Rating: PG-13 to NC-17, depending on the chapter

Spoilers: all seasons. Set right after Lavinia Swire's death and explores Matthew's and Mary's lives from there on.

Summary: The weeks after Lavinia's funeral had been trying for everyone. Matthew had withdrawn from all family gatherings, dividing his time solely between work and the progress of the cottages. Mary had seen him from a distance a few times, but each time he had managed to disappear before she could catch up with him.

Special thank you to the lovely Tambear for catching missing commas, odd grammar and offering excellent suggestions & advice!

...

...

Of Heroes and Sea Monsters

Chapter 1

The weeks after Lavinia's funeral had been trying for everyone. Matthew had withdrawn from all family gatherings, dividing his time solely between work and the progress of the cottages. Mary had seen him from a distance a few times, but each time he had managed to disappear before she could catch up with him.

Spring had turned into early summer. The Village Flower Show came and was a huge success. Matthew had been there, standing in the back of the hall. Mary had tried to make her way over to him, but he had slipped out before she reached him. She sighed heavily and plastered a look of calm sereneness on her face that she seemed to display so often these days.

Isobel watched the two, growing more and more impatient. She had tried to talk to Matthew about it a few times, but he was adamant about not seeing Mary. Isobel's face hardened. She had tried to reason with her son, but to no avail. Matthew had made his mind up.

So it was a complete surprise to Mary when on a warm Saturday afternoon in mid June he came to her and sat down next to her on the bench, their bench.

"Cousin Mary," he said with a gentle smile before staring straight ahead, admiring the beautiful green landscape.

"Matthew." She smiled and waited for him to say something.

"I have been a fool," he said in a hollow voice. "And I fear that it has cost me my happiness."

"Oh Matthew," she said and sighed, gently resting her hand on his arm. He flinched at her touch and she started to remove her hand. To her surprise he covered it.

"Please don't," he said softly.

"I have worried about you," she confessed. "And I have missed you greatly."

"I know," he said and smiled sadly at her. "I have treated you terribly. You cared for her too, and I said such harsh words to you."

"Let's not dwell over the past, Matthew," she said cheerfully and smiled at him. "It is a beautiful day. Would you care to walk with me?"

"I think I would like that," he said and nodded.

Matthew offered her his arm and together they strolled further away from the house.

"Are you sure that you should be alone with me so far from the house?" he teased and smiled at her. "What would Carlisle say if he knew?"

"Well, he will not know, unless you tell him. Frankly I do not think it is any of his business if I want to spend time with my cousin."

"You know that is not all there is to it," he said in a gentle voice. He stopped and took her hand. "So much has transpired between us. God, Mary. We have been hurting for so long. It pleases me so that we are friends again."

"Friends," she said and looked away. "I wonder if we can ever be just friends after what has happened. We share too much Matthew."

"Yet there is something that you have not told me," he said seriously. "I sensed it all those years ago when you refused to give me your answer. I sense it again now. Does Carlisle have a hold on you? Does he know something that I don't?"

Mary sighed and shook her head. "Please, Matthew. I cannot tell you. You will forever despise me." She smiled at him and gently placed her palm against his cheek. "Leave it alone and let us move forward as it is. If I know that at least you think highly of me, my life will be so much easier to bear." She steered him towards the small pond and the shade by the weeping willows.

"Dear God, Mary!" he exclaimed. "Now you have me really worried."

"As you said, it is in the past. What good will it do you to learn of events that took place so long ago?"

"Whatever it is, it is still haunting you now."

Matthew stopped and took off his coat. Spreading it out on the soft grass for her to sit on, he helped her down. Easing down next to her he placed his hand over hers in the grass. And there, in the shadow of a weeping willow, surrounded by the calmness of the early afternoon, after almost eight years, a war, happiness and sorrow, Mary finally told him. She spared no detail, relaying the events of the dreadful night that so changed her life forever. His hand tightened around hers at one point and she sighed heavily. Determined to tell him everything, the words continued to spill from her lips until she hung her head in exhaustion over bearing her soul to him.

Matthew swallowed hard. His Mary. His Andromeda, pure and strong, had been violated by a sea monster. No, he corrected himself; she had allowed a man into her bed. He closed his eyes and an image of Mary's face as she held her lover in her arms came to him. He opened his eyes to erase it and stared out over the calm water, such a contrast to the storm raging inside him.

"Did you love him?" he asked, wondering why his voice sounded like he was about to cry.

"How could I?" she exclaimed. "I barely knew him!"

He nodded. "And he did not force you?"

"No, Matthew. We shared a moment of passion, of lust. Nothing more."

"Don't make a joke about it, please," he snapped.

Mary nodded and looked away. She tried to remove her hand from under his, but to her surprise he held on tightly. She looked at him and their eyes met. His hand came up to touch her cheek and it felt wet. She realized that she must be crying. The next she knew, she was in his arms. He held her close as she cried for the first time over what had happened.

Matthew held her and stroked her back as she cried until she had no more tears to shed. He handed her his clean handkerchief and she wiped her face. He smiled sadly and tucked her head under his chin again.

"I'm glad you told me," he said finally.

"So you have forgiven me?" she asked surprised and sat up.

"No," he said and smiled at her. He ran his finger down her cheek. "Because there is nothing to forgive."

Mary just stared at him and finally nodded. "Thank you."

"I wish that you had told me sooner. Not back then. I honestly don't know if I could have handled it then. I was an even bigger fool back then," he said and chuckled. Matthew looked at her. "I just wish that I could have been there for you. I am sure that it has been hard to live with."

Mary nodded. "I do not know how the rumors started, only that they did. Apparently they came from Downton," she said and sighed. She knew exactly who had sold her out, but she did not need to burden him with that knowledge.

"Well, I do know now, and you can be assured that I still think highly of you. We have both made mistakes. You have my support, no matter what."

"I assume that you're talking about Richard."

"I am." Matthew sighed heavily. "Mary, do you really love him?"

"Of course I don't," she said and frowned. "That has nothing to do with it."

"It should," he said softly. "Marriage is a long commitment."

"Don't I know it," she said and made a face. "Especially for our lot."

"You cannot go through with it," he exclaimed. "Stay here. Let us run Downton together. I could never have a finer ally than you."

Mary laughed. "Matthew, do not make promises that you cannot keep."

He grabbed her arm and waited until she looked at him. "Whatever happens, you will always have a home here. My door will always be open for you, no matter what. Please remember that."

Mary smiled and nodded. "Thank you. I know you mean it."

They sat by the pond, talking quietly until the sun started to set. Arm in arm they slowly walked back to the house.

To be continued…