Author's Notes: Well, this is my fifth fan fiction and it will possibly be a three-parter. Finally! My first fic where Ness isn't retarded, Lucas is! Let's see how this goes. Also, please be generous and leave some reviews, okay? Enough said.
Floor Food
It was an ordinary day at the Smash Mansion. Lovely weather, calm residents, and Peach disinfecting anything Wario touched or looked like he was going to touch, until Master Hand had an important and exciting announcement.
"Attention smashers, I have made an astonishing deal with Nintendo today. We will now allow up to six smashers to all fight at once!" Master Hand announced as he almost went deaf from the sound of thirty five smashers cheering, "Okay, quiet! Are you trying to make me go deaf? But there is a sacrifice I made. You know all the food that you guys get when you bust open a party ball and it all neatly lands on a clean, disinfected plate? Well say bye-bye, adios, sayonara, ciao, or any other way you can possibly say good riddance to those platters of cleanliness because where ever the food falls, that's where you'll be gobbling it down."
"So? What's the problem with that?" Meta Knight asked.
"Uh, maybe it will be that there will be a greater chance of you to get some nasty disease," Master Hand replied.
"So? Most of us won't care." Link said.
"Whatever, so the fight for today will be against Lucas…"
"I like sawdust on my omelet!" Lucas said as he smiled like a pansy.
"Kirby…"
"Pollo, that's what I get at KFC every day!" Kirby said.
"Ness…"
"Has anyone seen my stupid yo-yo? I think Lucas stole it from me again," Ness said.
"The man in the yellow hat said to never pay attention to people who like cow pancakes!" Lucas said as he stuck his tongue out at Ness.
"Their called steaks, jeeze, and when are you going to know to actually save money so you can buy your own crappy yo-yo," Ness said rolling his eyes.
"…What's a container?" Lucas asked.
Ness slammed his head at the wall.
"Ike…"
"I fight for my Big Mac." Ike said stupidly.
"Yoshi…"
"Stay away from my eggs Lucas, you egg frying fiend!" Yoshi said.
"Yay! The omelet lady is fighting with me! So, will my omelet be stuffed with pocket lint today, or will it be spider puree?" Lucas stupidly said.
"I'm not the omelet lady!" Yoshi said.
"And, the last smasher to participate in this brawl will be…Lucario!"
"Uh…I have nothing stupid to say," Lucario said.
"Okay then, you will all go battle in…the Bridge of Eldin, one stock match," Master Hand said, "The battle will begin in three, two, one, GO!"
"Hey Ness, Lucas, Ike, and Yoshi! Wathca gonna do? Watcha gonna do when I tickle joo!?" Kirby sang as he danced up to Ness to "terrify" him. He then started to desperately tickle him but before Kirby could ever disturb him, Ness whacked the daylights out of Kirby and causing him to pass out. He then kicked Kirby off the bridge and made him come in sixth.
"That was the easiest K.O. I have ever preformed. It's nice to know that I live with a ton of idiots," Ness said as he walked up to Ike.
"I fight for my teddy bear…I fight for my meds…I fight for my Peanuts comics…I fight for my Barbie," Ike went on and on for five more minutes with the "I fight for my" stuff and he eventually couldn't come up with anything else and he then had the urge to go to the bathroom.
"I suggest waiting for the bridge janitor to come out and he'll give you a restroom bom- err, I mean- barrel, yeah! And you can just get on with your life!" Ness said.
"Hey! I need my privacy you know!" Ike answered.
"Don't worry dude! Nobody will notice since we will all be beating the crap out of each other!"
"Okay then, I'll listen to you!"
"Don't worry! I'm the most reliable guy you can trust! (Can't wait to see this!)" Ness mumbled.
"Okay dokey!" Ike shouted. King Bulbin passed by and dropped a bomb near him. Ike then dropped down and then most of the things he's doing is censored, "I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world; wrapped in plastic, it's FANTASTIKUH!" Ike sang even though he should be totally embarrassed and ashamed; other than that, he hasn't realized that his butt was burning up. He sniffed the air and said, "What's that smell!? It smells like a-" he looks down, "Oh cra-" KABOOM!! Ike went flying out of the stage losing his life and all respect from his fans.
