Disclaimer - Not mine all JKR's and so on and so forth

June 4th 932AD

How weird is that! The year number only has 3 digits! This is all a bit too bizarre to take in at the moment. I've gone back in time to train to fight Voldemort. I arranged it myself, or a future version of me did because Dumbledore's a bumbling fuckwit.

No that's not really fair I know he tried to do what he thought best but he frankly just doesn't have a clue about life for normal people anymore. Not that my life has ever been normal, but it could have been more so without his constant interference. Think it's a good thing it's so long until I see him again. Gives me time to come to terms with some of the things he's done.

But ranting about Dumbledore isn't why I started this journal. Frankly I've no idea why Ginny wanted me to start it, the other two books everyone has me starting I can understand, the personal Grimmoire of all the spells and other magic I've mastered, and another of all the magic I'd like to learn. The last one is a really good idea. I remember reading the defence books last year looking for a spell finding a different spell that looked cool but then completely forgetting about it. This one though, what was it she said? 'At the very least Hermione will be interested in what life was like over a thousand years ago.'

Hermione. I miss her and Ron already. It's sweet that Ron didn't want to be without her but it doesn't stop the fact that I've effectively lost my first ever friends from hurting. Then there's the thing about Ginny. I really don't know how to deal with that. The more I think about it the more I can understand why I fell for her. I can even feel myself falling for my memory of her which is going to fuck me up in all kinds of ways. It's weird even writing swear words without Hermione scolding me about my language. Maybe I should start trying to channel an 'Inner Hermione' as some sort of moral compass. Though if I did that I wouldn't be here.

Trying to do this journal thing properly and writing down thoughts and fears for the day I'm really scared about the next few days. Apparently Leola, Hector and Gerhalt are going to test me. Even Helga's going to be involved in the testing, apparently there's fields of magic she's exceptional in. She's not even fifteen! I know I should expect a future founder to be a prodigy but I can't help but feel inadequate. I'm really not ready for this. It's going to be embarrassing.

June 5th 932AD

Well I was right. Hector and Gerhalt tested me today. They just made me feel physically inadequate. Apparently squibs are often sent to learn another skilled trade as soon as its discovered they don't have magic which is why Gerhalt's a smith. Hector started out as a carpenter but enjoyed the time in the woods more than the time shaping the wood itself, not that he wasn't good at it. So he ended up as a kind of woodsman. Hunting wild game, and foraging for plants and stuff. They're both exceptional physically active, pretty much everyone here is.

The lifestyle is all about everyone chipping in and struggling against adversity. I like it but can't help but feel physically inadequate. They chucked me a sword. I could barely lift it. Gryffindor's must be charmed lighter. Then Hector tried to get me to do some drills with it and then with a bow. I'm pretty sure I didn't impress him.

After that I was with Gerhalt who showed me around his forge. It was incredible, he showed me the different moulds and hammers and techniques for heating and purifying or mixing different metals. I was surprised just how interesting I found it and I think he was pleased with that, but the idea of doing something that's physical but practical is a new one to me. Of course when he had me practice with the hammers he wasn't too impressed with my strength, or lack of it, but even so I hope to spend more time there.

The final bit of the day was back with Hector and was in introduction to basic woodcraft. Here I think I actually kind of impressed. I know Hector was pleased with the stealth and speed I showed moving through the woods, 'Harry hunting' was apparently good for something, and of all the weapons I messed around with today Hector's hatchet felt the most comfortable perhaps that's the weapon for me rather than the sword.

The weirdest bit of the day though was afterwards when we were eating this evening Leola asked how my day was, and seemed genuinely interested in my answers. Then she did the same with Helga, like some kind of parent child daily ritual. It was a pleasant feeling to be included like that.

I'm definitely concerned about tomorrow now though. I'm with Leola and Helga who will find out how much magic I know. Apparently Leola is an Enchantress so is gifted with Runes and Charms whereas Helga takes after her late father and is a Potions prodigy.

Sweet Merlin it's even worse! As I'm writing this all four of the others are sat in the corner talking quietly and giving me odd glances. This does not bode at all well for tomorrow.

June 6th 932AD

Well today was just weird. I woke up fully expecting the day to be magically exhausting, instead as soon as breakfast is over Leola takes me into another room and tells me she's doing a thorough medical check because something's that Gerhalt and Hector said just don't seem right for a fifteen year old.

