Computer Symphony
Chapter 1: The Opening
Well here it is; the long awaited (And long despised) sequel Computer Apocalypse! I've been busy as hell! Can you believe I'm 17 already? Freakin' college stuff (Resumes and classes), girlfriend, friends, Wii, PS3, I had to force myself to finish this sadly!
Well, on to the story! I just wanted to make everyone (except Shadow) have a happy ending, and due to the musical title, it is based on the fictional band, 'We Touch Ourselves'. This story takes place 3 months after Computer Apocalypse. Enjoy!
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Vector rubbed the sweat off his face as he looked back at Big. Vector did a hand motion as he said into the microphone,
"This next song… goes out to the most beautiful rabbit in the whole world…" Just then Big clicked his sticks as the band played a sweet love song…
After the show…
The band members were busy packing their stuff back on the bus while fighting off crazed fans asking for autographs. Espio accidentally killed a man who wanted his autograph signed to the Fresh Prince… Needless to say, Espio hates Will Smith for killing his entire family…
Big was getting his drum set packed onto the bus, which is a huge hassle because Big got a 60 piece drum set after he got into a lawsuit with Tom Cruise. Big got Cruise's money AND 60 piece drum set.
Kurt Cobain was sitting on the floor with a shotgun in his mouth, also shooting up heroin.
Charmy was posing nude for a Nickelodeon Teen Choice award magazine, along with Zac Effron and Nick Jonas. My God, they are delicious!
The author was sitting at home on a Thursday night writing this story in nothing but his underwear and a parka hat.
Tom Cruise was preaching his ideas, and getting made fun of by everyone in the world.
Vector was outside in the back of and alley in the freezing cold snow on the phone…
"Hey there beautiful…" Vector said.
"Vector! I saw your band play on TV! You were amazing!" said the person on the other line.
"You always say that whenever you watch one of my shows…" Vector said.
"Well, what else am I to say? Other than that you looked HOT tonight…" she said… hopefully… suspense? Then they both laughed.
"I miss you Vanilla…" Vector admitted.
"When is your band playing at Station Square?" Vanilla asked.
"Oh… uh… erm… HNNG! HAMP! OH YEAH! SO TIGHT! Yeah, we'll be there in about five to seven days, I think." Vector said, "You'll be at my show right?"
"Yeah, I got Cream and Tails tickets too! And I think everyone else that was in 'Computer Apocalypse' is going to be there too." Vanilla answered.
"I can't wait to see you again… er… and everyone else… maybe afterwards you and I can go catch a movie or something…" Vector offered.
"Yeah, there are some new movies that I want to see… like Iron Sonic, The Incredible Knuckles, and Rouge: The Dark Knight." Vanilla said.
"Well, I'll be in Station Square for a month or so… so promise me that we'll see all of them…" Vector said.
"Can't wait!" Vanilla said. Just then, Espio teleported behind Vector.
"Vector! We're done loading up the instruments. We gotta be at Soleanna early tomorrow, so hurry it up." Espio said as he vanished into thin air again.
"Well, I have to go Vanilla." Vector said, "Goodnight beautiful!"
"Good night Vector! See you in a week!"
Vector closed his cell phone and walked back to the bus. As he entered, he noted everybody, except for Kurt and Espio, was sleeping. Just then, the lights went out and the tour bus started moving.
"Hey guys… why ya up so late? It's like 1 in the morning." Vector asked.
"I'm a ninja…" Espio said coldly, "I don't sleep, I wait…"
"i'M ToO dRUnk tO BE AsLeeP…" Kurt said as he passed out.
"Well… Espio… can I ask you something?" Vector asked.
"You just did…" Espio retorted.
"Uh… can I ask you two things then?" Vector asked.
"One question left…" Espio said.
"How do I ask someone out on a date?" Vector sighed.
"DATE RAPE PILLS AND CHLOROFORM!" Kurt shot out… before passing out again.
"Really? I have some chloroform in my purs-"
"Vector, you suck ass…" Espio sighed, "If she's comfortable with you, just be like, 'Hey, I'm going bowling on Tuesday… wanna come?' or something simple like that…" Vector then took out a small notebook and pen and started writing down scrupulous notes.
"Thing is, you shouldn't be too direct about it. Don't go out and buy her flowers and chocolates on the first date… she'd be all creeped out." Espio continued. Vector then just threw his 100 bouquet of roses and Hershey kisses out of the moving bus.
"OH GOD! I GOT HIT BY VALENTINE STUFF!"
"You have to make her feel relaxed and comfortable with you." Espio finished. Vector threw his wee-wee enlargement pills out the window.
"CRAP! I CAN'T SEE! THERE'S WEE-WEE ENLARGEMENTS IN THE WAY!"
"I already set up a date with her. We're going to the movies, if that helps…" Vector stated.
