When they're together, she feels as if her body's on fire, or like her insides are melting, or like she's just taken a jump off a 30 foot cliff but she's not afraid of falling. It's fun and exciting and just new. Marley's never believed in soul mates or love at first sight, but she remembers the first time she saw Jake Puckerman in the hallways of McKinley and she thinks he's as close to true love as she's ever going to get. (She ignores the voice in her head that tells her she's being ridiculous.)
She knows how it's supposed to go. Girl meets nice, charming, respectful boy. They fall in love. They live happily ever after. That's the end of that. Marley never thought being with Jake would make her want any of that. He's not her prince charming and she's no princess.
"I want you so much right now." He tells her when they're feeling daring and she's managed to sneak him into her room because her mom falls asleep early on Sundays. His hands are everywhere on her body and it's too much and not enough at the same time. "You have no idea."
"Jake," She whispers because that's all that comes to mind when her tank top is rising up and she's feeling warm all over. "Please."
Please, what? She wonders. She's definitely not ready to do anything more than just kiss, especially at one in the morning with her mother right down the hall. But her body craves him and she can see herself doing that with him. (More than ever lately.) Marley knows he'll be her first. Knows she wants to give herself to him completely.
It's still too soon, though.
"We should stop." He always knows when they should. It's funny how she's never the one to make him leave. "It's late and.."
And things are getting out of hand.
"Yeah," she agrees, sitting up to fix herself and pull down her shirt. It's dark in her room so he can't see the blood rushing to her cheeks. "Meet me at my locker before first period?"
He always does so she doesn't know why she's asking, but she feels awkward now that the moment is over between them.
"Of course." He kisses her cheek softly when they're standing on her porch, trying to be quiet enough so her mom won't hear. "I love you."
"Love you more." She winks.
She tries to go back to bed but she can still taste him on her lips. It makes her feel all tingly.
JMJMJM
Everything ends and Marley hates that she's constantly reminding herself of that. It's the reason why she doesn't get angry with Jake for staring at other girls too long or talking to Kitty more than her during lunch. Becuase he's a guy and they're too young to be in love. (She's just waiting for him to leave her. Like her dad did.)
She feels bad that she's made him promise to be with only her. Before they really got together she made such a big deal about him not letting his walls down. She made all the first moves, asked him to the Sadie Hawkin's dance, and tried to make it clear how much she liked him.
He told her he loved her and she said it back. His walls finally came down. That doesn't mean hers ever did.
JMJMJM
She figures falling in love for the first time guaruntees getting your heart broken for the first time, too. They don't break up (the first time out of many many break ups) because one of them cheated or stopped loving the other. No, nothing like that. Marley needs stability, security, to feel comfortable in whatever relationship she's in. Jacob Puckerman is anything but stable, secure, and comfortable. He's dangerous, risky, and takes her places she's never been before, emotionally and physically. It's too much for her to take, these feelings she has for him when everone (including herself) sees her as just some clueless little sophomore. What does she know about love?
So she breaks up with him.
She hates herself for expecting he'd be the one to run out on their relationship.
(But maybe that's just her insecurites talking.)
JMJMJM
Everyone at school assumes he's the one that broke things off. There are rumors going around that he cheated on her with Kitty. Some say she cheated on Jake with Ryder again. (Although she never did that in the first place.) Others say he didn't want to commit because he's a Pukerman and what did she expect?
"We're going to get back together, Marls." He tells her after glee practice when almost everyone is gone, headed home for the weekend. "I don't know why you wanted a break, but we're going to get back together."
Part of her knows he's right. They love each other and you can't just walk away from that. "What makes you so sure?"
"Becuase it's always going to be that way. You and me." She's not sure what he means by that but it sounds believable.
JMJMJM
She expects him to distract himself from their break up by getting with Kitty or any other cheerios at school. It surprises Marley that he does the exact opposite. Instead of trying to avoid her or lose who he is with 'bad' behavior, he puts all his attention on her.
It's like she can't escape him.
(She likes that he's fighting for her. Fighting for them.)
"Your mom said I could give you a ride home from school." They're at her locker and she's putting away her books when he comes up to her.