Even Madam Pomfrey never poked and prodded me so much and I was subject to spell after spell. At one point she called in Helga with a potion which turned out to make my skeleton glow. Apparently the origin of the X ray, I'll have to find out what that potion is and write it in the potential magic book it looked cool. As all this was going on she started getting angrier and angrier and muttering things to herself. When she finally finished she had been testing me for about seven hours and her anger had given way to what seemed to be cold fury.

After she was finished I found out why, apparently, the tests showed up every single injury I ever had. The moment she said that, I hung my head, ashamed by the level of physical abuse I had suffered through. But I was pulled out of my embarrassment by her arm round my shoulder and as she held me. It was like a hug from Mrs Weasley but it was tinged with more understanding, I had never told anyone about the Dursleys. People knew it was bad of course but not how bad. Apparently, according to Ginny I later told her some of it but here it was all laid out for Leola to see.

The hug lasted minutes as I wept silently, I'm not sure how I feel about Leola knowing the extent of what I've been through but she promised not to say anything. What she did say shocked me though. Apparently while my innate magic kept me alive through the beatings and malnourishment, it didn't fix things properly and the repeated breakages of bones and blood vessels as well as muscle tears and deep bruising and lack of nutrients means that almost every single bit of muscle and bone within my body is smaller and weaker than it should be. All except the bone in my right arm, apparently that's just smaller than it should be but exceptionally strong in comparison to everything else. She scowled as I told her about Lockhart and was intrigued by the prospect of Skele-gro saying it was a possible route to fixing my bones at least but she needed to see a more knowledgeable healer about that and potential fixes for the softer tissue and malnourishment issue. That won't be for a few days though so tomorrow is magical training.

June 7th 932AD

Okay today was horrendous. Anyone who ever says Hufflepuffs are just kind friendly unassuming no marks clearly hasn't met the real deal. There is a reason Hufflepuffs are renowned for hard work, they're bloody sadists. Everyone says Hermione's a Ravenclaw in Gryffindor, I'm beginning to think she is the perfect Hufflepuff, exceptionally loyal with a work ethic that is frankly rather terrifying, and I'm now living with four of them.

Leola had asked me to make a list of all the Charms I mastered as a start to my Grimmoire. She was astounded by the number and there was even some she didn't know. I was ecstatic. Until she asked me to demonstrate them all.

The moment I said 'Lumos' I knew something was wrong. Apparently you can't claim to have mastered a spell until you can do it silently. Meaning the list I spent hours putting together is worthless and I'm a Charms beginner. Silent magic though. It would be really cool, the fight in the Department all the adults were silent casting, now I just feel embarrassed by my performance. Leola's assessment got even worse, apparently I must be rather powerful to be able to botch the wand movements so significantly and still cast the spells I want.

Things got a bit weird though when I asked about jinxes, hexes and curses. Apparently witches were never taught such things as it was assumed they would have no need to know since a wizard would be around to protect them. At that point I went on a rant about women's rights that may well have made Hermione have some rather impure thoughts about me, I know Leola did, she told me so, apparently its lucky I'm half her age and physically underdeveloped as otherwise she may have struggled to hold back. Given that she's currently acting as a surrogate mother that is rather disturbing I'm still a bit unsure about the look Helga got in her eye when Leola told her.

The upshot of the rant being that there were certain magic common in my time that weren't taught here, like Defence or Combat magic being taught to women, and apparently Transfiguration is a closely guarded secret. As a result as they teach me whatever magic it's deemed I need to know, I'm going to be teaching Leola and Helga Combat magic and Transfiguration.

How the hell am I supposed to teach Transfiguration. I'm better at Charms and apparently I'm terrible at that, Leola spent hours working on my wand movement having me cast each spell repeatedly until she was happy. She wasn't happy often.

June 8th

Okay the Hufflepuff family are apparently having difficulties deciding who to hate more, the Dursley's, Dumbledore or Snape. I gave Helga an overview of Potions lessons in general and Snapes attitude towards me in particular. Her outrage was rather funny.

