Title: Holiday Cheer
Pairings: None
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Author's Note: Frenzy and Rumble decide to partake in a holiday tradition – as only they can. This is a humorous one-shot that is completely standalone from my other stories. It does make a small reference to the third chapter in my All for One series (The Boring One), but that one doesn't need to be read to understand this.

Transformers and all associated names are registered trademarks of Hasbro. My work is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro. All Hail Hasbro!

"Hi, Thundercracker!"

"Hey there, Blue. How's it going?"

Thundercracker pulled up short as Frenzy and Rumble greeted him, both grinning widely, arms clasped behind their backs. He contemplated fleeing back over the ocean as the two stepped to either side of the lift and gestured him on board. Either of them smiling meant trouble. Both, together and smiling, was catastrophic. Had the primitive humans known of those two, they'd have added their antics to the signs of a coming apocalypse. Undeterred by his hesitation, they stepped forward onto the Nemesis' landing pad and grabbed his elbows, one on each side.

"Good patrol?" Frenzy asked, gesturing with his free hand to the lift again.

"That's great!" Rumble replied, not waiting for the Seeker to answer. He mirrored his brother's gesture. "Let's go inside."

"Okay, stop!" Thundercracker yanked his arms free of the smaller mechs' grasp. "What do you two want?"

"We just wanna talk."

"That's all, Blue."

"Yep. Let's go inside."

The two Cassettes motioned toward the waiting lift for a third time. Thundercracker glanced behind him at the open sky and its beckoning freedom. Tempting, very tempting. He turned back and regarded the two miniature Decepticons. Their smiles returned the moment his attention did. He winced. He could leave, but if they were determined enough, they'd probably just wait for him.

"Fine. What do you want? And my name is not 'Blue.' That's a color, not my name."

"Sure, sure! Let's talk inside, Wings." Frenzy nodded, smiling.

Thundercracker shook his head as he stepped into the lift. What was the point? The doors slid shut and he braced himself for whatever the brothers had in mind. They exchanged a glance, then faced him.

"We have a favor to ask," Rumble began.

"I thought you just wanted to talk," Thundercracker said.

"Well, yes, we do," Frenzy replied.

"We talk – ," Rumble said.

" – and then ask that you don't talk – " Frenzy continued his brother's sentence without pausing.

" – only to one person – "

" – well, yeah, you only don't talk to one mech – "

" – 'cause that'd be weird if you stopped talking to everyone – "

" – yeah, but funny – "

" – it would be funny, but that's not what we're asking – "

" – nope, not asking that – "

" – so, you just don't talk to one mech, and we're good. Got it?"

Thundercracker glanced between the two. "What?"

The two Cassettes exchanged a look, Frenzy scratching his head. Rumble shrugged. "Let's start over. We talk – "

"Primus, don't start that again," Thundercracker said, holding up a hand. "Who am I not supposed to talk to? More important, why?"

"Skywarp."

"Yep, Skywarp." The brothers nodded sagely.

"One: he's my wing mate. How am I supposed to avoid talking to him? Two: you haven't answered the important question. Why am I not talking to him?" Thundercracker counted off his questions on his fingers.

"Well, you only need to avoid him for a solar cycle – " Rumble started.

" – maybe not even that long – "

" – and, really, that's not long at all – "

" – yeah, surely that won't be a problem – "

"Stop! Tell me why." The blue Seeker glared at them.

"Well," Frenzy said, glancing at his brother. "Skywarp's working on a special, uh … "

"Project," Rumble supplied.

"Yeah, project! That's it." He beamed at his fellow Cassette. "And he needs to keep focused on it."

"He can't afford to be distracted. Y'know him, always getting distracted over anything." Rumble shook his head sadly.

Thundercracker nodded. "Now, tell me the truth."

"Okay," Rumble drug the word out. "Fine. He's making cookies."

"He's doing what now?" The Seeker stared at the two, face blank.

"Cookies. He's making them." Rumble nodded, his lips twitching. Frenzy hid his mouth behind his hand. A muffled snicker escaped from under his fingers.

"Cookies."

"Yep."

Thundercracker covered his face with his hand. "Do I want to know why?"

"Probably not."

"Just tell me."

""Cause he's stupid enough to fall for it," Frenzy said with a shrug.

Rubbing his temples, Thundercracker stared at the two pranksters from under his hand. "You told him to make cookies – of all things, cookies – and he actually did it?"

" … well, he may be under the impression that the Boss told him to do it."

"Why would he think Soundwave ordered that?"

"Uh, 'cause the order came from Soundwave's terminal and had Soundwave's ID on it," Rumble replied.

