Author's Note: Heey all you wonderful people. I'm back with a new story! It's definitely a darker story than my last one... It deals with some pretty serious subject matter. It also centres around a common trope that I'm going to put my own waitwhathuh twist on. This will be like a mix between Dead to You (mystery) and Falling-Out (hardship) if you've read those and want a reference point. So yeah! Here we go... First trigger warning of many.
!Trigger Warning: Suicide!
Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious or a joke for this disclaimer because I'm trying to keep the mood serious. Bruh.
This is weird. This isn't normally how things work in the morning.
Usually I'm woken up by Sam's snoring or my alarm clock. Not this… beep beep beeping. Did Sam change my alarm tone without telling me? Did Goomer think my alarm clock was a microwave again?
Ugh and I feel yucky… I must be coming down with something. Or maybe I ate something bad… I should've known all those free Inside Out burgers and too much Blue Dog Soda would catch up with me. Okay, self. Time to start eating healthier. Except candy, I'm still going to eat that.
Bleh, even thinking of candy right now makes me feel sick. I'm definitely staying home from school today. I should probably drink some orange juice. Nona always said orange juice helps you feel better faster.
…
That's funny. This isn't what my half of the room normally looks like. Where's the pink? The girly decorations I love so much? Why is it all white? What are these wires? Why does it smell like plastic? What's on my face?
Okay, I know I'm normally confused, but this is getting ridiculous.
Oh, good… something familiar. Tori's sitting beside my bed. I feel better seeing her. A lot better. Just seeing her makes me feel like everything's okay. I'm sure everything's okay. I'd be a lot more worried if Jade or Sam were sitting next to me. They have a weird sense of humour. But if Tori's here, this probably isn't a prank or something.
Actually, why does she look so sad? She's wringing her hands together, and her normally tanned skin is looking pretty pale. She almost looks as sick as I feel. She's also not looking at me, so she doesn't see that I'm awake yet. She looks very zoned out. Usually that's what I do. Ohh, now I'm getting worried again. Tori doesn't usually look like this.
"T…Tor…i…" Ow. My throat is all stingy. Talking isn't fun right now. Normally I love to talk!
Tori looks at me very quickly when I speak, her eyes wide. Now I notice she's been crying, and she looks like she's about to again.
"Cat…? Cat?" Tori shuffles closer to me on her chair, taking my hand in her hands. My hand feels warm now. I didn't even realize how cold I felt before. "Oh my god… Oh my god you're alright." She bows her head, pressing her forehead to my hand. "Thank god… thank you, God…"
I'm alright? Of course I'm alright! …I think.
I try to clear my throat to talk, but that just hurts my throat more. Aw, now my eyes are watering.
Tori leans forward, touching my cheek. "Shh, just relax. You've been through… so much. Just hold tight, I'll get a nurse or the doctor." She murmurs, giving me a long look before getting up toward the door. She glances back at me, looking so sad. "I'll be right back, okay? I'll be… I'll be right back." She assures me, and I just give her a nod to show her I understand. She smiles at me before she leaves, but it looks forced. I know what a real Tori Vega smile looks like by now.
She said she was getting a nurse or a doctor… does that mean I'm in a hospital? That would make sense because of all the wires and beeping and stuff. But I don't know why I would be in a hospital. Am I CubeFist Man again? I know Sam always threatened to get me psychologically checked out… but last time it was a misunderstanding. But then why is Tori so sad?
Tori walks back into the room with a man who looks like a doctor right behind her.
"See, Doctor? She's awake." Tori informs him, and he nods.
"Thank you for letting me know. I'll take a look at her." He states. He looks at a clipboard at the end of my bed and then looks up at me with a kind smile.
Tori walks back to beside my bed, giving me an intensely affectionate look. She's never looked at me like that before. "He's here to help, Cat. Don't worry." She says softly. I give her another nod.
"Alright, let's get this off you, shall we?" The doctor comments, slipping the mask off my face. Good. The plastic smell was gross. "Now, Miss. Valentine, can you tell me how you're feeling?"