When I then told her that even the Potions exam involved following a set of written instructions she went off on another rant about the stupidity of someone forming a school only to teach people to mindlessly follow instructions. A stifled a chuckle at that, I hadn't explained the reason I was with them when I could be anywhere was due to Helga being famous. While changing some of the future was inevitable that seemed to be a classic case of something that needed to be held back in case it had a serious effect on the timeline.

It wasn't only Snape she directed her anger towards though, when she started me off on the Boil-curing potion that she heard was the first potion I ever tried, I didn't clean my cauldron first. I then made the mistake of saying I had never been told to. The disdain in her eyes as she looked at me is still sending shivers down my spine. It only got worse when she started asking about ingredient preparation. It seemed my answers weren't satisfactory and while Snape had some of the blame it was clear that Helga felt I needed to take a significant proportion of the blame. The look on her face caused me to remember Hermione's statement that most wizard's don't have an ounce of logic. Apparently I'm a normal wizard.

Fortunately Helga was pleased, and a bit surprised, at my skills in Herbology and Magical Creature knowledge, thinking, not without reason, that to be good in either subject, some of the knowledge should be transferred over from Potions. It seemed Sprout and Hagrid met with approval even if I hadn't thought hard enough about their lessons.

June 9th

Okay today I've had to spend working out everything I wanted from the past. Things I wanted to learn, weapons and artefacts to get that sort of thing and then between the five of us we were going to sit down and hammer out a schedule for my training. Which will start sometime after I've seen this healer tomorrow. I struggled decide what to learn to be honest. Obviously I need to learn defence but I don't think the Potter's are especially renowned for their curses and hexes. The library really doesn't seem to have much. Suppose I'll have to take what I can get, as well as perfect the ones I already know.

It seems the Potter library is stocked much more heavily in regard to Charms and Runes as well as Transfiguration. Leola thinks it means that historically the Potter's really were called that because they made earthenware pots and plates and the like. It also suggests that they may well have been enchanters. Quite why Dumbledore saw fit to keep the information from me I don't know but it's added to the list of things for me to ask him.

In terms of magic to learn I decided I want to know enough to pass NEWTs at least in all my subjects, including Runes since it's my family speciality and Leola's favourite subject, not Divination though, I think it's clear I don't have the gift. In terms of interesting new magic I had planned on the Animagus process and Occlumency but it seems the animagus transformation makes occlumency obsolete as it appears merging with an animal causes your thought pattern to deviate from human to something else making it impossible for an occlumens to read. Seems a much more pleasant way of protecting your mind than having Snape dig about in there.

In terms of other interesting and unusual magic all I could think of was the Potter speciality books, which detail various spells for working with stone, from gouging huge great rocks to carving delicate features on a statue. I think spending a good portion of my time getting in touch with my family history with stonework is a must.

I told everyone this and that the only artefacts I really thought about wanting were a pensieve, magical armour and magical weaponry.

The schedule they then came up with is brutal. Luckily it doesn't start tomorrow but I'm only putting off the inevitable. Fifteen hours of practice or training a day, minimum. Three hours in the forge with Gerhalt in the morning, followed by two hours Potter work/masonry. Only after that is it lunch, followed by two hours woodcraft/hunting and tracking with Hector before he splits some weapons training with Gerhalt for two hours. Neither of them hold out much hope for the sword or bow so apparently I'll be practicing the staff and hatchets first. Then I'm going to be learning Charms and Runes and Potions for an hour each. Then Dinner followed by me teaching Transfiguration and Defence for an hour each before around ten I get time to practice the animagus transformation and do any reading or practice I need for the day after, and this will continue until the 'teachers' begin to feel I'm competent.

They're all bloody sadists!

At least I'm allowed to leave it a few weeks before I begin to do my teaching portion to get myself up to speed with Transfiguration, if my wand work is off on Charms I can only imagine it's the same for McGonagall's class. But I still can't help but feel worried about what I've let myself in for.

June 10th

I don't know whether to be distraught or ecstatic. I saw the healer today and she has a plan. Apparently the Skele-gro idea is a good one which means my bones are going to be systematically removed and re-grown. Wonderful! They can do a few at a time which means that it will take two to three weeks. My spine is tricky but she 'thinks' that just one vertebrae at a time and while in a powerful body bind under a sleeping draught I should be okay. The only bit they won't touch is my skull. To be honest I wouldn't mind if they put me to sleep for the whole way through it but apparently they need me to wake regularly in order to see if anything's wrong. According to Leola, being awake means I can practice magic as well. Aren't I the lucky one.

