Florabama
Disclaimer: We've been over this in various fan fics. I own NOTHING! I don't own the Pensacola Ice Pilots or anything in Pensacola.
AN: this is something I talked about with Dragon of the North for sometime and have finally gotten the time to write. All though I have a beta reader she hasn't read this chapter. My beta reader for the following chapters will be Kapies.
Summary: In an attempt to escape and regain strength to fight Mary-Sue's and evil Fan author's Gandalf takes them all on one weird vacation...to Florabama. Humorous
Florabama: The area's of Florida and Alabama that are very, very close to the state line. The Pensacola area reaches all the way to the Lillian Bridge over perdido bay that separates Alabama and Florida.
Chapter 1: Why me?
He wasn't sure if any of this was real. It began with constant nightmare of hormonally insane girls attacking him, or making him some idiot who would fall in love with her at first sight and then save her from her horrible family. But the worst ones- Elrohir took a shuddering breath- the worst ones where called Slash.
Slash, Elrohir had learned, was horrible. Those writers, no Balrogs, would pair him up with other males. It was the ultimate form of embarrassment and torment. He was suprised that ...what the other male did to him in those horrible episodes- didn't kill him.
This events where happening so often, even in the Undying Lands, that his ada and Gandalf had come back hoping to join forces with Thranduil, Aragorn, Eomer, Legolas and the other males affected by these bizarre events in an attempt to stop them and bring peace back to middle earth. But that proved to be no good.
All of them where too shaken and too sleep deprived to do anything and the attacks continued. Elrohir couldn't even look Glorfindel in the face anymore after the latest attack. Chocolate covered elf lords- Elrohir felt like he was going to vomit.
It was a horrible day in Imladris. Erestor, Legolas, Eomer, Pip and Merry seemed to be on the warpath, accusing all females of being demons, which got them all slapped by both Taraqwen and Mîrelena. And if things weren't bad enough the latest attack for Thranduil and Elrond had them hating each other even more (as if that where possible).
Without ceremony Gandalf had everyone summoned to the Hall of Fire. The old istari removed his hat and laid his staff upon a chair resting on the dais. Elrohir laughed at seeing that the chair was THE CHAIR! His ada still wouldn't sit in that chair sense that incident with the prank on Glorfindel. Elrohir noticed that his ada's left eyebrow began to twitch once he noticed what chair it was.
With a deep breath Gandalf began to speak. " I might have found a solution, but at the present moment we are too weak to do anything, we need to get away from Middle Earth. As long as we stay in this realm those authors and their 'internet' and 'fan fiction' will still be able to plague us. We will be leaving immediately."
"Who will run our kingdoms!?" They all shouted at once, well except for the hobbits.
" Aragorn, Arwen will run yours. Faramir, Eowyn will take care of yours. Thranduil and Legolas, your advisor will be in rule during your absence we should be gone no more than a week. Eomer your advisor shall be in command during your absence as well. And Celeborn you shouldn't be worried at all- Lothlorien is no more. Elrond, Elladan, Elrohir, Erestor, and Glorfindel, Taraqwen will be taking care of Imladris."
Glorfindel was about ready to open his mouth in protest until he noticed that dark look both Taraqwen and Gandalf where giving him. It was the look of ' I dare you to say something you $$@%@!' So he just shut his mouth. An angry Istari was bad, an angry she-elf was worse. (An: Still don't know if I should have something between Taraqwen and Glorfindel. Right now they are 'ify' with each other.)
" Where we are going we are to meet a group of ...what where they called again...oh yes... teenagers...these 'teenagers' are members of a group that have been working for years to stop these ' Mary Sue Fan Fics'. We only have to be cautious of one though.... she thoroughly enjoys reading that ' Slash' stuff."
"Pleasant and prosperous journey hir nins." Taraqwen said bowing. " May the Valar watch over you."
In a flash Gandalf's staff was in his hand and the old istari was chanting words in a tounge un-known to them all. When the chanting stopped Elrohir noticed that they where no longer in Imladris.
" Gandalf...where are we?" Pip asked peeking from being Elrohir's legs.
"Oh drat! It seems that we've landed in the wrong house. No matter I will use this 'cell phone' that they gave me." Gandalf said pulling out the Hello Kitty cell phone, trying in vain to use it.
" What's that? Is that weapon some kind of sword?" Eomer said staring a man holding a gun and cocking it.
"AH! YES! I got the cell phone to work. We can call them and-" Gandalf stopped once he noticed the man. He wore ripped up blue jeans, confederate flag tee shirt, ball cap, and spitting a wad of tobacco.
" What'cha doin' in my yard boy?" The man asked his right hand holding the leash to a pack of hunting dogs.
End of Chapter one
AN: Isn't this an evil place to end chapter one? MUWHAHAHAH! Ok in the next chapter you find out who is going to help Gandalf and yes he does use the cell phone correctly. Also the man holding the gun is the perfect example of the red necks I live around.
