Renee: OH MY GOD I'M WRITING A MOTHERFUCKING AVENGERS FANFIC. AND I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN THE MOVIE YET. EPIC FAIL IS FAIL BUT FUCK IT GAY SEX.
We don't own Marvel's Avengers: the comic, the movie, or the characters. They belong to Marvel and the actors belong to themselves. That is until we buy them off of Craigslist.
Now, enjoy!
The audience shuffled in through the massive oak doors. Murmurs spread throughout the crowd, and most of the attendees who weren't gossiping were looking around the auditorium skeptically, unsure about what they had paid to see. The new show Broadway had everyone talking; information spread like wild fire, through the internet and by word of mouth. Anyone who was on the internet knew within minutes. Anyone who wasn't on the internet (Such a strange thing nowadays) knew within days. But there was one common factor between everyone though: no one actually knew anything about it. The musical was a mystery and this was probably the reason so little people had turned out for opening night. Only two hundred people filed into the hall, a relatively small amount for all of the hype about it.
Minutes passed and the apprehension built. Cell phones and watches were being checked constantly, waiting until the little hand or digital numbers turned to read 7:30. The crowd started becoming restless. Hushed murmurs turned into full-out conversations, though those died down quickly as the lights dimmed. Soon, the auditorium became dead silent.
Two spotlights moved to centre stage. A man walked towards them, dressed in a white tuxedo; only his upper half was visible, the fabric a bright spot against the deep red of the curtains. He stepped into the light and turned to face the crowd, sending a gasp throughout it and enticing whispers as they saw who it was.
Captain America stared straight forward, his time in the military making his posture immaculate. Excitement spread throughout the crowd at this new development, a few brave souls whispering to the people next to them. The captain waited for a moment, letting the talking fade, before music drifted out of the pit and he began to sing.
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now am found
Was blind but now I see
As soon as he finished, whispers broke out along with a small scattering of applause. He turned and walked off the stage, the spotlights shutting off and plunging the hall back into twilight as he did.
More whispers traveled throughout the crowd. Had Captain America had turned into a showboy again? If so, he was missing the sequined skimpy costume and the accompanying dancers… or was he?
Seconds later, two more people walked on stage. Another round of gasps could be heard. One of the people was a naked chibi with a leaf over his crotch and the other was a female chibi in a golden, sequined dress. The male chibi spoke.
"Ladies and gentlemen, homos (Preferably) and closet homos, welcome to the first showing of Avengers: The Musical created by my awesome self and Renee-chan here. I am Tono, writer and composer for the shitty music you will hear tonight. Welcome to the show." He bowed, leaf falling off. The female chibi rolled her eyes and spoke,
"Good evening to you all. My name is Renee, and I am the writer and director for this wonderful performance you are about to witness. Now as stated before, neither Tono nor I take claim to anything in this play, except for the music. Senpai will murder you if you take that."
"Let's get to the fun part. Legal shit is boring. All of the music in the show was written by me, so suck it if you don't like it." The chibi preformed multiple pelvic thrusts in the audience's direction, proving his point. "Now enjoy! Lights, camera, action!" He jumped off the stage and landed in a lady's lap, her scream echoing through the mostly silent hall. The other chibi shook her head and walked off stage in a more civilized way.
The lights on the stage came back to life as the curtain rose, showing a night club – a strip club, rather. An array of tables were scattered around, all surrounding a smaller stage. To the right of the stage, there was a bar. Behind the bar, a lonely man stood wiping the counter, and above his head there was a banner that read "HAPPY BIRTHDAY THOR!"
The stage, which was adorned with green satin ribbons, stood in front of a sign that read "Welcome to the Green Lantern", presumably the name of the club. The club itself was very high end; white leather couches and armchairs sat in the corner, and glass coffee tables had been placed in front. The bar had many bottles behind it, all brand names; expensive ones too. But for such a prestigious club, it wasn't that busy. The only person in sight was the bartender. That is until the music started drifting out of the pit.
A group of young men – all dressed in very provocative clothing – ran out onto the stage and stared singing.
Here at the Green Lantern it's an easy price to pay.
Here at the Green Lantern we can drink all night and day.
We look up when their bodies clash high upon the stage,
They will do whatever you wish,
No matter the age.
Here at the Green Lantern, candy catches the eye.
Here at the Green Lantern there's six boys for every guy.
Hurry up and pay up,
Don't worry, don't be shy.
Here at the green lantern life is simply sublime
From the right side of the stage, Thor entered. He had shed his normal Asgardian attire for more common clothes, though he still kept Mjolnir by his side. He opened his mouth and sang to the crowd, voice deep and commanding as ever.
