Welcome to the first chapter of 'Of Bells and Fairies." It was inspired by my senpai, who suggested the pairing of Zaraki and Orihime; though I doubt he thought I'd actually write a story about them. But here it is. Let the madness begin!
Disclaimer:I do not own Bleach. -grabs a bell off of Zaraki's head and laughs manically-
The human world was a strange place. Especially to a certain Zaraki Kenpachi.
For one thing, there was hardly any killing. Hell, there were barely any fights that could actually lead to killing in the first place. And, to his disappointment, very few of said fights involved blood, aside from the few cuts and scrapes accumulated from random punches and kicks; they didn't even use weapons, except for the occasional rock thrown by the losing side. The lack of blood greatly disappointed the captain of the Eleventh Division. He liked blood.
Stranger still were the weird machines the humans rode in. They sat inside them, in front of a strange circular device, and they magically began to move. They were surprisingly fast, too. Not as fast as his shunpo, but still fast. He liked to race the strange machines to certain points, such as these weird red octagonal signs with the word 'Stop' written on them.
Even their tea was strange. They came in all sorts of odd flavors: raspberry, peach, and cherry were a few examples. They also had coconut tea. The thought made him want to puke. He hated coconut. He hated the idea of coconut flavored tea even more. Tea was sacred. Adding the strange substance that some considered to be a food to it went against the laws of nature; no, it went against humanity. He made a mental note to buy a pack of the disgusting tea bags and destroy them with his Zanpakuto once he figured out how to get some of the strange green paper the humans called money.
And, to make things worse, his vice-captain Yachiru was along for the ride, excitedly pointing out random objects that sparked her interest. She especially liked the weird hanging objects that changed color from time to time, although red, yellow, and green seemed to be an odd combination of colors. The only thing Zaraki found interesting about them was that they seemed to control the moving machines that the humans occupied: he found that when the light was red, they stopped; when green, they moved; and when yellow, they sped up so as not to have to stop when the light turned red. It was somewhat amusing to watch, if not only for the occasional idiot that would disobey the Law of the Traffic Light and crash into various objects; usually the other machines, but he saw one run into a pole once. Seeing them crash into each other turned out to be the high point of the day, seeing as he was bored out of his mind the rest of the time. Well, what was left of his mind, anyway. After being around Yachiru for so long, it was no wonder that most of his brain cells had already died.
Some vacation this was turning out to be.
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"Zaraki!"
Zaraki turned to see the Tenth Division Captain, Hitsugaya Toushirou, standing behind him. "What do you want, brat?" he said, at the same time that Yachiru popped up and said, "Hiya shorty!"
A vein throbbed on Hitsugaya's forehead, while one eyebrow twitched uncontrollably. "I told you not to call me shorty or brat!" the small captain yelled, the temperature dropping slightly.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. What do you want?" Zaraki asked, annoyed. He had been enjoying a nice supposed-to-be-working nap when the other captain had woken him up. It also didn't help that his pink-haired vice-captain was now practically standing on his head and playing with the bells in his hair. He liked his bells. He hated it when people messed with them.
"Is it true that you've been…" Hitsugaya paused for a moment to look at the report he held in his hand, "fighting with cows down on Earth?"
"Oh, so that's what those black and white things were!" Zaraki said, scratching his head where Yachiru had just stepped. "I was wondering what they were called."
"And exactly why were you fighting them?"
"Well, the Hollow I had been sent to fight was so weak, the thing was dead after about two seconds," Zaraki said. He had stopped scratching his head and was now twirling his pinky inside his ear. "I was bored, and there were a bunch of 'em just standing around. Don't worry, I didn't kill any of 'em. I just made them bleed a little. You know how much I love blood."
Hitsugaya's eyebrow was twitching again. "That's animal abuse!" he yelled, standing on his toes to be more intimidating. "You know you aren't supposed to hurt anyone when you're in the human world!"
"What's the big deal?" Zaraki complained, examining the contents of his ear that now covered the tip of his small finger. "It was just a couple of those cow things. It's not like I attacked a person or anything. Besides, it's not like there's much to fight here."
Hitsugaya sighed. "It's because of that attitude that Yamamoto-taichou decided that you need a vacation."
Zaraki's head snapped up. "What the hell? I don't need a freakin' vacation!" He continued to rant about killing and blood and other random things that really had nothing to do with vacations. Hitsugaya was secretly impressed that he knew the meaning of the word. "Don't yell at me," he said. "It's not like it was my idea. You're to go to the human world and spend three weeks there. And you aren't allowed to kill anything!"
"Damn it! What the hell!" Zaraki yelled, hating the idea of having to spend five minutes down on Earth, let alone three whole weeks. Yachiru was jumping up and down on top of his head, yelling, "Vacation! Vacation!" over and over again. This only ticked the already pissed captain even more.
"Oh, and Yachiru-fukutaichou is going to go with you," Hitsugaya added with a smirk. "I suggest you get ready." He then walked away, leaving the frustrated captain alone. He didn't want to be there when Zaraki decided to go on a wild rampage while throwing various objects at random people. He had learned that the last time it happened; someone had decided to give him a giant stuffed teddy bear for Christmas as a joke. He had thrown the poor Shinigami out the window, and then proceeded to tear the bear's head off while throwing the stuffing at anyone who happened to be nearby.
The Eleventh Division captain had been very close to repeating the incident, but had decided not to risk getting stuck in the human world even longer. He made a strange noise that sounded like a cross between a groan and a sigh.
