The shinobi known as the Toad Sage, Jiraiya of the Sannin, was currently in a clearing sparing with his new apprentice Naruto Uzumaki shortly after they started their training trip.
"Alright gaki." Jiraiya said as he caught Naruto before he passed out from exhaustion. "We'll call it a day and go into town to rent a room and get a decent dinner."
"No peeping Ero-sennin." Naruto droned out even though his entire body was tired and even breathing began to feel labored.
"Fine. Think you can walk." Jiraiya asked as he stood the boy back up.
"Yeah I'm fine."
Naruto took 2 steps and then promptly passed out from exhaustion while also gaining a large bruise on his head from landing face first.
"Stupid gaki." Jiriaya said as he picked Naruto up and threw him over his shoulder.
"This is not looking good." Jiraiya said as he glanced down at his wallet.
"What isn't good Ero-sennin?" Naruto asked after finally regaining consciousness and coming out of the shower.
"We're almost out of money."
"How? You said that you brought enough to last for years!"
"I didn't account for your addiction to ramen. That's where most of the money went. And there's no bank for miles so I can't get any more without leaving you unguarded or taking all that time to find one."
"So what are we going to do?"
"I got an idea and you're going to help me with it gaki." Jiraiya said after a moment of thinking.
"I not helping you peep on girls." Naruto deadpanned.
"No it's nothing like that. It's an even better idea." Jiraiya said with a smile that turned into full blown maniacal laughter and made Naruto start to slowly back away with a healthy look of concern for his sensei in his eyes.
"3…2…1…action!" shouted a shadow clone of Jiraiya that was sitting in a director's chair.
"Hello and welcome to Ninja Essentials! I'm your host Jiraiya of the Sannin for the evening and boy do I have a deal for you." Jiriaya said with a salesman smile on his face. "Now I know all you guys are asking what the heck could a devilishly handsome, gallant, extraordinary writer-" the clone in the director's chair signaled for Jiraiya to cut the introductions short. "-and general amazing man like myself offer you regular guys out there."
A drum roll started to sound in the background with a platform slowly rising up from the floor and the mass of smoke that seemed to roll in from nowhere. The platform finished rising to reveal a seal tag that Jiraiya quickly picked up.
"I present to you the… Rampaging Jinchuriki Suppression Seal!" Jiriaya said as he showed the piece of paper to the camera. "Now this tag here is guaranteed and when I say guaranteed I mean guaranteed to immediately take down any Jinchuriki who looks like they lost control of their Biju's chakra or if they are just using it in general."
The camera switched to show an array of the tags set up on a slowly turning pedestal.
"Is the Hachibi Jinchuriki about to lose control? Has your village pushed your Jinchuriki off the ledge of insanity they were teetering on because they had no human contact and they're supposed to be a weapon of mass destruction that you all shun so that you can guarantee that they had no connections in the village that would stop them from going bat shit crazy and destroying everything. Has your Jinchuriki had so many assassination attempts on their being that they become a sociopath that believes killing proves their existence? Do you simply just want to capture them all in an easy way to I don't know revive a legendary monster, gain imaginable power, and then put your freaking eye on the freaking moon? Or make a super weapon that can wipe out a country?" Jiraiya paused as the camera did another pan of the pedestal. "Well guess what. This is the tag that was made for you and your deranged plan. This tag will stop any Jinchuriki in their tracks and make them as harmless as a puppy. And if you don't believe me I'll give you a demonstration. Hey gaki! Get out here!" Jiraiya yelled.
Naruto slowly and very hesitantly appeared on stage and even more slowly walked towards Jiraiya.
"Are you sure this is safe Ero-sennin?" Naruto asked as Jiraiya turned to face him.
"Of course Naruto. Now back to my presentation." He said as he turned back to the camera. "Now if you have a weakening seal or a Jinchuriki gathering their beast chakra. Go ahead on draw on that fur ball Naruto." Jiraiya motioned to Naruto and Naruto formed a handseal to focus his chakra.
"Don't do this you moron. This is in no way going to end in either of our favor."
'Shut up you stupid fox. I'm sure we'll be fine. He may be a pervert but I have faith in Ero-sennin.'
"The man who pushed you off a cliff ad relied on a being that is said to be pure evil to save you with its chakra that is said to corrupt the host with the more they use it. The same man who essentially left you in the hands of a demon fox that had no problems in letting a child die. Yeah that's definitely someone that you can put your faith in." the fox said with the sarcasm obvious in his voice and he seemed to be rolling his eyes.
Naruto was silent for several moments before speaking again with an agitated tone. 'Ah shut up and give me your stupid chakra already!'
