The Not-So-Secret Secret
Scenario #1 Innuendos
By Fade to Black
Rating PG
Genre Humour/Romance (surprise, surprise people)
Legalities How trite, shall I attempt to personalize it, as does everyone else on this site? HARRY POTTER, characters, names and related indicia are trademarks of and copyright Warner Bros. Harry Potter Publishing rights copyright J.K. Rowling. All rights reserved. I am in no form or fashion gaining any money from writing this; all I receive is a good laugh.
Mission Summary Sirius Black has been more than obvious about how he feels for Remus. The whole school knows Sirius's not-so-secret secret; in fact, the truth is plain to them. Remus, however, is so clueless...
Mission Statistic Warnings Slash! Sirius, in his true shameless, all-or-nothing personality; making it all too clear to dear little Rem that he likes him.
Mission Status Report work in progress
Re-Mission Briefing Like I said, all-or-nothing. This is my first slash fic; but I have written scenes in my memo book... They were, however, experimental. I have finally found the way I want my slash to be. Sirius doesn't care what other people think of him, he doesn't hide who he is from anyone. If people don't like him for being himself they must not have been good friend material. That is how Siri deals with his attraction to Rem. And then there's James; he's known Siri's off his rocker and that he fancies Rem and frankly, the Potter boy couldn't give a flying crap. Like a true best friend. It's not angst or drama! Enjoy.
End briefing-Begin Chapitre
The Gryffindor Common Room was in a noisy state. The Fifth Year Sirius Black had found a way to enchant his eight-track player to play on Hogwarts' grounds, so now every Gryffindor in the tower was sentenced to listening to "Sheer Heart Attack". At the moment, the aforementioned Sirius Black was listening to "Killer Queen"; and to some students' horror and others' entertainment he was singing it also in a very convincing air guitar performance.
James Potter sat back on the squishy red couch and watched his slightly mad best friend in a most amused fashion. Remus Lupin was sitting in a chair close by James and, as per usual, had his nose in a book; ignoring Sirius's singing and the rest of the world for that matter. The group was almost complete, if not for the absence of a certain Peter Pettigrew; who was currently at a tutoring session for Potions with the insane Professor Orlan Wilde. The song came to an end and Sirius switched off the player and plopped down next to James; who was mildly applauding.
"Stunning performance, as always Padfoot," the bespectacled teen told his friend, who in turn grinned.
"Thank you, Mr. Potter; tomorrow I hope to perform 'Fat Bottom Girls'", Sirius stated casually before glancing in Remus's direction. James rolled his eyes as an evil smile flitted across his friend's face. Sirius got up and casually walked over behind the chair Remus sat in, engrossed in his book. The dark-haired boy snaked his arms seductively around the sandy-haired boy's shoulders; and smiled when he got the reaction he wanted from Remus. The shorter boy had tensed up immediately and turned brilliant red; trying desperately to ignore his friend.
"Leave poor Moony alone, Padfoot," James chuckled, "You're making him blush."
It was a known fact throughout the school that Sirius fancied Remus on a grand scale; in fact, everyone seemed to know Sirius's feelings about Remus, except for Remus himself. James thought it terribly funny that Sirius made it plenty obvious to their werewolf friend; and he remained clueless. In fact, Sirius had done everything possible but snog Remus; and the black-haired was considering that idea more as each day passed. However; Sirius knew by Remus's reactions to the dark-haired boy's passes that the amber-eyed youth had a crush on Sirius as well. Lily Evans said it would make a great soap opera; James thought it could be a sitcom; and Sirius just wished that Remus would get a clue. Of course, there was Peter; but he just preferred to cast a blind eye on his two friends' peculiarness.
Remus shifted uncomfortably as he felt Sirius's warm breath on his neck.
"Nohesnot," the amber-eyed boy mumbled in one breath, all the while blushing a deeper red; making James's chuckles turn into growing laughter. Sirius moved his face closer to Remus's, purposefully brushing his lips against the amber-eyed boy's cheek. He could feel Remus's complexion beneath his lips grow warmer. Sirius loved teasing Remus like this; he knew it made the smaller boy extremely flustered. The tawny haired youth tried to concentrate on reading; but Sirius would have none of it and walked around the chair to face Remus. The dark-haired boy grinned upon seeing how flushed the other was from their close proximity. He lowered the young werewolf's book into the reader's lap and moved closer to the pale boy's face again. James quirked his eyebrow and watched them through the corner of his eye in amusement. Sirius Black was certainly a different person; he even took an odd approach to his attraction to another boy (which had taken effect sometime during their Second Year; and Remus remained oblivious all that time).
