The only thing I can say for this is that it's more of a personal rant turned creative...I had an urge I've never had before, I stumbled over it multiple times trying to figure out what the heck I was typing about, what for, from, if it would even make sense, etc...It came to this. The beginning might not make much sense when compared to the end...This is a raw material type, very little editing after I figured out coherency from behind the words.
I pray they make sense, and a point. Divulged from my very soul, self reflections in the purest type...How ironic for one so closed off.
And so, my eyes now burning from exhaustion and having nearly passed out several times while typing, I believe it's time I head myself to sleep.
She found it wasn't hard to let go around him. Neither of them felt the need to speak, at least not out loud, in the open. Many words were spoken by other means.
A touch of a hand to one's shoulder, gentle and reassuring presence of the other, or a small distinct smile that always hinted at some inner joke that was never revealed. A friendly hug when greeting one another, maybe, if it was a good day. If not, then a simple companionable nod, or wave. Whatever suited the moment, the time, whatever was needed.
They rarely fought, and even those arguments seemed to go on in the silence between them. Many doubted they had ever heard the two speak directly towards one another for more than the space of a few words. It was strange to them, for they'd never spoken much to her themselves anyways, but he was always talking, alive and friendly towards others, towards everyone.
No one understood her, no one tried. They simply acted, played the role that was given them, offered meaningless hellos and goodbyes, ignoring the girl save for whatever prods they could get in at her being. Whether it be her clothing choice, or her various reading material she brought with her.
Many knew who she was, they'd known her for years. Once, many of them were her friends, in ages long past. Now, no one was her friend, except him. He was the only one who never vanished or left or turned his back to her.
And so she found it easy to let go with him, to stop in the times when they were alone in the middle of the night and curl up in his arms and cry. She found it easy to discover peace and contentment and rest in his arms. She didn't have any need to doubt or fear showing weakness to him. He already saw it all, there wasn't any possible way to hide anything from him.
After all, he was her best friend, closest companion. He knew her better than she knew herself, better than anyone else could ever hope to know her. It was easy for him to understand everything she said in her silence, whether she knew what she was screaming out into the silence or not.
The same could not be said of her. She did not know him better than he did himself, or anyone else. She did not understand everything he silently told her, all with which there were intentions. Some---No, many times, she did not even hear him when he spoke to her. His words sometimes gently soothing, and other times sternly scolding.
But she knew him, she knew his love, and she knew his embrace. The only thing that kept her standing, he supported her through the battles which she would never hope to fight alone. He carried her when her legs failed, and guided her when her sight dimmed and grew faint. Gave her strength in her weakness, and light in her darkest hours.
He was, and is, and always will be her everything, simply because that is what he should be.
Humans are weak and frail, we crave companionship and kindness. We long to be cared for and watched after, and to be allowed to do the same in return. Some of us give and give and give and never receive anything in return, others merely take what is given and show no respect or thanks to those who give. Few on either end look to thank the one who is always giving to them, enabling them to give themselves, or take for themselves.
Another small few, however, live through life in silence, looking only to him for their strength. Sometimes they forget who their strength and courage comes from, and they must be reminded, and it is a hard reminder to many. Yet, they find comfort in these reminders, no matter how frequent or few in between.
Many have their own relationships with this man, this being. Many gain what they need from him, and many turn him away and refuse him. Many refuse to think that he could understand them, that there is even the slightest chance that anyone could ever know exactly what they face.
She knows. She forgets many times, but she is reminded. She knows, in the dead of night, in the times when the darkness seems so overwhelming that she may as well choke from it, she knows. There is one who understands her, one who protects her from the hurt and fear, one who provides a light to the darkness so as to protect her from it.
She knows there is one whom she can call to, and be wrapped safely in the arms off. The only being who can completely erase all her fears and doubts and pain, if only for as long as it was needed. He would not erase it, for if you cannot remember your past pains how shall you learn from them?
A beacon, the only one she could cry in front of, or count on to tell her the truth even if she didn't understand it. The only one who truly expressed care towards her and her being. Who, despite everything she ever did or ever would do to him, still loved her and showed that love unquestioningly.
So, as she lay in the darkness at night, the dark thoughts creeping in on her, she need only call upon him for help, reassurance, condolence, and he would be there. His arms would wrap around her even tighter, never to let go. Nothing else mattered after that, because he would always be there for her, to help her, as long as she asked him to be. As long as she remembered, and believed in him, his words, then he would always be there. And, even when she forgot, or turned away in anger, he would still be there, waiting for her to realize, to remember.
Whenever and wherever, he would always be there. No matter the time of the night, or the location or whatever other block one could think of. No matter what, he would be with her, holding her in his arms, and there he would stay.
He was---he is, after all, God.