Author's Note: Title taken from the lyrics of the Cole Porter song Anything Goes from the musical of the same name. Unbetaed, so all mistakes are mine.
Ruby, in typical Ruby fashion, is the first person to address the issue. It's just after another one of their epic fights – this time over Emma allowing Henry to have candy on the way home from school, effectively spoiling his dinner which Emma doesn't believe for one second because the kid had one Apollo Bar, that was it – when Emma slumps down on a stool at Granny's and orders a double. And if Regina comes in here and starts a scene about the sheriff drinking, Emma is pretty sure that she'll shoot her.
Ruby places the drink down in front of her with a little smile. "It's okay, you know." She says, leaning over the counter and allowing her cleavage to show. Emma feels like the display is pretty wasted on her, although Ruby certainly is attractive.
"What is?" Emma asks after the alcohol burns down her throat.
"The fact that you want to bang our illustrious mayor."
Emma does a movie perfect spit take, coughing and sputtering in response to Ruby's comment. For her part, Ruby just smirks and wipes herself and the counter off with a dishrag. "Oh come on, Emma, don't act so shocked. It's obvious that you're into her."
"Into her?" Emma gasps. "Ruby, she hates my guts. And I –"
"Want to bang her." Ruby replies with a salacious grin. "It's okay, Emma. Besides, it's pretty obvious she's into you, too."
"I'm drunk. I'm drunk and I'm hallucinating. That's what's going on here." Emma mumbles, pushing her drink away.
Ruby leans back over, meeting Emma's eyes. "You can deny it all you want, but I know a little something about lust. And you and Madam Mayor have been eye fucking for weeks."
Emma rears back, surprised at Ruby's blunt talk. She's going through encounters with Regina in her mind, trying to think of where Ruby could be getting these ideas from. She is certainly not interested in Regina in that way.
"Fires start when you're together. Literally." Ruby continues with a laugh.
"Ruby!"
Ruby turns away with a shrug. "Like I said – deny it all you want. But I think we both know it's true." She glances over her shoulder at Emma. "I certainly don't have a problem with it, Sherriff. And I think you'll find the same is true for the rest of the town. Just make your move already."
Emma shakes her head once more and climbs off the stool, quickly leaving the diner and trying to forget what Ruby has said.
Mary Margaret – of all people – is the next to broach the subject with her. It's been a week since the encounter with Ruby, and Emma's been doing everything in her power to not think about what Ruby had said. It hasn't exactly been working. Instead, it's been making everything with Regina into a fight, just to prove how much she does not want to 'bang her'.
So when Mary Margaret comes home to find Emma going at the waffle maker with a screwdriver, she isn't too surprised.
"Is it something against breakfast foods?" She asks with a smile as she sits down across from Emma. "I mean, first it was the toaster, now the waffle maker. Should I hide the coffee pot and the skillet?"
"The coffee pot is perfectly safe." Emma grits out, dropping the pieces of the waffle iron on the island. "As for the skillet, you may want to hide that so that I don't use it on Regina's head."
"Ah," Mary Margaret nods, the 'ah' sounding very much like 'I knew it'.
"Ah, what?" Emma is immediately on the defensive. Mary Margaret still just smiles.
"Ah, this is about Regina. Again." And if Mary Margaret puts an extra emphasis on Regina's name to point out the fact that Emma's been calling her that around the house a lot more lately, Emma ignores it.
"The woman drives me crazy!" Emma sighs, pulling open the fridge to look for a beer.
"Yes, I know."
Emma turns to look at her. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing. Nothing at all. Just…" Mary Margaret shrugs.
"Just what, Mary Margaret?" Emma isn't in the mood for this tonight.
"Well, you know what they say. There's a fine line between love and hate."
And if anyone in Storybrooke is looking to hire an actress with a perfect spit take, Emma has once again proven that she's the one for the job. Mary Margaret blinks against the mist of beer.
"Wh-what?" Emma gasps.
"Oh, honey, I was only joking." Mary Margaret assures her, but it's obvious to Emma that she wasn't joking. Not at all.
"No, you weren't." Emma accuses.
"It's just – well, the two of you do fight a lot. And I'm the first to admit that Regina is not easy to get along with. But with the two of you, it just goes so far beyond that. And I just think that maybe some of it might be –"
"What?"
"Frustration? Sexual tension?"
"Mary Margaret!"
"I've seen the way Regina looks at you. And I've seen the way you look at her and talk about her. And it just seems like there's a lot more than a rivalry there." Emma glares at her, so Mary Margaret holds up her hands as though in surrender. "But I'm just a teacher, so what do I know?"
"Nothing!" Emma says as she stalks through the kitchen and up the stairs. "No one in this town knows anything!"
Mary Margaret just laughs and moves to dispose of the half finished bottle of beer and the pieces of her waffle maker.
