I met her first time after years passed away. Like an oasis on a dessert, I met her in my hollow days.
My other half, my sister.
I spent my time looking at her. Gardening in her master's place. I just kept watching her. Until she found me there, looking at her awkwardly.
"Is it you...?" that's the first words I said to her.
"Gonou...?"
Kanan and I separated when we were young. Our parents died and left us alone. Confused, we were taking in different orphanage society.
I spent my time in orphanage without making friend with anyone. I closed my heart from the world.
I just kept saying myself, someday...I will find my sister... Definitely find her...
And now, I found her. After accidentally eardropping to someone conversation. I know it's her... I know.
And here we are. Staring at each other. Couldn't find any proper words to say. I just look at her. Affraid losing her again.
Rain's pouring from the sky, waking me up from my daydreaming. "Gonou, let's find a place to stay away from rain," she took my hand.
I felt my childhood memorries's coming back to my mind.
But, this girl...no this woman...definitely different from sister I'd to know.
She's beautiful and slender. Her smooth hand touched my hand.
Weird, I blushed. She's my sister for Godsake!
And we found small place...a shelter to kept ourself warm. I looked at her again. She looked back at me and smiled. I blushed again.
"So, where were you live?" I started conversation
"Not far away from here... I already left my orphanage. How about you?" she asked.
"Same as you..." I murmured.
"Ah, how about living together? Since we already united. We can build our lost family," she smiled and looked excited.
"Ah... That is..." I startled, it never crossed my mind before, "It's too early,"
"Oh..." she looked dissapointed. "I'm sorry... I just so happy we met again and I don't know your situation... about your girlfriend or wife...maybe," she talked slowly.
"No! I don't have any..." I panic. Why must I panic about it?
She giggled. And looked at the rainy sky.
"Finally I found you... He answered my pray..."
My mind wandered, "Yeah..."
----
"Hey, about living together..." I started.
"Yes?"
"I think that's not a bad idea..." I came to my conclusion.
"Oh, Gonou..." she hugged me.
Startled, I kept still for a momment and then hugged her back.
"We'll always be together, sister..."
We rented a small house to build what we'd lost for years. I worked as a teacher. I love children after all.
When sunset, I came home and she greet me with simple but delicious dinner. "I received these fruits as bonus from my master," she smiled and showed me a basket full of apples.
She looked happy and I'm happy with her happiness. My life've filled with joy these days. She healed my wound.
I loved watching her cooking.
"Ouch!"
"What's wrong?!" I rushed to our small kitchen and "Oh God, your finger is bleeding!"
She smiled, "I'm okay... it's just small cut. I just got excited again and..." her voices cut "Gonou..."
I found myself tasting her blood, licking her wounded finger and when I realized it, I startled and pulled my self back.
"So...Sorry... I... It's must be disgusting to you," I bowed my head.
My sister smiled, but a little different from it used to be.
Could it... Could it be she's mad of me?!
I ate my dinner with different atmosphere from days past. And laid restless on the bed.
Days later, she avoided me. I sensed that, she tried to do something without my help.
"It's okay, you can back to your books..." that's her only answer.
I drowned myself reading books but it didn't help me to kept away my mind to her.
Until one night she said that she want to move out. Leaving me alone. Again.
It's killing me.
"Sis... are you mad of me?" I was daring myself to ask her.
"No... I will never mad at you..." she smiled.
"Then why...Didn't living together is your idea from the started? Now why you broke your own word?" my head was spinning.
"I...I think it is not a good idea..." she said it very slow as if a whisper.
"Then why...?" I touched her cheek.
"Don't touch me!" she yelled and wiped away my hand. Shocked, I pulled my hand back, "Sorry...I didn't mean to make you upset..."
"No...That's my line," she looked fainted.
"Sis, please... we finally reunited again... please don't leave me..." my voice trembled.
For the first time, I felt affraid to lose something, someone. This feeling even greater than the time our parents died.
"I've lost you once... I couldn't stand if I lose you again," I knelt down on my feet, I felt like crying. This horrible feeling consumated my mind.
And then I felt a warm, gentle touch.
My sister's hands wrapped me.
"Oh, Gonou...I'm a terrible person, a terrible sister... even tough I know you are my brother, I can't stop my self thinking to make you mine,"
I shocked. "I'm being egoist even for thinking to monopolize my dear brother" she slipped her hand in my hair.
That...could it be the same with mine?
"Sis, I..." I took her hands, staring at her eyes. The same emerald green eyes with mine.
The same blood, flesh, and bone with mine.
I carresed her hands. She looked agitated.
I kept looking in to her eyes.
I cannot resist it anymore. And those forbidden words slipped from my mouth.
"I love you..."
Her eyes widened.
"I love you from the first time I saw you. I tried to overcome this feeling but..." I stopped.
She began to sob.
"Why were you saying that?"
"Sis..." I hugged her tightly. I'll not ever let you go.
"Don't say that..."she cried. I cleaned her face from tears. Carressing her cheek. Bringing her face close to mine.
"I'll never let you go, I love you," I kissed her watery eyes. And slowly but surely, I kissed her lips.
I kissed her slow but passionately again and again until she broke the kisses, "Don't..." She pulled me away.
I blushed. I never felt this way before.
I'm a senseless people and now I forced my feeling to my own sister.
"I didn't mean to be rough to you... You must be hate me because of this,musn't you?" I stood up.
"Just...Just forget about this night," I closed the door.
I made her cry... Just what's happen to me? Why I felt this pain sharper and sharper. Burning my heart.
I could tear apart...I knew I'll lost everything. People will see me as a sick person who fell to her sister.
I'm a sinner, I've drown her into hell with me.
And....
It's just a beginning.