AN: This idea came to me in a dream, haha - Update: oh my god, no wonder. I just realized why. It's from Boy Meets World! This is supposed to be humorous and fun, so hopefully you have fun reading as much as I loved writing. Also, I hope you guys are a bit open minded by this, because my main goal was to write something humorous, so I hope I can make someone laugh by this and please don't question the details, it's AU (still in the wizarding world, but doesn't follow canon at all). And maybe just a hint of OOCness, but I'm not entirely sure myself. You all can be the judge of that. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or this concept, for that matter.
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A Harry Potter One-shot
Author: wubbzy
Count: 4209
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Chocolate Handprints
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Everything else will be left to the imagination
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"We are not a bore!" Hermione belaboured. Ginny sighed, sympathetically patting her shoulder as she gave her a look that showed how much pity she felt for the girl. Hermione scoffed, completely infuriated and crossed her arms in absolute rage.
"Look, I understand that you may not see it as so, since you're you, but honestly," Ginny began, and Hermione brushed her hand away from her shoulder as she turned to leave. Ginny sighed.
"Oh, come on, look at you two... you and Harry stay at home on Friday nights! You're nineteen for Merlin's sake! I understand the notion of looking like a married couple, but I don't think it's too grand that you're compared to anold married couple." Hermione gasped, affronted.
"That's not true!" Unfortunately, the thought already rushed to her head, and now she had to analyze their previous weekends together. She felt flabbergasted, a small little part of her head, no matter how stubborn she was, knew that Ginny's words were full of nothing but verity.
"Look, all I'm saying is that we all kind of see you two... a bit boring, is all."
"Boring?" Hermione repeated, aghast.
"We all love you two to death, but we fear for you, really we do. It's just, last week Michael had a party-"
"I didn't hear about a party," Hermione quickly chided in. Ginny sighed, nodding.
"That's exactly my point. You two are either too busy or do nothing on days where you should really be enjoying yourself. I believe that's why no one even bothers with you two anymore. I'm just trying to help here, or I fear we might lose you two forever."
Hermione stood there, jaw dropping at this new information.
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"Harry?" Hermione started, while he acknowledged her with a soft 'hmm?' as he continued to read through reports.
"You don't suppose we're a – bore – do you?" Hermione inquired, her heart pounding at the plausible answer. She twiddled with their blankets, placing her book on the History of the Ministry down on her lap. Harry stared at her, a bit confused, and then sighed.
"Alright, which one told you that nonsense?"
"Which one?" Hermione reiterated, absolutely confused and mildly shocked.
"Seamus, Dean, Neville, or Ron? Which one was it?" he asked, placing the report down and gazing into her panic stricken eyes.
"All four of them think we're a bore?" she asked, her mouth agape and her voice raising an octave. "They talked to you about this?" He nonchalantly shrugged, and she couldn't feel more concerned by this new qualm she found herself unexpectedly facing. "Oh Merlin, Ginny told me! So they all think we're a bore!"
Harry shrugged once again. "Oh, don't listen to them. I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. I'm happy with how we spend our nights. It's perfectly normal."
"Me too, but what if they're seeing something we aren't? What if this isn't normal?" Hermione began, paranoid.
"Well, Luna agrees with us. She tried to defend us when Ron and I were discussing it."
"Oh, that should make me feel loads better," Hermione sarcastically spat, and Harry chuckled. She groaned at Harry's indifference to everything their friends were saying.
Hermione frowned, realizing that what they said could be taken for truth. What were they doing right now on a Friday night? Laying in bed, Hermione reading a book, while Harry worked on some work for his auror training.
And their sex life... she had to schedule the times they're both free to have a good shag, and...
Oh Merlin...
"We are a bore..." she gasped, absolutely terrified. She dropped to her pillow, staring at the ceiling. Was this how their life was going to be? Always missing out on things with their friends, or staying home, oblivious to all that was out there?
"Harry, we have to do something about this." Harry snorted.
"Do you actually believe them?" He would have thought Hermione would have been the reasonable one here.
"Well, yes. Harry, think about it, our Friday nights are spent in our apartment."
"We go to dinner sometimes," he reasoned, and she shook her head.
"It's not the same," Hermione argued, and Harry sighed.
"If you're so worked up about it, then maybe we should do something about it," Harry thought, just to get her to stop worrying so much. "How about a party?"