"My throat hurts. And I feel yucky." I croak out, my eyes watering again from the stinging of my throat. I try to sit up, but I collapse down again. That was hard to do. "And I feel tired all over."
"That's all very normal for this type of situation. And you'll be weak for a while, but it will pass." He gives me another kind smile. "I'm just going to check your blood pressure if that's alright with you."
"Kay, kay." I mumble. I'm still so confused, but Tori said this doctor is trying to help, so I believe her. I feel the pressure of the cuff inflate and deflate on my arm.
"It looks good." The doctor nods at the screen. "I'll be back to test your reflexes and take a blood sample once you're feeling a little bit better." He looks at Tori. "I'm going to go speak to the psychologist to set up an assessment."
Psychologist? So I am here because of CubeFist Man?
"Okay… thank you." Tori mutters, hugging herself. The doctor looks at me again.
"You're very lucky to be alive, Miss. Valentine." He states before leaving. My eyes widen. Lucky… to be alive? Of course I'm lucky to be alive! I like being alive! But when a doctor tells you that after you wake up in a hospital, that usually means you almost weren't alive!
"He's right." Tori whispers, sitting down and taking my hand again. "You're very, very lucky."
"What happened?" I choke. Her jawline seems to tighten, a fresh coat of pale painting her face.
"I found you. I found you just in time." Tori breathes, releasing my hand to put her face in her hands. "Thank god I needed those shoes you borrowed to go with my outfit… such a superficial thing… needing a pair of shoes to match my outfit… But it saved your life." She sniffs, shaking her head.
She found me? Were we playing hide and seek? And when did I borrow Tori's shoes? Oops… I must've forgotten and never given them back… how did that save my life?
"Cat… I know that… You're probably really sensitive right now, and you probably don't want to talk about it. I'll understand if you don't want to tell me right now, but I just need to ask. I need to because it's literally eating away at me." Tori whimpers, looking up at me with tears in her eyes. "Why?"
I stare at her for a moment, trying to figure out what she means. I don't know why anything is why it is right now.
"Why what?" I ask. She inhales a large amount of air, looking at the ceiling. She looks like she's in pain.
"Why would you try to kill yourself?"
…Wh-what? Kill myself?
"What are you talking about? I didn't try to kill myself!" I gape. Tori grits her teeth, her face going red as she sits up straight.
"Oh yeah? Then why did I find you collapsed on the bathroom floor, seizing? Why did an entire bottle of sleeping pills have to be pumped from your stomach? I know you didn't think it was candy or something! I know you're not that dumb, Cat!" Tori snaps. Her mouth pops open, along with mine, and she slumps back in her chair with her hand over her mouth and her eyes tightly screwed shut. "Oh my god… I'm so sorry… I just… I don't understand. I'm trying to understand."
"I don't understand, either." I stare at her, trying to think hard. It doesn't make any sense. Suicide is what people try to do when they don't want to live anymore, right? That's not me! I've never thought about doing that! "I don't remember taking any pills."
Tori's hand falls away from her mouth, her eyes opening to look me over. "You sure?" She whispers.
"Yes." I gasp. My throat hurts so much, but I'm bearing it because I don't want Tori thinking I tried to kill myself!
"You promise you don't remember? Promise you aren't just saying this so you don't have to talk about it." Tori pleads.
"I promise, Tori!" I exclaim. She stares at me for a moment, staring really hard. It's like she's studying me, trying to figure me out. After about a minute, she nods slowly, crossing her arms.
"Okay, I believe you." She breathes.
"Thank you." I mumble. "Did you really find me like that?"
Tori's eyes shut again. "I wouldn't lie about that." Tori whimpers. She's right, she wouldn't. And she seems more than upset enough for it to be true.
"I don't get it…" I mumble, biting my lip. I really don't. Why would I do that? Like Tori said, I'm not dumb enough to think sleeping pills are candy. My parents more than made sure I learned that when I was younger.
