Angsty little 2-shot...i cried writing parts of it...be ready...to reveiw that his...lol...thanks
She sat, crumpled against the wall of her apartment. Her head in her hands, the tears continuing to flow down her face. Her entire body wracked with sobs, so uncontrollably that it was hard to breath.
The events of the past half hour continued to play on constant rotation through her head. Why couldn't she stop them? She wanted the images out of her head. She felt physically sick, but she couldn't bring herself to stand up to go and empty the contents of her stomach in the bathroom 10 feet away.
If this was what it felt to have a broken heart, then it was horrible. She felt like she was being ripped in two. The pain, the searing pain hitting right in her heart of what she had just done was unbearable.
She remembered the words she had yelled, and immediately the uncontrollable sobs came again.
FLASHBACK
She was studying the box of brownies very carefully when she heard knocking on her door. She wondered who it was. Turning off the oven to avoid burning down her apartment, she meandered over to the door, smiling when she saw who it was.
"Booth. Come in."
"Hey Bones."
He looked nervous and tired as he walked into her apartment. She wondered what was wrong.
"What's going on."
"I need to talk to you."
"Ok."
"You probably want to sit down."
She nodded as they sat down on her couch. Where they had sat many times talking about their problems. Or at least since 3 months ago.
"What's wrong Booth? You look terrible."
He took a deep breath. He had no idea what he was about to say would shatter everything into a million pieces.
"Ok. I know this is really bad timing. And I don't expect you to understand."
"Booth, what is it? Has someone died? Did you shoot someone?"
He shook his head. She smiled. He hated that what he was about to say would probably wipe the smile off her face.
"No. Ok then it can't be that bad."
"You're going to be angry. Maybe you won't want to see me again, but I have to say it. I'm in love with you Temperance. I've been in love with you forever."
She felt like she had been hit by a truck. Her heart rate sped up, and she felt like she couldn't stand, but she did anyway. How could he do this to her?
"Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me Booth!? You wait 3 year to tell me this? I'm getting married tomorrow! You think you have the right to come in and screw that up for me."
"Calm down Bones. I'm not trying to screw things up for you."
He could see the tears brimming at the corner of her eyes.
"Calm down!? I'm getting married Booth! I have a fiancé that has no idea how you feel about me. And he loves me. Ryan LOVES me! And now you come and tell me that you love me. You don't get to do this to me."
He tried to speak, but she continued.
"I had to tell you how I feel, before you marry him."
"No. No you lost that right a year ago, when I told you how I felt and you just threw it back in my face. Get out."
"Temperance."
"No Booth! Get out now. I hate you."
She saw the hurt on his face as the words spilled from her mouth. She didn't care. He was killing her right now. He stood up, he could see she was trying to keep from crying.
"I'm sorry Bones."
"No you're not. Otherwise you wouldn't have come here and done this."
As soon as he stepped out the door, she slammed it. Not wanting to see his face. She couldn't. As soon as she slammed the door, she erupted into sobs, as she slid down against the wall.
END FLASHBACK
The sun was setting outside. That meant there was about an hour until Ryan came home from work. She was still crying. She couldn't help it. After the rage and frustration she had felt at Booth subsided it just made her sad. The things she had said. The way she had yelled.
It was true. Right before she met Ryan, just over a year ago, she had decided to tell Booth how she felt. What an idiot she had been. That had been the first time she had felt her heart break. This was the second.
He loved her, but she couldn't love him back. It wasn't fair.
She looked up at the pictures around the apartment. A lot of them Angela had taken, and she was glad she did. They made her happy, thinking about happy times.
One of her favorites was of her and Ryan. He was so handsome. His black hair flopped lazily over his dark eyes, and his kind face. He had his arm around her, and was kissing her cheek, while she smiled. She looked sort of embarrassed, but like she didn't really mind.
Now looking at it, it just made her feel sick. Like she had cheated on him. But she hadn't. She really had though. Emotionally. If there was such a thing.
The picture next to it was of her and Angela. Booth had taken it when the 3 of them had had to drive down to Florida to check out a body that had been found in a crocodile. They were sitting on a rock next to the ocean, smiling, Angela had her arm loosely swung around her friends shoulders and Brennan was laughing.
A picture of the entire squint squad on the lab platform. She and Booth were leaning against the railing, Hodgins and Zach had been caught in mid tackle, Angela was sitting on a clean autopsy table and Cam was laughing at Zach and Hodgins. She smiled weakly when the looked at it.
The next picture made her feel sick also. It was of her and Booth. Angela had taken it on her birthday last year. The squint squad had thrown a surprise birthday for her. Angela had taken it without them knowing, framed it, and given it to Brennan a few days later. He was ruffling her hair while she laughed, trying to swat his hand away.
The day she had told Booth how she felt, was clear in her mind, and she couldn't push it away. At that time it had felt like the worst day of her life.
FLASHBACK
They were sitting on the couch in Booth's apartment drinking beer. Correction, he was drinking beer, she was gulping down a glass of water. She was too nervous to drink alcohol; she knew she would throw it up.
