CHAPTER ONE

Feeling Comfort For The First Time

"Cause baby you're a firework

Come on, show 'em what you're worth

Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"

As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby, you're a firework

Come on, let your colors burst

Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"

You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe"

Simon Seville, the middle brother, looked up the stairs in his household. He blinked multiple times as his heart raced faster than a speeding bullet. He felt sweat dripping down his face, and his body shiver with anxiety. He was a nervous wreck. More nervous than he ever experienced in his life; and nobody could blame him.

He made a promise to himself that he was going to admit it. He was going to admit, once and for all, the truth that he had been hiding for years. Well, a little more than three years to be exact. The first year, he was so scared and confused, and by the end of the year he finally concluded his sexuality. The second year was horrible the for the bespectacled chipmunk, for he had to always put on a brave face and pretend that he was the same Simon everyone thought he was. At time that he figured that he could just hide it and pretend he was straight for the rest of his life. He even dated Jeanette, however, as time went on he soon felt horrible for lying to her, and eventually ended the relationship after three months. Days after that, Simon began to feel self-hatred, and even began cutting his legs, arms, and the top of his head! He figured that the top of his head was covered with head fur, thicker than the rest of his fur; he would just cover it up. Even though it resulted him having self- relief, he still felt that what he was doing was wrong. He figured that there must be an alternative way to deal with his sexuality without harming or injuring himself in any way. That's when he started to read self help books in the third year. It began to grow his self-esteem and build up his confidence to the point where he was at peace with his sexuality.

Simon took one step and began to climb up the stairs. Today was the day he had been for waiting three years to admit. He was to tell the biggest truth he has been keeping to the first person in his life; Alvin. He finally concluded that his older brother was the best choice. He could have told his little brother, Theodore, but he was just so naive that Simon was sure he wouldn't understand. Then there was his father figure, Dave. Simon would have thought he would have been a perfect choice, but considering how mad Dave gets most of the time, he was too frightened to tell him the truth. There was also the fact that Simon never even remembering Dave talking about how he felt about certain sexualities, so Simon was unsure how he was going to react. Alvin was the only one left, in his family, that he could easily open up to and hopefully understand. Yes, there have been times when the both of them would bicker, but Simon knew how much they both loved each other. He was certain that Alvin would understand his situation and comfort him. That's all Simon was hoping from his older brother.

Simon finally reached the top of the step, and slowly walked towards his older brother's room. He noticed the door was slightly opened and took a peek inside the crack. He saw his older brother's legs kicking back and forth on the edge of the bed. Curiously, Simon slowly pushed the door open and saw his older brother, Alvin, with buds on his ears. He could slightly hear the music that Alvin was listening to on his iPod.

Simon slowly walked in and took notice of his older brother's blue eyes facing him. Simon just stared at them and not even bothering to speak, No matter how much he wanted to.

Alvin smiled when he saw his bespectacled brother inside his room, and greeted him with a, "Hey, Si." Alvin then continued scrolling through his music playlist. he soon felt a little uncomfortable, and turned his head towards Simon. He noticed his younger brother was looking down. Without even seeing his eyes, Alvin knew Simon was anxious, yet frightened. Worried by the strange behavior, Alvin took the buds on his ear and set them down on his lap. With concern evident in his eyes, Alvin asked, "What's up, Si?"

Simon looked up slightly with his glasses on the bridge of his nose. His eyes were sad and depressing. With a calmness in his voice, Simon said, "I have to talk to you." It mainly came out slightly wavered, due to the fact that he was about to puke from anxiety.

After hearing Simon's tone, and noticing that his younger brother had gone slightly green in the face; he pushed the pause button on his iPod, without taking his eyes off his brother. His increase of concern could be easily read in Alvin's eyes. "Simon..." Alvin began to call. "...what is it?"

"I...I..." Simon looked down ashamed. He couldn't do it. He had no strength in his body to tell his older brother the truth. He continued by saying, "...I don't know where to begin."

Simon had Alvin's full attention. "Simon, whatever you need to tell me, you need to tell me soon. I'll understand bro."

Simon, who was slightly calmed by Alvin's words, found it strange because it was usually his job to comfort his brothers. However, that didn't mean he didn't want to be comforted. He looked up at Alvin and said, "Okay, Al." He took a deep breath and tried to begin in the best and easiest way he could. "I've known this for a few years now, and I know what it means. I tried not to for a while and eventually I gave up. After that I felt worse, and started to cut myself..." Simon was then interrupted by Alvin.