"I guess… In a moment like that… maybe your brain blocked it out. Maybe you weren't really aware of what you were doing." Tori ponders, but she doesn't look like she completely believes it herself. "What about before? Can you think of anything that would have driven you to that?" She asks further. "Sorry, sweetheart. I don't mean to interrogate you. I'm just trying to get to the bottom of this."
"It's okay. Me too." I squint my eyes, trying to think. No, there isn't anything in my life that would make me not want to live it anymore. I love my life. Also, she called me sweetheart. She's never done that before. I like it. I like it even more than my other nickname, Lil Red. It makes me feel cared for. "I can't. I really can't." I assure her. "I'm just as confused as you are."
"Well… I'm relieved but I'm also concerned… I'm happy you're not thinking that way, but there's still the fact that you tried it and… almost succeeded…" Tori's brow scrunches up as she thinks. "I guess that's what the psychologist can find out." She also rubs her chin thoughtfully, and now I notice the bandages on her wrist and arm.
"Tori? What happened to your wrist?" I question. She blinks at me, and then stares at her arm.
"This? I badly burned my arm about a week ago, remember?" She recalls, and her face drops into worry when she sees my confusion. "You don't remember?"
"I don't remember you burning your wrist." I comment, giving her an odd look. That happened a week ago? But I'm sure I saw Tori every day this week, and her arm has been fine!
"But… you helped apply the burn cream every day and everything." Tori mutters. I grimace a bit. That sounds gross. I would have remembered that. "You really don't remember…" She breathes.
"Nope." I shake my head. Her eyes go wide, and she looks terrified.
"Cat… What day is it?" Tori asks. Well that's random. I have to think for a moment because sometimes I get my days mixed up.
"November 20th." I state. She gawks at me, and I see her tremble a bit. "What? What's wrong?"
"Um…" Tori stands up slowly. "Don't worry about it. I just need to talk to the doctor for a minute."
"No! Tori, tell me. I'm already so confused. Do you know something?" I pout. She lets out a sigh, hesitating.
"Cat… it's December 24th." Tori sighs. My jaw drops.
"What… What?!" I exclaim. "No, that… that doesn't make any sense!"
"Here." Tori pulls out her phone, showing me the screen. It really does read December 24th.
"That… that can't be… It's not even Thanksgiving yet! How can it be Christmas Eve?!" I gasp, Tori quickly cups my cheek, stroking it with her thumb. It surprises me enough to calm me down.
"Cat… Don't worry… I'm going to talk to the doctor. We'll figure this out. Just hang tight." She leans down and presses her lips affectionately to my forehead. Again, I feel cared for.
"Kay, kay." I breathe, and she gives me a soft look before heading out of the room once again. I already regret letting her leave. I feel so lost right now. Nothing makes sense, and I need a friend. I hope she comes back soon.
I close my eyes, trying to remember. I remember last year's December. But I know I don't remember any of this year's for sure. That makes no sense… how could I forget? And then, somewhere along the line… I took a bunch of pills… And I don't remember that either.
"Cat." Tori's voice jolts me out of my thoughts and I open my eyes to see her and the doctor. Both look concerned. "Your doctor wants to ask you some questions."
"Try to answer as best as you can." The doctor says. "What's the last thing you can remember?"
"Um…" I muse, trying my best to sift through my already confused thoughts. "Coming home from school. I think… I wanted a snack…" I bite my lip. "I don't know. It's all really hazy. Like my memory is filled with fog."
"I see." The doctor mumbles, lifting my head carefully and feeling around my scalp. It tickles a bit. "And this foggy memory is from last month?"
"I guess so… I swear it just happened today, though." I sigh. He places my head back on the pillow and looks at Tori.
"There's no head injuries from what I can see or feel. Did you see any sign that she might've hit her head? Was there any blood?" He asks. Tori shakes her head.
"No, Doctor. No blood. But it was a small bathroom and I guess she could've hit her head on anything." Tori recalls. The doctor looks at me.
