Sorrow Is Just Fine
It was all over and done with. I guess I should be glad. Yet somehow all I feel is a profound sadness. I've been living this deception all my life; it's so hard to fathom that it's all over. It was inevitable, I know, but it's so hard to believe that I am not a double agent anymore.
The long awaited battle had been fought and won. The greatest evil the wizarding world has ever known was gone. Voldemort, Tom Marvolo Riddle, is dead. But how could I be happy? Hermione, my Hermione, was…. dead. We had been through so much together, after all being in love with a student is never that popular to begin with, but me? Severus Snape, with someone so amazing as her? I know it's hard to believe but I loved her with all my heart. It's hard to believe that I'm still here while she... She just isn't.
I still remember the last time I saw her. She was covered in blood and bruises but otherwise fine. I kissed her for the last time and then she disappeared into the wave of battle.
I saw her again later and she looked bloody awful. She had been hit by several different curses, and all I wanted to do was go over there, scoop her up in my arms, carry her to the infirmary, and tie her to a bed so she couldn't get any more hurt than she was. But she was still managing to hold her own. And then, from behind, a flash of green light and… she was dead. But I had to keep going. I had a part in this, and I had to do it. I could mourn later. I could do nothing anyway.
After it was all over I found Molly sobbing over her, and all I wanted to do was join her. After all, I had good reason, the one person I loved and the one person who could love me in return was dead. Instead I went and comforted Molly, who I had found wasn't that bad. But later, when I was alone in my study while the death count was being taken, I cried. I sobbed my eyes out. I know that someday, just maybe, I'll be happy again, and I can find someone to love again. But for now, sorrow is just fine.