How do I get into the diary of Jane?
I saw her a week ago with this, this diary. I have never seen her with a diary before. Jane refuses to do any more writing than absolutely necessary so seeing her with this diary….What is she keeping from me? Is there a side to her I don't know about?
All of these questions ran through Maura's mind as she retreated to her own bedroom after going to say goodnight to Jane, residing in the guest bedroom.
Now, a week later, as Maura sat at her desk her paperwork forgotten, the image of Jane in Maura's guest bed still plagued her mind.
I still haven't asked Jane about that diary. Should I ask her about it directly? Knowing Jane she will not open up about it that easily. I need to find a way to get her to loosen up and talk.
The Robber! Of course, I need to get Jane drunk for her to tell me about it. That's how I got her to tell me she has dated women before at least. That's it, after work today I will take Jane to The Robber and get her drunk enough for her to tell me.
Maura sent Jane a quick text about her plan and of course a few minutes later she received Jane's affirmative reply.
Great. Now she has to tell me. But how do I broach the subject?
Maura ran the situation through her head all day. She had done very little work and when Jane knocked on her office door at precisely 5 o'clock she jumped in surprise, not actually having realised the time.
Jane's mouth is moving. Wait is she talking to me? What is she saying? Concentrate Maura. Focus on her words.
She smiled sweetly at the brunette when she saw the worry on her face as Maura was almost never too distracted to listen to her best friend.
"Ready?" the brunette asked while she impatiently cracked her knuckles.
Jane drove quickly and quietly to their destination. Too hungry and lacking a sufficient amount of alcohol in her blood stream to question Maura's lack of concentration just yet.
The health conscious medical examiner, as always, chastised the undeterred detective as she ordered her usual beer to wash down the double cheeseburger and fries with a side of onion rings. Jane rolled her eyes as her friend order some kind of salad full of healthy green stuff that made her scrunch up her nose at even the thought of such unsatisfying rabbit food.
Maura ate quickly with only brief pauses to take large sips of her wine. Jane was observing her friend with trained eyes as Maura's behaviour became more and more out of character with each second that ticked by. The way she barely chewed her food. The gulps she took of her wine instead of the small savouring sips she usually had. She hadn't told Jane once to slow down with her food and she hadn't, despite all insistence that fries were bad for you, taken some of Jane's fries. She always shared Jane's fries. Jane started thinking.
What's wrong with her? What is she hiding from me?
Both girls ate quickly and quietly. One drink became three as the night flew by.
"Jaaaaane, why won't yooou talk about things? It's only me." Maura's words slurred as she pointed an accusatory finger at Jane before directing it at herself. "I always have to get you drunk for you to tell me things. Why, Jane?" Jane shrugged, her lip curling up in distaste at the thought of talking about her personal life.
"Just don't wanna talk, Maur."
"But..but Jane."
The brunette gave a signature roll of her eyes and stopped peeling the beer bottle label she had already destroyed half of, "What do you wanna ask me?"
"I..I..", Maura intertwined her fingers and rested them on the table, looking down into her lap and trying to find the best words to ask the question that had been playing on her mind all week. "Why?" Maura´s voice was shaking. The detective took her friend´s hands into her own, encasing them, giving Maura the confidence to ask her question.
"Why do you have a diary, Jane?"
A deep laugh passed Jane's lips as Maura stared, wide eyed. "That's it? You want to know why I have a diary?" Small hands quickly tried to retreat in shame from the stronger ones they were protected by but the stronger ones only tightened their grip. "No. I didn't mean it like that. I just thought you had something really important to tell me" Jane rasped in between chuckles. Maura's head tilted lazily in question and the brunette hurriedly continued speaking, "like, I don't know, Paddy was back or you were dating another serial killer, I don't know."
Hazel eyes followed the movements of slender fingers as the detective raised her beer bottle to her parched lips. The condensation from the bottle slowly dripped down and traced the contours of a strong wrist. Maura's eyes followed the droplets every movement as Jane watched her.
Jane started to speak again, "I don't like to forget."
"Forget what?" Maura asked curiously and watched as Jane shrugged nonchalantly.
"Just the important things. The small things that I know I'll forget. I write them down in detail so I can remember exactly what I saw or how it happened."
"Could I maybe...never mind", Maura's head turned away in embarrassment as the question began to form on her lips.
"Could you what, Maur? Talk to me."
Maura knew better than to ask something so personal of Jane. She knew her best friend would tell her if there was anything of importance in her life that she wanted to share, but her curiosity over this strange book got the better of her. Jane's reassuring smile comforted her, it made her feel safe and made her brave enough to ask the question she promised herself she wouldn't ask.
"Could you maybe read something that you've written in there to me or maybe let me read some?"
Jane's face dropped and panic etched into her features as Maura's brain scrambled for a solution to rectify the situation. "You..you don't have to I was just. Never mind. I'm sorry, Jane." Maura watched with teary eyes as the tall woman stood from the booth with a deep sigh. She shuffled out and moved around to the blonde's side of the table and scooted her over. Long arms wrapped around a petite frame as she pulled her close. Maura's face buried into a strong chest with relief.
"It's not that I don't want to let you read it, it's just that there are some things in there I'm not sure you're ready to hear or maybe you will never be ready to hear them, Maur."
"I am, Jane. I'm a big girl. I can handle them." Maura looked up, eyes still a watery green as they connected with dark orbs.
"Come on. Let's get out of here." The taxi ride back to Beacon Hill was made in silence as neither woman knew how to change the subject.
Maura brought a glass of water to a sprawled out Jane as she lazed on the sofa. "Drink" the blonde played with her fingers as Jane's did with the glass. A deep sigh fell from the brunette's lips as she removed her body from the sofa only to return moments later, the diary in hand. She slumped back down into the couch with a heavy thud, fingers dancing across the book, nervously trying to decide if Maura was ready to know. If she was ready to risk letting out the only secret she had kept hidden from her best friend.
Tentatively a small, soft hand reached out to brush along the detective´s hand. Their eyes connected and for a second, Jane forgot to breathe. She placed the book in Maura's lap and folded her legs under herself, a cushion clutched to her chest to almost shield herself from the impending doom that she felt was about to crash into her.
The blonde studied her friend with great caution, this time her fingertips running along the spine of what felt like Jane's brain. Her life. The most important parts of the dark haired girl all written down in one book, and Maura was about to peek into the precipice and by Jane's expression, the make or break of their relationship.
With a nod from Jane, the book opened up in Maura's lap. Everything neatly written, laid out with precision and care. This was clearly very important to Jane and she felt like she was an intruder in the foreign land of Jane's mind but if her friend had even a shred of doubt about showing her, she knew she wouldn't be holding it delicately in her hands right now. Maura opened it up to the middle of the book.