"How does your head feel?" He asks. I shift it a little bit on the pillow.
"A little tingly. But it's okay." I explain. He nods slowly, marking something down on my chart. He's frowning slightly.
"Can you tell me your full name?" The doctor asks.
"Caterina Valentine." I answer.
"What are your parent's names?"
"Eric and Susan Valentine."
"When is your birthday?"
"June 26th."
"What school do you go to?"
"Hollywood Arts."
The doctor looks at Tori. "Is this all true?" He asks her, and Tori nods
"Yes." She confirms.
"Why'd you ask Tori? I wouldn't lie." I frown.
"I know you wouldn't. I just needed to confirm you retained those parts of your personal memories, and I figured your girlfriend would know you just as well as you do." He explains.
"Oh." I sigh. Wait. What'd he say? "What do you mean by my girlfriend?"
Both the doctor and Tori stare at me.
"That's how this young lady here aligned herself to you when she brought you in." The doctor says, and I furrow my brow.
"Tori's just my friend." I claim. They look between each other. Tori looks even paler than she did before.
"Cat…" Tori says slowly. "You said your last memory was in November, right?"
"Yes…" I eye her curiously.
"How long have you been together?" The doctor asks Tori.
"Longer than November." Tori mutters. The doctor takes a deep breath.
"Miss. Valentine… can you tell me what year it is?" The doctor asks. I feel even more confused now.
"It's 2013." I state. Both their eyes widen. "Right…? Right?!"
"Oh… Oh, fuck…" Tori gapes, stumbling back and clutching her chest. I can't believe Tori just said a word like that… And she looks mortified…
The doctor seems to shuffle through my chart. "This is… abnormal…" He mutters.
"Can you fix it?" Tori gasps. He shakes his head.
"I don't know. Memory loss to this extent… it's never happened before with a drug overdose. Not that I've ever heard of anyway." The doctor ponders. "It's hard to know what to fix if we're unsure what caused the problem."
"What do you mean memory loss to this extent? Why is everyone so freaked out?" I frown, looking at Tori. "Tori… tell me!"
Tori stares at me, looking like she's at a loss for words. Her mouth just opens and closes uselessly. The doctor lets out a sigh, sitting in the chair beside me.
"Miss. Valentine… Sometimes the brain reacts in ways to trauma that we don't really understand, and since you seem to have gone through a traumatic experience before coming here, your brain might have been doing its best to protect you." The doctor explains slowly.
"Just tell me what's wrong with my brain." I mumble. He pauses a moment, rubbing his forehead.
"Maybe nothing, but… my concern is that you believe it's November 2013," He takes a deep breath, "When in actuality it is December 2014."
It takes me a moment to fully realize what he just said. It was mind boggling for me a second ago to believe I had forgotten a month of my life… but a year? More than a year?
"What… no… nooo…!" I shut my eyes because that's about all I can do right now. Just to shut out this reality. A year? I've forgotten a year? Why would my brain do that? "Please tell me you're joking."
"I'm sorry, Miss. Valentine. I'm not sure how it happened, but I've had experience with amnesia patients before. We'll make sure you adjust." The doctor assures me. My eyes pop open, and they feel wet from tears.
"Adjust? I just want to remember! Can you help me remember?" I plead. He looks at me sadly.
"Unfortunately there's little options to reopen those pathways to the memories beyond counselling. However, as I said, perhaps it was a defense mechanism triggered by your trauma that put you here in the first place." He explains. "In that case… it might be in your best interest to keep these memories locked up until we figure out what event caused your suicide attempt."
I pause for a moment. I didn't think about that. Something happened to me in the next year… or… the last year, I guess… that caused me to want to kill myself… and I have no idea what that is. That's… that's so scary. How do I even react to this?
"Cat…" Tori breathes, her voice reaching me. "It'll be okay. We'll figure this out. You'll get through this. Okay?" She promises, and part of me really wants to believe her. But I'm also scared and confused out of my mind.