"So put you arm around her halfway during the movie. If she puts her head on your shoulder, rest your head on hers. If you stay like that for a while, lean in for a kiss. If she leans in some, dive right in." Espio said.
"Holy crap! Thanks Espio!" Vector thanked, "So, how are you and Wave working out?"
"SHIT! THERE'S A CLIFF!"
"I don't know… I kind of have somebody else that I'm gonna meet at Soleanna…" Espio answered, "Princess Elise! I don't really know, my friend Silver introduced us."
"What kind of anamorphic animal is she? Hedgehog? Fox? Ben Stiller?" Vector asked.
"She's… uh… human… that's why I'm not over with Wave yet… just in case Elise is not satisfied with my chameleon-like qualities, I'd have someone to fall back. Wave's a nice girl, it's just that there are so many things about her that make me unhappy. Like she's into bondage and stuff. I just can't keep a hard on when I'm punching her in the back of her head, or she'd ask me to role play a rapist… that's just screwed up!"
"That's deep man… I hope things go well with you Elise then… and if Wave makes you so unhappy, why don't you just leave her?"
"Thanks man, and I don't know. She's a terrible kisser with her… beak. Truth is, I'm only with her for the flat as a chalkboard body… it's delicious!" Espio answered.
"Can't be as bad as Big and Blaze though." Vector said.
"Hate to break it to you, but they got divorced…" Espio said.
"What! Why didn't Big tell me!?" Vector screamed.
"He still loves her and doesn't want you to take her… besides, he hates Argonian people… stinkin' lizards, and their athletics boost, and their amazing stats in everything but health and endurance, and their ability to breath under water, and their resistance to diseases, and their stupid eyes, and their multi colored scales, and their…" Espio continued on. Vector sighed.
"Well, I gotta sleep, good night." Vector said as he walked to his bed.
"AHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Good night. Don't get raped." Espio said as started fapping frivolously. While Espio was busy taking care of business in his pants, Vector pulled out a notebook and pencil…
The next day in the Solaris Mainstage…
"Ready to kick some ass, guys!?" Vector shouted to his band, "BELIEVE IT!"
"Bleh… it's just like any other concert…" Big said all unenthused-like.
"Hell no! We got flame throwers and laser goggles! It's going to be a great show!" Vector said.
"But we're playing a benefit show for handicapped children and old, senile, senior citizens…" Kurt said bluntly.
Two hours, 56 seizures, and 12 deaths later…
"Are we going to keep the flamethrowers and laser goggles?" Big asked.
"Yeah. We're going to use them for the Angel Island and Station Square shows." The manager said.
"Panic at the Disco and the Jonas Brothers are opening for us in Angel Island right?" Kurt asked.
"Yeah, and Ashlee Simpson will be there too." The manager said.
"YES!" We Touch Ourselves yelled mischievously.
"Oh yeah, how long are we staying here?" Espio asked.
"Long enough for you to get into Elise's pants… skirt… whatever she's wearing today." The manager answered as he put his hand on the back of Espio's shoulder, "Go get her, tiger…"
"That means we'd be stuck here forever!" Vector cried. Just then Amy came out of nowhere and slapped Vector across the face. Then she disappeared again.
"I shall make you proud sir!" Espio said as he teleported away.
"You guys are free for the rest of the day and tomorrow. Do whatever you do in your free time. I'll be at the apartment if you need me." The manager said as he teleported away.
"I'm going to need to be alone." Vector said as he teleported away.
"What the hell?" Big said as he noted that everybody seemed to have the teleport ability, level 18.
"How'd they do that?" Kurt said.
"Whatever… let's go have lunch and get Starbucks…" Big said as he and Kurt walked over a floating computer for lunch… Stupid Sonic the Hedgehog game for the PS3…
Vector
Vector then poofed into the tour bus, where the bus driver was unconscious in the bathroom.
"Eh… good enough…" Vector said as he pulled out a guitar and notebook. He started strumming some random but soothing chords, "You… are the only one… ugh… I can't think of any good love words that rhyme with one!…" Vector said as he wrote down lyrics into his notebook.
Kurt and Big
Well… instead of lunch and Starbucks… they went to a party and got hammered.
"Dude, Kurt, I got a brilliant idea for the show in Angel Island…" Big started.
"Hit me…" Kurt said as he got kicked in the stomach by a literal jackass.
"We get the opening performers to stand in a line… then we use the stage flamethrowers…" Big said. Unfortunately, Kurt and Big were actually at a 10 year old child's birthday party… in THEIR birthday suits… but there was a clown… he was pretty creepy. Why are all clowns creepy, but when they get hurt it's funny?
"You're a big meanie pants! Nick Jonas is so hot, not even fire can burn him!" a Jonas Brothers fanatic girl cried.
