Forward: Another entertaining short story courtesy of yours truly

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

DISCOMBOBULATED PORK CHOPS

Dudley kept running until he couldn't anymore, which didn't take very long. "Please, Harry! Don't!" he screamed.

With an evil grin, Harry walked up slowly, cornering the plump child in his room. "It's over fatso. Nowhere to run and nowhere to hide."

"Mum! Dad!" Dudley screamed.

"They can't hear you now," Harry sneered, the light glinting off his glasses. "They've been taken care off."

"What did you do to them?" Dudley looked on in horror.

"I fed them to Hagrid," Harry said, and then he took his wand out. "But Hagrid's a hard man to please. He's still hungry. Aunt Petunia was too tough to chew on his said and he complained that Uncle Vernon was too bitter." Harry began creeping closer. "But I told him all about you Dudley… You should make a marvelous meal."

"Don't!" Dudley bawled, trying to dig himself into the wall. "What can I do to make you change your mind?"

"Nothing," Harry spat evilly, before waving his wand to execute a stasis spell.

Dudley felt his whole body become paralyzed. "Why are you doing this?" he moaned before his lips froze as well. Only his eyes remained mobile. He watched in horror as Harry began to chuckle maniacally.

"Because you're a fathead who always made my life miserable. I'm just returning the favor. Don't worry, Hagrid always makes it a quick kill. Hagrid!" Harry shouted.

The giant scruff man entered rubbing his hands together. "Where's the fat lad?" His eyes lit up a the sight of Dudley. "Ye weren't kiddin' lass! He's a big'one." Dudley remained frozen as he horrifically watched Hagrid step over to him and grip his neck. "Dun worry lad, it'll be ovur quick'er than it was fer yer dad."

"Enough talking!" Harry screamed. "Kill him! Eat him now!"

Hagrid obliged by biting down over Dudley's fat head, ripping the entire thing off. Dudley screamed one final blood curdling scream before blood spurted out everywhere and Hagrid grinned. "Tastes like chicken. Harry, ye want a piece?"

"No thanks," Harry replied disgustedly. "I'm a vegetarian."

NOTES: I tried to keep Dudley as in character as possible. Hagrid's awesome.