"Oh, that an excellent idea! A party it is!"
Everything would be fabulous now, because a party would surely show them!
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"What's this supposed to be?" Ron asked, arching an eyebrow.
"Oh, just an invitation for a party Harry and I are hosting. You know, since we're certainly not a bore and we enjoy ourselves all the time," Hermione explained smugly, flipping her hair as she stalked off until she heard a snort.
"Is there something funny, Ronald?" she asked with a hint of anger that made him purse his lips, but he still shook his head.
"It's just you two are going to throw a party? It just seems rather... uuh," he trailed off, not sure how to break it down to her without Hermione nagging him about it.
"Just spit it out then!" she growled, and Ron had to jump back.
"Alright! It just seems like it will be a bit of a, shock. I mean, what are you planning?"
"Well, I'm not sure yet," Hermione said in a panic. What was going to be on the agenda?
"Look, I guess I'll go, but maybe I should help the two of you-"
"I think we can manage just fine, thank you very much. Just make sure you show up, and you'll see," Hermione said, stomping off. She was so sick of everyone; she just wanted to prove them wrong.
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"What's this supposed to be?"
"A party," Harry said, monotone. Ginny laughed. "Shut it."
"It's just...why? You don't seem too happy about it," she noticed, stifling a giggle.
"It's because of you! You put it in Hermione's head that we're a bore, and now she's not going to stop until she proves the lot of you wrong."
"Well, I congratulate you. I think it's a great thing. You are both always extremely busy with the Ministry, it is ridiculous. Hopefully the two of you go out more as in, fun." Harry rolled his eyes.
"Says you." Ginny continued to giggle, taking the card and leaving Harry to his thoughts.
No, she wouldn't understand. None of their friends would understand their relationship.
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"What's wrong with Hermione?" Neville asked, concerned.
"I'm not sure, but I know she's blowing everything out of proportion," Harry sighed.
Hermione had managed to do all the planning for there extravagant party, with Harry shrugging every time whenever she asked for an opinion.
"You could at least put a bit of effort into this you know."
"I don't know. Now that I'm thinking about it, I just don't feel it's necessary to have a party. You don't truly want to," Harry began, but Hermione abruptly interjected.
"Yes, I do. We're doing what's normal for our age, and we're having a party. A damn good party! Anyways, what's with this going back now? You're the one who suggested it," she reminded, and Harry sighed in frustration
"Yes, I know, but it just seems too..."
"Too what?"
"Too much trouble going through all this. If we want to show them, we could just go out for a weekend if you'd like then. Although, I'd much rather do other things..." Harry smirked, bringing his hands to her thigh. Hermione shook her head, swatting his hand away as she tried to remain stern.
"Oh no you don't, we can't get out of it now. I already handed out the invitations. Anyways, we need to decide on the food preparations, and the music and,"
"Okay, Hermione," Harry rolled his eyes, muttering how this party was making her no fun.
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"A week for preparations is impossible to get everything prepared, Hermione," Harry tried to reason, although that wasn't necessarily true. It just was for Hermione, with everything she was trying to get done this week. She seriously needed a break.
"No, everything is under control. We can just put some music on the radio at least, or something," Hermione huffed, completely lost. "This can still be salvageable. Instead of dancing and other things, we can just... play games," Hermione thought, her eyes widening with a smile. "I'll look for board games."
"Board games?" Harry asked, arching an eyebrow.
"Yes, my mum sent me Scrabble, so I suppose it could lighten up the mood." Harry arched an eyebrow.
"What's Scrabble?"
"Oh, it's a very good, very fun board game, and," she paused when he noticed he was stifling chuckles.
"What's wrong? Is there something funny?"
"Not at all. I just thought you wanted others to think this party was fun."
"It will be! Scrabbles... fun." She groaned.
"Fine then, what do you suppose we do now?"
"I don't know. How about we just call it a day?" Harry asked, and Hermione was completely astounded.
"Well, it's only the day of our party, of course we can call it off," she sarcastically remarked and groaned in frustration.
"Hermione, you need to relax. Everything is going to go just fine. We have the alcohol, we have a radio, we have food. What else do we need? We have everything prepared, you just need to calm down." Hermione sighed.
"I suppose," she thought, wrapping her arms around him. "I'm just worried... what if they don't like it? What should we do then?"
