Nightmares
I stare blankly into the harsh sunlight. It couldn't be like this could it? This timing, this way it couldn't be real. I wanted to run but this had to happen. A little bit of doubt sprang forward escaping the dungeon of my mind palace I had locked it in. what if it went wrong? That's the thing it can't go wrong everything depends on it. I wanted to run at this moment but it had to happen. Holding up the phone to my ear I start to speak. John's voice rang across from the other end. He was anxious and doubtful but even farther behind that there was a cry of desperation.
"Good bye" my last words to him. I dropped the phone without even bothering to hang up There were about a thousand different things I could've said to him but that was the only thing that I could think of. There was a faint scream of my name from down below. My eyes watered and I exhaled an "I'm sorry John" before holding out my arms and closing my eyes letting myself drop of the edge of the building. Something wasn't right. I fall and continue to fall. A scream built in my stomach that never escaped. I closed my eyes and braced for the harsh impact that would soon happen. The pain shot through my body as I hit the ground. I tried to move but that only resulted in more pain and loud cracking and snapping which I could only guess was my bones. Everything was out of focus but soon started to fade into darkness. Panic set in and screams came up through my body but not through my mouth. I wasn't supposed to die only make it seem like I did.
"No" was the only thing I could manage before everything went black. The breath, warmth, and life left my body all at once.
What had left me for what seemed like ages came back only nanoseconds later. I gasped for air as if I had been underwater too long. Everything was still dark except for the orange yellow street lights seeping in through the windows. My body ached and my breathing was still shallow. Sweat beaded at my brow and started to run down my face. I was shaking and the panic that had consumed me in my dying moments of my dreams continued into my waking life. Not wanting to wake John with my anxiety moved swiftly from the room and out into the open of our flat. I paced and nearly screamed in frustration. WHY!? Why this dream? Why does it come back to me? It's been years since the fall and John has forgiven me but I still feel guilty for leaving him. What if something bad had happened that day? Would things be different now? Well obviously they would be but would John still be as sad as he had been when I really had thought I died? John's words still sped through my mind like a runaway train. Our whole conversation on the Phone everything that we had said was permanently burned onto my mind in the form of a painful scar. Why couldn't I delete this from my mind palace? I lingered on that thought still feeling my own body shaking. A hand touched his shoulder and a gentle voice said my name. John. Every thought in my head stopped and vanished leaving nothing behind but John. I stopped shaking.
"Sherlock?' he said again "are you alright"
Without turning around I answered. "Yes I'm fine obviously" I answered it wasn't meant to be as harsh as it was.
I heard him sigh and could feel him roll his eyes. "Don't do this Sherlock not to me."
I still didn't turn to him.
"You can't simply brush me off you of all people know this and I of all people know when you are not fine. I'm not like the other Sherlock I love you."
I turned to him finally and threw my arms around him. John was tense at first with confusion but relaxed into the embrace. I could feel his heart beat against my own. Reluctant to let go but I had to, to explain had happened. God I hated showing weakness but it was John and he was the only person that I could tell this too. He didn't care if I showed weakness.
"Sherlock it's alright this didn't happen you're alive and back nothing went wrong" John comforted and embraced me until I fell asleep again