(A/N): Another short drabble-like conversation. Watching this show, I just can't help but think it's so incredibly sad how young Lenalee and Kanda were when they arrived at the Black Order. They've been doing this longer than Lavi or Allen. And though the other two stories are just as sad, Lenalee's (for some weird reason) makes me want to cry. And I've liked the subtle dynamic between Kanda and Lenalee. They've known each other the longest, and so there's a bit of history there that we're all left wondering about. So this isn't a super dark fic (the way I originally wanted it to be), but it still scratches the surface. Sorry for any grammar errors!
"Do you ever get mad about it?"
'So much for quiet meditation,' Kanda thought forlornly.
Instead of asking what the hell she was going on about, he decided to ignore her.
"Don't ignore me, Kanda."
Damn.
He breathed deeply, eyes still closed. "Mad about what?"
"About what's happened to us. I keep thinking…We are still just kids, after all."
"Innocence knows no age."
Lenalee smiled sadly. "They say the same thing about love."
Silence followed.
'Finally.'
Unfortunately for Kanda, he could still sense the tension coming from Lenalee's form. And it was rather bothersome, as it was interrupting any chance of inner peace he could get. What was she doing here again? Levrier wasn't visiting the Order, so she had no reason to hide.
Lenalee licked her lips in distress, and Kanda snapped. "If you're not going to do it right, then don't do it at all!"
Deep violet eyes blinked in surprise at his outburst.
"Sorry," she apologized.
Twisting her fingers together awkwardly, she looked away to avoid his angry glare.
'Why was she talking to him about this anyway?' he wondered. Wouldn't the bean sprout have been a better choice? Or maybe even that eye-patch freak. Hell, he was certain her idiotic brother would have loved to comfort her distress.
"How long have you been here, Kanda?"
The question startled him.
"Forty-five minutes, and I've been able to mediate for just five of those."
She laughed softly. "That's not what I meant. How long have you been with the Black Order? Because I honestly can't remember if you got here first or if I did."
Kanda paused, uncertain, for he couldn't recall the information.
But one thing he did remember… "You got here first."
"Really?"
He nodded.
Lenelee brought up her legs, winding her arms around them, holding her knees tightly against her chest.
An upsetting look suddenly encompassed her pale visage. "Our childhoods were stolen from us."
He glanced at her from the corner of his eye. "No…but yours was."
She looked at him in confusion. "What do you mean?"
A small smirk tugged at his lips. "Che. They can't steal something I never had in the first place."
The statement was brutal, but honest. Just like Kanda.
Lenalee shook her head. "You have such an old soul."
"Better old than naïve."
Another stillness ensued. And from Lenalee's angst-ridden aura, Kanda got the feeling he wouldn't be able to do much meditating today.
"Do you think it'll all be worth it in the end?"
Her questions were starting to get on his nerves. "What's wrong with you?"
The girl was taken aback at her comrade's demanding query. "W-What do you mean?"
He grunted, getting up from his lotus position. "Why all the questions? What happened to that annoying, hopeful, never-give-up attitude of yours? It's like your determination was sucked out of you."
A smirk appeared on Lenalee's lips as she looked up at Kanda, akin to one he had earlier, and it was quite a shock to him, along with what she said next: "Can't steal something I never had in the first place."
She'd thrown his own words right back at him, and all he could do was stare at her beautiful, heartbreaking face.
The girl he once knew was gone, and in her place, was a fervent, reflective creature. One who was aware of her flaws and weaknesses, along with the harsh reality of her circumstances.
And he couldn't help but remember (and miss) the little girl he grew up with. The pure, enchanting, optimistic little girl that believed anything good was worth fighting for.
Kanda may have been bit cold-hearted and introverted, but even he knew that little girls shouldn't have to kills monsters.
Lenalee sighed gently, standing up from her crouched, fetal position and breaking their staring contest. "I'm sorry, Kanda. I'll leave. You can go back to meditating."
He watched her leave.
"…Yes."
She was about to slide the door of the room closed, when the word reached her ears.
"Yes?" she echoed, puzzled.
He didn't look at her, and instead returned to his meditation position on the floor. Cupping his fingers, he allowed his hands to rest against his folded knees and let his eyes fall, closed.
Lenalee scrutinized him, waiting for an explanation to his earlier sentiment.
"Yes…I do think it'll all be worth it in the end."
It was barely above a whisper, but she heard him.
"Good."
The door closed, and Kanda finally received the quiet he'd been wanting.
'It's just too bad it comes at the expense of who you used to be, Lenalee.'