"Guess what? 20 years from now on, have fun ringing up my groceries… stupid kids…" Big said, "You're never gonna be a star." Needless to say, the girl cried, told her mom, the mom called the cops, and there was a massive orgy…
Nah, there was no penetration. Kurt and Big were apprehended by the policeman.
"Excuse me, officer…" Big started.
"What?"
"Kurt and I are famous. We're in the band called We Touch Ourselves, and we have a gig in two days in Angel Island…" Big stated.
"Oh! I truly apologize for this, Master Big… My son loves your music! He's going to your concert!" the cop said, as he undid the hand cuffs, "Be right back!" The cop then arrested the mom and all of the little children and put them in jail for the rest of their lives.
"Thanks buddy!" Big said.
"I'm not your buddy, pal…" Kurt retorted.
"I'm not your pal, friend…" Big continued…
3 hours later when they finally run out of synonyms for friend…
"No problem, I apologize for getting things mixed up. Good luck at your gig!" the policeman said as he drove off with the 30 kids that were just arrested.
"Can policemen even do that?" Kurt asked Big.
"Eh… who cares? Let's go get dinner and Starbucks…" Big suggested.
"That's what you said we were going to do last time…" Kurt said as he followed Big into the unknown…
Shadow
"Hello, to all the lovely ladies out there; my name is Shadow T. Hedgehog, not related to Sonic or Silver T. Hedgehog. I'm a very lonely person, and I would like to say, that I like sex, although I never had it. If you do too, just call me at XXX-XXX-XXXX…"
Kurt and Big
"Hey Kurt!" Big called.
"What's up?" Kurt said.
"I want to show you a magic trick. Just stand right next to the table." Big instructed.
"Alright…" Kurt said as he moved over to the table. Big stuck a pencil into the table.
"I am going to make this pencil disappear…" Big said…
Espio and Elise
Espio and Elise's date were going fine… they played strip Frisbee, Butt invaders IV, Sexy Beach 3, and strip volleyball at the beach… then afterwards, they went to a nice diner on the boardwalk.
"Hey! It's Espio from We Touch Ourselves!" said Paco Ramon Rodriguez, the fully Italian waiter.
"Hey Paco! How ya been, man?" Espio said as he shook Paco's hand.
"Same old, same old… is this your girlfriend?" Paco asked.
"Oh yeah, Elise, Paco. Paco, Elise." Espio said.
"Nice to meet you!" Elise said as she shook his hand, "So how do you two know each other?"
"Oh, Espio saved my ass back in the war" Paco started.
"Oh… here it goes again…" Espio sighed…
2 hours later…
"So they're like, 'Any last words Mr. Jones?' and Espio was like, 'I. Like. IKE!' then he kicked the Persian down a bottomless pit, saving me and the policemen from the Joker…" Paco finally ended.
"Wow, I knew that Espio was a famous guitarist… but I never knew that he was a war-veteran, history teacher, archeologist, Spartan, Dark Knight, AND a porn star…" Elise said.
"Yeah… you picked yourself the best of the best Elise…" Paco said. Espio finally woke up.
"Ah… is that crazy Italian guy who says he knows me, but actually doesn't, done spreading his lies and slander?" Espio asked.
"Take me back to my place Espio." Elise said.
"Yes mam!" Espio said as he grabbed Elise's hips and teleported to…wherever she lives…
"I'm so lonely…" Paco said.
- - -
"I had a really fun time Niko." Elise said.
"So… uh… mind if I come inside with you?" Espio said with a random Polish/Russian accent.
"Sure!" Elise said as she led Espio into her apartment.
Kurt and Big
"DUDE! It's the best idea since underwear!" Big explained to Kurt.
"I don't see how this is a good idea. In any way. At all." Kurt said.
"Well maybe if you'd stop talking in fragmented sentences, you can see the world through different perspectives." Big said.
"You're a dick." Kurt retorted.
"All right! You ready?" Big asked.
"Fuck. No." Kurt answered.
"Stop talking all fragmented!" Big complained, "Here we go!"
Just then, Big and Kurt, bound together, jumped off the plane, with nothing but a huge shirt to act as a parachute. They were screaming at the top of their lungs from pure thrill and adrenaline.
"Hey Kurt!" Big shouted.
"What?"
"I have come to a scientific conclusion that huge clothing does NOT have the same capturing effect as a parachute!" Big said.
"What the WTF does that mean?" Kurt asked.
"It means that we're going to die because we don't have a parachute. But at least we died in the name of science!" Big suggested.
"HOLY SHIT! I JUST WANTED A DOUBLE CHOCOLATE CHIP FRAPPACHINO FROM STARBUCKS!!" Kurt yelled.
Espio
Espio is lying on the bed with Elise after a night of debauchery.
"Wait a minute… Who the hell is Niko Bellic?"