"We'll of course still set you up with counselling on a regular basis to try and help you along the way, and you won't be alone through this. Like I said, you'll adjust." He gives me a smile before turning to Tori. "I'd like to discuss some things with you privately."
"Yeah… okay." Tori nods. "You'll be okay for a bit, Cat?"
"You'll be right back?" I mumble, and she gives me a compassionate look.
"Right back." She swears, and she follows the doctor out.
Over a year of memories gone… I wonder what the world is like now. How have things changed? How have I changed? A lot can happen in a year… just the thinking about it makes my head spin. I feel sick again, and I guess that's mixed with how I apparently just overdosed on pills. Ugh this is so much to take in. Too much. I just want to go home to bed and hope I wake up and find out this was all a bad dream.
True to her word, Tori comes back soon and sits back down beside me. She looks just as worried as I feel. Maybe even more.
"So this is how things are going to go. The doctor is going to wait until the pills are a bit more flushed out of your system, and then he'll put your discharge through so you can go home tonight and not have to spend Christmas in a hospital bed. I'll come with you, of course." Tori explains slowly.
"Oh… good. I really just want to go home right now." I mumble.
"I know. I can imagine. I don't want you staying in this place longer than you have to, either." She gives me a small smile. "You also can't see anyone else quite yet… I was told to reintroduce you to everything small steps at a time so you're not… more overwhelmed than you already are." She tilts her head to examine me.
"Good idea." I mumble. I see her fingers curl over her thighs. There's a slight shake in her fists.
"Um… But I need to make sure… Cat, do you remember that we're dating?" Tori asks in a small voice. What? First the doctor says she's my girlfriend, and now Tori herself is saying we're dating? A lot isn't making sense… but this?
"Tori… I have no idea what you're talking about. We're just friends. Good friends. But I've never felt more for you than that…" I frown. Tori seems to bite her lip really hard.
"Are you one hundred percent positive? If you dig really deep down… you can't remember or even… I don't know… sense your feelings for me?" Tori croaks. Is she being serious right now?
"Tori! Stop it! Why would we be dating? That doesn't make any sense. You're really freaking me out." I whine. She shuts her eyes, sucking in a deep breath. If she had any colour left in her face, it's gone now. A moment later, she exhales and opens her eyes, a smile on her face.
"Sorry. Of course you're right. I was just testing to make sure you had your thoughts all sorted out now." Tori assures me.
"Then why'd the doctor think you're my girlfriend?" I ask.
"I wanted to make sure I got to stay with you and I figured saying I was your girlfriend would let me do that." She explains. I nod slowly.
"Okay! That makes more sense. You had me worried there for a second. That would've been a big change." I gape. "It's been a year, though… we're still friends, right?"
"Yes, Cat. The best of friends." Tori smiles, although her lip is trembling a bit. "Um… why don't you see if you can sleep more? I bet by the time you wake up, you'll get to go home."
"That sounds nice." I yawn, as if my body agrees with Tori.
Just before I fall asleep, I feel her lips on my forehead again.
"Okay, here we are. Apartment 22." Tori announces, opening the door. I hesitantly look in, and I let out a sigh of relief at what I see. The same apartment, the same That's a Drag furniture.
"Thank god." I breathe.
"What?" Tori asks, closing the door behind her.
"I don't know. I guess I'm glad things are still the same. I'm glad I'm still living here and the outside doesn't look like the inside of Bots… with like flying cars and robots and stuff." I note.
"Cat, it's only been a year." Tori tilts her head.
"A year seems like a long time when you can't remember anything. Anything could've happened." I muse. Tori looks at the ground.
"You've got that right." She mutters, glancing at me. "If you have any questions, just ask when you're ready. I'll fill you in."
That's a loaded statement. I'm afraid to ask anything. Tori was right back at the hospital – taking it in steps is probably for the best. If I asked Tori to fill me in on everything tonight, I know I'd pass out.
While I look around the apartment, I think of at least one question.
"Where's Sam?" I ask.
"Italy." Tori states. My eyes widen.
