PAINFUL RECOLLECTIONS
By: xxrach97
Edward, Edward. How could you do this to me? That last stunt to convince me that getting close to you would not have a good result had hurt me. But this. No, nothing could ever compare to this. Why did you have to leave me, Edward?
Last time I had been depressed and Jake had come to comfort me. Then you had come back. I forgave you for that. I had said to you that 'people make mistakes and sometimes hurt others in the process'. You had apologised earnestly and we had forgotten that such a thing had ever occurred. I was happy with you as my husband. I was happy with my new vampire family. I had even been prepared to give up my own human life in order to be with you. And this is how you decide to repay me.
The night I had been conceived with Renesmee was one of the best nights of my life. That had been the second time I had ever made love with you. All those soft touches and caresses that I experienced from you healed that hole in my chest that I had been marked with when you left me months ago. But now that you have decided to flee from me once more, the hole has opened a gape even wider and much harder to heal than ever before.
Jake is trying his best to help me in any way he can. I am ashamed at myself for hurting him again and again; I don't deserve his love.
It has almost been a full year since you abandoned me for the second and final time. And you had taken Alice and your whole family along with you. Alice, with her stance so poised; Esme, with her smile so motherly... By doing that, you had purposefully launched me into yet another severe state of depression. And this time, there was no escaping that.
Why hadn't you reconsidered it? Why had you run away from Forks with no explanation or goodbyes, just like last time? I had forgiven you for that. I don't know why I did.
When I told you that I was pregnant, you could have called Carlisle. You could have done anything. You didn't have to stand there as still as a statue and then run off, muttering that you had somewhere to go. And then leave me there while you and your family drove far, far away, leaving me behind in a pile of tears and a broken heart.
Our future could have been spent differently. We could have nurtured Renesmee together, and lived forever as immortal beings. You could have changed me. If you had, then none of this would even be happening. Why, Edward? Why oh why did you leave me here with Jake and Charlie to deal with this whole mess?
Even now, ten months later, your flawless image still interrupts my dreams and nightmares. You are always there, whispering to me that everything will be okay, that when I wake up you will be there to hold me when I cry. Except that that was a lie. You never came back. You let my spirit fade and my life flash before my very eyes. You wounded me for life. You let all that happen.
And you know what? I will never forgive you, Edward Cullen. Not now. Not ever.
A/N: This is just a short fanfic in Bella's POV. Please review and tell me what you think of it, even if it's just a few words! R&R!