Underneath
"Kate?" Neal breathed into the cold New York night. He was asleep but restless in his dreams. He flung his arm to the other side of the bed in reaction to something in his nightmare.
"Ow! Neal?! What are you—," Sara awoke with a start by being smacked hard in the back by her on again boyfriend. She rolled over to face Neal who was squirming in his sleep. The bed sheets were tangled around his body and sweat was dripping from his pores.
"What is he dreaming about?" Sara's internal question was almost immediately answered by Neal whispering the name of his first love, "Kate…." Sara's eyes widened a little. She wanted to know why he was in bed with her but thinking of another woman, but when she really looked at the situation she thought he was probably having a nightmare not a beautiful dream. She slowly reached a hand over and laid it slowly on his clammy chest, "Neal…" she whispered as she tried to shake him a bit with the one hand. He responded with lifting his arm up to get hers away from him and started writhing even more. Sara sat up and ran her hand through her long locks. What was she supposed to do? "Neal!" she raised her voice a bit hoping he would respond.
"Ellen?" Neal responded his voice much quieter. Sara looked at the man lying next to him and listened to him on the opposite side of the bed and realized that he was crying while he was sleeping. Ellen had been murdered one week ago, and he hadn't wanted to talk about it, but he was obviously still thinking about it. Her heart broke. She wasn't experienced in comforting someone. What am I supposed to do? She moved closer to Neal and put both her hands on his chest and shook while speaking his name.
Neal shook a little, "Hmm?" he questioned lightly as woke up with a start. Sara stared into his wide blue eyes, standing out with the small amount of moonlight coming in through the terrace window. Fresh wet streaks were on his cheeks from his tears. She looked at him not knowing what to say.
"It was just a dream… you were dreaming…" Sara tried to sound as comforting as possible, but she didn't believe it was good enough.
Neal exhaled deeply letting her words sink in. "I'm sorry… did I wake you?" He laid his head heavily against the pillow and untangled himself from the sheets that he was entwined in.
"Ya… but it's ok," Sara hesitated, "Do you need to talk about something?" She said brushing a lock of his disheveled hair from his face. She didn't want to force him into talking if he didn't want to, even though she knew he needed to.
"No," he said standing up, pulling on a pair of his silk pajama bottoms, and walking into the bathroom closing the door behind him and leaving Sara sitting on the bed. She leaned across the bed and grabbed his discarded dress shirt from the previous night and put it on. She slowly and quietly walked over to the bathroom door and listened. The sink was on and she could hear splashing. He is probably just splashing water on his face to wake up. She was about to step away to sit at the kitchen table when she heard the faucet shut off and something else that she had previously, for the first time, heard not five minutes ago. Neal was crying. Sara stood outside the door debating what she should do. "Neal?" she asked as she knocked quietly on the door, "Are you ok?"
She was startled as the bathroom door was swung open to reveal Neal standing there, "Of course," he said as he flashed his trademark smile. No hint that he had been crying. Any other day Sara wouldn't have thought twice, but looking at him again she could tell it was fake. A show. A con. "It was just a bad dream. I'm completely fine," he grabbed Sara around the waist and kissed her neck.
Sara wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him hard. She could tell he was too tense to be ok. "I'm always going to be here for you. I promise. I will always be here to listen," she whispered into his ear as she nuzzled her face into his neck.
"I don't need to talk about anything. I'm fine," he pulled away and walked over and out onto the terrace and brushed his hands through his hair. Sara looked at the back of the man that she felt she could be falling in love with and wished she knew what she could do to help him. She watched as he sat down at one of the chairs, put his elbows on the edge of the table, and lastly put his face in his hands. She slowly walked over to him and lightly put her hand on his shoulder, she could feel a slight shaking under her hand. Is he attempting to hide his tears? He tensed under her touch for a moment and slowly turned and wrapped his arms around her waist and nestled his face into her stomach and cried. He never allowed himself to cry for Kate, but the nightmare hadn't stopped with Kate. It ended with Ellen. He missed Kate, but Ellen was family. She was a mother. She was always there and never used him. And she always loved him, and she was gone. Forever. He ached for Ellen.
Sara stood with her right arm around Neal's neck and her left ran through his hair trying to calm his emotions. This whole situation was awkward in its own way for each party. Sara was not used to helping someone with their emotions, and Neal definitely wasn't used to showing his.
The somewhat awkward silence was filled with Neal's voice, "God I miss her." He squeezed Sara tighter and then slowly pulled back from her and wiped away as much of the wetness he could with one swipe. He exhaled heavily and looked up at the stars, trying to stop letting the tears flow from his eyes.
"I know you do," Sara crouched down beside Neal.
"Why couldn't I save her? I accepted that I couldn't save Kate. She was too far away and I never would have been able to stop the explosion. But Ellen… she raised me… she was more of a mother than my own mother. Why did I go see her after she came back to the mainland? I should have kept my distance. I shouldn't have allowed her to go outside so people could see her. So people could find her. I should have avoided her to keep her safe," he closed his eyes and a few tears escaped through his closed lids.
"She wanted to see you. She missed you, I think she would have done anything to get what she wanted, which was to spend as much time as possible with you before she had to leave. From what I've heard from you and Peter and Moz was that she was very headstrong. I wonder where you got it from?" She allowed herself to reveal a small smirk across her lips.
He shifted his eyes to glance down at the woman knelt beside him, he hadn't noticed the look of unknowing in her eyes. His bullheaded, independent, all-knowing girlfriend was uncertain of the current situation. He smiled through his tears and grasped both her hands with his. "Thank you."
Sara looked confused, "For what? I didn't do anything."
"You did plenty…. You listened and allowed me to just let everything out. Thank you," he grabbed both her hands with his and leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips. He pulled away and smiled and Sara could tell it was genuine.
She stood up and Neal followed suit. "Let's get some sleep, we both need to get up in a few hours for work," she smiled and walked him into the bedroom.
Neal spun her around and pulled her close, "Why don't we go in late? Or even better, let's call in and spend all day tomorrow together?" His devious smile showing like he hadn't even been mourning two minutes ago.
Sara smiled, "I wish. I can't though I have a really big interview tomorrow with a client about a stolen Rembrandt," she hesitated, "You wouldn't happen to know anything about it would you?"
He pretended to be hurt, "Sara… you know I would never steal a priceless piece of history… especially a Rembrandt!" He smiled. "But truthfully, no I don't. May I ask which piece?" Sara could see the childlike curiosity in his eyes.
"I'm not supposed to tell anyone, but it's Aristotle with a Bust of Homer."
"Oh I have always loved that one!" Neal paused, "But I could never get a hold of it," he saw Sara's shocked reaction and for the first time since Ellen's passing he allowed himself to laugh.
Sara smiled enjoying the sound of Neal's chuckle. She continued to the bed pulling his arm to follow. He pulled her close before she could lay down and kissed her passionately on the lips, Sara could feel him smile against her lips, "Thank you again. If you're not careful I may just fall in love with you Repo."
She smiled back, "You better watch your step because I may just fall for you Caffrey," she pecked him on the lips and got into bed.
Neal got into bed beside her and grabbed her so she was in his arms. As his breathing got heavier Sara glanced up at him knowing he had fallen asleep. She could tell that whatever had been bothering him last time he had been sleeping was gone, because of her. She was happy that she was able to help and that Neal was willing to trust her. She was slowly allowing Neal Caffrey through her castle gates that she had built up for so many years. And what she didn't know was that she was slowing making her way through his.