"She moved all the way to Italy?" I gasp. One year and Sam becomes Italian?!
"What? No, no! Carly invited her and Freddie there for Christmas." Tori clarifies. "You're still roommates. Your babysitting service is still going strong."
"Oh, good." I breathe. More things that are the same. I give Tori a puzzled look. That explains why Sam didn't find me or come with me to the hospital… but what about my closest family member? Surely if I ended up in hospital, she'd be right there… "And… my Nona?" I ask softly, swallowing the lump in my throat. "She's still alive, right?"
"Cat." Tori gives me a half smile. "Relax. Your Nona is fine. Elderly Acres opened a branch in Florida and your Nona decided to transfer there."
"Oh, okay." I breathe a sigh of relief. "Does she know?"
"Yes. I told your parents and Nona on the phone while you were sleeping. There's been… pretty intense snow storms where your parents are so it might take a few days for them to get down here to see you." Tori explains. Typical.
"And my Nona?"
Tori bites her lip for a moment. "I left a message for her. She may or may not call you." She states. Not typical.
"Why wouldn't she?" I tilt my head. Tori seems to falter a moment.
"Um. You know how she is with technology." She says fleetingly. I get the feeling she's not telling me everything, but I'm letting it slide for now. I already feel over my limit. "Anything else?"
"That's it for now." I sigh. Tori nods and sits on the couch, patting it beside her.
"Come sit. I can't imagine how drained you must feel." She sighs.
She's right. I'm still feeling yucky. I don't know what my past self was thinking, but I know I'm never doing that again.
"I'm pretty tired. And hungry." I stretch, sitting beside her.
"Yeah… that'd make sense, considering." Tori mumbles. "What about… how are you feeling with everything?"
"Um…" I think for a moment. "It's all very… weird. Like, it still kind of blows my mind that I've forgotten an entire year." I twiddle my thumbs for a moment.
"It must be overwhelming." Tori nods slowly.
"I'm trying not to think about it too much. I'd probably explode my brain." I groan. "Right now I'm just disappointed I missed out on Thanksgiving. I was looking forward to it this week… I mean… over a year ago? Ugh!" I huff, flopping back on the couch.
"Don't let your brain explode, please." Tori expresses worriedly, and then her eyes lighten up and she smiles. "Actually, I happen to know there's a Christmas Eve dinner in your fridge waiting to be warmed up."
"Are you serious?!" I gasp, a large smile spreading on my face. She laughs, which is great because it's the first time I've seen her look genuinely happy since I woke up in the hospital.
"Yes, I am. I'll go prepare it for you. Whatever you want, you got it. Just relax for a bit. Maybe turn on the TV." Tori chuckles, standing up and heading to the kitchen.
"Yay!" I squeal, feeling in a better mood already. But I notice her open the fridge with her bandaged hand and I start to have second thoughts. "Wait, are you sure you can handle it on your own? Because of your arm…" I frown. Her head snaps up to look at me.
"What? Why?" She asks quickly. I tilt my head, confused at her frantic reaction.
"Because it probably hurts and I don't want you putting it through too much." I note, and she lets out a breath.
"Oh. Sorry, I thought you remembered something. I did this while cooking, so I thought you were talking about that." Tori rotates her arm in front of her. She flashes me a smile again. "Anyway, don't worry. The skin is still healing but it feels fine. You took very good care of it."
"That's right! You said I helped apply the burn cream." I recall, and she nods with a doting smile.
"Yeah, you did. You are… an extremely caring person…" Tori trails off, and she stops what she's doing. I hear her choke on a sob as she hides her face behind her hand.
"Tori…" I breathe, standing up and approaching her slowly. She wipes her face quickly, trying to collect herself.
"Sorry. I… ugh. Just thinking about you… you of all people… in that situation where… where you felt like you couldn't be here anymore…" Tori chokes out a few more sobs. I stand there, blinking, not sure what I can say. I can't really defend what I did if I don't remember why I did it.