"What the hell, Simon?" Alvin yelled, standing up from his bed; His iPod and ear buds falling on the floor. He ignored the items that feel on the floor and marched towards Simon, yelling, "What could make you want to do that? Are you still cutting? Do we need to get a doctor or psychiatrist?" Alvin didn't give Simon the chance to explain and continued by asking in demanding tone, "What's going on?" Simon began to look down with fear in his eyes. He looked like he was about to cry.

Alvin took one look into Simon's eyes, and instantly regretted what he has done. He realized that Simon didn't likely want Dave and Theodore to hear that. However, luckily Dave and Theodore were at the mall; so he was relieved. Though they didn't hear him, Alvin still felt bad for exploding at Simon. His younger brother wanted to talk to him about something important, and he didn't act mature about it. He knew that if he was in Simon's situation, he would be afraid as well.

Alvin let out a breath and placed his hand on Simon's shoulder. He could tears falling from Simon's face on to the floor. His heart sank at the sight of his younger brother in pain. He whispered out, "Simon..." He saw his younger brother keep his head down lower. "Simon, I'm...I'm sorry. I didn't mean mean to blow up like that."

Simon, who was initially upset and shocked by the outburst, nodded and accepted his apology. He whispered, "It's okay, Al." His head was still down, however. He was still ashamed to look up at his older brother. "I quit cutting last year. I found some self help books and gained a bit of confidence in it..." Simon was then interrupted again by Alvin.

"Si!" Alvin called, and then asked, "What is it?" Alvin was starting to get annoyed and steadily more worried every minute. He just wanted to know why Simon felt the need to cut himself to begin with.

Simon looked up and stared at Alvin's blue eyes. "I'm getting there, Al." He let out a breath before speaking again. "Look, when I finally got enough confidence built up, and finally with peace in it. I felt so much better as time went on. However, I've been feeling bad because I felt I was lying to my friends and family. I decided I had to tell someone..." Simon began blushing and continued, "...and I finally picked you for the first person I wanted to tell."

Alvin had an urge to crack a smile at the last part of Simon's explanation. He decided to smile mentally, because this situation Simon was in sounded serious. There was absolutely nothing to laugh or smile about. He was happy to know, though, that Simon chose him first; above all people. This really surprised him to the fullest. Alvin thought the first thing Simon would not do is confine in his older brother. He was quite ecstatic, knowing that he thoughts were false and that Simon really does trust Alvin. Wit h this trust, Alvin decided to show Simon that he is very understanding, and is not that selfish.

Alvin took a slight pause before speaking. "I'm flattered, Si." Alvin put his arms around his brother,and gently guided him towards his bed. "You keep avoiding the question though." Alvin offered Simon to sit on the edge of Alvin's bed, which he obeyed immediately. Alvin sat next to him, and turned his head towards his younger brother; his arm still around his shoulder. "Si, what is it?"

Simon kept his gaze down on his shoes, as he watched his feet rock beck and forth. He felt his body sweat with anxiety, and could feel his throat beginning to lock up. He didn't even notice his mouth was dried up until he tried to speak. "I...um...I'm..." Simon felt tears developing in his eyes and his body shake. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't say what was eating him up inside. He just wanted to scream it out! He wanted not only the world, but at least Alvin to know who he really is! The only problem is that he couldn't say it, despite the fact that he still wanted to tell Alvin. 'I just need to find another way...' Simon spoke in thought.

Simon looked up at Alvin, who was patiently waiting for the Simon to talk to him. Simon saw concern in his brother's eyes, and mentally smiled at the sight. 'He really does love me, doesn't he?' Simon asked in thought.

Feeling very uncomfortable on the bed, Simon used his hand to lift himself up the mattress and scoot back a little. This action temperately slanted the bed, and caused a long and spherical object to roll down to Simon's fingers. He looked down at the object and perked his ears up to see that it was a number two pencil. Simon then looked further up to see paper and drawings laying on Alvin's bed. Going off topic, Simon was impressed how talented Alvin's drawing were. "Wow, you drew those Alvin?"

Alvin smiled as he looked where Simon kept his eyes. He knew Simon was trying to find a simple distraction to avoid the question. He decided to let his younger brother get comfortable first before telling him. "Yeah, but they aren't great. Just sketches and stuff."

Simon picked up one of the drawings and stared at them with interest, "Alvin, if these aren't great, then I must be the dumbest kid in school." Simon looked up to Alvin. "This is fantastic!"

The positive words caused Alvin to perk his ears up, as he asked with excitement. "Really?" Nobody ever praised his artwork before.