An aura of red chakra appeared around Naruto along with his normal physical changes of his whisker marks becoming more defined, eyes changing from blue to red with a black slit for a pupil, along with his nails turning into claws and his canines growing to resemble those of a fox more. This time though he had the added benefit of having the fox in his head. Instead of the usual give in to your hate and kill everything he was simply saying to be ready to hear I told you so when this is all over.
"This here folks in none other than the Jinchuriki of the Kyubi no Yoko himself. If the tag works on the strongest of the Biju you can be guaranteed that it will work on the others."
"The fox keeps saying this is bad idea and I'm starting to get a bad feeling in my but about this Ero-sennin."
Jiraiya seemed to pay him no mind but two shadow clones did step out and grab hold of Naruto's arms to prevent him from running away.
"Just slap a seal tag on 'em." Jiraiya said as he slapped the tag onto the unsuspecting Naruto's forehead. "And at the same time just push a bit of chakra into it."
Jiraiya channeled a small amount of chakra into the seal paper and the red aura around Naruto disappeared along with his physical changes. He then began to writhe on the floor in silent agony as Jiraiya turned back around.
"He's about as harmless as a puppy right now and this is just the prototype. This can be yours for what I don't know all your life savings maybe. That folks is basically what amounts to you stealing this from me. I mean it's a guaranteed shutdown to any Jinchuriki trying to use their beast's power. I bet it'll come in real handy for your random but somehow also organized attacks on the people that are the only thing standing between the beast and the complete annihilation of your village along with the surrounding countryside. I promise you your 100% satisfaction with my product. The seals are all made by me and you guys all know my credentials as a seal master."
Naruto was now rolling on the ground and trying to rip the tag off but it would shock his hands every time he touched it.
"There's even a built in fail safe against the Jinchuriki pulling it off. It shocks them every time they try. There is no way at all for them to take this tag off without getting a nasty shock."
"Why the hell didn't I listen to the fox? What the f-*bleep* is the matter with you the f*bleep*ing psychotic son of a b-*bleep*!? How the hell do I get this f *bleep*ing thing off!?" director Jiraiya had chosen to use a censor every time Naruto said something that wasn't family friendly.
"This tag is by far the only one in existence and one of my best creations if I do say so myself. We'll know start accepting your orders." Jiraiya said as he seemed to be ignoring Naruto who was now foaming at the mouth with the occasional twitch. "Now we have a live caller that's on standby. Hello there how many Rampaging Jinchuriki Suppression Tags do you want?"
"Hello! Tobi is a good boy! Tobi wants some of those tags so Tobi can put his eye on the moon!" said a voice that seemed to be extremely childish.
"I see you were listening to my suggestions. We'll get you to our operators so that you can place your order. Next caller please."
"That will be perfect for my plan. The roots of the tree must be strong…"
"Okay. We'll get you to ordering sir." Jiraiya said quickly cutting off the man's speech that was sure to be long winded. "That's right my good people. These tags are flying off the shelf. Your kid could even use it. This is guaranteed to suppress any Jinchuriki. What are you waiting for? Order one now before it's too late!"
"And cut!" the director Jiraiya shouted as the cameras were shut off. "Alright great job everyone. Maybe a few more takes. I really want to get some more shots of the seal in action."
"I'll be in my trailer then!" Jiraiya called out, already walking out of the studio.
"We need you here idiot."
"Just get some more shots of the gaki and call me if you need me."
"You're the one who put the seal on him!"
"Then use a stand-in."
"Just do the takes idiot!"
"My contract only allows for one take."
"What contract?"
"The one…" Jiraiya trailed off before glaring at the director. "It doesn't matter what contract it is! If I say I only do one take then I only do one take!"
"Let me see this contract." Director Jiraiya gave Jiraiya a questioning look.
"I don't have to show you anything." Jiraiya crossed his arms in defiance.
"You do, it says so in the contract." Director Jiraiya said with a grin that wouldn't look out of place on a cheshire cat.
"What contract?"
"I have a contract that states I don't have to listen to stupid crap!" a random cameraman Jiraiya shouted.
"I have a contract that says I can punch all of you in the face!" a boom mic operator Jiraiya yelled.
The numerous Jiraiya's continued to bicker as Naruto finally managed to rip the seal tag off of his head. Seeing what was going on was too crazy for him to deal with right now he quietly slipped away, a first for him. He was all ears to the fox's suggestions at payback though. He really liked the one that involved hot sauce and places hot sauce should never go.
AN : I just don't know. This is... just something else. The bickering shadow clones does sound like something Jiraiya would have to go through though. Well hoped you enjoyed the insanity that this was anyway.