Once my skeleton's strengthened they can start on repairing damage to muscles and soft tissue. There are potions and charms for that apparently but the effects of those are well known and I'll be asleep through it all. Another three weeks. At that point I'll still be underdeveloped but everything will work as it should. From then I'll be waiting a year until the next summer solstice for a cleansing ritual to remove the negative influences on my body. The potion I need needs to be started this summer solstice and will keep Helga pretty busy at times for the full year. After the ritual I should be the height I was supposed to be and it might even have an effect on my scar! When I asked why do all the Skele-Gro and soft tissue stuff now if there is a ritual that will sort them out I'm going to undergo. Her response was rather worrying. Apparently the more negative influences present, the greater the pain. Too much pain and you might die.

I guess I'm rather lucky then that one of my mum's old books has the Skele-gro recipe. Apparently it will take Helga a week to make and since I can't really do physical stuff my fifteen hours of work is to be spent evenly divided between Charms and Runes training with Leola and getting myself up to speed with Defence and Transfiguration. I'm going to be exhausted.

June 16th

Oh my god I'm knackered. I can't believe this week. I'm being given tomorrow off. Apparently Sunday's are my own time to do with what I wish. I think I'll look through the Potter books.

But this week! Okay Flitwick is a wonderful teacher so I think the real problem is I'm not a wonderful student, but working with Leola was something else. Personal Charms tuition was great. She herself says it didn't come too easily to her and the master she studied with was more gifted but I think I learnt more about magic that first day than in any single day of my life. Somewhat embarrassingly though the most important part of what I learnt was all from a book I brought back that she read. My first year book Magical Theory by Adalbert Waffling.

The passage is so important she made me memorise it and right it from memory to make sure it stuck.

When casting a spell, be it a Charm a jinx or a curse, said spell consists of a number of components, namely magical power, control, intent and emotion.

Magical power is an inherent characteristic of the caster. A combination of the magical strength of the caster and the power required for the spell, determines whether or not the spell can be cast at all.

Control relates to the release of magic from a magical core to power the spell and is a function of both the wand movements and the words of the spell and as such is closely related to intent. The words are an aid to memory of the specific wand movements, which if muddled or cut short will not release magic in the correct way causing an incorrect casting, and the intent, see later. An obvious example of this comes early in a child's magical education with the levitation spell 'wingardium leviosa' and the corresponding 'swish and flick' movement. The 'swish' is required to be especially long in order to build up enough magic to establish dominance over the object to be levitated and defeat gravity, while the 'flick' gives the object the direction it is required to move in.

As may be noted from the above statement the release of magic requires fine control of wand movements hence when the wand movements are known well enough spells may be cast silently. It may also be surmised that if wand movements are mimicked without the presence of a wand, magic will be released in the correct way to power a spell regardless. This is indeed the case, however, the presence of a wand draws a greater proportion of magic from the core, increasing the power and efficiency of a spell. Incidentally this is also the origin of 'the wand choosing the wizard' as specific wands are drawn towards specific magical cores. This ultimately leads to wands being much more effective for one person than another.

When a magic user becomes more skilled and knowledgeable about their own magic use the flow and release of their magic can be manipulated allowing for the shortening of wand movements making casting much faster, however for best results the prescribed movements are always more effective.

Intent involves desiring the magic released to perform a specific task. Wand movements release magic regardless, hence the reason a wand shouldn't be waved around carelessly, however, without a clear indication from the caster of what 'the magic' is required to do, a spell will not work, despite the necessary magical power and control being displayed. The most effective demonstration of this is in the field of Transfiguration where a variety of different wand movements are required for the various different transformations based on what is being changed and what it's being changed too, whether there is a change in size, whether the object is alive or will be after the Transfiguration. While all of these variables effect the necessary wand movements, it is intent which shapes the final transfiguration and depending on the focus of the caster can result in especially elaborate final products or may collapse mid-process, such as the traditional kettle to tortoise transformation, which often results in a tortoise that whistles in warmer climates if done incorrectly.

