(A/N: Hi! I've been remiss lately on Fanfiction. Here's just a short little blip of Fiyero and Elphaba analyzing the song "Grenade" by Bruno Mars. This will be a oneshot series of the two analyzing different songs. I'm open to suggestions)

"I don't understand this song."

"It's pretty straight-forward, Thropp." Fiyero sighed.

"The man in this song is singing about the possible ways in which to inflict physical pain upon himself for a woman who does not even love him enough to care." Elphaba stared at Fiyero, "I don't understand how this song is considered romantic." For Ozian literature the students had been put into pairs to analyze song lyrics of modern Ozian pop culture. Very unwillingly, Elphaba and Fiyero had been put together.

"What do you know about romance anyway?" Fiyero asked, arching an eyebrow.

"I really don't have much of an opinion about it, but from what I gather, romance is generally represented by hearts, chocolate, certain types of flowers, candles, flying babies with weapons, that one I'll admit I don't understand-"

"Cupid, Thropp."

"Excuse me?"

"The flying baby with a weapon? Yeah, he's called cupid."

"The name is irrelevant. My point is that those are the sorts of things that make something romantic in our society, not suicide scenarios which end in certain body mutilation."

"You just don't get it Thropp." Fiyero sighed, "Here, just let me play the song again." He switched the music player back on.

Easy come, easy go, that's just how you live

Oh, take, take, take it all, but you never give

Should've known you was trouble from the first kiss

Had your eyes wide open, why were they open?

Elphaba abruptly stopped the music.

"See!" she exclaimed, "That proves that this song is stupid."

"What?" Fiyero furrowed his brow.

"The singer says that he should have known this woman was trouble from the first kiss because her eyes were wide open." Elphaba tapped her pencil victoriously. Fiyero did not get it.

"Yeah, so?"

"So? How would he know that her eyes were open if his eyes were not opened as well? He is a massive hypocrite! Hey you know what this reminds me of?"

"What?"

"When I was a child, we always went to the community swimming pool, and I convinced all of the other children that I could hold my breath for hours at a time underwater."

"Relevance?"

"We would all dunk our heads under water and stay down as long as we could. Of course everyone kept their eyes shut under water to avoid the painful sting of chlorine so no one saw when I actually surfaced. When I noticed the other children start to come up, I'd go down and they would all think I'd been down there the whole time!"

"Gee, clever Thropp." Fiyero sighed.

"I will admit that I was an extremely intelligent child." Elphaba said proudly.

"Yeah, you and every other kid in the third grade. You know I did the same thing." Fiyero said.

"Did not!" Elphaba exclaimed.

"What? How can you possibly know that?" Fiyero asked.

"You're not as smart I am." Elphaba shrugged factually, "And even though I did not know you as a child, I am very comfortable in my assumption that even in childhood you were not as bright as me."

"That was mean!"

"Everyone knows it, no use being offended by it."

"You know what, enough about the swimming pool, can we get back to the song please?"

"You're the one who indulged in the off-topic conversation."

"You started the off-topic conversation!"

"Yeah, but you continued it."

"Did not!"

"You did too!"

"Fine. Now can we get back to the assignment?"
"I'm not stopping you-"

"Okay so you say-" Fiyero angrily cut her off, "—that the singer was a hypocrite. I'm going to defend him. Maybe when they were done kissing he opened his eyes and noticed that her eyes had been open."

"She could have opened them at the same time as him." Elphaba shrugged.

"You can tell if someone's eyes just opened or have been opened." Fiyero rolled her eyes.

"Not always. And besides, what correlation is there between trouble and open eyes during a kiss?"

"C'mon, Thropp, everyone knows you don't keep your eyes open when you kiss somebody." Fiyero scoffed.

"That's a foolish practice. If you close your eyes, you can't see. People could easily miss their marks and end up kissing each other on the nostril or something."

"That has happened." Fiyero shrugged, relenting.

"You've kissed someone's nostril before? That must have been very awkward."

"What? No, not to me! Jeez-"

"Well you said-"

"Okay listen, the point is, you don't keep your eyes open during a kiss, alright?"

"No, I disagree. This girl was obviously taking precautions before kissing the singer to insure that she did indeed kiss him on the lips and not some other area of his face. Open eyes should not signify trouble, but should relay care and assurance."

"Okay, that's farfetched, even for you Thropp."

"No, what's farfetched is the superstition that keeping one's eyes open while kissing someone translates to future trouble in a relationship."

"You know what? Whatever, just listen to the song." Fiyero pressed play again.

Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash

You tossed it in the trash, you did

To give me all your love is all I ever asked –

Cause what you don't understand is

I'd catch a grenade for you
Throw my hand on a blade for you
I'd jump in front of a train for you
You know I'd do anything for you
Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for you baby;
But you won't do the same

"That is just ridiculous!" Elphaba exclaimed, "Is he trying to impress her with how many sources he can come up with in which to injure or kill himself with?"

"He's telling her he cares about her!"

"No he's not, he's saying 'I know several ways in which to commit suicide, let me tell them to you'."

"No he's not, he's saying 'Hey, if you're ever in danger, I'll take the pain for you and keep you safe." Fiyero argued.

"If someone came up to me and said they'd jump in front of a train for me I would feel awful at the notion that I had driven a person to a suicidal resort!"

"He's trying to tell her how much he cares about her." Fiyero rolled his eyes.

"So you're saying that if someone is throwing a grenade at her, he will jump in front of her and catch it instead?"

"Yes, finally, you understand something!"

"So that she won't get hurt?"

"Yes!"

"What kind of environment is he in that grenades are just lollygagging through the air? And secondly, if he caught the grenade, it would blow them both up."

"Never mind."

"And jumping in front of a train? If she were standing in front of a train and he just strolled out and joined her, what good would that do anyone? It sounds like he did not think through these plans to impress her very well."

"You really don't get it."

"I don't blame her for not wanting to do the same." Elphaba shrugged, "All of those options he listed sounded very painful and unpleasant to me."

Black, black, black and blue beat me till I'm numb
Tell the devil I said "hey" when you get back to where you're from
Mad woman, bad woman,
That's just what you are, yeah,
You'll smile in my face then rip the breaks out my car

"Mad woman, bad woman, that just what you are?" Elphaba arched an eyebrow, "Lyrically those words are very elementary and sound ridiculous to me."

"Thropp-"

"AND-" she dropped her pencil on the table, "Although I am not religious, from what I gather, the devil is a religious character in the bible that is generally disliked by followers of God."

"Yeah, so?"

"So why does he want her to say hello to him for him? Is he interested in starting a friendly relationship with him?"

"What? Oz, no, okay, listen. He's simply implying that she is friends with the devil, you know, like she came from hell?"

"That's impossible." Elphaba crossed her arms, "It is impossible first because Hell does not exist-"

"Hey, you know some of us believe in God Elphaba." Fiyero said, looking skywards cautiously.

She ignored him, "But also it is impossible because if Hell is supposed to be beneath Earth, which would be in the mantle, it is physically impossible for a human being to live. If she were indeed to ever go to hell, she would not be able to come back. She'd disintegrate into ashes, and even her ashes would disintegrate into nothing."

"Well then how do you explain the devil's survival down there?"

"To humor you and other sharers in the belief, I will have to assume that the devil is some sort of mythological creature that can tolerate blazing degrees of heat and flames, though that is utterly ridiculous." Fiyero looked up again superstitiously. Elphaba looked up too, confused, "What do you keep looking at?"

"Nothing, I'm just checking for angry, smoldering and fatal lightning bolts coming our way." Fiyero shrugged.

"I don't understand."

"You know," Fiyero shrugged, "Sometime's God likes to strike down blasphemy spreaders with bolts of lightning." he gave her a pointed look.

"I was always told that he loved everyone."

"Not crazy weird blasphemy spew-ers!"

"Fiyero the only thing up there is clouds, many people have flown in airplanes in the sky and several people have traveled to space. Not once has a man been spotted up there. It would be-"

"Physically impossible, I know."

"There is no evidence that God or his mythical son ever existed. Do you even know who wrote the bible Fiyero? There is nothing definitive or even minimally real about it. It's a novel, it's fiction. You could be reading and worshipping a book written by—I don't know…a man living in a cardboard box down the street! You evolved from a monkey, there is no tiny little red man with a pitchfork and horns living beneath us, nor is there a bearded man in a white toga flying above us."

"Okay, when you say it like that, you make it sound stupid."

"It is stupid." Elphaba shrugged.

"No, it only sounds stupid because you phrased it like that."

"The phrasing of a description of something cannot market whatever was being described as being stupid or not. Facts are facts and your beliefs are ridiculous."

"You know what, fine, you may think you're so smart, but I can make you sound stupid, just let me phrase it differently."

"Go for it." Elphaba shrugged.

"Okay, fine. Elphaba Thropp is just a stupid little college girl with stupid conspiracy theories and stupid criticisms of the almighty creator of Oz and humans."

"You used the word stupid, that doesn't count." Elphaba said, "And may I point out that I am much smarter than you?"

(A/N: Hope you enjoyed! I'm thinking for the next song they'll analyze "As Long As You're Mine"? Which is their love song. lol)