"You hacked Soundwave's terminal?"

"Oh, Primus, no." Frenzy laughed. "When the Boss is busy, he has us work the duty rosters. There's always all the minor duties that need filling, and sometimes we assign mechs to different tasks. We use his clearance."

"So," Rumble continued, "Skywarp finished his patrol early and checked in. Y'know, he was still on duty. Well, heh, it was just too good to let pass. You understand."

"Oh, yes, of course." Thundercracker grimaced. "That's abuse of power, you realize?"

"You realize we don't care?" Frenzy asked.

"Right. What reason did you – excuse me, did 'Soundwave' – give him for making cookies?"

The two Cassettes snickered. Frenzy said, "Morale boosting operations!"

Rumble punched his brother's arm. "You said it wrong."

"Oops. I meant, 'Operation: troop morale increase,'" Frenzy corrected himself, laughing.

"Morale boosting. Really," Thundercracker said.

"Uh huh. It's sure making us happier." Frenzy snickered.

"Why cookies? It's not like we eat."

"Blame the squishies," Rumble said.

"They inspired us. They keep wrapping blinking lights around things – "

" – trees, buildings – "

" – so we finally had to look up what, in the name of Primus, they were doing." Frenzy shook his head.

Rumble continued, "Apparently, this time every year, a lot of them lose their minds. Not only do they tie blinking lights on everything, they buy things, just so they can hide them in paper, only to ritualistically destroy the paper a few days later."

"Not just destroy the paper. They massacre it. I don't know what they have against paper, but they're brutal. I bet the Autobots have no clue how vicious their allies really are. Kinda scary. Anyway, prior to their paper killing spree, a lot of them like to make cookies."

"Maybe to celebrate the coming paper slaughter?" Rumble suggested.

"Could be."

"It's a holiday." Thundercracker shook his head. "Actually, there's a few different ones various humans celebrate around this time of year. But with the one you're talking about, they give gifts. The paper just hides the gift. It's meaningless."

"No offense, Wings," Frenzy corrected, "but you obviously don't know humans very well."

"If you say so."

The Seeker glanced at the lift door, eager to exit and end this conversation. What was taking so long? They should have arrived by now. He ran a quick check on his altimeter and confirmed they had lowered to the base's main level. Scowling, he reached over to hit the release switch. The door remained sealed shut.

"What's wrong with this thing?" Thundercracker muttered.

"Yeah, we did that," Rumble said.

The Seeker turned to face the brothers. "Excuse me?"

"Abusing power again, that's us," Frenzy said, smiling.

"Why?" Thundercracker bit out.

"We just wanted a chance to talk to you – " Rumble started.

" – explain our position – "

" – before you ran into him on your own – "

" – and wondered what he was up to – "

"Will you two please stop talking like that?"

The two exchanged glances before turning back to him. Frenzy replied, "Do you agree to not talk to Skywarp?"

"He's my trine mate. I haven't heard a single reason why I shouldn't go talk to him."

"But it's funny!" Rumble said, as if that answered everything.

Frenzy laughed. "Yeah, you should see the mess hall. It's earning the name."

"This is not helping your case." Thundercracker crossed his arms. "I can only imagine what he's doing. Let's hope he's not just throwing the shells on the floor."

"Shells?" Frenzy asked.

"From the eggs."

"What are you talking about?"

The Seeker cycled air through his intakes in a drawn out sigh. "Did he use eggs?"

"Yeah."

"I'm not going to ask where he got them. Or any of the other ingredients. I just don't want to know," Thundercracker muttered, shaking his head. "Did he crack the eggs?"

"I'm pretty sure they cracked when he threw them in. If not, they did when he stirred them up."

"Ah. I see," the Seeker said, glad none of them would actually try to consume the baked 'treats.' Speaking of baking … "How is Skywarp 'cooking' them? It's not like we have an oven."

Frenzy and Rumble snickered, exchanging glances. Rumble answered, "He nabbed a welding torch from the Constructicons."

"You're joking." Thundercracker winced. "No, of course you're not. How many have caught on fire?"

The two broke out into laughter. "Well, at last count, seventeen," Frenzy answered.

"But that was before we had to delay you."

"You should've seen them. They burnt up good!"

"Joy," the Seeker muttered. He crossed his arms and considered the Cassettes. "And the fire alarms didn't go off because … ?"

"Me," Rumble replied, grinning. "Gotta love having power to abuse."

"Of course." Thundercracker gazed longingly at the sealed door.

"So," Frenzy said, rubbing his hands together, "what's it gonna take to have you avoid speaking to Skywarp and ruining the fun?"

