Dear Journal,
If I were that kind of woman, the type that scribbles her furies into a diary, then today would be ripe for explication. Most days I'm not of that breed, but today, today is different. The experiences of today have thrust me into this place where I must express myself, even if only to remember the remarkable feelings I experienced. All because of a moment- an indefinably tangible, incredible moment. It's the allusive instant we're all chasing; when everything fits together, when the whole world falls silent. In that perfect stillness, our perfect stillness, I realize that even though chaos exists beyond, I am no longer alone in my vulnerability. I am no longer alone. Gazing into his eyes, something strikes me at the core, freeing me from my closed exterior. I finally understand that someone thinks as I do, feels as I do, knows what I know; things that are beyond verbalizations and sustained with his beautiful expression. Everything else falls away because I believe what's in front of me is real. Truly real. Even if no one else can understand it, he and I both know it to be true in the deepest parts of ourselves. To know that I've made it so far, past the years of jarring noise to this beautifully comforting silence is the feeling. Because this moment, this stabilization makes even the most personal tragedy seem like a drop in a bottomless bucket. It's validation of self and of experience-the kind I always hoped beyond hope existed somewhere in the world as vast as our mind's insecurities. And then to discover that it actually does is….fulfillment. It reinforces my belief in the existence of something better and urges me to pursue it. It says: keep going, you're right to believe. I feel coddled in a security generated from the self but sustained within his compassionate understanding. In our moment, I love honestly. I love without fear and without inhibition. I love in a way that seems like it could sustain the whole world. I love; finally aware that it is possible to possess happiness I have control over. Somehow, it can be okay and I, beyond all else, know it willbe.
Sincerely,
Olivia-the detective who has finally solved crimes of the heart