For the next few days, Emma refuses to go to Granny's. She gives Mary Margaret the silent treatment for a whole day before she gives in, but only after making her roommate swear to never bring up her ridiculous ideas about Emma and Regina again. Mary Margaret promises with a smile that says this is one promise she will probably break.
Emma also does her best to steer clear of Regina, instead of seeking her out and picking fights with her. It works somewhat, although people start to take notice that Emma and Regina aren't fighting. Emma feels like there's no winning with this insane situation.
On Saturday, Henry shows up at Mary Margaret's door and drags Emma to the animal shelter. He says that it's for Operation Cobra, but Emma can see right through that lie. The kid wants a pet and he thinks he can sucker her into buying it for him.
"Look, kid," Emma tells him after they've spent half an hour with David going through the kennels and meeting the various dogs, "we aren't getting a dog. If I take you home with a dog, your mother will kill me. And then you. And then me again."
Henry rolls his eyes, something that Emma knows he's picked up from Regina, and just smiles. "What if you didn't take me home with one?"
Emma studies him for a second and then quickly shakes her head. "Oh no. No, no, no. Not happening, kid."
Henry turns to a golden retriever in the cage behind them. "But Emma, he's so cute."
"Henry, it's not my house to take a dog home to." She tries.
"I bet Miss Blanchard would love a dog." Henry grins.
"Henry, this discussion is over." Emma says in her best strict mom tone. It comes out sounding very much like Regina.
Henry shrugs. "Had to give it a shot. I'm going to go look at the cats, if that's okay, Mr. Nolan?"
"Sure, Henry." David smiles at him, watching as he runs off.
"He's right you know. Mary Margaret would probably love a dog." David says as he and Emma walk back toward the front of the shelter.
"Then she can come and adopt one," Emma replies. "I am not going down that road. Regina would murder me, even if the thing did stay with us."
David looks at her for a second. "Oh, I don't know. I bet if there was anyone who could convince Regina to let Henry get a pet, it'd be you."
There are no drinks in sight, which is probably good for David, because Emma still chokes at bit at his words. "Excuse me?"
"Well, you convinced her to let you stay in town, didn't you?"
"Not exactly."
"Emma," David smiles at her, "if Regina didn't want you here, you wouldn't be here."
Emma considers this for a minute. It is probably somewhat true. "Yeah, well, the only reason she lets me stay around is because of Henry. But that sticks in her craw enough as it is. Adding a pet to the mix? Instant banishment."
"I don't think so. I think Regina likes having you around."
"David, I understand that you may be confused because you did have some head trauma and were in a coma but –"
David laughs. "I'm serious, Emma. Regina is friends with my wife and… I know what she's like. I know how abrasive she can be. I think she has a problem letting people get close to her. She's guarded and feels uncomfortable, even around Kathryn and I still. But with you it's different."
"Yeah. She wants to kill me. Keep your enemies closer and all that." Emma digs her hands into her pockets.
"If that's what you want to think." David offers.
"What is it with everyone in this town thinking that Regina and I could ever be anything more than what we are now – enemies?" Emma asks, rather rhetorically.
"Enemies don't typically share children. Or rescue each other from fires." David answers. "I think you're both scared. Feelings like that can be scary. Especially if they're for someone that you think you're not supposed to have them for."
Emma knows that he's not just talking about her and Regina. "David –"
He shakes his head. "Maybe it is just the head trauma talking." He's self deprecating, but it works on him. "But honestly Emma, give Regina a chance. And don't worry about what anyone else thinks. You'll find that we here in Storybrooke are pretty open minded and supportive."
"Yeah," Emma nods, "I got that."
Henry comes back out from seeing the cats then and agrees that they should probably head home. Emma isn't looking forward to seeing Regina. Maybe she can just drop Henry off out front and drive away quickly. She prays that Regina isn't laying in wait for them.
David waves goodbye to them. As they climb into her car, Emma can't help the ridiculous thought that she's apparently gotten both of her parents' approval from flitting through her mind.
By the following Saturday, Emma has had enough. In the week that has passed, it seems like every citizen of Storybrooke has somehow or another brought up the idea of her and Regina being in a relationship.
Granny has mentioned how Emma's jacket is just the color of the apples that Regina grows in her backyard, and perhaps that is why Regina seems to enjoy seeing the sheriff in it. Leroy has told her, with an almost lecherous grin, that it's always the cold ones that are the best in bed. Emma thinks that she'll never be able to get over that particular incident – not even if she bleaches her brain.
Archie speaks to her after one of Henry's sessions about repression and fear causing people to react in negative ways towards those that they truly care about. He also says something about people who are afraid of commitment and have abandonment issues. Emma quickly tunes him – and his too close to home words – out.
Even Mr. Gold tells her – in his rather mysterious and creepy way – that perhaps it would be to Emma's benefit to work on her relationship with the mayor. When that happens, it's the last straw for Emma.
