WARNINGS: a small hint of incest and yaoi between Ed and Al. Angsty and dark.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters.
At night, when the Elric brothers shared a bed together, Ed often rolled over in his sleep, unconsciously seeking his brother's soft flesh and inviting warmth, but Al's metal body was cold and hard, unmoving against him. He always awoke suddenly, chilled both from the touch of steel against his bare skin and from the haunting memories the sensation always dredged up. He would lie still in the darkness, an arm or leg draped over the suit of armour his brother's soul was bound to, and tried to calm his breathing quickly, desperately fearful that Al would awaken from the 'almost-sleep' of memories and wistful dreams he lost himself in every night as well and ask what was wrong.
He couldn't bear that question. No matter how many times it was posed to him, he couldn't bring himself to voice his complaint. Night after night, he sought the old, familiar warmth of his younger brother in his sleep, and awoke to a cold metal frame. He used to flinch and gasp, pulling away quickly before he even fully awoke, and the movement always roused his brother, and brought those harsh, horrible memories back to both of them as they lay looking at each other sadly from opposite sides of the bed. At these times, Ed would have the same selfish, heartless thought: he was grateful his brother no longer had eyes so he couldn't see the pain and accusing dejection in them.
As the nights passed, Ed trained himself to wake up before pulling away; to endure the cold steel's touch a few moments, before casually rolling back onto his back, keeping his breathing steady and slow, so if Al had been awakened, he wouldn't suspect his brother had been awake as well.
The deceptiveness was unpleasant, but in Ed's eyes, it was necessary. His younger brother had suffered enough because of him - more than anything in the world, Edward didn't want to cause Alphonse any more pain.
So, when his body longed for another body, and rolled to the side where his beloved brother always lay, Edward would grimace and bear a few moments' bitter chill, then roll back onto his back, his arousal chased away by both the achingly cold 'flesh' that now enveloped his brother, and by the achingly cold desolation that came with knowing he might never awaken to Al's warm body next to him ever again.