A/N This is just a quick one-shot of Carla contemplating the future and remembering the past. I have to admit I'm not too sure on the details of her past, but I've written it as I remember it and I hope nobody gets annoyed if some of it is a bit off! :/ I'm not very pleased with it if I'm honest, but I needed to write it down and thought I may as well share it with all you wonderful people. As always, all reviews are welcome and greatly appreciated, hope you enjoy!
As I sit in the gallery, I can't work out how it had got to this. Sure, it wasn't like I'd never suffered before, but each nightmare gets progressively worse.
I thought growing up had been hard. My mum didn't give a toss about me and my dad was always drunk. Darren had never liked me either, and he threw insults at me on a regular basis. Of course he wasn't alone - practically everybody had something to say about my attitude and the way I lived – but he was my brother, and they were my family, and I would have done anything for them to tell me they loved me.
When I married Paul I was convinced it was the start of my new life. He treated me like a trophy wife and at first he made me feel wanted with every compliment. But the novelty soon wore off for him. I shouldn't have been surprised, but it hurt even more having tasted the warmth of love. Moving to Coronation Street proved it all for me when I turned up at the Christmas party and they all stared at me blankly. I hadn't expected them to know who I was, but nothing had prepared me for how far my heart sank when my fears were confirmed. Paul did a lot for me in his lifetime, but I needed to be free, to have my own opinion and live as my own person. I loved him, but until he was gone I didn't realise how claustrophobic he made me feel.
As my thoughts turn to Liam I try to block them. I don't want to be reminded of the good times we had, because it makes his absence so much harder to bear. He made me the happiest I have ever been, but I can't bring myself to relive the horror that followed, so I have to box them off and hope that one day they will die away. But with the thoughts of my beloved come the thoughts of him - the man who had haunted my dreams for so long.
Tony. The maniac who had ripped the first true happiness from my life. Because he loved me. His warped opinion of love had never failed to bewilder me. He took away from me the only person on the planet who had made me happy. But he wasn't content with killing me inside, was he? No, he had to try and finish the job didn't he. I thought about how I had brandished the kitchen chair at Jimmy as he chased me round her flat like a predator. And how he laid there on my living room floor on the blood stained carpet. I'd spent months in L.A seeing his lifeless body every time I closed my eyes. Then when Tony had finally been arrested he'd admitted how he'd paid Jimmy to get rid of me and how I hadn't actually killed him. Bastard. He had no idea of the hell he'd put me through day after day. But he was behind bars now, he couldn't hurt me anymore.
I'd been so content with Trevor. He'd doted on me and made me feel special. I didn't feel like I had to prove myself to him; usually I'd have to come across as a superior and successful business woman, but with him I could just relax and have a laugh. He'd been so supportive after Tony's farewell stunt as well. I should've known better than to think Tony would sit in his cell with his thoughts for company. Even now I can sometimes smell the smoke and his Scottish tones ring in my ears.
But he is dead now, truly gone. I finally got to be free from the psycho ex. But I forgot one vital fact; I'm Carla Connor, and I never get to be happy.
I turn my head to look at the nightmare which I am currently living. Although Tony's two murder attempts still haunt me to this day, it was nothing compared to what the monster before me has done to me. As he enters to court I can't help but stare at him. He's so unpredictable, and it's as if he'll ruin me if I look away for just one second.
He smiles at me; the unnerving smile he knows makes my insides flip. My facial features begin to contort into a grimace, but I won't let them move. It hurts to keep the neutral expression, but I refuse to give him the satisfaction he craves so dearly.
Peter reaches for my hand and I squeeze it so tightly to try and relieve some of the fear pulsing through my body. He's been so amazing – the rock I've needed for so long. I look into his deep, brown eyes and suddenly it's just the two of us. He has that effect on me; it's so comforting and loving. He understands me more than anybody ever has my whole life.
Unfortunately for me the second person is Frank. I must be going soft in my old age, because I seem to be opening up to people now more than ever before. I let them in, and see my vulnerable side. Frank knows that underneath the facade I'm weak and fragile and he constantly plays on that. He knows how to wind me up, how to upset me. A few carefully chosen words can send my mind racing and shatter me into millions of pieces. But worst of all, he can see into my eyes. He can stare deep into my soul and behind my eyes, no matter how much of a front I put up, he sees a thousand slowly dying sunsets as hope slowly vanishes and fear takes its place.
When the trial had begun, I had been so sure he would pay for what he did to me. I was so scared at having to relive that night. I didn't want to think about it in so much detail, I didn't want to go back to the dark place I'd fought so hard to get out of. But I'd done it to see justice. To see him suffer.
He'd been so confident as he'd arrived at the courts and it threw me. I knew he'd be cocky, that was just him, but I had expected just a little nervousness. He knows what he did, and I thought that would be playing on his mind. But he was so collected, and now I know why.
I'd been so stupid to think Peter and I could get away with having an affair while Frank was telling the world and his wife that I was making it all up. Typical me! He was revelling in making me sound like a lying slut, and there was nothing I could do to stop him.
'Have you reached a verdict with which you are all agreed?'
The room begins to spin and I take a large breath when I realise that I'd stopped breathing while the thoughts raced through my head at a million miles an hour.
'We have.' This was it; the turning point of my life from now on. This was the moment where I could celebrate, move on and look forward to the happiness to come, or live in fear, looking over my shoulder and locking doors behind me. He would make my life a misery if he got off, and I didn't know if I could live like that.
'Do you find the defendant guilty or not guilty?'