Owner of Hellsing? No, no, Mister Hirano no here.

"No, no! A thousand times, no!" Seras stormed up the stairs and out of the basement, marching across the foyer floor on her way out the doors. Shadows curled around her and her former master, the nearly-omnipotent Alucard, cut her off at the doorway.

"Now Police Girl, haven't you heard of share and share alike?" he purred, and she snarled at him as he blocked the exit. "You drank my blood to become free. It's only time that I returned the favor."

"That was twenty years ago, you pillock!" she shrieked, stomping her foot. She didn't give a damn if she looked childish. "And you drank my blood when you turned me, so in your terms we're actually equal!"

"Oh, that's all right." He loomed over her, his teeth glinting in the light of the main hall. She stepped back warily and the corners of his lips turned even higher. "I don't mind being in your debt." He grabbed her deftly and she pounded his chest with her fists, pushing his face away.

"I said no!" she squeaked as he crushed the breath out of her, his body pulling flush with yours. Finally she gave in and took a deep breath. "REEEEEGGGGIIIIIIEEEE!" And another. "RAAAPPPPPPEEEEE!" The newest resident butler, in his fifties but still spry as a healthy young man, came running around the corner. Reginald had been picked up by Sir Integra to take Walter's place when he was merely nineteen years old. He showed immense natural talent with a wide range of weapons, but his favorite by far was a well-equipped sniper.

"Alucard!" he shouted, striding forward towards the pair of them with his everyday pistol drawn and at the ready. "Drop her at once!" He was one of the few who weren't afraid to order the ancient vampire around, having been placed under Sir Integra's protection.

That wasn't the only reason, though—he and Alucard actually managed to get along quite well, due to Reginald's quick wit and steady hand. He'd had the cajones to shoot Alucard without a thought about his own safety, which had come with its own set of pros and cons. However, unlike Walter it was always iffy whether Alucard would actually listen or not. Just because he chose to keep Reginald alive didn't mean that he had to obey him.

"And why should I?" Alucard asked pleasantly, still squeezing the life out of his former childe like an overgrown anaconda with bad fashion sense. Seras, who needed to breathe in order to talk, gave the butler an imploring expression as her bones began to crack under the pressure of the man's arms.

"No man should force himself on a woman," Reginald argued, pointing at Seras with his gun. "And furthermore, if you break her spine you won't be getting much tonight anyway." Alucard let go with a cruel laugh and Seras gasped for air, her face turning red.

"Reggie!" she sputtered, shocked and mortified. "He wasn't getting any tonight! Not tonight, or any other night! Not from me, I assure you!" She tugged down the hem of her shirt, scarlet eyes glaring furiously at the butler as her cheeks continued to burn. "You—you—MEN!" she shouted, stomping away and scattering a group of soldiers who'd just come inside.

"Even so," she added, turning on the heel of her boot and pointing at Alucard. The soldiers saw her anger and were gone in an instant. Reginald backed away a step, his eyes widening slightly as the woman's wrath filled the air like a tangible substance. "I wouldn't let you drink my blood if you were the last person on earth!" she vowed. Nodding haughtily, she turned and continued on her way with her nose in the air.

"Is that so?" Alucard mused, his head tilting slightly. "I wonder if you mean what you say." The retainer stared at him and he glanced at the human, his vicious, hungry smile still etched on his face. The man gazed at him askance before shuddering and pocketing his pistol, going back to finish his duties. He didn't care for Alucard at all; if it weren't for his oath to Sir Integra that he would protect Seras, he'd have left his position the day the old heiress had left this world.

Later that morning, Seras was back in her bedroom preparing for her day's rest. Dressed in her pajamas, she stood in her personal bathroom. Pip Bernadotte was beside her—even if he was just an intangible, ethereal being, he still enjoyed pretending to be human. They were both employed in brushing their teeth, standing side-by-side in the mirror and taking turns spitting into the sink.

"You men are all alike," Seras said around a mouthful of toothpaste. "All you want is one thing—a girl's body."

"It took you fifty-one years to figure that out?" Pip replied, his voice muffled by his own shadowy mouthful. Seras scowled at him, but the effect was lost with her mouth all frothy and a bright pink toothbrush in her hand. He laughed and she spit a final time, rinsing before splashing water on her face and wiping everything dry.

