Harry Potter in a theatrical world.
Disclaimer, Harry Potter does not belong to me that is why he does not randomly explode, Ron does not have punk styled pink hair and Hermonie doesn't prance about in the rain in preaching clothes saying "Praise the lord!"
I am sorry for the extreme sense of randomness in this story, but this is my first fanfiction ever so don't go all harsh on me. Don't get me wrong but I do enjoy reading and watching Harry Potter books/films, but I thought as I am a very humourous (Sometimes sick) person I should honourably do the best thing and write a parody based story on Harry Potter so please enjoy.
Chapter One
Harry once again stepped into Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry to complete his final year of learning magic and being a general tart. He was walking down towards the school hall with his two best friends Ron Weasley whose hair had turned fluorescent pink and also spiked up because he wanted to act like a genuine "Muggle" punk and attempt to be a bit of a pimp with the girls as he had no such luck with such a complicated gender last year. Additionally his other best friend Hermoine Granger aka the Mud Blood Swot had spent all of her summer holidays in a church as she wanted to "Chastise" herself.but unfortunately for Harry's and Ron's minds to handle she for now does not preach her work.oh no.she preaches from the bible! Walking around in her cassocks (Priest clothes) and a bible close to her heart with her other arm outstretched in the air she repeats the words "PRAISE THE LORD AND YOU SHALL BE SAVED FROM THE FIREY DEPTHS OF HELL!"
Harry found the peculiar behaviour from his friends indeed very random but decided not to question it. Arriving at the school hall, where the sorting ceremony was about to take place, Harry, Ron and Hermoine took their seats. When things couldn't have been any more stranger than they were, the three friends couldn't believe their eyes when they saw Draco, Crabbe and Goyle enter the main hall dressed in little pink tutu's tiptoeing their way towards Harry, Ron and Hermoine
Draco with a smirk on his face "You jealous there Pot Head! I'm going to be the next Billy Eliot." He does a little twirl to show off his fine figure and arse
Hermoine with her hand outstretched towards Draco "You are the spawn of Satan! You shall be condemned to a life of firey hell!!!!! If not.I suggest you repent and praise the lord and then you shall be saved!!!!! *Hermoine places a hand on Draco's forehead, which makes him fall back and have some kind of seizure"
Crabbe and Goyle exchange nervous glances to one another and grab Draco's legs, dragging him across to the Slytherin table.
Ron sits there twirling his wand pretending it's a pimping cane "Wow Hermoine that was like totally cool babe! Say.you look rather dandy in those robes" Gives Hermoine a wink "So how about it sexy mama how about a nice snog on those luscious lips" Ron pucker up his lips towards Hermoine but Hermione reacts with slamming the bible on top of his head.
Ron falls down on the floor mumbling "Oooooooo I think she likes me" Hermoine then randomly kneels on the floor besides Ron and with hand movements of the sign of the cross she says "I bless you in the name of the father, son and holy ghost..AND YOU SHALL BE PUNISHED IN THE DEPTHS OF HELL FOR TRYING TO KISS ME!"
Harry meanwhile wasn't paying any attention to his two friends at the random scenario which took place as he was too preoccupied with Neville Longbottom who also just entered the school hall. Neville was indeed hard to miss as he had turned more obese than ever, no thanks to his grandmother over feeding him with chocolate and other goodies and hence he resembled a sumo wrestler, dressed as one as well.
Neville panting and sweating like a dog "Oh boy..I need to sit down for a while" Neville ultimately heads over to the Slytherine table (As he has forgotten which house he was in) and sumo drops onto Draco and company who try to crawl out from under the mass but have no such luck.
*Neville* Aaahhh much better =D
*Draco* Get off me Longbottom!
*Neville* "Oops" Neville gets up and couldn't help but notice Draco dressed in a tutu "Oh Draco..did I ever tell you pink suited you.especially tight pink lycra styled tutu's! they really turn me on" Neville starts to advance towards Draco and Draco starts to move back for once scared of Neville's attitude
Draco screams like a little school girl and prances about in his tutu to save his life from the enormous mass of bulk running in between the four house tables.
Harry meanwhile shook his head, as he couldn't believe the events that had taken place so far. His thoughts however had been replaced with Professor McGonagall drawing their attention to the sorting ceremony, one of the more exciting events taken place in Hogwarts.
