SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE CHAPTER 1- FORESHADOWING EVENTS TO COME
Standard Author Drivel, or "Author Note's"- Hey everyone, in lieu of the holiday season starting, I decided to write up something to celebrate. Plus I needed something to write that didn't have the K-On! Girls getting torn apart physically and mentally. This is a "sort of" sequel to The Price of Attention and follows the same formula; it's all narrated by Tsumugi. Like I mentioned in The Price of Attention, a certain degree of out-of-characterness is impossible to avoid with Tsumugi getting so little inner monologue in the show. Also, if you liked how that story got absurd towards the end, you may just enjoy this. Insanity is my goal here, or more so to create something that has yet to be done. Given that there are some 400 other K-On! Fics, I'm forced to reach into the furthest depths of my mind to come up with something new for people. So, enjoy this or I'll come to your house and beat you up. This is a written threat.
ENTER. TSUMUGI.
Waking up when it's still dark is a lot different then waking up when it's light out. It was getting towards the end of the year, and the darker mornings were proof of this. Normally, I could just waltz downstairs happily and make breakfast; but now everything was dark. This meant that I would have to go room to room, hallway to hallway, turning on lights. Alternatively I could just walk downstairs and make breakfast naked, sneaking through the shadows. As tempting as that sounded, there were many obstacles that came with that. For one, it was dark, and there was a good chance that I would walk into a wall, potted plant, or table side. Then there was the possibility that one of my parents would get up at the same time as me, and I would be without clothes. So, for now at least, I would stay in my pajamas as I went downstairs to make my breakfast. The lights stayed off though, because it was fun being a ninja. Everything was fun in the dark.
I made sure to make baby steps as I journeyed down the stairs. Not because I was in danger of tripping in the dark, but because my cat, Pickles the Cat, like to lay ambushes on the stairs and play "Attack Mugi's Feet". The dark turned that game into a lethal sport, one that I wasn't in the mood to play this morning. There would be other days to gamble with my life. I walked through the living room, knowing where to step to avoid the several low coffee tables that often housed drinks for Father's many, many house guests. The wall that had the kitchen behind it was always bare, so I crept along it in the dark. My safe journey was abruptly ended when I walked straight into something that should not have been there.
It felt like some two meter tall porcupine was assaulting me. I yelped out in surprised in the dark morning, and fell backwards, pulling whatever this thing was down with me. Whatever this thing was, it felt more like a skeleton covered in needles falling on me, not a porcupine. I screamed and flailed my arms, desperately trying to get this unknown attacker off of me. Terror chilled my heart, and froze my muscles, I had never been attacked before in my life; nonetheless in the safety of my own home. My terror struck mind desperately tried to find out just what was trying to kill, and or eat me. Chances were that it was needle covered ghost of my fictional dead twin sister, Mugistu, who had been killed by a fictional polar bear during her fictional trip to Finland. There just couldn't have been any other explanation.
My eyes dilated as a bright flash of light blinded me. Wincing at the overhead lights, I heard a voice, "Tsumugi dear, what are you doing with the Christmas tree? Are you having another identity crisis again?"
"Christmas...tree?" I blinked rapidly and regained my sight. Indeed, the prickly skeleton was not an unfriendly ghost sent to torment me for my fictional sins. It was a decorative gilded holiday ficus, a decorative pine tree trimmed and gilded with various ornaments and garter to celebrate the holidays. My gaze shifted across the room, and I saw Mother standing there in her absurdly expensive silk sleeping gown, tapping her feet.
"Look, just get it set back in place before your father wakes up, and I'll forget I ever saw your frisky ficus foray." She told me, shaking her head ever so slightly.
"It's not my fault that this happened!" I squeaked from beneath my pine needle prison, "I was walking through the dark to get-"
"The means does not justify the end, just clean this up." Mother interrupted me, then walked off to presumably go to bed. It was odd, I had no idea what her work schedule was, or if she even worked. Sometimes she would disappear for hours without warning, then reappear later like nothing had happened. There was an aura of mystery around my own mother that I didn't quite understand, and I found it positively enthralling, if not a teensy bit arousing to the mind. A thought bloomed in my mind just as she was about to leave my line of sight.
"Mother, it seems rather early in the season for a decorative gilded holiday ficus." I told her, silently wishing there was a simpler way to describe the tree; which was still on me, mind you.
She stepped back into the room and answered, "Father wants his guests and potential clients to believe that Kotobuki Incorporated is a family oriented business that focuses on things like holidays and such. Which reminds me, we have family photos this weekend for his company, to emphasize that we're family oriented. Try not to make any plans, also, bring one of your friends."
