Ebony days
1. Ebony Sunday
-If you desire to know the truth, you must also have the courage to accept it-
The sky was dark; a black night without stars. The moon was nowhere to be found, and the wind which had been blowing fiercely had now died down to nothing. The night was quiet; no night bird sang, no insect cheeped. Titans Tower had no light on, and the city's light seemed harsh, but distant. This was the night as Raven liked it. Calm, serene, not marred by noise, nor blemished by lights. This was the night as it must have been at the beginning of the world, when no earthly creature walked on foot or flew on wing. This was the night as it had been on Azarath…
Raven herself, sat in a dreamless sleep such as she had never had before. It was the sleep of one who has been drained to the point beyond exhaustion. Usually, it comes after pushing oneself too hard for too long. For Raven, it came from hours of long, hard crying. It was for herself she was crying, the girl who had always been so selfless, for her heart. For the love she had thought she had. But that had been too much to ask for. For one who is so alone to be loved by someone who understands them, was too much to ask. Malchior had tricked and betrayed her.
So now she lay in a sleep like that of death, waiting for the new dawn.
- - - - - - - -
The next morning, Sunday, Raven woke up late, rubbing her red and puffy eyes with her delicate fingers. She looked at her Victorian gothic style grandfather clock. It was just after eleven in the morning. She had woken late, which was very uncharacteristic of her. The others would notice and take account of it. Questions would be asked. But more questions would be asked if she stayed in her room. She sighed, and stepped outside.
As promised, she was fully interrogated about her well-being. They noticed everything from the redness of her eyes to the dark circles under then, to her tangled hair.
"Rough night?" Robin asked in his usual concerned voice. It was the voice he used many times when one Titan or another had been upset. And right now it was the last voice Raven wanted to hear: the voice of pity, of 'empathy'. But how could he -anyone- understand what she was going through?
"No." Raven answered in her usual devoid-of-emotion voice. She would not allow them to understand her pain. She herself did not want to understand her pain; she wanted to get rid of it.
"They why are you up so late! Raven, you're never up late!" The voice of Beast Boy, annoying and weak as always, nosed through her thoughts. He always had a way of being annoying, even his voice was annoying. High and whiney, it was nothing like the drawling English voice of Malchior. No! Raven told herself. She would not think thoughts like that.
"I was tired." Raven said, sighing mentally. She could not put up with such tedious play this early after such a long night. It was one thing to be lamenting alone in your room, and entirely another to have to deal with others in the time when you want to be by yourself. "Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to meditate." With that brief explanation, she turned on her heel and headed back up to her room.
She walked out to the roof of the Tower, and looked up at the sky. It was pitch black, as black as the night before it. She could tell that a storm of great magnitude was on it's way, and sighed. It meant that she would have to be stuck inside for the rest of the day, rather than going to one of her poetry cafés. So taking the opportunity while it lasted, she teleported herself to the heart of the city, right outside Point Blank, her favorite dark café. Maybe a little poetry would help clear her mind of him.
Once inside, she was assaulted with the macabre décor, and the strobe light set on low power. From a hidden stereo up in the rafters the sound of Dashboard Confessional played. Up on the dais that doubled as a stage, a young girl of around thirteen years with a nose ring and bright pink hair was reciting.
"I'm living within a shattered truth
I'm holding on with only one hand
And within all these twisted lies
The wind is howling through the bitter land.
Though I've tried to fight with honor
I have somehow sunk so low
And when I see myself in this mirror
All that I believe I am can never really show.
I'm living within a broken mirror
I'm fighting with the tide
But despite all I've done so far
I'm still a traitor inside."
As the scattered applause from the few people in the café died down, the girl stepped off the stage and sat down at a table to Raven's right. She tossed her hair behind her head and ordered a grape soda. She then caught Raven staring at her and walked over to her table. She sat down and looked the young superhero straight in the eye. "You got a reason for staring?" She asked.
"No reason. I just liked your poetry." Raven replied in what she hoped was a genial tone. The girl sitting opposite her seemed to have a huge chip on her shoulder, and her voice, which had been fraught with pain and sadness while she recited had now given way to a 'no shit from you' attitude. I guess you can't judge a person based on their poetry. Raven thought.
"Could you do any better?" The girl asked, a cocky smile spreading over her tough face.
"Maybe." Raven said, then stood up and walked to the dais before the younger girl could reply. In fact she did have a piece that she had been working on before Malchior had come. She drew a deep breath, and opened her mouth to begin.
