Freed, too preoccupied by navigating the maze of tables and chairs whilst laden with an armload of heavy books, failed to see the voracious reporter fast approaching him.
"You! You're the captain of the Raijinshuu, Laxus' personal fanclub! So- So COOOOOOOOOOOOOL!" The high-energy voice bellowing in Freed's ear caused him to jump with a start and drop his books. He could only look on in consternation as Jason pumped his arms in excitement.
The obnoxious reporter stood between Freed and the exit. All other mages had cleared a wide swathe around the two men, forming a near impenetrable ring of onlookers who refused to make eye contact.
The hunter had pinned its quarry.
"You wouldn't mind answering a few questions for me, would ya, Freed?" Jason asked with a wink and a wag of his eyebrows. Freed had hardly opened his mouth to answer by the time Jason's camera flash went off and pen and notebook were procured. "So tell me, how does your hair regrow so quickly after you cut it? I heard it was back to normal only five days after you shaved it all off after the last big Fantasia parade!"
Freed hesitated a moment as the cascade of words slammed into him while he was still stuck on the first request. "Oh, well, I have this home-brewed shampoo and conditioner that-"
"Magical shampoo! Wonderful!" Jason's pen flew across his notebook, cutting Freed off entirely. "Then do you have a girlfriend?" A frown darkened the captain's features then. When did he ever agree to this?
"No, I do not," Freed said.
"And what of the rumors that you've been crushing on Mirajane?" Jason asked without skipping a beat. "Or Wendy? Cana, Laki, or Kinana maybe? And you've been seen in the same room as Erza! Care to elaborate on your romantic adventures?"
"I- What? No!" Freed responded sharply, his carefully-gathered composure melting into a defensive hunch. "I have no interest in dating the women of my guild. It would be unprofessional!"
"Ohh, then what about Kagura of Mermaid Heel? She carries the same stern demeanour you do."
"Of course not-"
"Jenny, then?"
"No!" Freed could only put up with this for so long. Tensions mounted as he grew desparate, but the display was beginning to attract attention. A strong hand pulled him back by a grip on his ponytail until his head craned to face the ceiling, then his vision filled with Laxus. The thunder god descended from the heavens to deliver a kiss spearheaded by tongue and phalanxed by rough lips. By the time Freed gathered his wits enough to react, a camera's flash had already gone off and the kiss was over.
"Publish that you nosey fuck," Laxus said, and then departed. The assembled onlookers parted easily to allow passage, several looks of scandal and knowing humor following the thunder god out the door.
Freed was left breathless and more than a little confused, his lips still tingling from the shock of absence. The brief interlude was soon cut short by Jason again bringing his pen and notebook to bear, but it was Freed's turn to interrupt.
"Allow me to elaborate; I have no interest in dating the women of my guild, but that was my first kiss and I intend to follow up on it," Freed said, his gaze raptly glued to the wake of Laxus' departure. "Do excuse me, I am certain you could find another hapless mage to harass."
Jason floundered, for once at a loss of words, as Freed swept past the reporter to follow his god.
A minute passed in uncertain silence.
When comprehension finally clicked in Jason's mind, he uttered the only thing that could sum up the interview.
"COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLL!"