The dim moonlight is streaming in from our dorm's open windows as I sit cross-legged on my four-poster bed, hunched over an essay due the next morning. My eyes are getting more and more strained with every word I proofread and in the middle of stifling a yawn, I hear footsteps coming up the staircase.

I look up in time to see James enter the room, all grimy and dusty, fresh from another late Quidditch practice.

"Seriously, Moony?" he mutters, grinning smugly. He walks over to his bed and plops himself down, his broomstick tossed aside on the floor.

"What now, James?" I ask, the lack of sleep evident in my slurred voice.

"He does not deserve your after-hours service" he says, gesturing to a curled up, unconscious Sirius on his bed across the room. "I don't care how hard the Transfiguration essay is, you were up all night too, give it a rest."

I smile weakly at James. "I appreciate the rare concern, James, but it's okay. I'm just finalizing everything for him."

James chuckles and pulls a blanket over himself.

"Sure, Remus. All is fair in love and war," he teases, his eyes already fluttering closed.

"James!" I hiss at him, worriedly watching Sirius.

"Relax, Moony. He's asleep. And he can sleep through anything," James replies, right before succumbing to his fatigue.

I glare at him and tuck away Sirius' essay between the textbook on his nightstand. Yawning, I kick off my school shoes and pull of my shirts. I rub my bloodshot, heavily-bagged eyes, and lie down.

Regardless of my exhaustion from the week's load of homework and the comfort of my bed, something in my anatomy is pulling me back from the sleep I need to function normally. I try again and again to paint my overworked head blank, but my mind is still entangled in a braid of thoughts that continue to grow.

My eyes stay open and fixated on the outline of Sirius asleep on his bed, the steady rise and fall of his shoulders adding to my merciless over thinking.

It's been years and yet, I still haven't fully grasped the concept of being in love with someone I'm not supposed to be thinking about in the way I think about him. The cruel concept that it is possible to fully devote yourself to a person who can't give you the love you need is anything but fair.

Already in my sixth year, I have grown accustomed to the turmoil that has grown in my heart. I have grown accustomed to being suspended midway between happiness and pure torture. I have grown accustomed to the love my body has chosen to contain, the love I should have avoided when I still had a chance of withdrawing from this chaos. I have grown accustomed to Sirius Black.

But having grown accustomed of these has not given me the ability to know how to control them. Being used to thoughts I shouldn't have did not mean I had any trace of knowledge on how to avoid them. The way I felt was familiar - as it has been for the last three years - but it didn't make any aspect of this situation any easier.

A groan from the other side of the room and the sound of ruffling sheets cuts my head's internal chaos.

"Moony?" Sirius' sleepy voice breaks the silence of the night and makes me stiffen.

"Y-yeah?" I stutter, thankful that it is too dark for Sirius to see the nervous expression encrusted on my face.

"Oh, hey. Nothing, just got woken up by a dream. Why are you up?"

"Well, I was busy with someone's essay," I retort playfully.

"Right. Sorry about that."

Even with the lack of light in the room, I try to keep myself from smiling, my heart beating faster in response to the Sirius' beautiful, drowsy voice.

"Are you?"

Sirius' chuckle sends shivers down my spine, another weakness you'd reckon a bloody werewolf could handle.

"Aw, Moony, you know I'm not."

"Thought so," I reply, still grinning to myself.

"Well, thanks anyway," Sirius says, with sincerity in his tone.

"Anytime."

"Oh, Remus, the things you would do for me", he jokes.

Tell me about it, I think to myself.

The silence extends and before another moment passes, Sirius is asleep again and I am left alone to return to my internal analysis of this unnerving confusion that has haunted me for the past three years.