Simon nodded as he examined each artwork Alvin had drew. He never really knew Alvin was this great at being an artist. Simon figured it would be good for the chipmunk to express his emotion and feelings towards art. It was a great way to release all those feelings and emotions being bottled up inside. Simon smiled and his ears perked up when an idea came in his mind. If Alvin can use art to express his emotion and feelings, then Simon can use writing to...

"Hey Alvin, too make things easier for me." Simon started, smiling up at Alvin and asking, "Can I just write it on a sheet of paper and show you?"

Alvin was still in smiling about Simon's compliment that he didn't respond with great speed. Instead, he shook his head and forced his smile down to a frown and gave Simon a confused look; until he finally registered in his mind what Simon requested. "What?" Alvin asked, before blinking multiple times and letting his smile grow back on his face. "Oh, of course, Simon! If that makes it's easier for you."

Alvin watched Simon smile as he set down Alvin's drawing on the bed, and began to search for a blank piece of paper and a writing utensil. He was worried about his younger brother's unusual behavior at the moment. He wondered why Simon would find it so hard to tell him what wrong, rather than just writing it down. He has know Simon for all his life, and he knew that his younger brother was great with speech and vocabulary. With that advantage Simon held, Alvin couldn't guess what was going through his younger brother's mind; this worried him a great deal. Alvin's mind began flowing with possibilities, and it was starting to hurt him.

Alvin's thoughts were interrupted as he heard a piece of paper being torn and looked back at his younger brother. Alvin became confused as he saw Simon smile and frown at the writing on the tiny slip of paper. Alvin took notice that the tiny slip of paper was only an inch big. 'What could Simon want to tell me that was so important, but could be explained on one square inch of paper?' Alvin asked in thought.

Simon closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He opened his eyes and stared down at the tiny piece of paper in front of him. He carefully read the message over, and over again; making sure the write words were chosen. He slowly exhaled and folded the tiny piece of paper and held it for a moment. He let out a soft sight as he thought about his future once he gave this piece of paper to his older brother. This was the moment he was worried about the most. In this moment, he could be meet with a myriad of different outcomes. He could be meet with acceptance and love; disbelief and tears; laughter and insults; or anger and pain. Three of the four outcomes weren't good in any sense, and he desperately hoped he would get the first outcome.

"Si?" Simon heard is older brother question in a gentle whisper. He looked up at Alvin to see concern and worry in his eyes. Simon blinked multiple times before a small smile appeared on his face. Even though Alvin could be an insensitive jerk at times; when the time came to care for his brothers, he would go the full mile just for them. Simon was grateful that Alvin was being very gentle with him.

Simon's smile faded as he looked back down at the folded piece of paper. He let out one final sigh as he slowly extended his arms to hand Alvin the folded piece of paper. Simon felt his arms shake with nervousness, and soon looked away once Alvin took the folded piece of paper out of his hand.

Alvin slowly examined the folded piece of paper in his hands. He still wondered what Simon could have wrote on it that was so important. All Alvin had to do was open the folded piece of paper and read the content inside. However, a question remained in Alvin's head that was bugging him as soon as he received the tiny note. Was he ready for what he's about to read?

"Before you read what I wrote, Alvin..." Alvin heard Simon start. He looked up to see Simon's back towards him. "...just know that I respect your reaction and your opinion towards me and the message I wrote." Simon paused before continuing. "Just remember this, Alvin." Alvin waited for his youngest brother to finish speaking. "I...I will still love you, despite your reaction towards the message."

Alvin nodded softly and looked back down at the folded piece of paper. "Okay," Alvin responded in a silent whisper. He let out a soft sigh and slowly folded the piece of paper, which read:

I'm sorry, Alvin. I'm gay.

Alvin caught his breath as soon as he read that. His mind began whirling through several thoughts and questions. All Alvin wanted to know was; what caused this to happen? Why didn't he see this? What was he going to do? This was certainly a huge shock for him, and he wasn't ready for this kind of news; especially coming from his bespectacled younger brother, Simon. He always thought of his brother as a regular straight guy just like Theodore and himself. He has never seen signs of his brother showing a change of sexuality. That's when he soon started to have regrets. If he just only spent more quality time with his younger brother, he would've have seen the changes in Simon.