"Why do you need one of my friends?" I asked, and shoved the tree off of me finally.
"One daughter doesn't make us looks family enough, try to find a friend who can bring a sibling." She answered then disappeared again into the night, presumably back to bed. That was an odd request of hers, bringing along a friend and their sibling(s) for our family photo to make it more family. Lying about having more kids didn't seem family at all. Furthermore, that use of the world "family" seemed really odd in this context. I didn't know it could be used as an adjective in this case, but I guessed that it made sense.
As I returned the decorative gilded holiday ficus to its proper place, I could help but be overwhelmed by the feeling that the holidays were now upon us. While most people only celebrated for a day or two, to me, the entire month felt like a celebration. Eating holiday cookies, decorating, sitting by the fire next to the decorative gilded holiday ficus, singing, this was simply my favorite time of the year. My favorite part was certainly purchasing gifts for my loving friends, who appreciated me more now due to a series of strange events that may or may not have been caused by me using a fictional identity. To show them that I really cared, I needed to rock their socks with a series of the greatest gifts they would ever receive in their lives. That was a taunting task, but it was a worthy cause that I would gladly give my life for. Well...not really, I mean if someone held me at gun point and told me that he would either let me go, or shoot me and give all my friends great gifts; I would have to pick my own life.
However, if any of them were secretly in love with me (which I completely believe is possible, if not probable), then maybe I would the perfect gift for them. So then this armed gift giver would have to give them to me, but would have to shoot me, but wouldn't be able to because my friend would want me without a bullet in my head. That certainly would be an interesting holiday paradox. One that I would almost be willing to participate in just to witness the results. It was needless to say that I hoped that I would be delivered safely to my love without a 5.56 round in my skull. Although I would never tell anyone this, I also hoped that it would be Azusa that wished for me. There was nothing wrong with me liking Azusa in a very friendly manner, but I really did need to give everyone another reason to think I was gay.
LATER THAT DAY
The scene was set in the sanctity of the music room, all was normal as normal could be. The adequate lighting made eating our snacks easy on the eyes, and provided a comfortable atmosphere. Blue skies outside paired with chilly winds made for a fine December noon, one that accompanied my mission adequately. Ton-chan swam in something vaguely resembling a sentient pattern, which was signal for me to begin the operation. I nodded to the tiny turtle and thought of a way to begin this. My objective was to find out just what was the single greatest gift for each of them. This was surely no easy task.
"So, the other day, Ui and I were going through the attic and found our old Nintendo system!" Yui happily told everyone, "But sadly, we couldn't find many games for it. Just Faxanadu..."
"Oh man, I remember my old NES. I had, like, every game for it." Ritsu replied. Sadly, I could not relate, the only console I have ever owned as a Wii, and my computer. PC games are surprisingly entertaining, but the Brood Mother in Dragon Age left me with nightmares after she brutally violated my poor little elf. Ritsu continued talking, "Well, we didn't have every game, just the really important ones that everyone knew. A-Actually, we didn't even have Super Ninja Turtles, just Battletoads."
"Battletoads, my friend in school had that game!" Yui swooned, "I wanted it so bad, but it was always sold out. If only there was some way I could play it now and relive those nostalgic days of watching my friend play that game after school. But sadly, it looks like this Christmas I will only be playing modern video games that are superior in literally every last aspect. Oh, how I long for a simpler time."
That was strangely convenient. Okay, I know what to get Yui...but what about the other three? I thought, barely able to conceal my rabid excitement. But I managed, because we didn't want to have another Mugi moment.
"Yui-senpai, why are you talking like that?" Azusa asked her.
"Oh, I was copying something I saw in a manga." Yui answered.
"That sounds like something a certain someone from a certain manga and anime series would do." Azusa remarked.
"I was actually copying a girl from a manga copying a girl from another manga." Yui explained.
Ritsu quickly took advantage of the situation, "So if we were in a manga, and I copied Yui, wouldn't that mean that I was copying a girl in a manga who was copying a girl in a manga who was copying a girl in a manga?"
I decided my best course would be to expand on this, "So if we were in a manga and I copied Ricchan then-"
"Yeah, let's not do that." Ritsu interrupted me. Pizza-Making-Porcupines! They always do this to me!
