Title: "ONNA!"
Author: Marie
Spoilers: For the end of Gundam Wing, after Endless Waltz.
Warnings: None
Author's Notes: This story was the first piece of Gundam Wing fanfiction I ever wrote, back in the spring of 2001. It was submitted and published in the Anime Alberta (www.anime-alberta.org... wonderful place, go visit! :D ) fanfiction 'zine and because of that spent a year off all online sites, etc. It has now been released back to me for posting. :)

Since this was my first piece of GW fanfiction it also isn't all that great. I suppose an author is her own worst critic, but I can name several things in here that I would love to change... the title for one. Since writing this I have come to avoid using Japanese words as much as possible in my writing. However since this is a humor fic based around the word "Onna!" (which means Woman in Japanese for those who may not know) and HAS been published, I've decided to keep this fic in all of her unchanged glory. *lol*

Lastly, my inspiration was an online author named "Orla." Thank you for all of the wonderful fics!

***

"ONNA!"

If there was one thing about Chang Wufei, former Gundam pilot, it was that he didn't like to feel weak. That meant that he didn't like to be bedridden either. Which he currently was. On a recent Preventer mission he had gotten into a "small" scrape with the enemy along with his partner Sally Po, which left him with an apparently broken leg and a couple of bruised ribs to boot. Luckily, he was a strong believer in mental power overcoming physical hardship, and he was content to ignore his injuries.

Unfortunately for him, Sally Po was a military doctor, once upon a time, and had prescribed bed rest.

He tried to argue. Unfortunately, it's hard to argue with someone who is bigger than you, more likely to do rash and unladylike things (as Sally Po did from time to time), and is stronger than you in your current state. He called her a stupid woman.

That obviously didn't have any effect whatsoever on her anymore, seeing as she had worked with him for over a year by this point. He had cursed. She had laughed in his face. He told her that there was no way he'd stay in bed. She told him that if he tried to get up before she told him to, she'd shoot him full of so much morphine that he wouldn't know what hit him. And then she grinned like a maniac.

It was about that time that he gave her a horrified look and promptly passed out.

***

He wasn't quite sure how long he was out, but when he came to his head was pounding. Grimacing, Wufei rolled onto his side... and blinked.

There were frilly curtains in his window. He didn't have frilly curtains in his window. And the closet had mysteriously moved to another wall. Why...?

Things clicked in Wufei's mind. He wasn't in his house. Eyes widening, Wufei sat boltright up...

And sank right back down in the soft, fresh smelling blankets again. That hurt. Kuso, he thought mildly, turning that over in his head. Looks like I've been captured again. This time by that woman. She drugged me....

"Onna?" he called out questioningly, ignoring the twinge of pain from his bruised ribs.

***

When Sally Po arrived at the doorway of the room he was sure to scowl his best for her. "Onna!" he snapped, struggling to sit up... and failing miserably. "What is the meaning of this?" he huffed from where he lay.

"Onna" just smiled at him. "My name is Sally," she said mildly. She came forward, treading across the floor to stand beside the bed. Leaning down, she placed a warm hand on his forehead. His temperature was normal. She inspected his eyes. They weren't dilated. She inspected his... teeth. Bared.

Smile never faltering, Sally whipped the covers back.

"Onna!" Wufei snapped.

Sally ignored his protest and went for his leg. The medical splint seemed to be fine, so she went for his shirt.

Wufei was definitely having trouble with this. "Onna!" he protested as she deftly undid the buttons.

Sally paused and smiled serenely up at him. "Relax, Wufei," she told him calmly, "I'm a doctor remember?" Jeez, sometimes this kid... she thought, shaking her head slightly. Ah well, boys will be... She rethought that. Okay, male chauvinist freaks who just happen to be your partner will be...

The bandages were fine, and the bruises had no new colouring to add to the lovely array of black and purple that now covered half of Wufei's chest. "You're healing well," she pronounced. She poked very gently at a portion of his chest that she was slightly concerned about. "Does that hurt?" she asked.

She took a gander from his facial reactions that it did, even though she got a very defiant "No!" in response.

She poked elsewhere. "How 'bout there?"

"No!"

Yup.

Sally grinned. Now she was just being cruel. "How 'bout..."

"Argh!" Wufei shouted. "Yes! Onna, stop that!" He doubled over at that-yelling hurt his ribs almost as much as Sally poking at them.

"Yup. Enough of that," Sally agreed, buttoning up the shirt (her shirt) that she had dressed him in. "You're going to be fine," she pronounced, drawing the covers lovingly back over him. "I'll be back in a bit," she warned.

Glowering, Wufei watched her go. Onna is going to die, he thought, just before he caught himself. He allowed himself a few moments to mull that one over. Since when did he declare vengeance on women anyway? Didn't he think women were weak and didn't...? he shut the thought down swiftly. Okay, that particular onna was going to die, he decided. All others could live.

