Survivor

by TheSleepDeprivedBookNerd

Chapter 1: The Fall of Shiganshina

Today marks my eleventh year in this world; in this hell. No one can tell me that this life I am living is anything but that. I am young, but I am not blind. I know that when my mother tucks me into my hard bed telling me that I will be fine, and that I will have good dreams, she is simply feeding me lies. She is telling me what I want to believe. But I don't – I can't.

I know that outside of our cage are titans that look inside at us and laugh at our incompetence. Humanity thinks that hiding like the cowards we are behind walls will keep them out. I know that they will come in, and that nothing lasts for forever. There are people who know it too; they know that when the royal family in Wall Sina says that we will soon be free from our cages – that the titans reign over us will end – they are telling us that so that everyone who is not rich enough, or lucky enough, to live in Wall Sina can act as bait outside of the safest part of our cage, waiting for our grim reapers to come devour us, while they eat the food we gather and make themselves fatter, like the pigs they are.

"Be safe, Zosima," My mother says as she looks at my back, with one of her fragile and nimble hands buttoning my new dress while she holds up my light blonde hair with the other. "Make sure that you only go the way I told you to, and do not speak to any strangers." She then turns me around and smiles at her only child.

"Mama, why do you call me Zosima in the morning? It isn't my name; my name is Zoe." I have always wondered this, and she has never explained. I don't know what it means, and I hate not knowing. Every time I ask her the word means, she replies the same way.

My mother's smile widens, making her skin wrinkle around her soft silver-colored eyes as she places her hands on her lap. "Before the walls went up, there were many languages and ways of living. The word 'Zosima' is in one of those languages. It is the language that our ancestors spoke in." Her smile faltered, and she looked down at her worn out hands. "I don't know what it's called, but I know what the word means. I will tell you when it is most important." She abruptly stands up from her creaky wooden chair and kisses my pale forehead as she looks in to my eyes, which are the same as hers. "You need to get going."

I nod my head and slowly make my way to the door, holding a basket to place all the items I will buy for my birthday inside. I turn around and look back at my mother who smiles at me – proud of me. "I love you. Bye Mama."

My mother gave me money to buy whatever I wanted for my birthday, and granted me permission to go to the market by myself to get it. I am walking to the market on a way different from the way my mother told me to. I am going to walk by Eren Jaeger's house. He is one of the kids my age in the area, but I have never been friends with him – or spoken to him much for that matter. I actually don't have friends. I only knew his name because his father speaks about him when he comes to my home for the annual check-ups of my mother and me.

I like to walk by Eren's home and look at him, his friend Armin, and his sister Mikasa playing. I want to know what the things that friends do are. I always begin going to ask them if they will be my friends, but I always lose my confidence. I have always been one to blend with the shadows – never being noticed.

When I get to his house, he isn't outside where he and his friends usually are, so I walk through a path across his house, and turn left.

I hop down the worn-down path that is placed in between the houses and is surrounded by small trees every once in a while, trying not to dirty my white-colored shoes with the dirt and sand on the ground.

After passing by an arch connecting to homes from across the pass, I see Eren, Mikasa, and Armin sitting on steps at the docks. I watch them for a few moments speaking, and I don't know what they are saying but I can see how close they are to each other. It must be nice to have friends.

Just as I think this, a bright green light shines in the form of something looking like lightning, and the ground violently shakes. I stumble before finally falling to the ground. I stand up and dust myself off as I look around wearing a confused expression. There are people running, and I don't know what to do, so I go to the group of people gathered watching the wall. The disruption must have come from outside the wall.

We watch the wall, but nothing is going on. What is the big idea anyway?

Suddenly, a hand without skin is placed over the wall. I drop my basket. This can't be. The wall is fifty meters high. No titan can be that huge. That is what we were told. Its head looms over the wall, and looks down at us mere humans.

I am quite surprised by what I see. Titans were supposedly monsters, but it looks just like a human but without skin. Maybe we are both monsters; humans and titans both do bad things after all. What if they feel, just like us? Maybe to them, they are good, and we are the bad ones. Yes… that's it. Humans and titans are both monsters. They eat us, and we kill them. We kill each other.

Is this how the world will end? Will it end with all life in the word destroying each other?

The titan breaks a whole in the ground and a crowd is sent flying. Debris is falling throughout the city. I stand in shock, unable to believe what is going on. I always thought that the titans would get inside the walls – that nothing lasts forever, but I did not think it would go down so soon, on this very day.

I run away as fast as I can to my home, I must find my mother. Running up the cobblestone paths, I trip and fall forward. I grit my teeth in pain as I hear loud thumps behind me. I turn around and see a titan approaching me. It has long dark hair that goes below its shoulders. Its face is expressionless. My eyes widen as I stumble up and continue running. Tears begin streaming down my face – mixing with all the ash and dirt that cover it as well.

I am worthless – I am covered in dirt and grime, the dirtiest I have ever been – I am weak; I couldn't defend myself. I had to run away from the titan. If I keep running, I will eventually get caught.

Is this the truth? Is life really this cruel?

I make it to my house and find that half of it is crushed by a piece of the gate of the wall. Barely being able to see with my watery eyes as well as the smoke looming from the fires in the city, I open the door.

"Mama!" I scream frantically looking around. I find her underneath the debris –with only from the torso up not crushed.

My mother is in tears and is looking at me.

I clamp a hand over my mouth as I sob on my way to my mother.

I fall on my knees as I frantically hold Mama's hand. She opens her mouth and croaks words to me.

"Zoe, listen to me. You have to survive; you are a survivor. That's what Zosima means. I called you Zosima in the morning because you had survived another day."

My mother stopped breathing for a few seconds as she screamed in pain and said her last words, "Zoe, continue to survive. I want you to go and live on. Leave me now, and join your father and I when the time is right – after the titans are gone. Make us proud, Zosima!"

With that, my mother goes limp and falls face-first into my arms and lap. I close her eyes and study the peaceful expression on her face. She must be content now. She is free from this cage – free from this hell.

I hold my mother's right hand and look at the wedding band on her middle finger. It is a simple thing – nothing more than a plain gold ring – it is all my now deceased father could afford. He was a farmer and died after there was a disease outbreak. His body was never found.

Nonetheless, it is all I can remember my parents by; so I take it for myself. I put it on my thumb because the rest of my fingers are much too small for it.

There is a thump outside my house and it isn't long until a titan rips the roof of my house off and looks down at my pale and petrified face with the large brown eyes placed on its humongous head.

There is a part of me that wants to stand still, and close my eyes – waiting to be picked up by the smiling titan's hands welcoming me to death. There isn't a reason to live; my parents are dead.

It would be so easy to do that and join my parents. But what if I don't join them? What if those stories are mere folklore and what really waits for me after death is a life of nothingness? How would I love and remember my parents then?

I need to fight. This way I can be alive and know that I won't forget them. I can never give up. The only way to make my parents proud of me is to drive out the titans. Mama wants me to defend humanity. I need to fight; I need to survive.

The titan's hands are now stretched toward me, but I run away as fast as I can – never looking back.

If running away will keep me alive a while longer – long enough for me to get strong – I will do it until I can join the Scouting Legion, and drive out every last one of these merciless titans.

I will survive.