She heads straight for Regina's house and bangs on the door with far more force than necessary. When Regina opens the door, she looks ready for a fight, which Emma is glad about. She needs to fight with the woman to get all of this other crazy talk out of her head. She needs to feel that hatred flowing through her so that can block everything else out.
"Sheriff Swan," Regina hisses, and Emma is not in any way aroused by the mayor calling her by her title. "What is so urgent that you were practically banging down my door?"
The word banging stops Emma in her tracks as Ruby's voice floats through her head. The fact that you want to bang our illustrious mayor.
"And now you're acting like a mute. Wonderful." Regina turns to close the door, but Emma reacts quickly, throwing her hand against it and pushing her way inside. "Oh, so now you want to talk." She rolls her eyes.
Emma slams the door and takes a quick glance around the house. "Where's Henry?"
Regina's brow furrows for a second, and a quick look of worry appears on her face. "At his session with Dr. Hopper. Why?"
"Good." Emma breathes out, glad that the kid won't be around for – whatever it is that's going to happen here.
"What is going on, Miss Swan?" Regina is tired of whatever game Emma is playing.
"Everyone in this town is insane!" Emma declares.
Regina turns away. "This is what was so important that you were pounding on my door?"
"They think that we should be –" Emma stops, she can't say it.
Regina turns around then, a look of curiosity on her face. "They think that we should be what?"
And her voice is silky and dangerous but Emma loves it when it gets like that and oh god, this is such a bad idea.
"Nothing. Never mind." She turns quickly hoping to make her escape, but Regina is too fast. She grabs her arm and spins Emma back, so that their bodies are nearly pressing together.
"I don't think it's nothing, Miss Swan." Her breath is hot against Emma's face and the sheriff knows that she needs to get out of here quickly.
"It is, Madam Mayor. It's nothing. I'm sorry for bothering you."
"No you're not." Regina smirks and suddenly Emma realizes that maybe everybody wasn't as insane as she'd originally thought. Because the thoughts going through her head right now have nothing at all to do with hatred. And damn them, but it's all their fault.
"Please." Emma finds herself begging and she doesn't even care. She just needs to get out of there.
The smirk becomes almost evil. "Please, what, Miss Swan?"
"Sheriff." Emma corrects quickly, trying to clear her head. "And please let me go."
"Not until you tell me why you came barging over here and interrupted my afternoon." Regina tightens her grip on Emma's arm until it's almost bruising. "Now what does everyone think?"
"Everyone thinks that you and I should be –" Emma searches for the right words. All of Ruby's are quickly cast away. "More than just enemies." She finally settles on.
Regina raises her eyebrow. "Is that so?"
"Yes." Emma nods, meeting Regina's gaze head on.
"And just exactly how much more than enemies do they think we should be?" Regina is enjoying this, Emma knows she is. She's moving closer, so that their bodies are pressed against each other and Emma's back is pressed against the door.
"Much, much more." Emma hates how damn breathy her voice is, but she can't do anything to stop it.
"Really? Everyone?"
"Yes." She breaths out.
"Like who?" Regina asks, like this is some casual conversation where they're talking about who buys what laundry detergent or something.
"Ruby. And Granny and Archie and Leroy." She still shudders just a bit at the thought of that. "And David. And Mr. Gold. And, god, even Mary Margaret."
That makes Regina's eyebrows go up again. "Mary Margaret?"
"Yes. She said that – that the reason we fight is because we're frustrated… about the sexual tension between us."
"Did she now?" Regina almost can't believe that vanilla little Mary Margaret would've said something like that. "And what about Ruby? What did she say?"
Oh god, what had she not said? "That I want to bang you." Emma finds herself admitting. "And that we – that we eye fuck all the time. And that we start fires."
And whatever reaction she's expecting, it isn't for Regina to start laughing. But that's what the mayor does, laughing the sexiest laugh Emma has ever heard.
"And is she right?" Regina queries, pushing herself against Emma even more. "Do you want to bang me, Sheriff Swan?"
And at those words, everything short circuits in Emma's brain. The next thing she knows, she's managed to switch their positions so that Regina is the one pressed against the door, and she's kissing her, hot and hard and demanding. And god, Ruby was right. All of them were right.
"Yes," she gasps as she pulls away, and she waits for the inevitable slap, the threats to run her out of town, but they don't come.
Instead, Regina pulls her back for another mind melting kiss, her hands already slipping under Emma's jacket and pushing it down off her shoulders. And when the kiss is finally over, she smirks a wicked smirk. "Well, who am I to go against public opinion? If everyone thinks we should be much, much more than enemies, who am I to oppose?"
"Oh god." Emma gasps out.
"Unless you oppose, Sheriff?"
"No." Emma says, her fingers already unbuttoning Regina's blouse. "No opposition here."
"Good." Regina grins. "Then get me undressed."
Emma quickly obeys. After all, if Regina isn't going to go against public opinion, then how can she?