He didn't care if he was being illogical. Happy with his decision, Wufei smirked and quickly fell back to sleep.

***

When Wufei came to again, Onna was shaking his shoulder gently. "Wake up," she encouraged softly. Wufei opened his eyes a crack. "I need to feed you," she continued. Wufei opened his eyes completely. There was a spoon in her hand. Alarmed, Wufei sat up...

And lay back down again, eyes tearing. Clenching his teeth to cover up the pain, Wufei glared up at her. "I can feed myself, Onna," he told her abruptly.

Apparently Onna was deaf, because an arm slid behind his back to carefully brace him up. The hand with the spoon in it swung around, dunking into a bowl that was located just outside of his range of sight. The spoon came back, full of a heaping serving of... mashed potatoes?

Wufei hated mashed potatoes. He just did. It had been a very recent decision on his part.

"Eat," Sally encouraged gently.

"I don't need you to feed me, Onna," Wufei ground out, reaching for the spoon.

Sally swung the spoon out of his reach. "Ah, ah," she told him. "Too bad."

Wufei stared at her. Now she was the one being illogical. Again. "I can feed myself, Onna."

"My name is Sally," she replied casually. She shook her head, adjusting her arm so that it had better leverage behind him. "And you can't even sit up. And I'm not having you soil my sheets because you can't do it yourself. Now eat."

Wufei glared and crossed his arms against his chest. He winced. "No," he snapped, "not if I can't do it myself."

Sally held his gaze, then let out a small huff of frustration. Two can play at this game, Chang Wufei, she thought irritably. She returned the spoon to the bowl and removed her supportive arm at the same time, letting Wufei fall back onto the mattress with a small grunt. "Do it yourself then," she snapped. "Sit up."

She instantly regretted her decision to make him do it himself. Wufei struggled and sat up, his face taunt with concealed pain, his eyes shooting lethal little Gundams at her. "Give me," he gasped once he was in a fully upright position, holding out a shaking hand, "the bowl."

Eyes wide, Sally handed him the bowl and the spoon. She winced as he studiously and carefully ate exactly two spoonfuls of mashed potatoes, placed the spoon back in the bowl with a still-trembling hand, and stared down at it.

Sally got the general idea. Silently, she took the bowl back and adjusted his pillows slightly behind him before reaching her arm around to catch him again. Gently she lowered him back down and picked up the spoon.

Wufei endured her feeding him silently. Sally was impressed. Until she got up to leave, that is. At the doorway she heard a faint comment that sounded distinctly like "I am weak."

"Shut up, Wufei!" she said before shutting the door very deliberately behind her. Consequently, she didn't have the pleasure of hearing his next comment.

She didn't think she particularly wanted to either.

***

It was two days later and Noin sat in Sally's living room, sipping a cup of coffee as Sally told her tale of woe. "...so I said 'if I'm allowed to be accused of having PMS every second day, Mr. I-think-I-know-everything Chang, then I'm allowed to accuse you of having bad judgment once in a freaking while'!"

Noin chuckled into her cup. "So then what happened?" she asked, reaching for a cookie.

Sally shrugged. "So then the next thing you know we were surrounded by about a dozen of them." She sat up. "Wufei got to a good half of them before they took him out." She sighed. "You know, there's only so much you can do against half-crazed Trieze supporters."

Noin nodded in sympathy. "Definitely," she agreed. "Zechs and I still encounter them out in space all the time. Half of them are mad and still proclaiming that 'His Majesty' should take his place as the head of Earth and the colonies." She took another sip of the coffee. "So then what?"

Sally shrugged again. "That's it. I took out the rest with my gun, tied up the survivors for pickup and retrieved Mr. Justice and his sword. I brought the shuttle back to base, filed my report, and that was the end of that."

Noin got an interesting look on her face. "Except for one thing." She put down her cup. "Where is-"

A slightly irritable voice originating from somewhere else in the small house cut though her question. "Onna!"

"Ah." Noin shook her head. "Never mind."

Sally grimaced, then grinned. "I brought him back here to force him to get some bed rest. Otherwise he'd pretend like nothing's wrong and he'd never heal. And I'd be out of a partner." She looked reflective for a moment. "Though I don't necessarily know if that would be a bad thing."

"On-na!"

Noin made a face. "I don't know why you put up with him anyway," she said. She still hadn't quite forgiven Wufei for blowing up her students at the Victoria Base almost three years previous. "He's a chauvinistic little bastard who-"

Sally held up her hands, placating. "I know, Noin, I know." She grew serious. "But I really think that he has a good heart. And," she winked, "if I'm not here to put up with him, who will? Heero Yuy?"

Noin rolled her eyes. "Oh no," she agreed, chuckling. "Speaking of whom," she added casually, "did you hear the news about the pacifist function they held last week up in Sanq?"