Disclaimer: We've been over this in various fan fics. I own NOTHING! I don't own the Pensacola Ice Pilots or anything in Pensacola.
AN: this is something I talked about with Dragon of the North for sometime and have finally gotten the time to write. All though I have a beta reader she hasn't read this chapter. My beta reader for the following chapters will be Kapies.
Summary: In an attempt to escape and regain strength to fight Mary-Sue's and evil Fan author's Gandalf takes them all on one weird vacation...to Florabama. Humorous
Florabama: The area's of Florida and Alabama that are very, very close to the state line. The Pensacola area reaches all the way to the Lillian Bridge over perdido bay that separates Alabama and Florida.
Chapter 1: Why me?
He wasn't sure if any of this was real. It began with constant nightmare of hormonally insane girls attacking him, or making him some idiot who would fall in love with her at first sight and then save her from her horrible family. But the worst ones- Elrohir took a shuddering breath- the worst ones where called Slash.
Slash, Elrohir had learned, was horrible. Those writers, no Balrogs, would pair him up with other males. It was the ultimate form of embarrassment and torment. He was suprised that ...what the other male did to him in those horrible episodes- didn't kill him.
This events where happening so often, even in the Undying Lands, that his ada and Gandalf had come back hoping to join forces with Thranduil, Aragorn, Eomer, Legolas and the other males affected by these bizarre events in an attempt to stop them and bring peace back to middle earth. But that proved to be no good.
All of them where too shaken and too sleep deprived to do anything and the attacks continued. Elrohir couldn't even look Glorfindel in the face anymore after the latest attack. Chocolate covered elf lords- Elrohir felt like he was going to vomit.
It was a horrible day in Imladris. Erestor, Legolas, Eomer, Pip and Merry seemed to be on the warpath, accusing all females of being demons, which got them all slapped by both Taraqwen and Mîrelena. And if things weren't bad enough the latest attack for Thranduil and Elrond had them hating each other even more (as if that where possible).
Without ceremony Gandalf had everyone summoned to the Hall of Fire. The old istari removed his hat and laid his staff upon a chair resting on the dais. Elrohir laughed at seeing that the chair was THE CHAIR! His ada still wouldn't sit in that chair sense that incident with the prank on Glorfindel. Elrohir noticed that his ada's left eyebrow began to twitch once he noticed what chair it was.
With a deep breath Gandalf began to speak. " I might have found a solution, but at the present moment we are too weak to do anything, we need to get away from Middle Earth. As long as we stay in this realm those authors and their 'internet' and 'fan fiction' will still be able to plague us. We will be leaving immediately."
"Who will run our kingdoms!?" They all shouted at once, well except for the hobbits.
" Aragorn, Arwen will run yours. Faramir, Eowyn will take care of yours. Thranduil and Legolas, your advisor will be in rule during your absence we should be gone no more than a week. Eomer your advisor shall be in command during your absence as well. And Celeborn you shouldn't be worried at all- Lothlorien is no more. Elrond, Elladan, Elrohir, Erestor, and Glorfindel, Taraqwen will be taking care of Imladris."
Glorfindel was about ready to open his mouth in protest until he noticed that dark look both Taraqwen and Gandalf where giving him. It was the look of ' I dare you to say something you $$@%@!' So he just shut his mouth. An angry Istari was bad, an angry she-elf was worse. (An: Still don't know if I should have something between Taraqwen and Glorfindel. Right now they are 'ify' with each other.)
" Where we are going we are to meet a group of ...what where they called again...oh yes... teenagers...these 'teenagers' are members of a group that have been working for years to stop these ' Mary Sue Fan Fics'. We only have to be cautious of one though.... she thoroughly enjoys reading that ' Slash' stuff."
"Pleasant and prosperous journey hir nins." Taraqwen said bowing. " May the Valar watch over you."
In a flash Gandalf's staff was in his hand and the old istari was chanting words in a tounge un-known to them all. When the chanting stopped Elrohir noticed that they where no longer in Imladris.
" Gandalf...where are we?" Pip asked peeking from being Elrohir's legs.
"Oh drat! It seems that we've landed in the wrong house. No matter I will use this 'cell phone' that they gave me." Gandalf said pulling out the Hello Kitty cell phone, trying in vain to use it.
" What's that? Is that weapon some kind of sword?" Eomer said staring a man holding a gun and cocking it.
"AH! YES! I got the cell phone to work. We can call them and-" Gandalf stopped once he noticed the man. He wore ripped up blue jeans, confederate flag tee shirt, ball cap, and spitting a wad of tobacco.
" What'cha doin' in my yard boy?" The man asked his right hand holding the leash to a pack of hunting dogs.
End of Chapter one
AN: Isn't this an evil place to end chapter one? MUWHAHAHAH! Ok in the next chapter you find out who is going to help Gandalf and yes he does use the cell phone correctly. Also the man holding the gun is the perfect example of the red necks I live around.