Mapleshade's Pain

Mapleshade panted as she hurried across the frozen forest floor, two kits gently swinging from her mouth. ThunderClan had banished her from their territory when they realized that the father of the kits was a RiverClan warrior. Mapleshade had been heartbroken when she had to leave, but she wouldn't give up. Not now, when RiverClan was so close, when Appledusk, her mate, would take her in.

The smallest of the kits, a tom, asked, "Where are we going, Mama?"

Mapleshade mumbled around him and his sister, "RiverClan. We're almost there, Snowkit. Soon you will be safe and warm."

"But I don't want to be safe and warm soon, I want to be safe and warm now!" Snowkit's sister, Finchkit, protested.

Leaves spiraled downward as Mapleshade ignored her kits' complaints and kept on going forward. Frost covered the paw-numbingly cold ground, and icicles clung to many of the tree's branches as well as the tortoiseshell she-cat's whiskers. Her eyes were beginning to close and her pelt was covered in snow, but she forced herself to keep moving.

We're almost there, Appledusk, my love.

Mapleshade's paw slipped against an icy patch of ground and she shot forward, her kits sliding out of her jaws. Instantly Mapleshade was by their side, picking them up, giving their fluffy coats a quick lick before slowly continuing the hard journey. Her kits were wailing in pain, the cold biting through their nursery-soft fur. Mapleshade desperately wished that she could turn around and put them back in the warm, cozy ThunderClan nursery, but that wasn't an option.

Finally, Sunningrocks came in sight. The frigid water churned against the barely-visible steppingstones, turning frothy and white as the waves slammed against the shore. Mapleshade eyed them uneasily. The steppingstones were covered in slippery clear ice, and the water roared as they swirled and crashed against the stones.

The she-cat decided to try for the steppingstones first, before resorting to swimming.

Mapleshade placed a paw on the first stone, claws out to keep from sliding off. They dug into the ice, and Mapleshade cautiously took another step, settling into a quick pace. Fur bushed out, she began to go quicker and quicker, wanting to get across the water as soon as possible.

But about halfway across the water, Mapleshade took a step too fast, and she slipped off the edge of the stone. Yowling in terror, she was almost onto the next steppingstone again, fur drenched and icy, claws out and gripping onto the stone with dear life, when she realized that she'd dropped her kits.

"No!"

Instantly Mapleshade dove into the water again. Eyes stinging, she paddled forward, then down, managing to make out two small, dark shapes in the bitterly cold water. One was moving. The other was not.

"I'm coming!" Mapleshade tried to say, but all that came out was a gargling noise and a stream of bubbles. Throwing her head back up to breathe, she kicked off the edge of the stone with the same movements she'd watched Appledusk doing when she first saw him in the river.

Water tugged at her fur, slowing her down, threatening to drag her to the bottom, but she didn't care. All that mattered were her kits, and she couldn't even see them anymore. Swimming around, paws brushing against the bottom, she tried to find her kits one more time, but they were gone.

Is this your punishment for me, StarClan?

All the tortoiseshell she-cat wanted to do was stay at the bottom of the river until her lungs couldn't take it anymore, then be dragged into a peaceful darkness. At least she'd be able to see Snowkit and Finchkit again.

Think about Appledusk!

Mapleshade growled. She wasn't about to let StarClan take everything away from her, and then drown in the cold water, all alone and depressed. Lungs burning, she sprang up from the bottom and swiftly swam to the nearest steppingstone. Gasping for some well earned air, Mapleshade sprinted across the stones.

She arrived at the shore, ambers eyes burning with defiance yet sorrow. Her tortoiseshell pelt was dripping water that quickly turned to ice, and her claws were out, digging into the ground.

"Appledusk?" she called. "Appledusk, are you here?" When there was no answer, she said, louder, "Appledusk!"

A slim ginger tom appeared from behind the trees. "Mapleshade?" he asked disbelievingly. "Is that you? What are you doing here?"

Mapleshade stared at the ground, claws plucking up bits of dirt. "I-I was banished. From ThunderClan. I though that...maybe...you would be here, and that I could take the kits-" She gave a small whimper at this point. "I thought that I would take the kits... a-and join RiverClan." Guilt and anger surged through Mapleshade.

Appledusk's eyes brightened. "Kits? How many? What do they look like? Where are they?" Appledusk wove in and out of the trees, staring expectantly at Mapleshade as if Snowkit and Finchkit would pop up out of nowhere.

Mapleshade turned her head away. "They would have been so happy to meet you," she whispered.

"They would've been happy to-" Realization dawned on Appledusk's face, and his round blue eyes grew wider. "Th-they're dead? Mapleshade, how-"

Mapleshade cut him off. "They drowned. When I was crossing the steppingstones." Shame and sorrow made Mapleshade's pelt feel hot, and she looked up at the stars. Two of them were brighter then the rest, twinkling and shining.

I'm so sorry, my beautiful kits...

Appledusk hissed and lashed his bright ginger tail. "You should have been more careful! Their deaths are your fault, Mapleshade!"

Mapleshade whirled around. "My fault? Who's their father that I was taking them to meet?"