"Don't worry about it. Anyways, you've done enough for one week's worth. Just wait until actual guess arrive and we'll get through this," Harry reassured, rubbing the small of her back. She felt at ease, laying her head on his shoulder until she heard a ding. She smiled, rushing towards the kitchen.
"The appetizers are ready!"
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Hermione had finished cooking through the appetizers and dinner, placing everything on their round dining table for preparations. Harry tuned the radio to a rather lively station, with the finest music, and Hermione was fixing up the desert and placing it in the oven. The alcohol was refreshed and ready to serve for anyone who asked. Everything seemed perfect.
Only one problem deterred the couple.
"Where is everyone?" Hermione asked, her heart pounding almost out of her chest as she felt about ready to cry. Harry heaved an exhale, motioning her to the couch so she wouldn't pace. He wrapped his arms around her, attempting to comfort her.
"They'll be here. It's only 30 minutes into it. I'm sure they're just a bit late."
She seemed to calm down during the next thirty minutes until an hour rolled by. She had tried to keep herself busy during these minutes that passed by like hours. She had taken out the cake from the oven and let it cool. She had looked through every station on the radio, just to find something better. She took out the Scrabble board even, just in case someone took an interest.
However, she couldn't preoccupy herself with anything else anymore. It was already a full hour into the party, and it was still vacant with only a party of two.
"No one's coming! No one! We prepared everything; we've done all that was necessary, and no one is here!"
"Well, it's their lost then."
"Harry, do you know what this means? No one came because we really are a bore."
"Hermione, calm down. I'm sure they're busy. The lot of them said they'd be here. I can assure you, they'll be here some time," Harry convinced, and Hermione seemed to calm down a bit.
And they continued to wait.
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"Oh Harry, no one's here!" she exclaimed, completely despondent from this new revelation.
"Maybe we should go invite some people at the bar and," she suggested.
"Hermione," he interrupted. "You want to invite strangers into our home? You know that'll be uncomfortable. They'll be staring and trying to talk to me all night."
"Well, then what are we supposed to do? We have everything needed for a party except guest! None of our friends think we'll host an extraordinary enough party to even come!" Hermione exclaimed, completely exacerbated.
"Hermione, don't worry,"
"How can I not worry? Everything is ruined! The food is cold, and we wasted a whole day preparing for a party that no one thought to show up to!" Hermione fumed, covering her hands to her face.
"Let's eat then and forget about this so called party," Harry suggested with amusement. Hermione was not amused.
"This isn't funny, Harry!"
"I never said it was!" he defended, stepping back from her and her piercing glare. "It's just that we shouldn't let good food go to waste, you know. Might as well eat it."
"No! I'm not giving up! Should I go find them?" Hermione asked.
"Hermione, that's not the best thing to do."
"And why not?"
"I wouldn't think you would want to sound desperate to them, the ones you wanted to prove that our party would be fun. Let's just tell them how great it turned out, and they should have come," he offered, and she groaned.
"Yes, if that weren't a lie. I wanted to prove to them fair and square. But this, look at this? It's pathetic! No one came and, ugh..." she stopped, hearing the timer to the cake.
"It's almost ready. At least I have that to look forward to," Hermione said, going off to the cake that was cooling near the window. She took out the chocolate frosting from the cabinet and prepared to smother it over the cake. She attempted to open the lid of frosting. "Bugger." She bit her lip, attempting to open the jar again. Harry watched amused, while Hermione glowered at his sniggers.
"Why don't you help me? I'm the one trying to get all this done you know!"
"Well, why don't you just use your wand?" Hermione stopped, feeling rather ridiculous. Harry rolled his eyes, taking out his wand.
"No, I'll do it," Hermione said, while he arched an eyebrow.
"No, I better do it. You did want my help after all." The tension grew between them as she growled, frustrated with the man in front of her.
"Drop it!" she shouted, but before she could, he already popped the lid open with a charm, and the lid flew high in the air, making her drop the frosting. It splattered on her face and a bit on her apron.
"Now look what you've done," she reprimanded, more annoyed than anything by Harry now.
"Me? I was offering my help since you feel I haven't done anything."
"You haven't, ugh, stop being so foolish!" she said, and he furrowed his eyebrows.
"Hermione, you need to calm down."
"I would if things were going the way they should. Harry, why isn't this bothering you?" she wondered, completely exasperated with his indifference on the whole situation while she was here, having a panic attack about their entire future together. Harry sighed.