"I'm really sorry, Tori." I sigh, because that's all I feel like I can say. I clearly caused her a lot of pain. I must've caused a lot of pain for a lot of people… my other friends… my parents… how must they have felt when Tori told them?
"No, Cat… you don't need to be sorry. It's not your fault. You don't even remember. And even if you did…" Tori shakes her head. "I don't know much about it but… I've heard that if you're at that point…" She trails off, her lip trembling. Then she lets out a large huff and practically tackles me, her arms tightening around me and pulling me close up against her.
At first I'm surprised, but I very easily relax into her arms. I think I needed a hug, and I love hugging Tori. Something's different about it this time, though. It feels very safe… familiar. It's like Tori knows exactly where to put her arms and place her head for the best snuggling position for me. I feel okay for the first time since I was told I lost my memory. I feel content.
I'm sad when she jumps back quickly.
"Erm… Sorry." Tori mutters. I tilt my head slightly.
"For what?" I ask. Why is she sorry about hugging me?
"Uh…" Tori seems to find the ground very interesting, but I don't see anything interesting there. "I'm supposed to be making us dinner. Go watch TV. Turn on Netflix or On Demand. Everything's pre-cooked so it won't be long."
"Kay, kay." I nod, and she gives me a soft smile before getting back to work. I carefully make it back to the couch, and flip on the TV.
Good. TVs work the same. I don't know what'd I do if they all went 3D and touch screen within a year. Ooh, or you could control it with your mind! That'd be cool. I'd be okay with that happening.
Know what I'm not okay with? Seeing all my favourite shows and looking at the description to see that all their plots are far past the point that I had been watching last November. I have so much to catch up on. And what are these new shows? What is Faking It? And The Red Band Society? When did How I Met Your Mother finish and why does the last episode have such a low viewer rating?
W-wait, Mockingjay Part 1 is out? I haven't even seen Catching Fire yet!
I quickly turn off the TV and flop back into the couch, feeling dizzy. Tori notices right away.
"Cat?" She questions.
"I have a lot of TV and movies to catch up on…" I mumble.
"Oh… Oh my god, I'm an idiot." Tori groans, coming over to me. She picks up the remote, turning back on the TV and scrolling through herself. "Sorry. I didn't think. I'm not doing very well at making sure you're not overwhelmed." She flicks on an episode of Friends for me. "There you go. Old. Timeless. Classic. I know you could watch these a billion times over."
"Thanks, Tori." I smile up at her. "And I think you're doing a great job at making sure I'm not overwhelmed."
She bites her lip. "I hope so." Tori whispers before heading back to the kitchen. I watch the iconic gang from New York get into their daily antics. It makes me feel better. This was from the 90s and early 2000s. I remember that. I lived through that. These guys have no idea what 2014 was like either, at the time they filmed this. I don't feel so alone.
I catch a whiff of turkey and stuffing before it's even placed in front of me. It makes my stomach churn hungrily.
"There you go. Christmas Eve dinner, courtesy of Chef Tori Vega and your microwave." Tori states, sitting beside me with her own plate.
"You're like Monica." I point out in reference to Friends, and she laughs again. I hope I can keep making her laugh like that.
"I guess I am. Eat as much as you want." Tori urges. I poke at my cranberry sauce gingerly.
"Sam didn't prepare this, did she?" I inquire.
"If she did, the turkey would be deep fried." Tori notes.
"Good point." I sigh, taking a bite of turkey. Even though Tori just warmed it up, it practically melts in my mouth.
"Yeah, it was just you and me who made this meal. We were planning on having it tonight together, anyway." Tori explains.
"You weren't going to spend Christmas Eve with your family?" I question. I'm happy I wasn't ruining any of her plans with her family in the first place, but why would she be spending this time with me and not her family?
"Well I… I knew Nona and Sam were gone so I didn't want you to spend Christmas Eve alone. Christmas Eve at the Vega house isn't that eventful anyway." She shrugs.
"Oh. I see. That's really nice of you. You really are the best friend I could ask for." I murmur. I scrunch my eyebrow for a moment. "Is that… why you had come over…?"
