A.N.: oh, i accidentally wrote kyman dirty talk skype sex. booo. this is mostly dialogue and it's not even quality or edited whatsoever lmao. also this is the first time i've ever written smut in my entire life so be gentle if you are kind enough to review. xx blame parti-pooper for this because it was inspired by a conversation we had.
"So I got pelted with paintballs by 13 year olds for like two hours." Kyle begins once he is sure Cartman can hear him on Skype.
"I told you to just stay home." Cartman takes a sip of beer, and Kyle thinks he can hear his Rammstein cd blaring in the background.
"You know I couldn't. I haven't seen Ike in months, and it's his birthday. It's just one weekend."
"One long, drawn out weekend that you have to spend in South Park of all places, with your family. Ew." Cartman chuckles when Kyle rolls his eyes. "You know I have a good point."
"Oh come on, South Park isn't all bad." Kyle looks around his bedroom, which looks remarkably untouched since he moved out. He's honestly kinda surprised his parents hadn't cleared it out and let Ike turn it into an art studio. "I think we even have a few fond memories in this room."
"Hm, do we? I don't think I can remember anything good ever happening to me in a Jew's house." Cartman smirks.
"If I was there I'd kick your ass." Kyle threatens. "Don't pretend like you don't remember senior year."
"I don't know Kyle, maybe you can jog my memory?" he sits back and sets his beer down on the nightstand. Kyle blushes and repositions his laptop on his bed.
"You mean you don't remember when you pushed me up against my door and kissed my neck?" Kyle asks, biting his lip in what he hopes appears seductive. "I wrapped my arms around your waist and gave you that hickey that stayed for like a week."
"Did you?" Cartman asks, disbelief in his tone, but Kyle can see him shifting, rubbing himself idly.
"Mhm. Then you turned us around and I dropped to my knees and sucked you off."
"Like a fucking slut."
"So you do remember?" Cartman shrugs, so Kyle goes on. "You were so hard, I remember you could hardly keep yourself from fucking my mouth, and I couldn't get enough of it. And then you pulled my hair, and ugh," Kyle closes his eyes, lost in the memory. "I moaned and you came right down my throat, no warning or anything. Hot as fuck."
"Take your shirt off, I miss your body." Cartman says in a voice just above a whisper. Kyle wastes no time, discarding his shirt and reaching up to pinch one of his hard nipples. "God, it's been so long since I've touched you."
"I miss you," Kyle is aware that he sounds a bit too sentimental given the circumstances, but he says it anyway. "Can't wait to come home."
"I can't wait to fuck you again. You want that? Want me to fuck your tight little ass?" he asks, popping open his jeans and sliding his hand down to stroke himself firmly.
Kyle moans quietly, turning so he's on his side, but still keeping his body in view of his webcam. "I want it so bad. What would you do to me if you were here?"
"I'd eat you out nice and slow, turn you in to a whimpering mess. You'd be sobbing and on the verge of exploding by the time I was done. And then I'd stop. And I'd just kiss you until you'd calmed down enough for me to do it again."
Kyle can't resist the urge to pull his erection out of the constraints of his boxers. Painfully hard, he licks his palm gratuitously before pumping his dick and moaning. "Oh, God."
"Yeah, and then I'd stretch you open. Your hole would be all nice and wet and ready for it. I'd start with my pinky, just to tease you, and work my way up to three fingers. You could probably come from that alone, and by then you'd be shaking with the need to come. You'd be begging for me to fuck you already." Cartman closes his eyes and groans. "Oh, fuck, Kyle. Let me see you fuck yourself."
Kyle doesn't hesitate. He pulls his boxers off and sucks on his fingers for a few moments, pulling them out slowly before circling them around his hole before pushing one in to the tight heat. "Jesus," he breathes. He starts working it in and out, reveling in the way Cartman is watching him, looking like he wants to eat him alive.
"You're so fucking hot, Kyle. Wanna fuck you 'till you scream. Want the whole town to hear how much of a little whore you are for my dick. You want that? Want your mommy and daddy to hear you downstairs? Want them to know their perfect little boy is dirty slut?" Cartman's bucking his hips upward to meet his hand as he continues jerking off, and Kyle can tell he's getting close; they both are.
"Want you in me, ugh, Cartman, fuck." Kyle's fucking himself desperately with three fingers and clenching his bed sheets with the other hand. "shit, I need…"
"Yeah, yeah." Cartman whines before moaning Kyle's name a few more times and coming all over his hand.
"Oh, God, Cartman, fuck." Kyle finishes right after, eyes shut tight and biting his lip to keep from screaming out and disturbing the rest of his family.
The two sit in silence for a few moments, breathing deeply and feeling way too hot.
"You need to get your ass back here asap." Cartman finally says after what feels like forever. Kyle tucks himself back in and nods quickly.
"Yeah, I know." He yawns, and Cartman smiles lazily at him. "Stay up with me until I fall asleep?"
"Sure, but it'll cost you. I don't like missing out on beauty sleep for nothing." He responds, but Kyle knows he really doesn't mind.
"Deal, you can have whatever you want when I get back." Kyle promises, and the 'within reason' is understood. Kyle shifts to grab a few tissues to clean himself up and get comfortable. They talk quietly about nothing at all until Kyle falls asleep to the faint sound of German rock and Cartman's voice.