"Hey, may ask you all a question?" Mio asked, sounding seriously. I was tempted to reply with, "You just did", but that seemed like a line from a terrible fanfiction. The faucet of the sink that I brewed tea in was looking less shiny, and it took all my willpower to no go and shine it. Sadly, the shiner I bought from that hardware store had all but run dry during my campaign to clean every doorknob in my house, and Daddy's work place. I fought long and hard, many lives were lost, but all the doorknob lurking germs were all but destroyed in my crusade of cleanliness. My war was sadly cut short when I forgot bring identification when security asked me what I was doing in the backrooms polishing doorknobs. My privileges of being a CEO's daughter only went so far, and cleaning doorknobs during what they called a "off the record business meeting" in the same room was not one of them.
"Shoot." Ritsu shrugged.
"Now, I rented this movie, but I'm not sure if I should watch it or not..." Mio quietly told us.
"Is it a horror movie?" I asked, hoping it wasn't because the Mio-is-scaredy-cat joke had already been overused at this point, and wasn't funny anymore.
"Not...not really, but kind of. I saw it before." She told me, being rather vague.
"Well, what movie is it?" Was my obvious question.
"The Nightmare Before Christmas." Mio finally relayed, "You see, it's a blend of two holidays. Halloween, and Christmas, and Christmas is coming up. But I'm not sure whether or not to watch it because I don't know if it's more of a Halloween movie or a Christmas movie. The last thing I want to do is watch a movie that's out of season."
Ritsu cocked an eyebrow, "Why would something like that matter in anyway at all?"
"You don't understand!" Mio shouted, causing us all to flinch, "My cousin's are visiting, and I'm in charge of picking a movie. I want to watch that one, but I don't want them to think I don't know my seasons!"
"Wow, that is a problem." Yui said in a low voice, sympathizing with Mio in a way that I couldn't. Then again, I had never been left to make a decision with such an impact like that. Maybe it would be a difficult choice if I were in her place...
"It should be safe, go ahead and play it." Ritsu told her.
"Are you sure?" Mio still looked uneasy.
"String Christmas lights in the room to convey a sharper holiday mood. It could counteract the Halloween atmosphere of the movie." I suggested, and gained 150 quest xp for helping her. Next time I leveled up, I would be forced to choose between bard and red dragon disciple. With bard I could use my bardic music (keyboard of course) to implant a suggestion, but red dragon disciple would give me red dragon wings. The music seemed like a safe bet, since coming to school with dragon wings on my back would be beyond difficult to explain. Someone would probably call the government, and then I would be the focus of some cheesy manga or something along those lines.
"That's actually a pretty good idea." Mio blinked, looking oddly surprised.
I blushed, "It's not that great."
"Oh, then I won't do it." Mio nonchalantly said, and took a bite out of her snack; which was a piece of chocolate zucchini bread that Yui had bought for us.
"Do it, do it, please do it! I take back what I said, it's a great idea!" I cried, wanting my ideas to be put into practice; since they seldom were.
"I was kidding, I'm going to do it." The bassist eyed me down.
"Oh..." I exhaled, feeling silly that my Mugi moment got the best of me. I had thought my control over such emotions had been mastered. But it looked like I would need to take a sojourn into my room with a two liter of seltzer water and unsalted potato chips and master my mind. Something about me made me prone to what some would call "overreacting" i.e. A Mugi moment. A perfect example of this would be my spontaneous requests for embraces amongst my friend; most notably Ritsu. I found that seltzer water and potato chips mellowed me out. While that was a strange combination, it was much better than something like, oh say, cocaine. The potato chips had started salted, but I cut out the sodium in that part of my diet when I found what was the beginning of a fat roll on my tummy. That tiny shaded crease was the fore-bearer of a full blown jelly roll, if left unchecked. I quickly went to work to correct this by eating unsalted potato chips.
"That reminds me!" I spoke up, "Do any of you have siblings?"
"Yes." Ritsu and Yui spoke at once. It was Ritsu who delved further, "Wait, you've seen my brother; and Ui for that matter."
"I know," I replied, "but I have this fear that I'm going to say something about Ui or Satoshi, just to find that you never had siblings to begin with. I'll be the first to admit it's irrational."
"That doesn't make any sense." Azusa remarked, "Do you think that they just never existed."
"Oh no, that's not it." I instantly clarified, "I'm just worried that I somehow misheard everyone, and that Ui is just Yui's roommate, or mother."
"You think Ui is... my mom?" Yui looked rather...confused.
"I said it was irrational!" I reminded her.
"We're getting off track, why did you ask?" Ritsu questioned me.
"Oh, next week I need to borrow either you and your brother, or Yui and Ui." I answered.
"Are you going to make us stand in weird poses and then stare at us with little stars dancing around your eyes?" Ritsu asked, she looked worried, "You know, the way you do when Sawako undresses Mio."