*Professor McGonagall* "Now when I call out your names.I want you to step forth and I shall place the sorting hat on you and you shall be allocated to your houses"
Professor McGonagall opened up the long scroll which had names of the various students on.
*Professor McGonagall* "Annette Curtain" (Read as A net curtain) Do we have Annette Curtain here?
Nobody at this point steps forth and a few sniggers can be heard among the crowd. Professor McGonagall thinks of the act as ruthless and immature and proceeds with the sorting ceremony
*Professor McGonagall* "Amanda Huggankiss" (A man dat hug and kiss)..come on don't be shy I just want Amanda Huggankiss.
More laughter can be heard from the houses and Professor McGonagall's face starts to flush red but still reads on.
*Professor McGonagall* "Seymour Butts?" (See more butts) Oh please children! I want to Seymour Butts!
A roar of laughter had now emerged around the great hall and yet Professor McGonagall insists on reading the list convinced someone will step through.
*Professor McGonagall turning a deep shade of scarlet in the face* "I P Freely?" * (I pee freely)."Hugh Jass?" (Huge Ass), "Homer Sexual?!" (Homo Sexual)
Everybody now was literally on the floor laughing at the names, obviously someone had tampered with the name list, which made McGonagall not too impressed.
*McGonagall* "I would rather be a clown than a teacher and stand here to make a mockery of myself!!!" *She places a hand to her head and looks up to the sky all dramatically and says "Oh.the humanity!!!" At this point she transforms into a pig, snorting her way out of the main hall.
Hermoine, who had watched all this, stood up and saluted McGonagall "GOD BLESS THAT WOMAN!!!"
*Ron who woke up with a pounding headache and a lump oh his forehead perks a brow at Hermoine and says "Will you quit with all the preaching!"
Hermoine was about to retaliate with preaching some more down Ron's ear, but Ron already anticipating this, grabbed Harry's wand and with his own wand made the sign of the cross, keeping it well in front of Hermoine.
*Ron* Stay back you deadly fiend!!!!!
*Harry who now finally speaks in this fanfiction for the first time* "Quiet guys!..I think McGonagall has left for good.so who is going to be the next Transfigurations teacher?"
Disclaimer, Harry Potter does not belong to me that is why he does not randomly explode, Ron does not have punk styled pink hair and Hermonie doesn't prance about in the rain in preaching clothes saying "Praise the lord!"
I am sorry for the extreme sense of randomness in this story, but this is my first fanfiction ever so don't go all harsh on me. Don't get me wrong but I do enjoy reading and watching Harry Potter books/films, but I thought as I am a very humourous (Sometimes sick) person I should honourably do the best thing and write a parody based story on Harry Potter so please enjoy.
Chapter One
Harry once again stepped into Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry to complete his final year of learning magic and being a general tart. He was walking down towards the school hall with his two best friends Ron Weasley whose hair had turned fluorescent pink and also spiked up because he wanted to act like a genuine "Muggle" punk and attempt to be a bit of a pimp with the girls as he had no such luck with such a complicated gender last year. Additionally his other best friend Hermoine Granger aka the Mud Blood Swot had spent all of her summer holidays in a church as she wanted to "Chastise" herself.but unfortunately for Harry's and Ron's minds to handle she for now does not preach her work.oh no.she preaches from the bible! Walking around in her cassocks (Priest clothes) and a bible close to her heart with her other arm outstretched in the air she repeats the words "PRAISE THE LORD AND YOU SHALL BE SAVED FROM THE FIREY DEPTHS OF HELL!"
Harry found the peculiar behaviour from his friends indeed very random but decided not to question it. Arriving at the school hall, where the sorting ceremony was about to take place, Harry, Ron and Hermoine took their seats. When things couldn't have been any more stranger than they were, the three friends couldn't believe their eyes when they saw Draco, Crabbe and Goyle enter the main hall dressed in little pink tutu's tiptoeing their way towards Harry, Ron and Hermoine
Draco with a smirk on his face "You jealous there Pot Head! I'm going to be the next Billy Eliot." He does a little twirl to show off his fine figure and arse
Hermoine with her hand outstretched towards Draco "You are the spawn of Satan! You shall be condemned to a life of firey hell!!!!! If not.I suggest you repent and praise the lord and then you shall be saved!!!!! *Hermoine places a hand on Draco's forehead, which makes him fall back and have some kind of seizure"
Crabbe and Goyle exchange nervous glances to one another and grab Draco's legs, dragging him across to the Slytherin table.