"I don't need emotions
I don't need to breathe
I don't want you in my life
I wish all of you would leave.
But you tell me I'm alone
And I say it doesn't matter
Whether I feel happiness or sorrow
Or especially the latter.
I'm only lonely
And I don't need to feel.
I'm only lonely
And the loneliness isn't real.
I'm only lonely
And I don't need to breathe.
I'm only lonely
And you can just leave."
The applause for Raven's work was much louder than for the pink-haired girl's, and there were scattered shouts for another. Raven nodded her head, but then realized she had no new work. She would have to wing it. She desperately searched her mind for a theme, but she could only think about one thing. But she was desperate, so she chose what she had before her and began.
"Broken things and midnight flings
If setting back the clock
Is the same as letting go…
Then I'll need a sturdier lock.
Wrapped in blue I sit and wait
Wishing for white and purity.
But this balance I never thought could happen;
These trained emotions are new to me.
A new day will come
It has come every day
But just because the sun rises
Doesn't mean I want to play.
Broken things clutch at me
Dragging me down to hell
And if you inquire about my health
Just to let you know…I'm not well."
Raven was flushing red after this intimate memory was made public, but she soon got over it after she realized the assembled guests were on their feet clapping wildly and whistling. She allowed herself a smile and then made her exit, the crowd's excitement making her giddy with joy, and as soon as she was outside, she teleported back to the tower.
When she arrived, she headed straight to her room, her smile still on her face. Even she wouldn't have thought that just a few poems would have made her this happy, but they had. Inside she was an artist: painter, poet, she had even played an instrument for a time. She even had what was called 'artist's hands': delicate, slender, and unmarred. She hummed a tune on the way to her room.
But before she could reach the safety of her private room, Starfire stopped her in her tracks. "Friend Raven, why were you gone, and where did you go to?" She asked in her polite voice.
"Just down to one of my cafés." Raven answered, her good mood interrupted. She still had not forgotten the others' shameless prying into her personal life. It would be expected of Beast Boy, but the others, especially Robin, knew better than to pry. They didn't go into her room, so how could they justify trying to get her to talk about her emotions, the most private aspect of her life.
"Alright then!" Starfire said, smiling in her usual bubbly way. "I am glad that you are well enough to go to one of your gloomy cafés of darkness!" Starfire then turned and floated off, not noticing the contradiction she had made. Raven sighed, realizing she would have to endure a couple of days of close watch and delicate treatment until the others fully thought her mended. She returned to her room and sat down to read her newest book.
- - - - - - - -
That same day, only a few hours later, the storm hit. There was tremendous lightning and deafening thunder, and the ground shook. The sky was ebony black. In her room, Raven endured the storm with her book, slipping into the world within, as she had always loved to do. At times she could hear one Titan or another walking past her room, from Beast Boy's whimpers to Starfire's squeals of fear. But Raven did not care, for she was safe in her room with a good book.
The storm went on for hours, and Raven lost the contentment she had had in her books and her privacy. She started to feel fear, fear that the storm would never stop. She sat huddled in her chair by the floor light, shaking. Then a loud crash of thunder and she was flung out of her chair as the Tower shook. She crashed into the chest where Malchior lay, and the door burst open, sending the book flying. Raven lay dazed.
"Well, dear Raven, I never expected us to meet again. To what do I owe this honor?" Malchior's drawling voice came from the book that lay on the floor. The white book bound in black at the edges lay innocently by her bed, as if she herself had placed it there. Raven, however, was sprawled on top of the chest in a very unflattering manner.
"A freak accident of nature." Raven said in as grumpy a voice as she could muster. But despite the tone of voice she hoped she had, her heart had jumped when she heard Malchior. She was still very much in love with him, she realized. But he was evil, like her father. She had sworn to fight against evil. She could not love him, no matter what her heart said.
"Well Raven, I'm glad you're with me once more, whatever the circumstances. You do know I love you, right?" His voice sounded sincere, his words seemed like the truth, felt like the truth…but Malchior was a great actor. After all, it takes an artist to spot an artist, and Raven was a good actor as well. They all had to be, all the Titans, each in their own manner.
Robin had to be strong all the time, as the leader. He had to be selfless in the face of evil to give strength and inspire his team. No wonder he always wore a mask, for his real eyes must be exhausted and soulless from having to strive forevermore to keep the team going.