"Remember, the Boss lets us work the duty rosters a lot," Rumble added, "and we're not afraid of abusing power. I think we've made that abundantly clear."

"We could work it out so you get some very nice assignments. First pick."

"He's my trine mate. And you're making a fool out of him. Granted, that's not hard. Regardless, a few choice shifts are not enough to make me sell him out."

"It's 'not enough,' you say." Frenzy nodded. "So, you admit that you do have a price for selling him out, we just haven't reached it."

"That's not what I meant – "

"How about this," Rumble interrupted, "if you ever feel a vindictive urge, we can make sure that whichever mech has earned your ire receives a fitting duty. Even better, said mech could receive several days of that duty."

"Odd that you should mention that," Thundercracker muttered, narrowing his optics at the brothers, "because there are two mechs who, at this very instant, I feel particularly vindictive towards."

"And," Frenzy continued as if the Seeker hadn't spoken, "of course, since you're so concerned about your trine, we could extend the same privileges to them."

"Or, at least to Skywarp. Honestly, the thought of doing anything nice for Starscream makes me wanna purge my tanks." Rumble shuddered.

"Negotiation. It's all about negotiation," Frenzy said, with a sympathetic nod to his brother. "We're willing to negotiate. Oh, and we have the best high grade. We can throw some of that in, too."

"I feel like I'm talking to Swindle. No," Thundercracker interrupted himself, "correction: I feel like I'm talking to two miniature Swindles. If you cut Swindle in half, he'd sound like you two."

"Actually," Rumble said, "if you cut Swindle in half, I think he'd sound a whole lot madder."

"Or a whole lot deader," Frenzy added.

"Very true," the other Cassette agreed, nodding at his brother.

"Anyway," Thundercracker growled, "since I wasn't completely clear earlier, let me be clear now: I am not going to sell out my trine mate. Now let me out of this lift."

The Cassettes glanced at each other. Shaking his head, Rumble shrugged. "I understand. And I have to say, we admire the loyalty you and your trine have for each other."

"Right."

"We do," Rumble insisted. "After all the trouble Skywarp's put you through, you still stand up for him."

"Really, it's kinda amazing after all the times he's gotten you punished for things he's done, and that you had nothing to do with," Frenzy agreed, ignoring Thundercracker's snort. "You just don't see that very often among Decepticons."

"And, more amazing, is that it's mutual," Rumble said. "I mean, after you ignored orders to scrap that human town – and all three of you got punished for it – Skywarp hasn't said one bad thing about you."

Thundercracker turned shocked optics to Rumble. "He told you about that? He promised he wouldn't say anything."

The brothers shared another glance. Rumble twiddled his fingers before answering. "He might have mentioned something."

"Did he mention that incident to anyone else?"

The Cassette shrugged helplessly. "Well, you know Skywarp … "

"In other words, the entire base knows." Thundercracker turned away in disgust. His fists clenched. Spinning back to the brothers, he said, "Fine. Do whatever you like. As of right now, I'm no longer interested in whatever mess the idiot gets himself in."

"You're not going to talk to Skywarp … ?" Frenzy asked.

"No," the Seeker grumbled. "I just don't care." He pointed at the lift door. "Let me out."

"Of course," Rumble smiled, reaching over and punching in a code. The portal opened with a snick. Flanking either side, the Cassettes gestured for the Seeker to proceed them out. Thundercracker ignored them as he stalked away. They exited more slowly, lingering in the hall.

"You lied," Frenzy said to his brother.

"Did not."

"Did to. Skywarp never told us about that incident with the town. The Boss was spying on them, and you know it."

"I never said Skywarp told us," Rumble corrected him. "I said he 'might have' said something."

Frenzy laughed. "And you never said he told anyone else … "

"Wings made that assumption on his own."

"Now he's doing what we want him to – "

" – and we don't owe him anything," Rumble finished. The brothers shared a smirk. "Let's hurry back. I wanna be there when Skywarp finishes."

Frenzy chortled. "We have to make sure Starscream's in the Command Center. I want to see his face when his own trine mate tries to give Megatron cookies!"

Author's Note: I had this idea on Christmas Eve, as I was making cookies. It kinda took off from there. With all the holidays, my girls being home from school, and a family illness, I just wasn't able to post this close to the holidays like I wanted. Sooooo, here it is a couple weeks late. Happy (late) Holidays all!

EDIT: For any who are interested in what happens next, those events are covered in the fourth chapter of my 'All for One' storyline, found here: .net/s/7406585/4/ (I hope will let the link show, since it is a link). Both this story, and that one are complete standalones, and neither need the other to be understood. But that one does occur shortly after this, and explains what happens next.