"Uh… well I actually had a performance today downtown. A Christmas concert thing. Like I told you in the hospital, I wanted a pair of my shoes that you borrowed to go with my outfit." She stops eating, placing her fork down. "That's when I…"
We're both silent for a moment. It still doesn't feel real. It's like Tori is telling me about another girl who borrowed her shoes – another girl that she found unconscious in the bathroom. But it wasn't another girl. It was me.
"You missed the concert…" I mutter.
"Yeah, but… it's okay. I'd miss it every time if it meant finding you and making sure you're okay." Tori expresses. We're silent again. I try to take another bite of food, but I just can't stomach it. I'm hungry and the food is delicious, but it's like I physically can't take another bite.
"I can't eat anymore." I sigh. I hardly ate anything. Tori nods in understanding.
"I don't blame you. Your stomach probably isn't completely settled from… everything. I'll wrap it up for tomorrow. Hot turkey sandwiches for lunch." Tori forces a grin, taking my plate.
"Thank you, Tori…" I breathe, but I say it so quietly I don't even think she hears it. I feel exhausted.
"Want to call it a night?" Tori asks, looking concerned at me while she places the leftovers back in the fridge. I guess she knew just by looking at me.
"Yes please." I sigh. "You're staying over right?" I ask. I really don't want to be alone tonight.
"Of course." Tori promises. What would I do without her? I'd definitely be passed out from being so scared, that's for sure.
When we get ready for bed, I notice Tori flinches a bit before going into the bathroom. I guess she's remembering what it was like to find me. It must've been awful. Great Christmas present, Cat. Ugh. She keeps saying it's not my fault, but I feel really guilty… I just need to sleep. I don't want to be awake anymore.
I change into my warmest pajamas and Tori enters my bedroom, changed into hers.
"You okay? Need anything?" She asks. I shake my head.
"No, I'm good." I mumble. I'm sitting on my bed, hugging Mr. Purple to me. Tori seems to give me and my bed a longing look before walking over to Sam's side. "Um. I don't think Sam would like it very much if you slept in her bed without permission."
"Sam's not here." Tori yawns.
"But it's not very…" I glance over to the bed with a grimace. "…Clean."
"Well the couch bed won't cut it. I want to make sure I'm in the same room with you." Tori states. "If… that's okay."
"Of course it is." I smile, relieved at her answer. I want her to be near, too. If she went to the couch bed, I probably would've crawled right into it with her. "I'm just warning you… That bed… I've seen some things." I frown. And I don't even know how many of those things I've seen in the past year.
"I'll brave it for you." Tori sighs, crawling into bed. Aw, that was nice. For some reason, I feel my heart beat a little faster, but I don't know why. Tori suddenly gets a disgusted look on her face as she pulls out a half-eaten chicken wing, and she tosses it aside. Shaking it off, she gives me a warm look. "Goodnight, Cat. Wake me if you need anything."
"Kay, kay. Thank you for everything. Sweet dreams." I coo.
"Same to you." Tori sighs, lying down. I turn off the light and lay down, curling into the tightest ball I can muster. She asked me to wake her if I needed anything, but what I need, she can't give me. What I really need is to wake up and find out that this was all a bad dream and that it's still the 2013, and I'm happy and healthy Cat as usual.
I'm still holding out hope that this is a dream.
Author's Notes: Alright, there's the first chapter of my new series. I told you it was dark. Now Cat has to deal with this shocking revelation that she did something she never thought she was capable of, and Tori... Even though Cat survived, she seems to have lost something very important to her. They'll both have to figure things out. Plot.
Okay, let me know what you think, since it's a new series and all that. First chapter reviews are very important to gauge everyone's reactions and if I'm going in a good direction. I really hope you guys like it. As dark as it is, I enjoy writing it, and I have some great stuff planned for it. Hope you stick around to read more!
Fun Fact: My internet history because of the research for this story would be the most concerning thing for anyone to look at.