Sally shook her head in response to Noin's question, mentally considering something else at the same time. Wufei or Noin? Wufei or... Ah, what the heck. "No," she said, grabbing for a cookie and settling back on the couch. "What happened?"

"Well," Noin had a huge grin on her face, "Queen Relena was there, of course, and the poor dear's been pining for him all these years, you know, and he just happened to..."

***

It was over a half an hour later when Sally bade farewell to her friend and made her way down the hall towards Wufei's room, fuming all the while. She stomped. She was upset.

Inside the room, Wufei blinked. Whoever was coming down the hall was stomping. Sally didn't stomp unless she was really, really mad. Of course, he was upset himself. He had called for Sally to come and give him a hand several times in the last half hour, and the stupid woman hadn't come. Presently, he was seriously considering putting himself into meditative stasis until she showed up.

Stomp, stomp, stomp, slam! Chest heaving, Sally stood at the door, murder on her face. Wufei considered glowering back, but quickly decided that that was probably not a very good idea. Perhaps it was that time of month again. "Onna?" he tried cautiously, "You finally-"

A nerve right above Sally's left eyebrow twitched. He was sitting up in bed now, she noted, which meant that he couldn't possibly be that bad off. Mouth set in a hard line, she stalked to the bed until she stood right beside her young charge. Reaching out, she grasped the boy by his shoulders and pushed him steadily back onto the bed, going down with him until her face was bare inches above his. She glared at him, her expression never changing, and Wufei's eyes widened. He was just a little bit alarmed when Sally spoke, her voice low and dangerous. "What is my name, Wufei?"

Wufei blinked up at her. Why on earth was she so upset anyway? He should be the upset one, he thought again.

"Well?" Sally demanded. Her nose was practically touching his now.

Wufei blinked again, his confusion evident. "Onna?" he questioned, "Your name is Sally Po."

Sally sucked in a deep breath and backed off a bit. "Then," she began, shaking his shoulders gently (after all, no matter how upset she was she didn't want to hurt her young charge any more than he already had been), "Call me that!" she screamed.

Wufei reeled. Onna was definitely in a bad mood today. It must most definitely be her time of the month! he thought. He opened his mouth to say so.

"And don't even think of asking that," Sally hissed, her eyes narrowed into tiny little slits.

Wufei shut his mouth.

"Now," Sally continued, drawing back and sucking a few calming breaths into her lungs. "What. Do. You. Want. Wu. Fei?"

Wufei considered his answer very, very carefully before continuing. "I..." he hesitated, "would like..."he glanced up at Sally, and let a faint smirk cross his face. "a glass of water. Please."

For a long, painful moment Wufei actually thought that Sally was going to explode. He half winced, waiting for her to do so. Suddenly the anger seemed to creep away from her face and she smiled.

You said please. Sally's smile grew. Huh. Wufei actually said please. Wow! That's the first time ever, I think. "I'll go get one," she said in a sing-song voice.

Incredulous, Wufei watched as she practically skipped from the room. There was definitely something wrong with Onna-with Sally today, he thought reflectively. Letting out a little huff of half relief and half frustration, he laid back on the covers. "Emotional Onna," he added under his breath.

***

"Sally!"

Letting out a gasp, Sally almost dropped the meatloaf she had spent half the day trying to cook. Placing it down on the counter, she smiled slightly, pulling off her oven mitts. She stood there for a moment, savouring the significance. It was yesterday that she had yelled at Wufei, insisting he call her by name, and he had been sulking and silent since then. Until now.

She started to make her way towards the room before she stopped herself, choosing to sit at the kitchen table instead. Wufei was calling her by name. She smirked. Finally. For the first time in the almost three years since she had first met the boy-

"Sal-ly!"

Sally Po actually giggled. This was more than anyone could ever want. She stopped chuckling and listened.

...Nothing. Huh. A few seconds clocked by, then a couple of minutes.

Still nothing. Sally frowned. Her experiences over the last three days had taught her that it wasn't like Wufei to give up after the second try. Ah well. She climbed to her feet so that she could make her way down the hall towards his room...

And stopped cold. He was in the hallway, leaning heavily against the wall with one arm clenched across his chest and favouring one leg. "Wufei!" she gasped.

He looked up at her slowly, glaring from under his unbound hair. "Onna," he grunted, "what took you?"

Sally felt immediately regretful. "Gomen, Wufei," she said, swiftly going to him. "I was, um, cooking meatloaf." She slipped an arm around his waist to help him stand away from the wall and hobble down the hall. "Bathroom?" she guessed, eyeing their apparent destination.

"Bathroom," Wufei agreed tersely. "Onna," he added grumpily.

Sally winced and said nothing. She probably deserved it, she reflected, for not rushing to his side right away. She smirked. It looked like she was just going to have to have it out with him again... Another day, perhaps.

***

End