"So Bones, what's up? You seem pretty upset."
"I' m ok. I just need to say something."
"Ok shoot."
She put her glass down, running a hand through her hair. She took a deep breath. She knew this was a mistake. She had come to Booth's apartment in a moment of stupidity at 11 pm. She had the crazy thought in her head that it was better to come out and do it then live with the pain of keeping it a secret. Now she wished she was asleep in her own bed.
"This is hard to say. I don't know to begin."
"Whatever it is, you can tell me. We're partners right?"
He smiled at her, trying to reassure her. Instead she just felt more nervous.
"That's just it. We're partners, but I'm, I, I have feelings for you."
He swallowed. Did she just say what he thought she said. No way. It couldn't be. She was telling him that she was romantically inclined to him.
"What do you mean Bones?"
"I have feelings for you Booth. Logically I shouldn't, we're partners, but you're there for me...more than anyone ever has been..I want to be with you..more than just partners."
She breathed out. She had said it. Now all she had to do was wait to see what he said.
"Bones. We can't."
"What?"
She didn't think he would reject her. Had she been reading his signs wrong. She was bad with people, but she thought that he felt the same way.
"I mean. You're one of my closest friends, but not like that. We should keep our relationship professional. I just don't feel that way about you."
Booth felt sick, hearing the words coming out of his mouth. He loved her, and now he was telling her that he didn't. That he didn't want a relationship like that. What was he doing?
"Oh god. I shouldn't have come. I'm so stupid. To think that you would, that you… that you have feelings for me."
She stood, grabbing her jacket. He grabbed her arm.
"Bones. Don't do this."
"No I need to go Booth. I'll um, see you tomorrow."
She basically sprinted out of his apartment slamming the door behind her. He put his head in his hands. He couldn't believe what he what he had just did. He was head over heels in love with her. But there was too much to loose. And now he had hurt her horribly, and he knew that. The things he had said. That he didn't have any feeling for her.
As soon as she got to her car, she leaned her head against the steering wheel. She was in shock. The silent tears pouring down her cheeks. Everything had changed in a moment.
END FLASHBACK
She finally stopped crying. What was she going to do. How could she handle this. Ryan was perfect in everyway. He was kind, smart, handsome, and sweet to her. He liked her social incompetence's, and appreciated her brilliance. But Booth, Booth was everything. She was still in love with him. But she had made a promise to Ryan. She was engaged.
She looked at the ring on her finger. Twisting it around. Why had she ever said yes? She was still in love with Booth, and she knew it. But what was she supposed to say?
FLASHBACK
She remembered the day clearly. It had felt normal. She had kissed Ryan goodbye, grabbed coffee, and drove to the Jeffersonian, but when she got there something was different.
Walking onto the lab platform everyone had been quiet. She looked to the autopsy tables to see what remains they were working on today, but instead she had been greeted with color. Hundreds of bouquets of roses were on the tables.
Red, white, yellow, pink, dark purple, orange. They were beautiful. She was about to ask what was going on when Ryan stepped out from behind the table.
"Ryan? What are you doing here?"
He kneeled down, taking her hand in his. He pulled out a small black velvet box. She didn't know why women were always written as being nervous and flustered when a man brought out a jewelry box, but now she knew. Even her, who didn't believe in marriage felt jittery.
"Temperance. I love you more then I've ever loved someone. This past year has been amazing. I want every year for the rest of my life with you. Will do me the honor of being my wife?"
He opened the box to reveal a perfectly cut square diamond on a platinum band. Simple and beautiful. She put a hand over her mouth. The answer had come to her easily, without really even thinking.
"Yes. Yes I'll marry you."
As soon as she said it she felt regret. Her heart didn't totally belong to Ryan and she was well aware of it.
He kissed her, and then wrapped his arms around her. She hugged him back, but she couldn't help but catch a glimpse of Booth, scowling on the other side of the lab platform. Their eyes connected. She had wished she was in his arms.
END FLASHBACK
She stood up, walking to the bathroom. She turned on the lights, and glanced at herself. She looked horrible. Her eyes were puffy and her mascara was running down her face.
Splashing the cold water on her face, she tried to reorient herself. Tomorrow she would get married, and everything would be fine. She loved Ryan. She loved Ryan. She loved Ryan. She would repeat it until she really felt it.
The door opened, and she knew it was Ryan. Booth didn't have a key. Ryan lived with her, he had for the last 3 months. He made her feel less alone, which was nice, but sometimes she wanted to throw him out and be alone. It was confusing.
"Sweetie! Temp, I'm home."
She needed someone right now. Anyone to hold her, and tell her it would be ok. Even if it wasn't.
"Ryan."
She ran into his arms. He was surprised, but wrapped his arms around her as she cried. It felt nice to have someone to comfort her. She buried her head in his shoulder.
"Hey its ok. Its ok."
The thing was it wasn't ok. And she knew it.
Didja like it? Tell me...the 2nd part should be up tomorow ;))