Emotion in spell casting is a tricky subject, that magic is affected by emotion is often clear from our very first steps into the magical world with the area of a child's accidental magic. In the field of Charms emotion is often of little consequence as long as the caster has the necessary power, control and intent. However more powerful magics may require some emotional content and even if such a component is not strictly necessary, the extra power provided by emotions can boost a spell. However, using emotions regularly to power spells should be done only with caution.

Emotion may be used to override the pathways for magic to be released from the magical core, making casting powerful magic simpler or even allowing a form of powerful wandless magic

However, such 'wandless' magic in particular is dangerous. Due to the requirement of such strong emotions, a person who regularly uses such emotion based magic can permanently damage their psyche due to the need to keep such strong emotions, most often love or hate, close to the surface.

I know I could have just referenced the page but frankly the more places I can read and remember it the better and I think the hour I spent learning it is possibly the most important hour of my magical education.

Since reading that in Leola's first Charms lesson we've been going through Charms again from the beginning. Only learning four spells a day at most but spending at least half an hour repeating the wand movements over and over until they're engrained. I think I'm starting to unlearn my bad habits.

Having seen the difference in Charms I looked more deeply into theory in Defence and Transfiguration. All I found were more long-winded ways of saying the same as Adalbert had, though there was an interesting section on various wand movements and what they meant in relation to Charms, Hexes, Curses and Transfiguration. I made a note of it to come back to after I had more practical experience. With that I settled into a similar pattern as for Charms in both Defence and Transfiguration, repeated casting to remove flaws in my wand work and practicing the intent. I honestly believe if I took my OWLs again now I could improve the inevitable EE's in Charms and Transfiguration to O's.

Then there is Runes. Why did no one ever speak to me about Runes? How difficult would it be for someone to take me aside and say 'Harry did you know the Potter's are pretty good with Runes?' I know I could have taken it upon myself to learn rather than just going for what Ron did but the teachers must have known I had no one to ask advice from. Anyway, Runes are great. Or at least the way Leola teaches they are. I think she's clocked on to the fact that I excel at practical work rather than theory so each lesson has been about putting together a Runic seal to perform a function. One locked a door, one strengthened a ceramic mug and so on, then we discuss why the seal works that way based on each rune involved and how it interacts with the others. At the moment I know four seals and eight different Runes but there are ten Rune alphabets Leola knows plus another four she found in the Potter books that she was salivating over. Making over six hundred different Runes we think and as I learn new ones I have to learn how they relate to ALL the other ones I know, Leola reckons that's only a fraction of the number there actually are as well. That said once I know the ones she does we can start enchanting and depending on how things go in the forge I might be able to make AND enchant my own weapons!

June 17th

Okay I spent today, the last day before massive experiment that is my medical treatment, reading the Potter Masonry books and the Animagus transformation. The Masonry and stonework magic is really cool. I felt pretty manly doing as I was messing around shifting and shaping massive bits of rock before Helga told me off for disturbing her brewing.

The Animagus transformation was weird though. The book has notes in the margins from dad. Apparently Wormtail couldn't see an animal in the vision brought on by the revealing potion so they found something else instead called the Totem ritual. Instead of the animal most closely related to your personality you get the animal personification of your magical core. He left a reference luckily and what I found was shocking. It's like the exact opposite of the Animagus transformation in that for the animagus you meditate to accept the animal side of your personality, which is pretty easy due to the close relationship of your personality to the animal, and meditate to find your magical core, which is rather hard. For the Totem ritual you meditate to find your magical core, made much easier by the knowledge of your totem animal, and then meditate to resolve that animal to your personality, which is significantly harder. Apparently the author had attempted to use both potion and ritual and only noted a curious effect, which just got me even more intrigued.

June 19th

Ow. It hurt. But lucky for me, according to Leola, My right arm, my wand arm, though she has also been making me cast left handed, is the one that's fine so I can keep practicing magic. If I can keep casting through pain it helps muscle memory. When I noted that pretty soon I would have brand new muscles so they would have no memory it didn't go down well.

At least Helga isn't going to start teaching me yet, apparently if I am just going to moan and whine she doesn't want me making potions, they need my complete attention.

June 22nd

I have new Legs!

June 24th

Never have someone vanish your pelvis!