Remus didn't move away from Sirius, not even when he felt the other's lips upon his own.
One soft, meaning; but searing kiss. Remus leaned into it, but as quickly as it came; Sirius pulled back. The dark-haired one grinned triumphantly and kissed the light-haired boy on the forehead before standing up.
"Don't ask," Sirius said casually; then headed out of the common room, and Remus went back to his book. From his haven on the couch, James let out a loud, exasperated sigh; bringing the bookworm's attention to him.
"Problem, Prongs?" the tawny haired boy distractedly asked. The other shook his head as he stood up. As he headed for the portrait hole however, Remus heard him mumble,
"So clueless."
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By dinnertime Remus had forgotten about the kiss. You see, when your best friend was one Sirius Black; you come to expect strange behaviour and never try to predict what he would do.
James Potter, however wasn't about to forget it, or let Remus forget.
"Sirius," the bespectacled teen started casually, "That was rather interesting back in the Common Room this morning."
"My singing, or Rem?" James's friend asked.
James nodded in Remus's direction,
"You know," he replied as Remus looked up from his meal. Sirius grinned,
"Oh, that," he drawled. Now Remus was also facing Sirius, an expression of mock curiosity on his face,
"Yes, Padfoot; what was that all about then?" the werewolf asked. James dropped his fork.
"You can't seriously be asking that can you?" the wild-haired teen exclaimed, nearly choking on his food in shock.
"All in good time Rem, all in good time," Sirius laughed, and then rose from the table to exit the hall. James sighed again; his mission had once more proven futile. The amber-eyed Remus Lupin focused his attention in James's direction now.
"Must you do that, Prongs?" the sandy-haired boy asked his friend. The Quidditch player eyed the light haired teenager across from him wearily.
"Moony, you know what an innuendo is?" he asked. Remus looked surprised by the question; but answered it nonetheless.
"Of course," he replied, "Why?"
"Did you think of yourself as a person who can pick up subtleties or innuendoes?"
"Yes," came the sure reply.
"What if something was painfully obvious? Could you pin it then too?"
"Of course I could," Remus answered indignantly.
"No you can't," James said; shaking his head in a feigned sense of mourning, "Poor little Moony doesn't see the obvious."
The bespectacled young man stood up from the table and stretched before heading to the door as Sirius had done before him. He turned to Remus before he left.
"If you can take hints, think about what I said; it'll hit you like a bucket of ice water when you do."
Remus was then left in the Great Hall with a few other stragglers to sort out his thoughts.
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Back in the Gryffindor Common Room James found Sirius adjusting the strings on his guitar. He plopped down on the squishy couch and watched his friend on the floor cursing under his breath at the guitar.
"Padfoot; Moony's hopeless," the Potter kid sighed. Sirius looked up.
"You didn't tell him, did you? He's supposed to figure it out on his own," the taller boy said. James put his arm over his eyes dramatically, but shook his head.
"I didn't tell him; that's your job if he doesn't put it together," the raven haired Gryffindor said to his friend, "I just dropped hints instead. He seems to piece vague puzzles together better than obvious ones. A true genius there, our Moony is."
Sirius couldn't help but smile to himself. He was glad James was so understanding of this situation; hell, the wild haired boy was even doing his best at trying not to interfere and get Remus to notice Sirius's passes. Sirius was certainly grateful to have a best friend like James Potter.
"Thanks for trying to help, Prongs," Sirius said.
"Trying?!" James suddenly shot up as though he were challenged by Sirius's remark, "I AM helping, Padfoot, make no mistake."
Sirius cast James a defiant look as the bespectacled boy drew himself up as though to attack. Sirius moved his guitar safely aside and positioned himself for attack as well. As his friend took stance James pounced from the couch towards Sirius.
Before James could knock his friend to the ground, the portrait hole slid open, causing James to avert his attention and allowing Sirius to sidestep just in time for his best friend to fall flat on his face. The Dog Star then looked towards the portrait hole to see who entered the Common Room.