Alvin's thoughts were interrupted by light sobbing close by to him. He looked up to see the back of Simon's head, and his body trembling lightly each time when a sob broke out. Alvin's heart shattered as was witnessing a crying Simon right in front of him. He gently raised his arm and placed a comforting hand on top of Simon's right shoulder. "It'll be okay," Alvin spoke gently. He felt Simon tense up, and he almost felt like crying himself when he saw Simon turn slightly; his cheeks covered in tear stains. Alvin scooted closer to Simon, and said in a soft voice, "Come here,"

Simon whimpered lightly as he nodded. He scooted closer to Alvin as he felt his older brother place an arm around his shoulder. He soon felt Alvin embrace him lovingly, as Simon grabbed his older brother's hooded sweater and pulled himself closer. He buried his face into Alvin's chest and began to cry harder.

"It' s okay, Simon." Alvin comforted gently. "Everything is going to be alright, okay little brother?"

Simon looked up into Alvin's warm and caring eyes, and asked quietly, "A...Ar...Are you ashamed of me?"

Guilt hit Alvin hard as he wondered why Simon would ask that. Alvin then remembered the recent times he was inconsiderate towards his family's feelings. He decided to prove to Simon why he wasn't ashamed of his brother, and family. "Simon, are you considering I'd be ashamed of you because of this?" Alvin asked, holding up the piece of paper that read the message. Alvin saw Simon take a quick glance of the paper and nod; his crying still being seen and heard.

Alvin shook his head in disappointment, and said, "Simon, this means nothing!" Alvin gently pushed Simon up and looked into his grey eyes and continued. "This..." Alvin said, holding up the piece of paper to Simon's face. "...This is garbage!" Alvin then used his fingers to crumple up the piece of paper and throw it, not caring where it went. Alvin smiled and bent down to pick up his iPod that fell on the floor moments ago. He came back up and used his free arm to pull Simon closer to the decent size iPod screen.

"Now, look!" Simon heard Alvin in a demanding, yet playful tone. Simon looked down at the screen to see that the iPod was off, and as a result he saw his reflection. He could see the puffy eyes and the tear stains on his furry cheeks. His glasses were down to the bridge of his nose. In his opinion, Simon looked like a complete mess!

"Now, this..." Alvin said, referring to Simon's reflection on the iPod screen. "...this is the pure treasure!" Alvin chuckled at the confused look Simon gave on the iPod screen. "You see, Simon," Alvin started, to whom Simon looked up to. "I love you for being you. It doesn't matter to me if you are gay, or straight. What matters to me is that I have a younger brother whom I can spend quality time with."

Simon smiled and looked away. "Simon?" he heard his older brother call. "Look at me." Simon looked up into Alvin's blue eyes. "When I look at you, I don't see just my brother who is gay. I see the smartest, kindest, and most caring person in the world. I see someone who is not just my brother, but a best friend! I would never be ashamed of you; and when you look at your own reflection..." Alvin pointed back to the iPod, which Simon looked at again to meet his own reflection. "...I hope you see the same thing I see."

Simon blinked at his own reflection, and absorbed what Alvin just told him. He took the iPod, and looked closely at himself; a smile slowly appeared on his face as he realized that it was true. He did see the same thing that Alvin described him as. He was and always has been the same Simon from the day he was born. The only difference was that he was now dealing with a new sexuality, and thanks to Alvin's comforting word; he was extremely happy with it.

"T...Thanks you, Alvin." Simon said, as he slowly looked away from the reflection, and back to Alvin's caring blue eyes. Simon hugged Alvin tightly and cried tears of joy onto Alvin's shoulder. He said, "You are the greatest brother I could ask for!"

Alvin smiled as he hugged Simon back. "Well, I wouldn't say the greatest brother..."

"Oh, no, but you are!" Simon exclaimed, pulling back from the hug. "You've always been here for me, and I will always be around for you! Don't ever stop to think about asking. Just ask me, whenever you need me, and I'll be there!"

Alvin chuckled and pulled Simon close to another brotherly hug. He soon felt Simon hug him back with the same feeling. Alvin smiled, held him close, and prayed that everything would be alright.

They just sat there together holding each other for what seemed like an hour. Alvin figured that since Simon was comfortable again, he would tease him just a little. Like an older brother always do. "Simon?" Alvin called.

Simon pulled back from the hug and looked at Alvin. "Yes?"

Alvin smirked at his brother, who tilted his head in confusion. "Is there someone you like?"

Simon was quite shocked with the question. He hasn't prepared himself for this. However, he decided that honesty was the best policy. With a blush, Simon responded with a "Yes, Alvin."

Alvin smiled and asked, "So, who is it?"

