One week after Thanksgiving, on a Wednesday morning, I was busy saying good – bye to my college son, Lester. He went to New York City by this afternoon (Thursday). I volunteered to drive my son on my motorcycle. My youngest daughter, Dee Dee, wasn't around because she was already back in school since Monday. I was happy not to take the car because of her motion sickness. When he and I left the house, we drove to my younger cousin's office in town so Lester could say good – bye to his uncle. I wanted him to say good – bye to Uncle Chachi. Chachi Arcola is my younger cousin. He is uncle to my fourteen – year – old daughter and twenty – year – old son.
Lester is a freshman at NYU while Dee Dee is in the eighth grade here in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Neither he nor Dee Dee are honor students. Unlike my children, I was a dropout in high school. My children are smart enough not to be dropouts. I think my daughter will make it through the four years of high school and get a high school diploma. I never did get a diploma. I dropped out but I did go back to high school and graduate with my friends, Richie Cunningham and Ralph Malph.
Warren (Potsie) Webber didn't go with us because he was adopted at the age of four. He was adopted here in Milwaukee but now lives in Utah. The four of us get together from time to time, but it's not often we see Potsie. Potsie lives in Utah with a very famous musical family, the Osmonds. He got his own music career of his own and went popular. How did Potsie get a musical career with big number one hits? This story is really long but I'll save it for another time. He says a girl (not girlfriend) was responsible for his career. She's Red's cousin. I've never met her but Potsie met her when we were fifteen years old. Potsie said her name is Cynthia Cunningham.
I parked my motorcycle in my cousin's office parking lot. Lester and I took our helmets off and we walked to Chachi's office door. I opened the front door and we walked in. I led my son to Chachi's office. Chachi's door was open. Chachi was sitting at his desk behind the computer when Lester and I stood at the door.
"Chach," I said.
He looked up from his computer.
"Fonz! Lester! Come in!" Chachi said with a grin on his face.
He stood up and came to the door. The three of us hugged.
"What brings you here, Fonz?" Chachi asked, surprised.
"We can't stay long. I'm taking Lester to the airport," I said.
"I thought you wanted to say good – bye to Lester real fast."
"I didn't know you leave today," Chachi said to my son.
"I do. I arrive in New York this afternoon, Uncle Chachi," Lester said.
I let my son and cousin talk for a while. I left the office as the two talked. This office did change recently since the last time I was here. This office was our niece's office and I guess Chachi wanted to use it as his own. Our niece, Kylie Blake, no longer lived in Milwaukee because she and her husband, Danny Blake, now live in Los Angeles, California because she recently got a job out there. She is now in partnership with a lawyer named Perry Mason. I am proud of my niece. Chachi did try working there in Los Angeles but he got homesick and he moved back here to Milwaukee.
Now sounds like the best time to tell you about Potsie's career. He met Richie's cousin, Cynthia Cunningham, when they were in the ninth grade. She was the only girl he liked and their relationship went well. They never had a serious relationship, though. For some reason, Potsie never asked Cynthia to marry her when he should've. Cynthia took Potsie to one restaurant where she and her friends hung out. She even introduced him to the manager there and tried giving him a job to wait on tables and he turned it down. Cynthia told the manager there about his singing. The manager wanted to hear him out, so they gave Potsie an audition. So Potsie auditioned. Potsie didn't do the audition alone.
His adoptive father, Donny Osmond, was interested in attending the audition and went for support. Potsie did get the job at the restaurant and was able to do at the restaurant after school and on the weekends only since he was a teenager at the time.
One weekend while Potsie was in the middle of finishing a song, a famous group came to order something to eat and they discover Potsie. The lead singer was the first one to listen to Potsie. Potise had finished singing "Puppy Love" and started to sing a new song when the lead singer of the group discovered Potsie. His name was Brian Wilson from the Beach Boys. After ordering and taking it to go, Brian Wilson starts talking to Potsie and gives him a compliment and asks him if he could join them on their show Saturday night. Potsie was stunned and said he'd have to get permission first.
