iCan't Breath without You
Part One
There is a problem with best friends. Don't get me wrong, they are wonderful most of the time. They are there to talk you out of your worst ideas and provide the best company. But it is precisely the ways they make you feel worth so much that gives them the power to later make you feel worth so little when something goes wrong. That is the problem with best friends.
Sam Puckett is my best friend. Or at least she was. Maybe this will blow over like fights with best friends are meant to and I can be confident in my statement of whether our friendship is a present or past affair. But we have been at it for a week already, the longest of any fight I can remember since we met.
It's my fault. It's a wonder how the threat of a habit being interrupted can lead to so much chaos. Change needs to learn the concept of a smooth landing. Sam has never been much of a planner. She never stays over less than once a week, but the day or more of choice are always a surprise. I should have known after all those years that I couldn't have my boyfriend over without a chance of her showing up.
I want to slap myself for opening the door, except Sam would have no hesitation letting herself in had I not answered. Locking the door would have been genius, except Sam knows how to get past those too. Bolting the door could have worked in my favor, except Sam takes pleasure in movie-mimicking stunts such as kicking doors down. So letting Sam in voluntarily was the least splintering and least expensive option when facing the inevitability of an entrance occurring.
Asking Sam to leave was a foreign experience. If there were ever any inconveniences to her staying over before they were too minor for complaint. This particular situation left me split on what to do. After a two month relationship, more of my time still managed to include Sam than my boyfriend. There wasn't any vocalization from him to suggest jealousy or discontent with my time management. However, I made the decision for myself that there had to finally be a night where Sam didn't get priority. Predictably, that was where I made my mistake.
Taking her aside to enforce my choice was painful. She looked worried immediately, most likely because my expression looked apologetic from the beginning. I tried to explain casually, but my nerves got the best of me, and most of what I said came out in jumbled, mumbled speech. The point still managed to come out somehow, resulting in a mixture of pain and anger appearing in Sam's eyes. It didn't take her long to leave, but on her way out her responding words sunk into me like darts. My night was ruined through the actions I took in attempt to preserve it the way I thought I wanted it.
He wasn't allowed to stay to comfort me. Having him remain in the same room was now an unwanted reminder of actions I immediately regretted. The lack of communication between us since I sent him home probably means that our relationship is over. But that doesn't faze me in the slightest compared to the possibility of losing Sam. Best friends aren't supposed to be as disposable as boyfriends. Maybe we both overreacted. I would be willing to take the full blame to have her back though. There is no way she could have meant what she said about 'maybe' not bothering to visit again at all. Neither of us remembers what it is like to have a life fully independent from the other.