"Hermione, it's not bothering me because I don't care what they think of us. I'm happy. Honestly, I really like how things are with us, just spending it with you for as much as possible and well, living a fairly easy-going life for now. After everything that's happened in the past, I'm not looking for more attention," Harry explained, and Hermione felt a churning in her stomach that made her feel uneasy. "You're the one that's not satisfied," he frowned, his eyes gleaming with hurt and confusion. She felt guilt rush through her. "What's all this about, Hermione?" he asked, still looking perplexed. Tears began to well up in her eyes, vehemently throwing the frosting on the counter.
"It's just, I don't know. Everyone is questioning our relationship, and I just felt a bit… apprehensive. Their jokes and such are really starting to get to me, Harry. What if this isn't supposed to happen? What if we're way over our heads and our relationship really does get weary? Usually, this wouldn't get to me. A lot of people thought I was a bore throughout my entire life, but this time it's our relationship they're talking about, and I don't like the idea, because I feel as though I'm at fault – that maybe you want someone not so boring. I'm such a bore, plain and dull, and – and…" sobs emitted, and Harry frowned, wrapping his arms around her. He placed his hands on her cheek to motion her to face him and stare into his determined eyes.
"Hermione, you really need to relax. You're not boring. As I have been saying all this time, I'm happy with the way things are. Who cares what they think-"
"I do, since they might have a point! I mean, look at us? We can't even throw a bloody party without everything becoming a disaster! And there's no one here, and, and-"
"Hermione," he interrupted again, trying to get her to look at him once more. "I think the reason this 'party' didn't go up to snub as usual is because – well, maybe we're over thinking it… at least you are." He gently smiled, rubbing small little circles on her arm and kneading her soft cheek.
"Over thinking?" she wondered, and he nodded, amused.
"Exactly. You're trying to control everything, and that's not how a party is supposed to be. It's the same with a relationship too, so I've heard. That's probably the reason no one thought of us… compatible."
"But I like our Friday nights, and everything else we do together. I love it all. I love just spending time with you," she said, and he laughed.
"That won't stop any of them from thinking we're miserable." He smirked. "I'm happy to just spend time with you, like I've been saying for the past few weeks."
"Oh, shut up."
"But I'm right, you know. You need to stop trying to control everything, or put everything in that schedule of yours. Because, there is one thing that I have to admit isn't as satisfying. I mean, really? Schedule when we'll be having a shag Hermione? It's no wonder this party was a tragedy." He shook his head, still smirking while her face was agape at his faux irritation. He let go of her. He was stalking away, when she growled, furious.
"Well excuse me for trying to bring a bit of order to things, and I'm trying to change things a bit. I'm at least enthusiastic about trying to get this party going, while you're just being a lazy bloke." He seemed not to listen to her, and she sighed, biting her lip. Can't do anything fun, eh?
"Then prove it," Harry, without thinking, slammed his hand into the immaculate chocolate cake, making Hermione gasp at the ruined pastry. It felt gooey, seeping through his fingers. Perfect.
"H-harry, that was for the guest, you can't-"
"Hermione, you said it yourself: no one's coming. We're a bore, remember? And even if they were coming, who cares? See, I thought so. They must be right about us then."
She scoffed, "They could be on the other side of the door for all I care. I-I don't care either."
"Then. Prove. It.," he repeated. At this time, Harry grasped a large amount of cake, and smeared it all over her chest, squeezing her ample breast before he moved one of his hands to her cheek, dirtying it as well.
"Harry! Y-you might have gotten it on my new shirt, and my face-" and he smirked, while she glared, taking the moment to scoop up a huge chunk and splatter it all over his face. Before she was able to take her hand away to launch more at him, he snatched her hand, bringing her fingers to his lips. He kissed them before engulfing them in his mouth. She felt her knees buckle at the sensation, her breath hitching.
"H-Harry," she groaned uneasily. She felt a heat rushing to her navel while her muscles clenched in anticipation.
"Mmm, delicious." He licked his lips, lustful eyes staring her down.
She took his hand, and his breath was delayed when she slowly – seductively – took his finger into her mouth, sucking the chocolate off and then licking it after. She did this for each finger, bobbing her head twice for his middle finger. By the end, he felt so aroused, he wasn't sure how he could have waited so long to just let her tantalize him – the tormenting witch she was.