So Potsie breaks the news that night to his family and Donny lets him go. His younger sisters got jealous and wanted to go to the concert as well and Donny never let them go because they were only thirteen then and Potsie was fifteen. Potsie's sisters did get jealous because their brother went to go and they could not. His sisters said everyone planned going to the concert and their friends too. They were stuck home with a baby – sitter the weekend while everyone went to the concert and their father went on a date.
The two sisters (identical twins) talked about escaping from the house and head to the concert. When they got there, the place got crowded. Nobody noticed the two thirteen – year – old girls arrived to the Beach Boys concert with no tickets! Their baby – sitter was too busy talking away on the telephone with her boyfriend she did not notice the girls escaped to the concert. Donny comes home earlier than expected and finds the baby – sitter on the telephone and no girls in the house. He leaves the house and heads straight to the Beach Boys concert.
The security guard at the concert knew very well who Donny was and let him in so he could go look for his daughters. Donny was not a happy parent. Once he found the girls, he took them back to the car and drove back home. The girls got jealous they did not get to stay for the concert. Donny punished them from concerts until they were twenty years old. This was the beginning of Potsie's career and Potsie decided not to become a Beach Boy but he decided to only be one of them for one night. He told his father Donny he did not want to be a rock and roll singer like his dad wanted him to but he showed more interest in country music. Ladies and gents, is the story of my friend Potsie's music career.
I heard my cousin and son come up to me as I looked away from the window. I watched as Chach and Lester gave each other a hug.
"You be safe on the plane. You hear me?" Chachi asked Lester.
"Okay, Uncle Chachi," Lester said as they gave each other one last hug.
"See you later, Fonz. I have a busy day today," Chachi said.
"See you, Chach," I said as Lester and I walked out of the office and to my bike.
We made it to the airport on time for Lester's flight number called. He and I hugged for the last time quickly and I watched him walk to the gate. I heard my cell phone ring, as the airplane was getting ready to take off several minutes later.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Fonz," I heard Richie's voice say.
"Hi, Cunningham."
"Fonz, you're at the airport, right?"
"Yeah. Why?"
"There's bad news looking for you, Fonz."
"What kind of bad news?" I asked.
"Do you remember your gang, the Falcons?" Richie asked.
"How could I forget those bananas?" I asked.
"I heard they're back in Milwaukee."
"How did you hear this?" I asked.
"Chachi. He called me."
I started to groan.
"Fonz, don't go looking for trouble, okay?" Richie asked.
"Why would I? I'm a married man," I said.
"But still, you could get into trouble with those Falcons, Fonz," Richie said.
"You know, Red, I'm going to show those Falcons," I said.
"You're not going to fight, are you, Fonz?" Richie asked.
"No, I am not, Cunningham. I quit fighting a long time ago," I said.
"Fonz, Chachi wanted to give you a message," Richie said.
"What?"
"Since the Falcons are here, Chachi's going to stake out at your daughter's school so he can protect her from the Falcons," Ruchie said, "and I agree."
"I was planning on showing those bananas I'm a married man. When will they ever learn?"
I could care less about my former gang because I, Arthur Fonzarelli, have a beautiful wife and a son and daughter. Cunningham and I hung up. I put my cell in my pocket and headed to my bike. I jumped on my bike after I put my helmet on and headed home. I could care less if those banana Falcons figure out where my house is. The minute I got into the driveway, I found a squad car from the sheriff's office sitting in my driveway.
Now what? Are they looking for me to lock up the Fonz with the Falcons? I thought as I headed to the squad car. Ralph's ex – wife, Karen McCarey, looked straight at me.
"Are you Arthur Fonzarelli?" Deputy McCarey asked.
I nodded my head yes.
"We got a call from your cousin, Mr. Arcola. He wants us to protect you from some trouble coming," Deputy McCarey said.
"I already know about the trouble, Officer. I can handle it myself," I said, assuring Ralph's ex.
She didn't sound so sure about my idea.