Remus stood in the entrance looking both very pleased and embarrassed. James took this as a good sign and gestured to Sirius that he was going to the dormitories. Once the Common Room was empty, save for Sirius and Remus, Sirius sat down on the couch and motioned for his friend to join him. The young werewolf crossed the room to sit beside his Dog Star. Silence passed between the two; and it was unnerving for Remus, but Sirius sat quietly for once and let Remus speak on his own time.
Finally the sandy-haired boy spoke.
"James was hinting at something, wasn't he?" he asked tentatively, and continued on when Sirius nodded, "It sounded like something I'd been wondering about for several years but never thought too much on it. I think it has something to do with you."
He stopped there. Mustering up all the courage he could, Remus leaned towards Sirius.
'It's now or never,' he told himself, 'Sirius kissed me anyways, so if it doesn't mean anything to him, I won't lose a friend.'
Remus closed the small distance between himself and Sirius and hesitantly pressed his lips against the dark-haired boy's, and then, as he hoped; Sirius pressed back. It was like a surge of electricity coursed through them at the touch, chills went down Remus's spine as he felt Sirius's arms wrap around his waist. He reacted more slowly, eventually hugging Sirius around his shoulders and falling further and further into the euphoria of the kiss.
Suddenly Remus pulled back. He checked his watch, and then realized McGonagall would soon come hunting him down for Prefect duties. Sirius must've realized this too, judging by his reluctant release of Remus. The shorter boy stood up, unnecessarily straightening his robes.
"I'm monitoring the room outside of the portrait hole," Remus said. Not that he needed to really, but it was just for the sake of saying something and killing the awkward moment. Sirius followed Remus out of the portrait hole when the other decided to leave.
From the top of the stairs of the Boys' Dorms James Potter observed in triumph. On the other side of the room, at the top of the stairs to the Girls' Dorms, he spotted Lily Evans watching also. Even from where he was sitting James could see the look on her face was that of a hopeless romantic; and he couldn't resist smiling.
Another thought ran through his head the same time it crossed through Lily's:
It was about damn time Remus took the hint.
"Sirius, you'd better get back in the Common Room before someone else sees you and I have to report you," Remus told Sirius as they crawled out of the portrait hole. The taller boy pretended not to hear Remus and proceeded to follow the other boy through the room. The werewolf turned to Sirius suddenly, taking the Dog Star off guard.
"Please?" he asked, trying to sound stern despite the puppy dog eyes Sirius was giving him. Remus suppressed a smile and turned his face away from Sirius, crossing his arms to add to the effect of authority.
"Oh, all right Moony," the brown eyed boy backed down. But he didn't leave right away; rather bent to give Remus one last kiss. The amber-eyed youth consented to this and gladly returned the gesture, gasping slightly when he felt Sirius's tongue against his lips. He parted his lips anyway and welcomed this strange new feeling. Out of nowhere, a low whistle was heard; and the two boys both broke away irritably to face the source of the sound.
One of the Fifth Year Gryffindor girls, Delena Hupp, was heading back to the Tower and had come across this amusing sight. She giggled at the couple,
"By all means, don't let me stop you," she chirped and as randomly as she appeared, she bounded off to the Gryffindor Tower.
Sirius gave Remus one last peck and left for the portrait hole behind Delena.
Remus sighed to himself. This turned out to be a very good day indeed.
Mission Accomplished
Post-Mission Analysis Go me!!!!!! It's my first ever slash fic! The way I picture Hogwarts to be set up is the way it is in the Chamber of Secrets game. So when you get to the Seventh floor there's a sort of reading room where the Fat Lady's portrait is. Sorry I suck so bad at writing kissing scenes- I would go more into detail, but I turn beet red and won't stop giggling. Anywhoozles, I'm not quite sure if this should be a one-shot or multi-chaptered. I'll let you the reviewer, decide. (hint hint)
Update I fixed the misspellings and inconsistencies! I think so at least... Anyway, I'm really sorry I'm delaying the second instalment. Almost every review said I should continue, but my plot bunnies ran away for a long time. Since there's no sign of my beloved plot bunnies or muses returning anytime soon I have made a decision for this fic. I will post different scenarios on ways I think would be fun for Remus and Sirius to get together! I had half a chapter written for Scenario #2 without a backup, but my computer (a.k.a.: Satan) committed digital suicide and all of my files went POOF! So... it might be a while until the bunnies bite me or my muse (who strangely reminds me of a yaoi-rabid Joan of Arc) hits me on the head.
End Transmission