"It's hard, isn't it?"

Payson Keeler looked up at Lauren Tanner with wide eyes, awestruck that anyone had caught her indulging in her favorite secret obsession of watching Sasha Belov work the Rock. He commanded the gym with an unmatched strength and prowess, instantaneously putting egotistical gymnists in their place in midst of the stressful and chaotic training in the weeks leading up to Nationals. As the reigning World Champion, the pressure was no more intense than it was for Payson. However, the other elites felt the need to win almost as strongly. This was not only the last cycle before the Olympics, it could also be the last of their careers.

And yet, even with all that going on, Payson was more focused on the strong muscles in her coach's back while she pretended to chalk her hands than the new mount she was supposed to be perfecting for the beam. Lauren knew that kind of distraction better than anyone. As the most boy-crazy gymnast at the Rock, she made it her business to notice these kinds of signs. It was interesting to see someone else wearing that kind of intense adoration she once held for Carter. Lauren had spent a year watching someone she couldn't have, and she didn't wish that kind of sadness on anyone, especially not someone as kind and deserving as Payson.

"Look, I know we've had our differences," Lauren murmured softly as she rewrapped her wrist in a vain attempt to appear busy before Sasha noticed. "But if you ever want to talk, I've been there. I think I can understand. I'm totally here to listen. All you have to do is ask."

"There isn't anything to talk about," Payson corrected her instantly, not even bothering with how automatic the words came out. It sounded like the kind of lies her friends had told – Emily after she found out she was pregnant, Lauren when her mother died and Kaylie in the midst of her eating disorder. Payson had told those lies too once upon a time, when she was recovering from her back injury. This time was different. "Look, Lo, I appreciate your offer, I really do, but there isn't anything going on. I was just watching Kaylie on the bars. She looks good up there, don't you think?"

Lauren glanced to where their friend and teammate was working to perfect a somewhat easy dismount. She was still working hard to get back to where she had been before anorexia and rehab. While no one would believe it, Lauren really wanted Kaylie to get better. If she was going to be the best, she wanted to beat the best, and that included former National Champion Kaylie Cruz. However, she would worry about that later. Right now, she was more concerned with Payson.

"Pay, c'mon, it's me you're talking to," Lauren pointed out uselessly. "I'm not going to push. I just wanted to remind you that we're still friends, even after everything has happened, and as you and Sasha like to point out constantly, we're teammates. I'm here if need me and even if you don't think you need me. I know what it's like to want something you can't have."

Payson quickly shrugged off Lauren as Sasha came over at them with fire raging in his blue eyes. Kaylie was standing back at the bars, her head hung and her hands on her hips as she tried to regain her composure. "I do not what is going on with you girls today, but you better get it under control," he snapped at Payson and then Lauren. "Kaylie's head isn't in this at all and you two have been talking for the past five minutes like this is some stupid sleepover." Lauren started to argue when their coach waved his hand dismissively. "Don't bother, Lauren. I want the two of you working together on the beam. Kaylie is going to work with Kelly on the bars. I am going to go help some of the juniors in the annex until I can stand to look at the lot of you again."

With that, the former Olympian turned on his heel and stalked out of the main gym toward the annex. "Yikes," Lauren muttered under her breath. "So, uh, beam?"

"He's right, you know," Payson told her a few minutes later as she watched Lauren do a series of leaps across the beam before dismounting perfectly. Her feet landed solidly on the mat as she pulled back in a salute to the imaginary judges. "Nice landing, Lo." The other blonde smiled appreciatively as Payson took her place at the edge of the springboard. "We have been distracted lately and it's not good for any of us. Kelly's still getting used to training here, Kaylie's head is off in La La Land when she's not in therapy and you've suddenly become very interested in my personal life."

Lauren shrugged. "It always happens when I don't have anything going on in my own life." It was true that the so-called Queen of the Beam had been temporarily sidetracked by Max Spencer, but then he had been sidetracked by Payson and the whole bisexuality thing. The truth was that she hadn't had strong feelings for a guy since Carter, at least none that anyone knew about. The ones she did have she had to hide because it had the power to send her entire world spinning off its very delicate axis. "Besides, we're not the only ones who are distracted, Pay."

Payson knew that she could lie to her very observant friend or she could come clean about it. Try as she had, she hadn't been able to get over Sasha. Working with him this intimately left her with residual feelings that she just couldn't shake. She tried to chalk it up to their gymnast/coach relationship, to her raging hormones, to her being a teenager, but they all just ended up ringing false. The truth was that there was more to it, and she couldn't help but think that Sasha felt the same way. Sometimes she wondered if it wasn't just her heart longing for more, but there had been something to that night at the ballet and to that kiss.