"They never got to meet their father!" Appledusk raised his hackles, his blue eyes angry and challenging. "You killed them, Mapleshade!"

The she-cat gasped. "How dare you! They are my kits!"

"Mine, too!" Appledusk paused. "You always put yourself before everything else, Mapleshade." There was a hint of a sneer in his voice. "I suppose that when they were drowning, you were sitting on the steppingstone, grooming yourself? Not even noticing that your kits were underwater, dying, struggling, wondering why their mother sent them to their deaths?"

It was close enough to the truth that Mapleshade turned on Appledusk, claws reaching for his throat. "Lies!" she shrieked. "The water was too cold, the steppingstones too slippery, and the current too strong! I couldn't save them, though I wanted to!"

Appledusk easily shoved her off. "I suppose that I'll just have to get a new mate, Mapleshade." A snarl twisted Appledusk's otherwise handsome features. "I wonder... Mallowstream is nicer, more caring, and more considerate than you'll ever be."

Mapleshade gasped. "You said that you would only love me! Only me! No one else!"

"Well, I guess I lied. Just like you, Mapleshade. You swore that the kits would get here safely."

"I couldn't save them!"

Appledusk pinned Mapleshade to the ground. "You killed them!" he screeched. "You're the one who took them here, who brought them to the river, who let them drown!"

"It wasn't my fault!" Mapleshade sprang up, claws out. Forepaws outstretched, she swiped furiously at Appledusk, who calmly knocked her aside, though his eyes burned with rage. The two cats leaped at each other, locked in combat. Mapleshade landed a hefty blow on her former mate, while Appledusk nipped her leg. Each one sliced at the others' throats.

Appledusk shoved her off, and Mapleshade slid on the icy ground towards the river. She tried to dig her claws into the ground, but she yanked the dirt out of the ground. Panicking, she managed to regain her footing, but Appledusk was on her again, shoving her towards the water.

"Yes," he hissed. "Feel the pain of the kits you murdered!" He dragged a spitting Mapleshade to the water's edge before leaping on her and pushing her down.

Mapleshade thrashed and kicked. "S-stop!" she spluttered.

Appledusk dragged her down even further before heading to shore, snarling, "You got what you deserved!"

Screeching, Mapleshade floundered about in the water, though she knew it was the end. A large stone had rolled over her tail, trapping her in the chilly river. Her frozen paws lashed out. Her body felt like ice. It was being on fire and being frozen at the same time.

Hissing, Mapleshade kicked at the rock, but it wouldn't budge. She unsheathed her claws, digging them into the grooves of the stone, grunting as it shifted, a tiny bit. Excited, she slowly pushed with all her strength against the large stone, which was a little bigger than her head. Mapleshade brought a paw up, and noticed the glint of her claws, the pearly, milky color, the only beauty in the water.

Mapleshade's lungs were on fire. They begged for air, but she ignored the pain, and concentrated on pushing against the stone.

Then something soft brushed against her leg.

Stiffening, Mapleshade turned around, and caught a glimpse of white fur and wide, frightened blue eyes. The small lump rolled with the current, and Mapleshade gasped, letting out some precious air, when she realized what it was.

A body. Or more precisely, the body of Snowkit.

Oh, I'm so sorry, so so sorry... I tried, my beautiful, precious kits, but I couldn't save you... I'm so sorry...

Mapleshade was drowning. She knew that, by the way she could see two small, starry figures leaping around in front of her. She recognized the fluffy white fur of Snowkit and the brown tabby pelt of Finchkit. It was too late for her now.

Finchkit opened her mouth. Come with us, Mama, and you'll be safe. Safe forever...

No!

Mapleshade stiffened. That was a new voice. Suddenly, a dark gray tom appeared in front of her, tabby stripes glistening. Have you not done enough? Wreaked enough havoc? You do not belong in StarClan!

Snowkit turned on the tom. She wanted to save us, Grassheart! he insisted.

But she didn't. And all the other wrongs she has done, Snowkit... I'm afraid that your mother cannot be in StarClan. The tom named Grassheart glared at Mapleshade. You shall go in The Place Of No Stars.

Mapleshade tipped her head to one side, trying to stare down Grassheart, which was actually pretty hard considering that everything had gone blurry. Her lungs felt like they didn't even exist.

"What's The Place Of No Stars?" Mapleshade managed around the bubbles that exploded from her mouth.

Grassheart shoved a starry muzzle into Mapleshade's face. Where the evil cats go.

Mapleshade stared at him horrified. "But I didn't-"

Be quiet! Your time has come. Grassheart flicked his tail. You'll have eternity to contemplate what you might've done better in this world. He turned around. Come on, Snowkit, Finchkit.

Finchkit stared at Mapleshade. But-

Now.

Mapleshade let out a small moan. She couldn't feel her paws, and the tail that was trapped under the stone was heavy and made a clanking, frozen sound against the stone. She glanced down at her chest. It was covered in a layer of ice.

There was dark at the corner of her vision, and spots of blue and yellow danced in front of her. Mapleshade closed her eyes, then opened them again.

That was when the world went black.