A/N: I already have the next few chapters written. This is my first fanfic, so please let me know if it sucks It's Dramione

Chapter One

His blue eyes were blazing in the moonlight, flecks of silver sparking as the waves of anger washed over his body. His jaw was tight and his muscles rippled under his white button up shirt. Draco tugged on his tie to pull it loose from his neck, allowing some room to breathe. He couldn't do anything. Nothing. She wasn't his, never had been, except once, but she never would be again. What right did he have to be so angry? He hadn't even known he was angry until he saw her hurting, and it broke the heart he didn't know he had. Turning his eyes away from her, he just walked back to his dorm, silent, ignoring her screaming his name at his back. This was not his problem…

Back in the head dorms, he sat on his bed and buried his face in his hands. He could still hear her screaming his name, almost as passionately as when it had passed through her lips that night….. His heart ached to think about it. If only he had been aware then of what she truly meant. Of how badly he would want her again, just to hold, not to use. He remembered the soft skin of her lips on his, the warmth that spread through him when she was wrapped around him. It was a feeling that terrified him enough to push her away from him as far as he could. He knew he didn't deserve her, she was good, all that is good and beautiful. He had darkness in his blond hair and blue eyes, a spark of evil that he had allowed to corrupt himself. He looked at his reflection and self-hatred blurred his vision. Even though the dark lord had been defeated, he couldn't forgive himself. He had hurt so many, tried so hard not to, but he had been so weak.

Why wouldn't she leave him alone? He lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling, hearing her calling to him from the common room. He wanted her to forget him, to understand that she was just too damn good for anyone in this bloody school. He shouldn't have been surprised when she appeared next to his bed, slapping and pushing him until he got up. She'd managed her way around his spells, of course she had, he figured, it was her.

He rolled out of his bed on the opposite side that she was standing, and turned to face her. At first he didn't speak, just let his eyes question her, imploring her to say the words he desperately needed to hear, but also feared the most.

"What in the hell are you doing Draco?" Her words were icy as she spat them through her teeth, and they managed to sting him.

He attempted to regain his nonchalant manner that he used to use with her, trying to swallow the lump in his throat that hurt like all the emotions raging inside his chest. "I don't know what you're talking about…"

"Bullshit!"

"I really don't," he turned his back on her and walked to his window, staring out at nothing, his eyes unfocused as he tried to master his faculties. Draco was desperately trying to act as though he never thought twice about her. "You're not my problem Granger…."

"Fuck you, you lying bastard," he could hear the tears in her voice but wouldn't turn to face her.

"Did you forget, mudblood, but you already did," the cruelness in his words surprised him, but it gave him more confidence. He could feel the ice creeping back around his heart, and he could feel her growing more distant by the second, if only by inches.

"No, I didn't…. I made love to you… 'Malfoy.'" At this, the ice melted and all his resolve shattered. His face twisted as he tried to hold back the tears burning behind his eyes. He didn't move, and he didn't make a sound, just waved his hand in dismissal, hoping she couldn't sense the torment going on within him.

"You're a goddamn rat bastard Draco, and you know it. But fuck the cliché's…. screw the something special, you're just like every other asshole that calls himself a teenage boy….." she paused and he could hear her inhale, he knew exactly what she was thinking. She hated to sound so tasteless, and she was scrambling for a way to save her dignity. He knew she wouldn't beg him, so he just waited for her to leave. After a few minutes he heard her footsteps towards the door, but before she left she said, "No one blames you, Draco, except you."

Once he was sure she was gone, he brought his hand to his face and wiped away the tears that were journeying down his cheek. He lay back down on his bed and stared at the ceiling some more. He wished for the layer of ice back around his heart. He wanted her to call him a ferret again, and to look at him like he was less than a speck of dirt. He knew that if he had turned to look at her, he would have seen the compassion and the goddamned pity in her beautiful amber eyes, and he would have broken down.

The next thing Draco knew, he was waking up. He must have fallen asleep concentrating on not thinking about her. He ran his fingers over the silk bedsheets, and couldn't help but be reminded of her soft skin, the way her collar bone felt against his lips, the way she moved under him.

Thinking about her like that made him hurt worse than when he thought about her with him. He'd rather have her be with the weasel, who didn't know what he was doing, didn't know how to take care of a woman. He knew that if he were to have her again, it would ruin the both of them.

He could hear her stomping up the stairs, so he got up and tried to get dressed before she got there. He was too late though, and she walked in on him just as he was pulling off his shirt. They stared at each other awkwardly, and he watched her eyes undressing the rest of him. He reached for a shirt and pulled the sleeves over his arms. The crisp white fabric rested softly on his shoulders and he fought with the buttons as she moved her eyes back up to his face.

"I was just making sure you were up… we have to go to breakfast."

"I'm not hungry," he mumbled.

"You can't avoid me forever."

"No, but I can sure try can't I?" he pulled his tie over his neck and tightened it, laying his collar down flat. Normally he combed his hair, but today, he realized, he just didn't give a shit. He grabbed his jacket and walked past her, brushing against her shoulder. He paused for the smallest second before continuing down the staircase. He was gone by the time she made it to the common room.