Simon took a deep breath and asked, "Alvin, do you remember when our school was selected to become the home for experiments for us and other chipmunks in the education system a few years ago?" Simon didn't give Alvin the chance to answer as he just continued. "They decided all chipmunks in California should go there to get a better sum of test results, and that's when he came."

Alvin rolled his eyes playfully, and said, "That's great, Simon; but you are not answering the question." He looked closely into Simon's grey eyes. "Who do you like, Simon?"

Simon smiled, and looked down to his feet with a blush. He fiddled with his thumbs, kicked his feet back and forth, and said, "His name is George Green." Simon looked up at Alvin, who was smiling at him. "Do you want to know more about him?" Simon asked, and got a nod as a response from Alvin. "Well," Simon paused and looked back down at his swinging feet, "He is about six feet tall, he has beautiful fur, a strong chin, a big head, and..." Simon smiled at the thought "...beautiful eyes." Simon closed his eyes and continued. "They're the first things that turned me on to him. They are at a distance grey, but when you get close they change. They're blue on the inside and ringed on the outside; with deep dark green, and have small wisps of gold reaching for the center. He's very republican but is pro-gay rights. What I think is ironic is that he loves communist propaganda. He is very athletic and he went to state in the eight hundred mile dash. He's even smarter than me. He has a one hundred and four in chemistry while I have a ninety nine. He never studies while I study for hours every day. He's also like you because he can be aggressive and rude sometime..."

"Hey!" Alvin exclaimed playfully, lightly punching Simon's arm.

Simon looked at Alvin and chuckled, "...but he says he's working on being kinder and understanding; just like you."

Alvin smiled, and said, 'That's better."

Simon smiled as well, and continued. "He also wants to be a pilot in the air force and have a family. What makes me hopeful is that I over heard someone ask him if he had or has a girlfriend. I braced myself to hear something I didn't want to here; but to my surprise I heard some either great or horrible news. He said,'Truth is stranger than fiction.' That means he could be gay too!" Simon finished jumping up and down with glee. This caused Alvin to feel dizzy on the bed.

Alvin placed both hands on Simon's shoulders and yelled playfully, "Simon!" Alvin called, as he watched Simon cease the jumping and smile. "I'm glad your crush has a chance of being with you and all, but all this emotional talk has given me a bad taste in my mouth."

Simon snickered, and patted Alvin on the back. "It's okay, Alvin. I won't talk to you about stuff like this all the time; but I'd like to be able to..." Simon trailed off with a bit of nervousness and hope.

Alvin smiled back and wrapped his arm around his younger brother. "I'd love that, Si."

After a few seconds of hugging, Simon pulled back and said, "Well, I'll let you go back to listening to your music. Thanks again, Alvin." Alvin nodded as Simon handed him back the iPod he was holding. Simon got up and walked towards the door, while Alvin picked up his ear buds off the floor.

Before Alvin went back to listening to his music, he looked up and called, "Si?"

Simon turned around and looked back at Alvin with a questioning look on his face. "Yes?" He watched Alvin set down his iPod and ear buds on the bed and walked over to where he was standing. "What is it, Alvin?"

Alvin looked at Simon's face and could still see the wet clumps of fur under his eyes. Alvin shook his head and stayed focused to what he was going to say. "When you decide to come out to Dave and Theodore; please tell me. I really want to be there with you, and help you through it."

Simon smiled gratefully and couldn't control his excitement as he went and hugged his brother for the last time. "Thanks again, Al. I'd love to have you there with me. Now that I know you are with me and that you love me regardless, it might actually be sooner than I originally thought it would take for me to tell them."

Alvin smiled, "Anytime, Simon." Alvin kissed Simon on the cheek affectionately.

Both brothers broke the hug and greeted each other goodbye as Simon exited the room. Simon closed the door behind him as he walked down the hallway with a huge smile on his face. He was happy to know that Alvin still loved him, despite the fact that he was gay. Everything Simon was worried about was all tossed out the window.

Before descending down the stairs, Simon came across the hallway mirror and stopped right in front of hit. He stared blankly at his own reflection before smiling at himself. Alvin did not only accept Simon; he helped Simon accept himself to the fullest. As of right now, he loved who he was; and with Alvin by his side he knew that he was going to survive everything that comes his way.

Simon fixed his glasses in front of the mirror and gave himself a satisfied smile. He walked all the way towards the steps, and began to head down the stairs. He remembered that moments ago he was terrified to go up these steps. Now, he is walking down the steps smiling with happy thoughts of the future with his family and friends.

Simon always thought he was the comforter of the family. He was happy to know that for the first time, he can be comforted as well.