"No! I just thought that there would be one man out there with redeeming qualities. You know; warm, caring, more focused on my mind than my body, loves me for who I am, likes to listen to me talk about my day, shares my hobbies…" she trailed off with a sigh. Pip scoffed.

"If you want that, you need a woman, not a man," he replied. "Men don't want to hear about your day. And we sure as hell don't want your hobbies. Unless you're gay."

"You are absolutely no help to me," Seras growled, shaking her head as she padded out of her bathroom and slammed the door in his face. He floated through the solid wood and watched as she picked up the hairbrush on her vanity and combed through her blonde locks in short, frustrated strokes.

"I'm only telling you the truth. Men like your brain, sure. But the first thing we see are, well," he paused, staring at her chest in the mirror. "You know," he finally chuckled when she turned around with a death glare. "But you women have it down pat, ma cher. You make us work for every glimpse we get. So we have to get to know you before we can get what we want. It's not fair at all, really."

"That's barbaric," Seras complained. "You're not cavemen. You can't just hit the woman you want over the head and drag her back to your cave anymore."

"You see? Not fair!" he teased, and she chucked the brush at him. It went through his head and bounced off the lid of her coffin, leaving a scuff. "Ooh, 50 points!" he cheered. She shoved him aside as best she could and rubbed at the lid, her face falling into a sulky pout. "Oh, cheer up," Pip grumbled as she threw open the lid and fell into her coffin overdramatically, her face buried in her pillow. "Do you want my advice? Me and Mr. Alucard are cut from the same cloth; if we consider your view of men, anyway."

"What?" she sighed, lifting her head from the pillow and staring wearily at him. "What advice do you possibly have that can help me? If I remember correctly, human men don't go around wanting to bite throats and drink blood."

"I don't know about other men, but I never gave up the chance to bite a pretty girl's throat," he countered, and she growled under her breath. He sobered up and she blinked at him, waiting for his so-called advice. "It's primary school advice, Mignonette. When he teases you, ignore him." She rolled her eyes. "I'm serious!" he whined. "What did I say? You have to make us work for it."

"I don't want to make him work for it. I don't want it to happen at all!" she yelled. "Why can't he just leave me alone? I swear, it was better when he ignored me, and I had to be impaled by priests in order to get a full sentence from him!"

"See? Ignoring works!" he crowed, and she huffed. "It gets the results you're looking for, anyway. You went out of your way to fight him and got impaled, but he got you to fight!"

"I didn't fight Alexander Anderson," she retorted coldly. "I was hit in the back with half a dozen blessed blades before I even laid eyes on the bloke." He opened his mouth to reply, but she closed the lid. "Good day, Captain!" she called when he made a protesting noise.

"Sleep tight, you stubborn mule," he responded snippily before dissolving into vapors and shadow.

Deep in the day, in the air ducts, mist began to roll along the metal. Like a strange version of the Passover, it did not go into any of the labs or the places that humans were, pausing for a moment before continuing on in its search for the right room. Finally it reached Seras' room and began to spill into the air through the vents. None went under the shut door, but it dispersed throughout the space and into every crack and crevice in the room.

Something wicked was at work.

Seras turned over in her coffin, stretching as best she could in the cramped space. She finally lifted the lid and greeted the night, looking like a Ghoul despite her daily before-bed routine. Scratching her mussed hair, she yawned audibly.

"Wow!" she stretched again, cracking her neck. "I haven't slept that well in a long time! I feel pretty refreshed," she said aloud, to no one in particular. Looking around, she noticed that her usual "breakfast" wasn't at its place on her table. "Hmm? That's strange," she murmured, looking around to see if Reginald had absentmindedly misplaced the metal bucket of ice that kept her blood cool. "It must be earlier than I thought."

Even if it was early, she decided that she might as well get up. She wasn't tired, so sleeping in wasn't a real option. She showered, drying her hair and dressing in her normal crimson uniform. She brushed her teeth and gargled with antiseptic mouthwash, more for the freshening effect than the plaque-control ones. Apparently vampires didn't need to see a dentist—in the past fifty years, she'd never had a single cavity, or even plaque buildup for that matter. Perhaps it was due to the fact that she was dead, and some bacteria didn't do so well in cold, dead things.