Sit up, lit up
Who in the world
All these drinks!
Is that a boy or a girl?
Not that it matters, just a little odd.
Nothing I can't handle after all I am a god.
The boys behind him sang once more.
Here at the Green Lantern it's an easy price to pay.
Forget all your troubles,
Come and drink the night away.
This comes only once a year, your happy birthday.
Here at the Green Lantern you are free to stay.
Captain America walked back out on stage, staring at the dancing, nearly-naked men with disapproval. His entire face showed his distaste for what was going on behind him, and his words just proved that same point.
My god what is this?
What the hell is this?
Never I ever- words cannot describe.
I am here for a friend,
But we are only friends!
Back in my day-
Well I'd never!
The boys surrounded him, shaking, shimmying and sparkling.
Here at the Green Lantern it's an easy price to pay.
You may not think so now, but soon and someday.
You will look upon yourself and see it our way.
Everyone loves everyone, especially a gay.
Suddenly, the music stopped. Everyone on stage froze where they were: the dancers were gathered around the Captain; he was trying to get out of the circle in vain. Thor stood behind the bar, a glass of beer in one hand and his other arm wrapped around the bartender. Loki walked in on stage, accompanied by a smooth melody.
I am not the bad guy.
Seriously I never meant to be.
I'm in a glass case of emotion;
Jealous of my bro and quite lonesome.
Not to mention that crook,
My joy is not all that he took.
There's one more reason I'm blue,
No one knows it's my birthday too.
His pale skin faded to blue as he walked off stage. Once he was out of sight, the upbeat music started once more.
Here at the Green Lantern it's an easy price to pay.
We don't really give a shit about your soul or its pain.
Honestly just listening is driving us insane.
Go out, get out, and find yourself a shirt.
Swinging in from the rafters, Peter Parker landed on stage.
Hi!
My name is Peter Parker.
My name is Spider Man.
I am here at the Green Lantern,
And I am all your biggest fan!
Except Loki!
A ripple of laughter went through the crowd. That laughter changed to applause and some hoots and hollers as the man himself, Tony Stark, walked on stage.
Here at the Green Lantern, Spider-Man is not allowed.
All your movies suck so get the hell out of my town.
I am Iron Man but you knew that from the start.
I have an arc reactor keeping parasites from my heart!
He looked towards to audience, motioning for applause that was readily given to him. Then he looked back at Spider-Man.
Haha, but seriously get the fuck out.
Peter was practically thrown off stage by the dancers. After removing the unwanted presence, they started a kick line. Stark joined them and sang along.
Here at the Green Lantern it's an easy price to pay.
Here at the Green Lantern we can drink all night and day.
We're coated in glitter, sweat, leather, and more.
You can't get this service in any other store.
Here at the Green Lantern candy catches the eye.
Here at the Green Lantern there's more men than anyone can deny.
Hurry up and pay up,
Don't worry don't be shy.
Here at the Green Lantern
Heroes commit a crime!
The song ended, and the audience burst into applause. The orchestra began to play again as the actors scrambled around the stage. The dancers took up their posts on poles and the Avengers congregated in a group in front. Natasha, Bruce and Clint had joined the rest of the gang, and Loki sat alone at the bar. Tony called Thor over to the group, smiling.
"So big guy, how do you like your party?" The billionaire said, patting the god's back lightly.
"It is a celebration fit for a god, my friend!" Thor slammed his hand against Tony's back. "Thank you for arranging this worthy spectacle!"
"Yeah well," he huffed, coughing, "Don't treat the strippers like that, will you? Keep the excitement in your pants." The two separated and started milling about. Bruce walked up to Stark, who kept getting hounded by the dancers for autographs.
"A gay strip club, Tony? Why pick here of all places?" Bruce took a sip of the glass of whiskey he had in his hand.
"I took Thor to a normal strip club once before. Wanted to show him something different this time." Tony looked towards Thor, who was feverishly cheering for the dancer in front of him. "He seems to be enjoying it."
Banner shook his head. "How did you even manage to get a club of this caliber shut down for the whole day?"
Tony looked at Bruce, his 'Are you kidding me?' face on.
"Don't answer that. I somehow managed to forget that you're Tony Stark."
"Smart call." Tony patted the scientist's shoulder and turned towards the stage, ready to enjoy his comrade's birthday party.
Renee: Please give Senpai a round of applause for writing that beautifully amazing song!
Read and review! Spread the word too, with this one. We gotta share the crack with everyone we can get. If you have a tumblr, which we know most of you do, review/PM us and we can give you the name of Renee's Avengers tumblr with her friend that has the original post on it so you can reblog. Got a Twitter/Facebook? Well then you know what to do.
~Renee and Tono