"I know, I know," she finally relented before closing her eyes and focusing on the routine. Maneuver by maneuver, she went through the movements flawlessly. Sasha had upped her DOD last week with a particularly trying dismount that only Lauren had ever managed at the Rock. When she flailed on the landing, Lauren was right by her side to steady her. "I don't know what I'm doing wrong."

"You're over-rotating your hips," Lauren told her knowingly. "I had the same problem when I first started working on it. You're almost there. Just keep trying and you'll get it." The kindness was unexpected as Lauren helpfully critiqued her. She had always been competitive in a different way than Payson and that sometimes meant not being quite as helpful as she could be on the mat. Sasha had come in just then to watch the two girls working closely together. He couldn't help but smile affectionately as he watched his quartet of stars working harmoniously to help each other. When Payson stuck her landing perfectly the next time, Lauren clapped excitedly and hugged her friend. "Awesome, Pay! You might just give me some competition on the beam yet!"

The two giggled as they made their way over to the floor. After Payson had gone through her gracefully artistic routine, she slipped to the mat on the side to watch Lauren run through hers. When she faltered on a particularly difficult tumbling pass, Payson crossed the mat to help her readjust her hand placement. After another try, Lauren completed beautifully enough to elicit a round of applause from their much-calmer coach. "Very nice, Lauren!" he called as he crossed the gym. "Payson, you looked strong on the beam. Nice work, girls."

They beamed up at him appreciatively, and Sasha couldn't help but feel a twinge of pride as he gazed back at them. "Sasha, I kind of have an idea," Lauren proposed. "The four of us need to get better at working together. It's kind of hard to do with you constantly watching over our shoulder. This afternoon, could we maybe have a closed practice in the annex? I have some ideas on what is getting to Kaylie, and I think Payson could really help Kelly with her dance moves on the floor. You could have an assistant or a trainer in there if you don't trust us."

Sasha looked at Payson for direction. He was always doing that, and Lauren had definitely noticed. Payson nodded her head slightly, her big blue eyes dancing happily. It had been awhile since he had seen his star gymnast (a fact he would deny if ever asked) that joyful. Focused, determined, excited – she had those down pat. However, he hadn't seen that smile in far too long. "Alright, this afternoon, you four can have two hours in the annex alone. Then, I will view your routines and decide if I will allow this to continue in the future. I am putting you in charge of keeping the other girls on task, Lauren. Do you understand me?"

Lauren couldn't help but inwardly grin at Sasha's assignment of responsibility. He always looked to Payson and even Kaylie to be a strong leader but never her. However, after she had come clean about the tape and he had forgiven her, they had made a concerted effort to start over. Lauren was actually not that bad when she wasn't scared of losing everything. "Got it, Sasha," she said obediently before correcting herself. "Yes, Sasha."

After running through their vaults and bars once each, Payson and Lauren spilled out into the warm afternoon sun for lunch break. They were free to leave the gym for an hour to grab something but most of the girls often brought their food to veg out in the lounge for a few precious minutes. However, with the warmer-than-usual weather for the season, more gymnasts than usual were taking advantage of the various picnic tables and benches sprinkled around outside. Dashing toward their usual bench beneath the pair of oak trees across from Sasha's trailer, Lauren and Payson collapsed in a laughing heap as they waited for Kaylie and Kelly to catch up.

Payson suddenly missed Emily. It was still weird without her sometimes, but six months since their friend had left Boulder felt much longer. Sometimes she couldn't even remember what it was like to train with her and without Kelly. Though she didn't still fully trust the tiny brunette, she was a good compliment to the strong team the Rock had built. She was also extremely loyal to her teammates, a characteristic she shared with all the other Rock girls.

"How did you convince Belov to let us have a closed practice?" Kaylie asked as she tore a piece of her turkey sandwich and popped it in her mouth. Payson watched her friend happily chew her lunch and thanked God not for the first time that she was actually eating.

"Actually, that was all Lauren," Payson told her. "Sasha saw that we were able to work out a few things we had both been struggling on and she explained to him that we could all probably benefit from working together without him staring down at us. I simply agreed with her. It was a good idea. Team bonding is always a good thing, right?"

Kelly looked at her a little skeptically before shrugging. "Sure, whatever," she said dismissively. "I'm glad we actually have some time together. I need to talk to you all about something. Especially Lo and Kay." Payson could see that she was nervous so she patted her friend's shoulder comfortingly to calm her down. "Look, uh, you all know I was kind of involved with Carter back in Denver. Well, Marty has been on him and he's interested in coming back to the Rock. We're still, you know, us...I just wanted to make sure it wasn't going to be a problem."

Kaylie and Lauren looked at each other and burst out laughing. "Carter Anderson?" Lauren managed between giggles. "No, seriously, Parker, it's fine. I can't speak for Kaylie, but I am completely over Carter. Have been for a long time."