Going to brush her hair and make sure she looked alright in the mirror, her eye was drawn to the clock on her vanity. Blinking rapidly, she rubbed her eyes to make sure that she was seeing it correctly. The numbers didn't change; it was well after 7:00 pm. She wasn't early to rise—she had slept late!

"Cor blimey," she swore, looking around her room again. "Where's Reggie? He should have been here with my blood ages ago!" Shrugging, she left her room and went upstairs. As unlikely as it was, he may have forgotten to bring her breakfast. In any case, she'd go get her own meal from the hazardous fluids cooler and then go and find him to ask where he'd been.

Walking to the pantry, which was behind the kitchens and held the H.F. cooler, she didn't see a single person. Her footsteps echoed in the foyer and through the halls. She strained to hear voices, or gunfire, or any of the usual things that made noise during a normal night at the manor. But all was still. Even London, which she could normally hear if she concentrated hard enough, was out of earshot today.

"What's going on?" she asked the air when she walked into the kitchens. The staff usually amassed there amidst their busy shift, but the kitchen was empty. It was also spotless—it looked as though it hadn't been used all day. But that couldn't be right. The chefs would have made both lunch and dinner for the 2nd and 3rd shift agents.

Seras paused in the doorway, and then with a wary frown pinched her forearm hard, twisting the skin in her grip. "Ow!" she yelped, rubbing her arm. "Okay, so I'm not asleep…" Her stomach growled and she hurried to get her breakfast, eating it in the kitchen and making sure she threw the three empty packs in the hazardous waste bins before going back to the main hallways.

She walked every inch of the mansion, before walking outside and checking every inch of the grounds. Running back inside, she scoured the mansion again before she began to truly panic. There was no way the mansion was deserted. There had been men there last night, and even if the soldiers were off duty for a holiday, there were still businessmen and staff and various other people trickling in and out of the doors.

But it wasn't a holiday, not even an unscheduled one, and yet still no one besides her seemed to be in the house! Going back outside, she tried as hard as she could to hear the city beyond the horizon, but London wasn't making a sound. Looking in its direction, she was confused for a moment before she realized what was different. There was no light pollution. London was dark.

She looked back at the house, which was lit up the same way it always was. Duh, of course it is, you blonde, she chided herself. You know that the manor runs on a backup generator in case of power outage. Still, with everything going on, this didn't seem to be a mere outage. Something was dreadfully wrong.

Suddenly, the weight bore down on her that she was alone. There was no one else. Her heart clenched and she called for Pip in her mind, but there was no answer. She paused, confused, and looked down at her shadows. They swirled about her as they always did, looking as normal as ever. She'd dried her hair using them. Her power was still there. But Pip wasn't.

It was like those stories she used to hear humans talk about the Rapture. Everyone's gone, but sinners stay behind. But, as strange as that sounded, she knew that she wasn't the only one in London that would have remained if the sinners, or even the humans had been called away. Vampires crawled London's murky backstreets, popping up in every corner of the city. Many of them stayed hidden, and only those that caused trouble were killed by Hellsing's men.

Then the thought dawned on her that if she was left behind, than another person she knew would have stayed behind too. There was one man she was sure of that wouldn't be called away with others to Heaven, and she turned on her heel and ran back to the basement, past her room and to the farthest reaches of the dim hallways until she burst through Alucard's door.

Her heart swelled when she saw him. She wasn't alone after all! He was sitting in his chair, legs crossed, hands on his knees, watching her with head tilted. She stepped forward, her boots clomping loudly on the stone flooring and echoing in the rafters.

"Alucard? What's going on?" she asked, forgetting her anger towards him in her mixed curiosity and fear. He smiled gravely at her, tipping his head down to stare at her over the rims of his glasses.

"Haven't you heard, Seras Victoria? It seems we are the only two people left on this earth."

Afterword: Oh dear! What happened? How is this thing such a thing at all?! Well, I'll tell you how. It's fiction. That's how. Never happened. Boom. But it could.
Maybe.
Possibly.
Could be happening right now….
(Fingers crossed!)