Title: The Ramblings of a 'what if?'
Rating: PG (k+)
Summary: A one shot of Snape's thoughts after the end of HBP. !SPOILERS!
Author's Note: This one-shot was written for a challenge at Unspeakable Challenges, run by Zimrahil. It won first place, which I was very proud of, simply because I don't usually write HP fictions. :) This fiction in and of itself are the ramblings of Snape's thoughts... so they are disjointed and hurried. If you notice this, just know they were written to be so. Snape is in a very precarious position right now. :) Being that I am a big fan of Severus Snape, I tend to sneer just a tad at Harry. But don't get me wrong... I do love Potter and his little friends. :) I just love Snape too. Enjoy!
!SPOILER WARNING HBP!
What if it was real? Of course it was real... magic has always been real. I was taught that from the start. This plan of his though... I always thought it had lope-holes. They would all shake their heads if they knew. Dumbledore... I sore my fidelity to him... he has it. But they... they still don't know. I will be the one to take the risks... I will be the one to throw away it all. I will be the one who suffers if they don't fight back.
They didn't see the green light in his eyes when I uttered the words of that spell. They didn't see his frail body tumble off that wall. It is all according to plan... that's what he would say if he were here.
But he's not. He's not here anymore. Why should he be? No one knows where he is... no one... even Minerva thinks he's dead. Which is what he wanted I suppose. You won't fool the Dark Lord if you tell your side. The Dark Lord knows all... and he is getting powerful... so powerful. Like a snake he twists and writhes inside of me. But's that all he is... isn't it? A snake. He looks less human all the time. And I am the traitor... oh what he will say when I report to him now. I was a traitor... and now I am victorious. No one will know that it was all planned... no one will know of the dark secrets that passed between Dumbledore and I the last time we truly spoke. He is alive... I know it. I did everything according to plan.
My mind will not listen to reason however. I am tormented by doubts... by the 'what if's'. So I ask myself again...What if it was real? What if he is really dead? What if this is the end? What if I really killed him. I have received no word from him... but why should I? I am traveling to him now... to the serpent. I am the traitor... I am the outcast. Potter will go after him I suppose... probably even shed tears at the funeral. I wanted to gloat at him... to show him that I was the one Dumbledore took into his confidence. Not you Potter... not you. But I wasn't there... I was fleeing with that whelp of a boy. But this was what I knew would happen from the start. This is what Dumblebore told me. When he told me I had to 'kill' him.
I shrug my shoulders and shake my head. I did what I was supposed to. I did what he said. He has my oath... my honor... my life... my respect. What more does he want? What more could he take? To carry his death on my conscience as well? No... he is not dead. I know. He will rise again and the serpent will fall beneath his feet. It will all be well... he will win. Potter will cry... they will all be victorious. They will welcome him with open arms... and I shall be the outcast. Again.
I should be used to it by now... I will be the scapegoat. It will always be my fault. I will be alone. But I've accepted it haven't I? It's good to be alone sometimes. I don't mind... always. But then's there's Potter... and then there's that gleam of green in his eyes as he flew from the wall. And I question myself again... What if it was real?
No more questions now... I have a job to do. I always have. Traitors have no questions... servants have no fears. Scapegoats tell no lies. But I am neither. I am Severus Snape... I do what I am told. But what if it was real? Then... then all will be lost.
Finis