It was going to be a long three weeks.
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"Ken-chan, look! It changed color again!" Yachiru squealed, pointing at a traffic light that had just turned red. "Whee! It's so pretty!"
"Yeah, yeah," Zaraki muttered. "I've only seen it about five thousand times now." Yachiru was at her usual spot on his back, her pink hair blowing in his face. He had been there a total of one day, and already he was sick of it. To make it worse, he was stuck in a stupid gigai until it was time for his 'vacation' to end. He hated the stupid thing. He made another note to destroy it along with the coconut tea.
Just then, he felt someone bump into him. He clenched his fist, ready to pummel whoever had been stupid enough to run into him. After all, Hitsugaya had said no killing, but he hadn't said anything about just hurting the damn humans. He turned and saw a girl with long orange-red hair lying on the ground. It looked like she had fallen when she ran into him. She was wearing a school uniform of a white shirt and grey skirt. Oh yeah, there was one other thing. She was very large in the chest area. He couldn't help but notice that little detail. For some reason, she looked familiar. It wasn't until Yachiru jumped down and spoke to her did he remember.
"Hime-chan!" Yachiru said, jumping on the girl. She was instantly smothered by the larger girl's breasts, but she didn't seem to mind. At the name 'Hime-chan' Zaraki remembered where he had seen her. Her name was Inoue Orihime, and she had come to Soul Society along with a bunch of other ryoka a little while ago. He had helped her free her other friends so that he could fight Kurosaki Ichigo again. He had seen so much blood during their first fight. He liked blood.
Orihime thought for a moment before saying, "Yachiru-chan!" and hugging the small pink-haired girl back. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm here with Ken-chan on vacation!" Yachiru said, pointing to Zaraki, who was standing behind her. "But Ken-chan's boring. He just likes to race those funny looking things on wheels all the time."
Orihime laughed and looked up at the Shinigami in front of her. "Zaraki Kenpachi-san, right?" she said, prying her brain to see if she got the name right. "Oh, that's right! You and Yachiru-chan helped me rescue my friends when they got caught!" She smiled, proud that she actually remembered.
Zaraki just grunted. "I only helped you 'cause I wanted to fight that orange kid," he said, his arms crossed over his chest. "And I never even got to…" Seeing his look of disappointment at not being able to fight, Yachiru jumped up on his head. "Don't worry, Ken-chan! If Hime-chan is here, I'm sure Ichi-nii is here somewhere too!" Yachiru definitely had a unique way of naming people.
"Do you mean Kurosaki-kun?" Orihime asked as she stood up and brushed herself off. Lying on the ground all day wasn't something she normally did. "I think he's with Rukia-chan at the moment. Well, I guess he's always with Rukia-chan, seeing as how she lives with him. Oh! Do you have anywhere to stay?" She looked intently at the two, as if them not having a place to stay was the worst thing in the world.
Zaraki actually laughed. "Why the hell would we stay in a pathetic human's house? It's not like we're by choice; I'm just waiting for the next three freakin' weeks to be over so I can get the hell out of here."
"Aw, Ken-chan, that's mean!" Yachiru whined, playing with one of the bells on his head. Orihime, however, was unaffected by his insults; most likely, she was too dense to notice that he actually was being insulted. "So that means you don't, right? Oh, I know!" She clapped her hand together excitedly. "Why don't you come and stay at my house? I live by myself, so no one will bother you or anything. What do you say?"
Zaraki stared at her. "You're joking, right?" he said, a look of pure confusion on his face. "Why the hell should we stay at your house? You should be glad I don't just destroy it." For someone like Zaraki, who only knows how to fight, the concept of being kind didn't seem to enter his already damaged brain.
"Don't listen to Ken-chan, Hime-chan," Yachiru said, silently taking off one of Zaraki's bells and hiding it in her sleeve. "We'd love to come stay with you! It was cold last night, and Ken-chan made us sleep in a tree. And these weird flying things kept landing in my hair!"
"Shut up, Yachiru!" Zaraki said, failing to notice the absence of one of his precious bells. "I told you, they probably thought your head was a giant lollypop and were trying to eat it. And I never said that we wanted to stay with her!"
"Oh, but you can't sleep outside the whole time that you're here! That would be horrible!" Orihime said passionately. To her, the idea of sleeping in a tree for three whole weeks was as bad as aliens coming to take her back to her home planet. "I insist that you come and at least stay the night! I'm making my special ramen soup with pickles and hot chili sauce!"
Zaraki looked like he was about to puke at the very thought of her so-called meal. He wondered if he would be serving coconut tea with it. Yachiru, on the other hand, jumped up and down excitedly on his head. "That sounds yummy, Hime-chan!" She bent over so that her face was directly in Zaraki's. "Please, Ken-chan? Can we? Pretty please with a cherry on top? And whipped cream, and cookies, and-"
"Alright, alright! I give up!" Zaraki said. "We'll stay for one freakin' night, but that's it!" He sighed. He never had been good at saying no to his vice-captain. In front of him, Yachiru had jumped off his head and was jumping up and down with Orihime. He sighed again.
This was going to be a long three weeks, indeed.
And thus ends chapter one! Did you like it? Hate it? Couldn't are less? Please let me know by reviewing! This is kinda an experiment right now, and if no one likes it, I won't continue. Also, I know this chapter wasn't that funny, but it'll get better, I promise!
Thanks for reading!