Cyborg had to also be strong, the solid one to lean on. He had always been like a brother to Raven, the way they always helped each other out. He was Beast Boy's best friend, the reasonable one of the pair. He had been like a brother to Terra also, the teasing big brother who'll laugh with you. His will had been quite a strong one once, before the accident.
Starfire, too, put up an act, although a small one. She always seemed polite and naïve, but what if that was just her cover for her inner loneliness. After all, she was on a different planet, where even though Robin always helped her, she did indeed know nothing about it.
The open and honest Beast Boy put up an act as well, although his was the most recent. He had loved Terra with all his heart, and despite the fact that even after her death he remained chipper and upbeat, inside he was torn to pieces with loss. Raven knew that he held himself responsible for her betrayal, even though that was not true.
And then there was Terra, who had had to put on an act for less noble reasons, when she had been working for Slade. Raven had grown to like her quite well before she had pulled her double-cross, and Raven knew that it had become hard for her to keep it up when everyone treated her like family.
And then there was Raven herself, who was always putting on an act, for she had to not show at all what she was feeling. She had what Robin would call 'the ultimate Poker face'.
But she was pulled out of her musings by the voice of Malchior. "Raven, are you listening?"
Raven jerked her head in the direction of the book, then flushed red at her reaction. "What did you say?" She asked, trying not to get emotional. He was an evil, manipulative, monster. Why should she still have feelings for him after what he had done to her! But despite what logic said, it was clear that she did. She still loved him.
"I was wondering, since it seems we're talking, if you could open up the book so I can see you?" he sounded sincere, eager even, for her to agree. It was as if he really did want to talk with her as friends.
"No." Raven said in her flat, no nonsense voice, the voice she had used so often on Beast Boy. She may not have her emotions completely under control, but she still had the upper hand in this engagement. She would not let her emotions overtake her reason as well as her heart.
"But Raven, I just want to talk!" Malchior sounded desperate now, as if he knew his last chance was slipping away from him. "You cannot run away from your emotions forever. Remember, sweet Raven, that for a time you were one and whole when your emotions and you were united." He paused, as if considering what words to use next. But when he did speak, his words froze Raven's blood. " 'And when the blue turns to white, and when the emotions unite.' " It was a line from the Blank Pages. "That book, as you know, is the only text that covers your…unique case. Only when your blue cloak, the outward sign of your emotional state, turns to white are you most powerful. Only once you and your emotions are one can you achieve the control you need. And the only time that has happened was when I was with you. Oh, sweet Raven, it is not I that need you, but you who need me. I know you still love me…"
Raven flushed again, trying to keep her emotions under control. "I may have once, but I don't now!" She declared. "I don't need you to help me, I can do it on my own!" But the words she had just spoken were more out of defiance than any real conviction. She had been happy with Malchior, happy as she had never been before. She sighed, and opened the book to his page. His eyes were no longer ice blue, but jet black.
"That's not what your eyes tell me, dear Raven. Your eyes look as lost and alone as before. Your sadness is plain to see. You did not have that look when I was with you." He sounded so concerned…it was so real, oh so real. Raven knew that she could not fight it for long, even though she had more control over herself than all the other Titans combined.
"Alright…I'll let you out, but only in your paper form. You are still an evil dragon." It was getting late, and the storm had died down to nothing. The sky was pitch dark without moon or stars, even though it was night. No wind moved, no animal made a sound. This was the night as Raven liked it…
Raven went through the exact preparations she had last time, the sand, the petals, even her hair was cut. It did seem fitting that she would sacrifice a part of herself, taking the consequences upon herself. The whirlwind started, and soon after, there he stood, his black eyes the only thing showing out of his paper body.
"Oh, my sweet Raven! Thank you." Malchior looked the same as before, but to Raven it was like viewing him in a different light. When he had once been so trusted and strong, sweet and kind, now she saw a ticking time bomb, waiting to go off at any moment if she didn't act.
"I'm only doing this until I can get some answers. I still need to know things…about Rorek, and about you…" She flushed red, and had to turn her head aside so as to not let him see it. But he did, he caught her blush in the darkness of her room. He touched her lightly on the hand with his smooth hands. When she did not pull away, he pulled her hand out and turned her around to face her. With one hand he caressed her face, with another he pulled her to him. "Oh, my sweet, sweet Raven. I'll tell you whatever you want to know, just…don't leave me alone again."
"I'm making no promises…" Raven said, pulling herself away while fighting the urge not to. He was evil, he had tried to destroy her and the world she strove to protect. "Just tell me what I want to know. I don't have to sleep, and neither do you."
To be continued…