Author's Note: This is inspired by the triangle man comment that can be found in the Decepticon section of Teletran 1, otherwise known as the Transformer wiki. If you haven't heard the song "Particle Man" before, by They Might Be Giants, I suggest you go do so. This story will make some sense without it, but it'll be so much better if you've already heard the song. Enjoy- it's just something I had to share. There are mentions of G1 characters in this, but it's not necessary to know them. It just adds a bit of amusement. (And, in case anyone cares, I have this song on my iPod.)
Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, any of its characters, or "Particle Man." I merely own the story and any variants of the previously mentioned song scattered throughout the fic.
"Triangle man, triangle man, triangle man hates particle man…"
Will Lennox looked away from the screen of the tv where he was playing Halo 3 on Xbox Live with Epps to look out the door. "Hey, what's that? Aw, man, I was distracted and you're on my team!"
Epps grinned as he walked over Will's dead virtual body despite the fact that both his character and Will's character were wearing red armor. "That, Will, is Bumblebee's newest favorite song. He found out Ironhide hates it and hasn't stopped playing it since. And you know me, Will, I can't pass up such a perfect chance like that!"
Will glared at the screen as the abnormally long count down to respawn associated with betrayal continued to, well, count down. He muttered a quick, "Yes!" when his character reappeared and promptly killed some elite with the gamertag TheStarScreamer.
"Hah, take that, NBE whatever! You just got owned by a squishy!"
Epps rolled his eyes. "Man, you know he can't hear you. Even with that headset, you're on opposite teams!"
"Hey, Epps, don't ruin my fun! It's not every day a man kills his worst enemy, or at least someone named something creepily similar to his worst enemy, on Halo!"
"Oh, hey, that gives me an idea!"
Will glanced over at Epps, though this time he kept his main focus on the screen. "What? That we should challenge all the Decepticons to a Halo match?"
Epps picked up a sniper rifle and quickly killed TheStarScreamer with a single shot to the head. "You know, that does feel pretty good. And no, challenging them to a Live match would probably be a bad idea. No, I mean, have you ever noticed that the Decepticon symbol looks kinda like a bunch of triangles?"
"Yeah, so?"
"So, triangle man, triangle man, triangle man hates Autobot man, they have a fight, Autobots win, triangle man."
"Dude, if you're following the pattern of the song," Will began, beating down a clueless TheStarScreamer, "then it should be triangle wins."
Epps looked over at the captain. "Will, do you really want triangle to win?"
"Well, no, but I was just saying, and oh, take that!" Will exclaimed as he assassinated the still-sniping Epps.
"Aw, man, c'mon!"
"You know me, Epps, I can't pass up such a perfect chance like that!" Will shot back.
Epps respawned ten seconds later next to Will just in time for them to both be blown up with a rocket launcher by none other than TheStarScreamer. Oddly enough, the message in the corner didn't say "TheStarScreamer killed ConKiller, TheStarScreamer killed 2ICConKiller," but rather, "You were saying, squishy?"
Will and Epps promptly logged off.
It didn't take long for word to spread around base, and soon everyone had a version of the song "Particle Man." Mikaela was kind enough to make one for Ratchet- "Medical man, medical man, medical man hates Ironhide man, they have a fight, medical wins, medical man."
Ratchet was quick to respond with one of his own, the lyrics printed and taped to the rec room wall. "Medical man, medical man, medical man hates tiny squishy man, they have a fight, medical wins, medical man."
Will jumped on the bandwagon with one for Sam. "Samuel man, Samuel man, Samuel man hates Megatron man, they have a fight, Samuel wins, Samuel man." Sam then made one for Mikaeala, who wasn't sure whether to be flattered or slightly creeped out. "Mikaela man, Mikaela man, Mikaela man hates Frenzy man, they have a fight, Mikaela wins, Mikaela man."
The next one appeared as a paper on the wall, but no one was quite sure where it came from, though a few had their guesses. "Primus man, Primus man, Primus man dislikes Unicron man, they have a fight, Primus wins, Primus man."
A second mysterious note, signed by 'The Rule Bot,' (which had people looking at Prowl strangely for a week before it was promptly forgotten,) said, "Starscream man, Starscream man, Starscream man hates Megatron man, they have a fight, Megatron wins, loser man."
Eventually, though, things got out of control. The songs were turned quite insulting in some cases, or simply in the way in others. Captain Lennox reported no less than three times of receiving a report in this format, making it very hard to read. Ironhide, after stacking up an impressive twenty version about himself, was ready to shoot someone. Optimus decided to intervene and, through Prowl, a rule was made banning variants or "Particle Man" in any way, shape, or form. The rule was strictly inforced and soon "Particle Man" was forgotten, replaced by the sudden plethora of photoshopped pictures of Decepticons scattered about the base.
It wasn't until Epps and Will sat down to another game of Halo that they remembered, and that was only because an extra copy of 'The Rule Bot's' version was crumpled up in the corner, having never made it quite to the trash can. As Epps got up for a Mountain Dew he picked up the paper wad curiously.
"Man, Epps, you're addicted to those things! You do know Mountain Dew is horrible for you, right?"
Epps sat down beside him and flattened out the paper. "Yeah, and so is beer, but I don't see you stopping drinking that any time soon." Will just glared.
"Hey, look," Epps commented as matchmaking began. "It's an old copy of 'Starscream Man'. I wonder what Starscream would think if he heard it."
The deep breathing of some idiot that forgot he was wearing his headset announced matchmaking was over with, and teams had been selected. Epps and Will looked up to see, on their team, TheStarScreamer. After a round of laughter and being told to "Shut up, fleshies!" at least once, Epps decided to answer his own question.
"Starscream man, Starscream man…."
Back at the Decepticon base, Skywarp listened in on Starscream's Halo match and got a horrible idea for his next prank….