Ron sits there twirling his wand pretending it's a pimping cane "Wow Hermoine that was like totally cool babe! Say.you look rather dandy in those robes" Gives Hermoine a wink "So how about it sexy mama how about a nice snog on those luscious lips" Ron pucker up his lips towards Hermoine but Hermione reacts with slamming the bible on top of his head.
Ron falls down on the floor mumbling "Oooooooo I think she likes me" Hermoine then randomly kneels on the floor besides Ron and with hand movements of the sign of the cross she says "I bless you in the name of the father, son and holy ghost..AND YOU SHALL BE PUNISHED IN THE DEPTHS OF HELL FOR TRYING TO KISS ME!"
Harry meanwhile wasn't paying any attention to his two friends at the random scenario which took place as he was too preoccupied with Neville Longbottom who also just entered the school hall. Neville was indeed hard to miss as he had turned more obese than ever, no thanks to his grandmother over feeding him with chocolate and other goodies and hence he resembled a sumo wrestler, dressed as one as well.
Neville panting and sweating like a dog "Oh boy..I need to sit down for a while" Neville ultimately heads over to the Slytherine table (As he has forgotten which house he was in) and sumo drops onto Draco and company who try to crawl out from under the mass but have no such luck.
*Neville* Aaahhh much better =D
*Draco* Get off me Longbottom!
*Neville* "Oops" Neville gets up and couldn't help but notice Draco dressed in a tutu "Oh Draco..did I ever tell you pink suited you.especially tight pink lycra styled tutu's! they really turn me on" Neville starts to advance towards Draco and Draco starts to move back for once scared of Neville's attitude
Draco screams like a little school girl and prances about in his tutu to save his life from the enormous mass of bulk running in between the four house tables.
Harry meanwhile shook his head, as he couldn't believe the events that had taken place so far. His thoughts however had been replaced with Professor McGonagall drawing their attention to the sorting ceremony, one of the more exciting events taken place in Hogwarts.
*Professor McGonagall* "Now when I call out your names.I want you to step forth and I shall place the sorting hat on you and you shall be allocated to your houses"
Professor McGonagall opened up the long scroll which had names of the various students on.
*Professor McGonagall* "Annette Curtain" (Read as A net curtain) Do we have Annette Curtain here?
Nobody at this point steps forth and a few sniggers can be heard among the crowd. Professor McGonagall thinks of the act as ruthless and immature and proceeds with the sorting ceremony
*Professor McGonagall* "Amanda Huggankiss" (A man dat hug and kiss)..come on don't be shy I just want Amanda Huggankiss.
More laughter can be heard from the houses and Professor McGonagall's face starts to flush red but still reads on.
*Professor McGonagall* "Seymour Butts?" (See more butts) Oh please children! I want to Seymour Butts!
A roar of laughter had now emerged around the great hall and yet Professor McGonagall insists on reading the list convinced someone will step through.
*Professor McGonagall turning a deep shade of scarlet in the face* "I P Freely?" * (I pee freely)."Hugh Jass?" (Huge Ass), "Homer Sexual?!" (Homo Sexual)
Everybody now was literally on the floor laughing at the names, obviously someone had tampered with the name list, which made McGonagall not too impressed.
*McGonagall* "I would rather be a clown than a teacher and stand here to make a mockery of myself!!!" *She places a hand to her head and looks up to the sky all dramatically and says "Oh.the humanity!!!" At this point she transforms into a pig, snorting her way out of the main hall.
Hermoine, who had watched all this, stood up and saluted McGonagall "GOD BLESS THAT WOMAN!!!"
*Ron who woke up with a pounding headache and a lump oh his forehead perks a brow at Hermoine and says "Will you quit with all the preaching!"
Hermoine was about to retaliate with preaching some more down Ron's ear, but Ron already anticipating this, grabbed Harry's wand and with his own wand made the sign of the cross, keeping it well in front of Hermoine.
*Ron* Stay back you deadly fiend!!!!!
*Harry who now finally speaks in this fanfiction for the first time* "Quiet guys!..I think McGonagall has left for good.so who is going to be the next Transfigurations teacher?"