"Kay?" Kelly asked carefully. She knew that Carter could be a delicate subject for her fellow brunette and didn't want to do anything to disrupt the friendly balance the team had going. "I'm serious. Just say the word and I will stay away from him."

"Lo's right, it's absolutely fine. I got over Carter a very long time ago. I for one don't have time for boys right now," she teased her fellow teammate. "Just tell him to watch himself. Sasha knows his habits and won't take too kindly to him messing around with one of his star gymnasts in the last year before the Olympics."

"Right, got it," Kelly muttered, her nerves showing on her face. "Thanks, you guys. You have no idea how nervous I was to talk to you about it. I just wanted to make sure that I was upfront with you before he came. I don't want to sneak around behind your backs."

The three Rock vets had endured enough of that to understand. They chattered for a few minutes as they snacked on fresh fruit. Kelly and Kaylie were the first to finish their lunch, tossing their trash in the nearby bin before heading back in the gym to get warmed up again. That left Lauren and Payson behind to finish up. "You really okay with Carter coming back?" Payson asked as she popped a piece of cantaloupe in her mouth.

"I really am," Lauren promised. "You really okay with working next to Sasha every day?" Payson narrowed her eyes at her friend. "Look, if I confide a secret in you, will you talk to me about Sasha? It's a juicy one, I promise, a big enough weapon to ensure my confidence."

"Fine," Payson relented comprehensively. "Lay it on me."

Lauren knew that what she was about to confide in the other blonde was huge. It was something she had promised to never do again but something in her heart couldn't help it. This wasn't Carter or Max or just some stupid crush. This was the real thing, more real than anything she had ever felt before, and like Payson, she just couldn't shake it.

"I think maybe I might have feelings for Austin Tucker," she said softly as she buried her face in her hands. "No one knows, Pay, I swear. Nothing has happened. We barely even talk but he helped me a few weeks ago and the way he smiles at me...I just feel it, you know?"

Payson smiled despite herself as she watched Sasha come out of his trailer. The sun shone on his sandy blonde hair. He certainly was a beautiful man. "Yeah, I know," she allowed. "But Kaylie..."

"Exactly. Nothing has happened between them in months, not since right after Worlds. I don't think there is anything left, but that doesn't mean that she would be okay with it," Lauren replied knowingly. "Payson, you can't tell anyone. I am not going to do anything about it, I swear. I just...it's been awhile since I felt anything for anyone. I didn't even really want Max. I just didn't want to be alone."

Slinging her arm around her friend's shoulder, Payson squeezed Lauren near to her. "First of all, and I am serious about this, Lo, you don't need a guy to not be alone. You have me, you got it? You have Kaylie and even Kelly. We're here for you. I know that wasn't always true but it is now." Lauren nodded and smiled at her teammate. "Secondly, as much as I hate to admit it, I get what you are going through. You know as well as I do, I'm there myself. It sucks but we have to be strong. We don't have much of a choice. And I want you to know how proud of I am. The old Lauren would have acted first, apologized later."

"I don't want to hurt you or Kaylie again," she vowed. "I've done enough." Her list of transgressions was a mile long, and yet, her friends had forgiven her sins. "Do you want to tell me anything else?"

"Lo," Payson exhaled. "It sucks. I know that I shouldn't feel the way that I do. Absolutely nothing will ever come of it, but something about me just can't help it. I know there is something there with him." She stopped talking long enough to watch him stride effortlessly across the parking lot. "He makes me feel like I'm sparkling inside. God, that sounds stupid."

"No, I get it, I do," Lauren said instantly as she watched the object of her own affection swing one leg over Lolita after pulling into his reserved spot. "It's like one look is all you need to keep you alive. That secret smile, the one you are sure he reserves just for you, is your lifeline. And when he touches you, well, there's nothing better than that."

Payson couldn't believe that Lauren Tanner could understand anything she was feeling, especially when it came to boys. However, they were both in love with men – beautifully complicated men – that the couldn't have. "We should probably get back," she said as she glanced up at Sasha again. He was waiting outside the front doors, his arms crossed as he glared at them. She smiled apologetically at him and was happy to see his blue eyes soften under her steady gaze. "Thanks for this, Lauren. I'm glad that I have someone I can talk to about this, someone I can really trust?"

Lauren almost asked Payson if she really meant it but thought twice about it. Payson rarely said anything she didn't mean and if she said they were friends again, she meant it. Instead, she helped her friend throw away the trash before throwing her arm around Payson's shoulder and walking back to the gym. They passed through the open door beneath Sasha's arm. "Good to have you back, Ms. Tanner and Ms. Keeler," he said softly, sharing a bemused smile between the two. "Now get back to work, you have some proving yourselves to do."