"Success…" Ness chuckled.
The next five minutes, everybody was fighting brutally and they all had high damage percentages (With the exception of Lucas who was trying to order a pizza in an out of service phone booth. He didn't notice the warhammer that was jammed in the back of the booth.)
"Hello, is this Dominoes? I want three pizzas and I want them all sprinkled with zucchini, got that punk…" Lucas continued. He hung up and waited right next to the broken phone booth with a warhammer jammed at the back of it for his pizza to come. Just then, Ness and Yoshi ran up to Lucas for different reasons (I couldn't come up with a clear reason, so don't bug me). Lucas was bored so he greeted them, "Hi Ness! Hi omelet lady!"
"I told you I'm not the omelet lady!" Yoshi shouted.
"Uh-huh you are! You're the crazy chicken who eats stuff and makes omelets just for me!" Lucas said.
"…why do I even bother…" Yoshi replied.
"Why are you even here!?" Ness asked.
"…I got nothin' better to-" Yoshi was interrupted by a party ball that dropped and bashed his head; as he laid on the ground, he said, "They give us weapons, they let us use weapons, it gives us an advantage, but they will never tell us where they will land! Who's the idiot that didn't let us predict where the items will land! Huh!?" Yoshi got out one of those anger management stress balls and started squeezing it as tight as he could.
"I didn't know that the omelet lady had a mental disorder," Lucas stupidly said.
"Okay Lucas seriously, the 'omelet lady' thing is really starting to get old now," Ness replied.
Yoshi, who was about to lose it, asked a favor, "Ness, can I borrow your bat,"
"Why?"
"I need to talk a lot of sense to this dolt,"
"If that pig lard Pokey couldn't make me eats a peanut butter sandwich, what makes you think you can make me listen to your omelet making majesty?" Lucas asked.
"This is getting really old," Ness handed his bat to Yoshi, "You'll be lucky if you even end up with a major concussion," Yoshi took a big swing at Lucas, and before you know it, Lucas is out like a candle.
Ness received his bat back, "Good swing,"
"Thanks! Wanna form an alliance?" Yoshi asked.
"…No, not really. But, since you are already here," Ness grabbed the party ball, "See ya!"
"Oh you twisted bast-" WHAM! Yoshi laid right on top of Lucas unconscious.
"That currently leaves one more." Ness said. He dashed up to Lucario, but before he even reached him, the party ball triggered and let open a buffet.
"Ugh…but daddy, I want to eat the omeletmobile!" Lucas said in his sleep. He then woke up and found out that Yoshi was on top of him, "Augh! Omelet lady! I know I love you, but I'm not that serious for you!"
"Ugh…what? Oh look, food," Yoshi said as he took a stalk of broccoli off the bare floor and ate it, "Yum…huh? I feel like if I just ate a whole barrel of beans…" Yoshi said as he belched, "Ugh…"
Lucas started grabbing certain food items off the ground, "Let's see, egg, cheese, bacon, and a little bit of spinach, now all I need is a stove." He heard Yoshi toot.
"Uuuuuuuuuugh! My stomach! Ow!" Yoshi cried in agony.
A little light bulb turned on in Lucas's head. He took out a match and lit it, "Now omelet lady-"
"I'm NOT the freakin' omelet lady!" Yoshi said.
"I want you to bend down and let out the strongest wind you can!" Lucas said.
Yoshi got an idea, "…Sure!" He aligned his butt with Lucas's face and made sure that the match was in between…THHHHHHHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFPPPTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!! And as the methane and who knows what other gasses were in a fart passed the match and burned the crap out of Lucas, you could faintly hear him screaming "wheeeeee!" as the powerful blast expelled him from the match (and by match I mean battle), "That-urk!-was pure revenge-" Yoshi passed out.
Ness and Lucario were the only conscience souls on the stage, "So," Ness said fearfully, "Um…lets just please call it a day."
Lucario could sense his adrenals pumping way too much adrenaline, "…I agree; let's forget this battle and call it a tie."
-no contest-
Author's Notes: Well, let's see how this will turn out, and I have probably said this like a thousand times but please review! Good feedback motivates me to continue throughout the series. I thank everybody who reviews and don't expect much from those who don't review.