between her legs, and felt how ready she was for him, she moaned into his mouth giving her approval for him to do as he pleased with her body. He owned her in that respect. She knew she was weak when it came to him but she had long accepted that was just the way it was.

Alex settled between her legs and loved her in the most intimate way a man could love a woman. Jo was half sitting up against the pillows and headboard as Alex made love to her with his mouth, tongue and hands. As he tasted her and could feel her nearing the edge of orgasm he looked up to see her face glazed over in passion, she could feel him look at her and locked eyes with his as she watched his tongue work her over until she came with a scream of his name.

The sight of watching her come like that, because of him never ceased to please him.

He moved back up her body and kissed her on the mouth.

"See how good you taste. I am the selfish one baby. I can't get enough of you."

"Fuck Alex." She replied as she kissed him back and pushed him so she was now lying on top of him.

"Exactly. I need to be inside you now."

Jo eased down on top of Alex's hardness and began to move; both of them closed their eyes and got lost in the sensation that was each other. It had never been like this with anyone else. Before or after. Once they found their rhythm, Alex held Jo's hips and let her take control. She sat up straight and grinded into him.

"Babe...God...I'm so close." He muttered.

Jo leant down and kissed him with tongue in the same motion that she was moving up and down on top of him. Moments later, Alex grunted into her mouth as he came inside her. It always felt different with Jo. She made him come so much harder and so much longer than he had with anyone else.

Alex struggled to sit as Jo wrapped her legs around his waist, he kept pushing into her and moments later as he lightly bit her neck she came again, moaning in ecstasy.

They lay next to each other, heartbeats beginning to slow and breathing beginning to return to normal. Jo pulled the covers over them and Alex pulled Jo close to him as he spooned her from behind.

They lay in silence afterwards as they often did. Both knowing it was getting late and Alex would have to leave. It never got any easier and they were both in way to deep now to get out. But they continued to play the game.

Alex would stay until he thought Jo was asleep. Jo would make it easy for Alex and pretend she was asleep. When he left, she would roll over to his side and hug his pillow. Some nights well most nights after she heard his car leave she would cry herself to sleep. How had this become her life?

Jo peaked at the clock beside the bed it was eleven. He should have gone by now.

"Alex it's getting late." She said trying to sound casual.

"I know, I just don't want to leave you tonight."

Jo said nothing else. This part was always Alex's decision. She never asked him to stay, but she never asked him to leave either.

She woke around two in the morning and he was still holding her, quietly sleeping. It felt so right, him sharing her bed for the whole night, but she knew she had to wake him. He couldn't stay all night. A story would have to be made up as to why he was gone this long without a phone call or a text message.

"Babe." Jo said as she turned to wake him up.

"Mmm" he mumbled in his sleep.

"Alex, it's two in the morning."

Alex opened his eyes and blinked a few times to get his bearings. He was with Jo.

"I love you." He mumbled as he pulled her closer.

Jo always hated this part. It hurt so much. She couldn't say it back. He knew how she felt but she just couldn't say the words. It was better this way. She had to save something for her own self preservation.

"Alex, you have to go. Izzie will be wondering where you are. She will be worried." She said it quietly but it didn't matter how you said it. The impact was the same.

"I know. " He said, fully awake now and staring at the ceiling. Trying to find the strength to get up and leave the woman he truly loved.

It never got any easier. Alex knew he was an asshole, he knew Jo deserved so much more, so much better, but he couldn't let her go. Not a second time. If it had to end, Jo would have to be the one to do it, because Alex knew he didn't have the courage to do it. It made him feel pathetic and unworthy. He was a selfish prick who would never stop loving her.

A/N: So please be kind and tell me what you think. Much appreciated.