Sirius had been proud of himself ─ proud of his foresight, his thoughtfulness, his sexiness, his skill in relationships. He had finally come up with something to give Remus for Christmas, having depleted, through the years, his list of old standbys and recommendations from friends, like cardigans and moon-themed joke merchandise. (Tip: don't buy moon-themed merchandise for Remus around his time of the month, it doesn't end well for anyone.) So when he decided to produce this latest, brilliant idea, he couldn't imagine anything going wrong.

Until he tried to use a Muggle stove for the first time.

"Yow!" Sirius yelled, hopping around and grabbing his foot, somehow burned from the oven's scorching hot metal. "Merlin─ fucking Muggle─ just trying to make─ aggh!"

In that last moment, the spell he was attempting to heal his foot with ricocheted off the wall and struck him in the nose, painfully enlarging it to ear-size.

"Why me?!" he wailed. He glanced at the cooktop, where a china bowl filled with a think brown liquid was rapidly boiling over. Using his hand to stem the overflow, he cursed at the new burns forming on his hands.

A double knock at the door distracted him from his pain, so leaving the kitchen unguarded, he raced to the front hall and pulled it open to greet James.

"Hey, I just came over to─ Pads!"

"What?" Sirius exclaimed, his eyes darting back and forth to look for trouble. "Is it my hair? Should I comb─"

"Your nose!" screamed James, covering his eyes. "What did you do to it, man, it's like Snape's!"

"What?" Sirius cried. Dropping the wooden spoon and oven mitt he was clutching, he pawed at his face, panicking. "You're right, you're right, what do I do?"

James, calming down, hesitated, trying to hold back laughter at the sight of his best friend wearing a pink striped apron, a chef's hat, and the hook-shaped nose that Snape had in their Hogwarts days.

"Prongs, what do I do?!"

James opened his mouth, then hesitated. "Is that chocolate I smell?"

Forgetting his many calamities, Sirius nodded rapidly. "For Remus!" he yelled over the rising sound of the boiling bowl of chocolate, still cooking. "But something's not going right!"

Thinking quickly, James took a step towards the kitchen, hiding the doorway from Sirius. "You should go to my house, Lily can fix you up!"

"Are you sure?" asked Sirius. "Watch the stove, will you?"

He didn't wait for an answer. Barely stopping to grab his wand, he apparated to Lily and James' place, where a worried Lily fixed up his face, burns, and cooking skills.

Back at Sirius' house, James smiled a wicked smile.

"Oh yes, I will..."

A few hours later, Sirius went back home, several pounds heavier, from the combined effect of bandages and Lily's pasta dinner. He knew it was almost time for Remus to return from work, and didn't want him to arrive too soon and spot signs of Sirius' work remaining.

James was asleep on the sofa, which didn't seem odd to Sirius. His friend had an irritating tendency to take extended refuge from Lily at his house, or Peter's, sometimes. Although Lily had seemed plenty nice earlier that day, so he couldn't think why they would be having trouble.

Upon entering the kitchen, he gaped at the mess he had caused that morning. Fortunately, the stove wasn't on any more. James must have turned it off before he conked out, thought Sirius. Preparing to deal with the mess of congealed chocolate, Sirius noticed the bottle of specialty vanilla he had mixed into the chocolate lying sideways on the counter. It was empty.

"I didn't use the much," he muttered, irritated at himself about the cooking disaster, yet confused. Other details about the kitchen seemed to look wrong to him: the wooden spoon was shiny and clean, the china bowl he had tried to cook in (Lily had just taught him to use a pan when he cooked, not a breakable bowl) had a stripe of exposed metal showing amongst all the chocolate spillage. That stripe strangely resembled the trail from a fingertip, and suddenly Sirius realized what had happened.

"JAMES!"

The man whose name Sirius was calling awoke seconds later, drooling onto his shirt.

"You ate my chocolate!" yelled Sirius, pointing accusingly at his friend. "I spent ages on that!"

James was silent. He stared in wonder up at Sirius' furious eyes, his mouth forming an 'O' shape.

"James? Snap out of it," said Sirius, a bit quieter.

"Did I ever tell you how lovely your hair looks that way?" whispered James, leaning up to pat Sirius' head.

"Hey, stop! What's wrong with you, Prongs?"

"Aw, you're so cute when you get angry with me..." murmured James reverently. Sirius was bewildered.

"Are you messing with me? Or─ are you dreaming about Lily, like usual?"

That's when Sirius remembered what potion he had added to the chocolate for his boyfriend, Remus.

"Damn," he said to himself. "Damn."

"You gave him what?" Lily asked him, panicking at the sight of her husband's limp body. Sirius had placed a "Petrificus Totalus" on James to carry him to Lily- and his' house, and the effects hadn't worn off yet.

"Just a love potion," Sirius insisted. "It's not my fault, I was making chocolate for Remus and then I left, and I said to watch it, and then I guess he─"

"A love potion?! Are you crazy? Those last for a day for one serving, minimum. How much did you put in the chocolate?"

Her tone was threatening, and Sirius gulped. Had it been a bad idea to put in the love potion? The man at the shop had told him they were great for romantic evenings...

"Not that much. I put in about half o─"

"Half?! That could get a cow drunk, and it'll probably keep James fixed on you for days! You utter idiot!" Lily screamed, cursing at him.

Yep. Definitely a bad idea. Sirius decided not to tell her that James had finished the bottle while he was out.

Lily was still yelling at Sirius ─ as James lay on the ground, having been given a sleeping potion by Lily ─ when Remus entered the house.

"Sirius!" he exclaimed, hugging his boyfriend. "I was petrified, I saw the kitchen and I had no idea where you were?"

Then, he noticed James' body.

"Erm... what happened?"

Sirius took advantage of Lily's attention being lifted from him to run out of the house, dragging Remus along with him.

"Sirius," chided Remus when they arrived home, tasting the brown stains all over the kitchen. "Were you trying to make homemade chocolate? I know you can't cook, and it definitely wasn't Lily or James..."

"It wasn't a good idea. I'm sorry," sighed Sirius.

"No, I actually thought it was cute of you to do this for me," said Remus, turning to look at Sirius, whose eyes lit up.

"I did try," he said eagerly.

Sirius had a thing about praise; it was so satisfying to receive, especially when he knew it was genuine.

"You know, I got you something. It's okay about the chocolate, I always have some in the pantry, but I think you'll like this." He folded his hands and angled his head down at his shoes, glancing up at Sirius to gauge his emotional state.

"Wha─" stammered Sirius. "What is it?"

Sirius also had a thing for presents. Presents were an easy way to show love, and Sirius loved to both give and receive them.

"Let's go in the bedroom and you can find out," said Remus, smiling, finally confident.

But not surprisingly, the thing Sirius loved most of all was his boyfriend, and the time they spent together. Boy, did they spend a lot of time together that night.