He could already feel the pressure in his pants, and she had to close her legs, the tingling sensation that heated her entire body surging through every little capillary, more rushing in between her aching legs.
"You have a little something on your face, just a smidge." She rolled her eyes, pulling him to her.
"Just shut up and get over here…" and they collided, their lips crushing each other's in a moment of pure rapture while frantic hands discarded anything that didn't feel like skin against their dirtied fingers.
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"Oh, Harry!"
"Her-Hermione!"
"Oh my god, yes, yes- YES!"
Ron walked through the halls, his brow arching at his little sister, Neville, Seamus, Seamus' girlfriend, and Luna having their ear against the door. Actually, now that he looked at it, there was quite a crowd. Many more were attempting to hear.
"What the-"
"Shhh," Ginny hissed. It was then that Ron heard the moans along with the crescendo of thumping and shouts.
"More, more. Oh – oh- Oh Merlin, Yes!"
"Oh shite, Hermione."
"What the bloody hell is going on in there?" Ron asked, his mouth agape and feeling rather nauseous as possibilities rushed to his fragile head. If Neville wasn't the first to pass out, he was pretty sure he would be.
"What do you think?" Ginny rolled her eyes at her brother's ignorance.
"Well I know what it sounds like, but that's just... impossible."
"My ears are telling me otherwise," Seamus chided in, sniggering with his girlfriend and Dean as they continued to listen in. Neville stared between Ron, Ginny, Seamus, and the bloody door, feeling highly embarrassed for eavesdropping and a bit queasy himself.
"Do you think they do this – every Friday night?" Ron hesitated, feeling a bit uncomfortable by the shouts from the other side of the door.
"Hermione, you're incredible."
"Harry, ugh! Oh my!"
"Oh my Merlin, it's no wonder they just want to stay home all the time. Do you imagine they be going at it so intensely, all this time?" Ginny wondered. Hermione was really holding back on their little conversations. She jumped by the banging that erupted.
"Who would have thought they shag like this?" someone asked.
"I think I heard something about chocolate too," another added.
"How long have they been at it?" Ron asked, his eyebrows furrowing at the thought of his two best friends... shagging right now. He shivered at the horror.
"This round? Well, I don't know, they had started before I got here. The animals, they are... mad as rabbits."
"I'm surprised Hermione's not worried about collateral damage," Ron tried to joke, but the groans from the room made him gulp and tense up.
"I think that's far from her mind at the moment," Ginny teased.
"And I would have thought Hermione would be panicking for the party," Ron said. Ginny shrugged.
"Most of us came at the time it said on the invitation, but it looks like they decided to have a party for two," Ginny giggled, and everyone else chuckled.
"So why have you been here so long? Voyeuristic, aren't you?" Seamus smirked, making Ron make a disgusted face.
"Please, don't say anything of that nature about my sister. Ever." Ginny rolled her eyes, dismissing his statement entirely.
"No, it's just-" she paused, hearing another litany of guttural moans from the other end of the door. "Well, it's kind of unbelievable, don't you think? I mean, I wonder what's going on in there..."
"I think we all know what's happening in there," Seamus remarked, making everyone pause and listen in. It had been quiet for a while, surprisingly.
"You don't suppose they finished?"
"I'd hope they'd be finished by now, I mean-" she was cut off once again by a loud crash of something falling to the floor – a vase? – and then an increased amount of banging and screams form once again. Everyone's mouth dropped. Again?
"Reckon we've been wrong all this time." They all nodded, deciding it would be best to question – and praise – the couple tomorrow.
"I need to get some tips from the bloke, see what we can do," Seamus said aloud, getting a smack from his girlfriend.
And they sauntered off to the pub, each wondering if they could have as good a time as Hermione and Harry. Every couple worried about their relationships.
After that night, they became the most not so boring couple to everyone who had witnessed – or heard – what happened behind that door.
Never, would they ever imagine by the end, their 'boring' couple would be lying on a coffee table in the living room, chocolate hand prints on every inch of their bodies.
And everything in between would be left to the imagination.
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AN: I hope everyone enjoyed this! I felt that the implied sexual content was enough to bring this up a rating. Haha, tell me what you think! I would really appreciate it if you guys told me what you think, since I worked really hard on this and am a bit self conscious about this.