"We'd like to stay here, Mr. Fonzarelli," she said.
We said no more as I headed to the front door and let myself in. When I walked in, I found the answering machine light blinking.
I pushed PLAY and heard one of the bananas' voices on the machine. It was Lefty who called my house. He wanted me to meet them in town as soon as possible. I didn't want to meet those bananas right away because I didn't have either Tiff or Dee Dee with me to show those bananas how much I have changed since I was with them.
I deleted Lefty's message and decided to stay here at the house. I let Chachi take care of Dee Dee since he was already at her school anyway. I was going to let those Falcons come, police, no police or me on their own. The Falcons have a police record so the police around the country know who they are. The police know me well too because they used to arrest me when I was in the Falcons, but since I left, they don't arrest me anymore.
I kept my eyes peeled to the window in the living room, knowing the Falcons will come to my house any minute. I was thankful nobody in my family was home to meet the former gang I was once involved in before I met Richie and his friends and family. Before the Falcons came over, I wanted to make sure I had the house ready when those losers came over. The house was ready, all right. My plan was for those losers to smell Tiff's perfume and Dee Dee's last spit up from the car.
You're too clever, Fonzarelli, I thought. I watched as the Falcons pulled up in my driveway. They never noticed that the police was at the house to look out for them. I watched as Deputy McCarey and Officer Williams got out of the squad car and go to their motorcycles as I let the Falcons into the house.
"Hi, Fonzie. Why didn't you meet us in town?" Lefty asked as they walked in.
"I didn't have plans to go back to town," I said.
I watched his nose twitch a bit.
"What's that smell?" one of the guys asked.
I didn't know him because he didn't look familiar to me.
"Perfume, you idiot. Fonz, do you have a girlfriend living in this house?" Lefty asked.
"No," I said.
"You're lying, Fonz," another Falcon said as he headed to the mantel on the fireplace.
"Lefty, come see this."
I watched Lefty walk to the fireplace. That was the picture of the family when we went on vacation in New York for spring break. It was the four of us at Ellis Island.
"Who are these people in the picture, Fonz?" Lefty asked.
"My family," I answered.
"You have no family, Fonzarelli," Lefty said.
I was getting tired of this. The only thing I could do was show those Falcons my wedding ring for proof. The Falcons broke into laughter as they saw my wedding ring.
"Uh, Fonz, there's an awful smell in the house besides perfume. What is it? Garbage?" Lefty asked.
"No, Lefty."
"I know," the newest Falcon said.
"Tell me already," Lefty said, looking at him.
"Throw up."
"Fonz, disgusting. We're out of here. First, we have a gift for you," Lefty said.
"What?" I asked, opening the door for the bananas.
Lefty handed me a pistol and put it in my hand as the Falcons walked out the house.
Once they were on the driveway, I watched as Deputy McCarey and Officer Williams handcuffed them and put them in the squad car after telling them to remain silent. I got out of the house and handed Officer Williams the pistol.
"Is it loaded?" he asked.
"I don't know," I said.
"Thank you for giving this to us, Mr. Fonzarelli. We'll put them in jail for sure, and we'll let the sheriff decide how long," Officer Williams said as he got into the squad car and drove away.
The phone was ringing as I walked into the house again.
"Hi, Chach," I said.
"Hi, Fonz."
"The Falcons are in custody, so it's safe for you to bring Dee Dee home," I said.
"Okay."
I hung up. I was thankful that my younger cousin wad there to protect my daughter. Chachi and Dee made it to the house several minutes later. Dee Dee wanted to walk to the house alone, but Chachi insisted walking with her.
"Glad you weren't hurt, Fonz," Chachi said.
"Those bananas gave me a gun. They said it was a gift," I said.
"Don't tell Richie," Chachi said.
"I don't plan to," I said.
Chachi decided it was time to head back.
"Sorry to break the party, Fonz, but I have to leave," Chachi said.
I walked him to his car. He got into the car after we patted each other on the back. After he left, Chachi's car was gone.
I do know one thing for sure: guns are not cool!