"Ritsu!" Mio snapped, and made a half-hearted attempt to swat the drummer. Her hand fell short, and Ritsu stuck her tongue out. Mio regained her composure and glared daggers at Ritsu, "Why would you even ask something like that!"
"I want to be prepared." Ritsu replied, sounding completely serious, and crossing her arms.
"Prepared for what!" Mio shouted again.
"Mugi-chan doesn't voice her thoughts, I have to make up inner monologue for her myself!" The drummer retorted. I was left a little dumbstruck by that, and was unsure how to reply.
"I can make my inner monologue outer monologue if you want." I offered.
Ritsu shook her head, "No, no, I'm happy making up my own monologue for you. I like to pretend that you're wizard sent here to harvest bunny rabbits for a space arc that travels across the world delivering cute everywhere it goes."
"Okay, I actually like that. Keep doing that." I nodded, then realize we had sidetracked again, "Back to what I was saying earlier. My father's company is having a photo shoot of sorts, and I need to borrow one of you and a sibling to be family."
"Be family?" Ritsu repeated.
"Yes. I do not know what that means either." I nodded.
"Family photo shoots, that sounds fun." Mio added, "But, sadly, I'm an only child."
"Same here." Azusa sighed.
Wanting to put an end to their mild glumness, I stepped in with an idea, "Wait! Azusa-chan, Mio-chan, you both have black hair and eyes that are the same color if you squint hard enough. You could both come and pose as sisters, no one would ever know!"
"Could we really do that?" Mio didn't look so sure.
"Yes!" I happily assured her, "We can all go together this Saturday!"
"Where is this?" Azusa asked.
"At the mall." I curtly answered, then something struck me, "But if you want to go Azusa-chan, you must answer me two questions."
"Okay?" She raised and eyebrow. I stood up and stepped around to her side of the table. My gaze was fixed upon her hair.
"Now, pigtails do not adequately describe your hair, and even ponytail seems lacking." I mused while stroking my fictional beard. If I did have a beard, I would look pretty much exactly like Johan Hegg, with our boobs both being of equal size, "In fact, each spiral lock of hair has grown too long to emulate the tail of any mammal known to humans. Due to this, I have decided your hairstyle will be known as Komodo Dragon Tails."
Azusa sighed, "Mugi-senpai, do I dare ask what this second question is?"
"The second question is simple, how do you get your hair like that?" I asked her, "It openly defies gravity with how each tail suspends itself with out any visible means of support. Surely, if I attempted to recreate such a style, my hair would fall flat and it would be difficult to tell at all if I even tried creating Komodo Dragon Tails."
"Well, for one, your hair is much thicker than mine." Azusa replied, reached up, and took a lock of my long blonde hair in her fingers, "See, look how it is compared to mine..." She held up a lock of her's to mine. It was true, it was like comparing a piece of string to chainmail armor. That's how thick mine was compared to hers.
"Alright. I am convinced, you may be Mio's sister." I told her, than returned to my respective seat.
"It's just what I've always wanted." Azusa replied in a dead monontone.
When I was comfortably seated, Ritsu clacked two spoons together (which made me cringe at the sharp noise) several times to get our attention, "Alright, now that's out of the way, we need to discuss what we're all going to do celebrate this wonderful time of the year. I vote Christmas concert with free alcoholic beverages provided to underage students."
"What about another Christmas party at my house?" Yui suggested.
"I like the idea of a concert, just without the drunk teenagers." Azusa added.
"Maybe we should just have a nice mellow year, and stay in while watching movies together." Was Mio's idea.
Ritsu stared Mio in the eyes, "How do I put nicely...I would rather die than do that."
I thought for a moment while Ritsu tried defending that comment against an angry Mio, "I have an idea!"
"Let's hear it." Ritsu nodded.
"Okay, you know that song we did? NO, Thank You? The one that I wrote almost exclusively, how about we use my vast sums of wealth to hire a crew and do a music video shoot for it! We could get it on TV, people would see it, we'd find a label, and then we'd be famous!" I happily told all of them my idea, but it didn't stop there, "For the music video, we could do some abstract thing where we have shots of each of us walking forward with a backdrop consisting of all these suspended letters, HTT. Then we'll film us playing inside this warehouse looking place, and we're all wearing different colored tights!"
"That sounds just like your idea for our song Listen!" Azusa said right away.
My hopes were crushed as none of them looked particularly interested. Ritsu shook her head, "Mugi, you know that we couldn't do something like that, it just wouldn't be worth it."
"Why not?" I whimpered.
"Because no one would like NO, Thank You. Let's face it, Mio's vocals just aren't her best there. The guitars are turned down too low, the Halo sound setting on your keyboard really offsets our sound, and the entire song is just a mess really. All in all, good try though."
"But can't we fix it?" I asked.
"No, no, by the time we got the song into something presentable, the holidays would have passed. You just have to accept the fact that NO, Thank You is just something no one would like." Ritsu sighed. I looked around, and the solemn nods of my friends stood testimony to the fact that they were right. That song was a failure on my part, along with Listen!. It looked like I needed to step back and attempt to recreate the style of Yui and Mio's song writing, they always knew what they were doing. Let's face it, My Love Is A Stapler was a masterpiece.
"Ah well, I'm happy doing anything you guys want." I happily told them.
Ritsu looked at Mio than smirked, "In that case, let's compare Mio to Stocking some more. Left handed, bassist, dark hair, big boobs, the resemblance is striking.
"Oh not this again!" Mio growled, "If I'm Stocking, then you're Panty. Which means you like spicy food and having-"
"-Whoa, let's not turn this into a battle." Ritsu waved her arms in defense, "Okay, so Christmas concert?"
"Only if you cover a metal song." Sawako, who had someone how appeared between and Yui, answered.
Azusa shook her head, "No, we already used that joke in Long Way Home. This story isn't supposed to have and Children of Bodom references."
"Azu-nyan, you just made one right there!" Yui shouted.
"We keep getting distracted!" Ritsu screamed, "Christmas concert or not!"
"That would take a lot of effort to plan and coordinate..." Mio muttered, "Maybe we should do something simple."
"Like a cosplay contest?"
"What would make you think even for a second that was a good idea?" Mio grimaced.
"Point taken." Ritsu nodded, "Mugi, any ideas beyond making music videos for songs no one likes?"
"In fact, I have one!" While they had been arguing about Panties, Stockings, and other things I didn't understand in this context, my mind had brewed a wonderful idea, "Why don't we borrow my family's woodland cabin and spend a night or two up there. We can sit around the fireplace drinking hot chocolate and exchanging gifts."
"That sounds fun, when can we do it!" An excited Yui asked.
"As soon as I find the perfect gift for each of you." I replied, "In fact, I'll begin my searching tomorrow for everyone!"
"Me too?" Sawako asked, with big shiny eyes. She was grabbing on to my wrists, and I was more than a little surprised since I had forgotten she had been there."
"Uh, yes you too!" I forced a smile.
She let go of my wrists and sat back, "That's good, since last year my holidays were ruined. I wrote letters to Santa -Santa being one of my friends whose name I'm currently disclosing- all year for the album Crack They Skye by Mastodon. Christmas morning came, and I checked my mailbox... Sadly, my friend had just burned the CD for me onto a blank disc. This was no good, for you see, I had wanted to album from the store. If you hold part of the cover to the light, you can see Brann Dailor's dead sister. Christmas came...and no dead sisters in the light."
We sat in silence after hearing her sad tale...While I mourned for her loss, I was mildly happy in knowing what to get her. But I had a question, "Does this mean you will be coming with us for our Christmas trip?"
Sawako smiled and put on an innocent face, "The thought hadn't had crossed my mind. But if you insist, I couldn't say no."
"But there's no enough room there for six peo-" I tried to tell her.
She waved her hand an laughed, "Don't sweat the small stuff. We can have Yui sleep on the floor, or outside. Details aren't important."
"Isn't sleeping outside dangerous?" Yui looked a little scared.
"Eh, maybe." Sawako shrugged, "If the cold doesn't kill you, the indigenous wolves will."
"Wolves!" Yui gasped in horror.
"Oh yeah, big timber wolves, just one could probably bite off your arm with one good chomp." Sawako nodded, "Depending on how cold it is, you very well a Yui corpsesicle before it even gets to you. Don't worry."
Seeing the terrified look on Yui's face, Azusa intervened, "No, she's kidding Yui...I hope."
My Christmas mission was set before me in a clear path. Find a perfect gift for the five of them, two of which I already knew. Take family photo's with people I'm not related to. Go on a mini-vacation in the mountains in a cabin. Protect Yui from from timber wolves. Learn to play the keyboard solo in Constant Motion by ear. I did not, however, realize that none of this would be easy. An adventure that involved cults, vikings, and ghosts from the past awaited me in the next few weeks.
TO BE CONTINUED
Please feel free to tell me what worked and what didn't. I aim to improve. Also keep in mind that very little of this written with seriousness in mind.