"When did she say that?" Marley smiles at him. Leave it to him to go speaking to her mother about them.
"When I asked her." Jake says simply, shrugging his shoulder and closing her locker before pulling her towards the exit of the school. "Now, let's go."
They don't go to her house, he drives them to his and she tries not to show how nervous she is at the fact that his mom isn't home till late. She shouldn't want him this much when they aren't even a couple anymore.
"Is this the part where you try to take advantage of me?" She teases him.
"Who, me? I would never do that," He mocks her sarcastically, but Marley knows it's the truth. He never had a problem respecting her boundaries. "Unless you want to roleplay?" He winks.
"Yeah, right." She giggles. "So, then why did you bring me here?"
"I don't know," He answers her, watching as she makes herself comfortable on his bed, crossing her ankles as she sits against his headboard. "I guess I just missed seeing you on my bed."
It makes her blush even though he doesn't mean it in a sexual way. (Maybe just a little.) She knows what he means because she's missed seeing him on her bed, too. He would always throw her 'girly ass' pillows on the floor, put his arms behind his head, lay one leg straight and the other bent. Like he just belonged there, on her bed.
"You can't just say things like that." It's a warning, when she says it. (More for herself. She's not supposed to want him.)
"Why 'cause you're being dumb as fuck and decided to break up with me?"
See? He curses too much and challenges her all the time. Yet, she loves that about him. Loves the way it makes her stomach tighten.
"I am not," she argues. Jake gets up from his broken down desk chair and goes to sit beside her on his bed. "You just...you're frustrating and you... you drive me crazy!"
He smirks and suddenly he's just way too close. He makes her question everything when he's this close. "I know I do."
"Stop," Marley whispers. She doesn't have to whisper, but she does. Then, he presses his forehead against hers and she wonders, not for the first time, why she's running away from him. From how he makes her feel.
He cups her face with one of his hands and her eyes flutter closed against her better judgement. "Marley."
"Hmm?"
"I'm not going to kiss you."
It shouldn't hurt her, but his words do. Marley wants him to kiss her. He's always been the one to make her feel like this. Like she's wanted and...sexy, even.
"Why?" They're not together. She's the one who's distancing herself from him and yet she's hating him for not just going ahead and connecting their lips together for the first time in over a month.
"Because I need you to want me to." She does want him to. He has to know that, but she doesn't tell him. Instead, he pulls his hand away from her cheek and she opens her eyes.
"Then take me home." She'll always keep fighting him. They can't be together and maybe she's being dumb for thinking it, but right now it seems like a smart decision.
She knows her mother was in on the plan when Marley walks through the front door and she asks, "Are you back together yet?"
JMJMJM
"And, why are you not a couple anymore?" Unique questions her on the last day of the semester when they're both in the girl's bathroom trying to avoid the horrors of math class. (It's the last day of the semester and Ms. Rivers is still trying to teach!)
"Because, Unique." How can she explain? "Jake and me shouldn't work."
"Shouldn't work or don't work?"
Marley thinks for a second, "I don't know, but I need time to think and stuff. My mind gets all jumbled just thinking about him."
"You just want to see how long he'll fight for you." Unique laughs as if it's just that simple.
"What's wrong with that?"
"Well, did you ever think that maybe you're being totally crazy?" Unique laughs. "Stop trying to test Jake's love for you, Marley. Just get back with him."
"Love isn't that simple, Unique. Look at everyone else's parents. Jake's mom and dad. My mom and dad!"
"Your not them, girl! Love can be that simple if you just let it."
It's not the first time she's questioned her decision.
(But she's stubborn and avoids him all day.)
JMJMJM
"If you thought I gave up on us 'cause we didn't talk in almost two weeks you were wrong."
It's the first glee practice since coming back to school (there's a mini vacation break at the end of each semester) and Jake's just sat next to her, ignoring all the looks from the rest of the glee club.
"Why didn't you?" She's genuinly curious on why he's still fighting for her. She hasn't even heard any rumors of him hooking up with anyone since they broke up. He couldn't have stayed single this long, could he? "Give up, I mean."
"I never do."
Why that answer makes her smile, she has no clue.
JMJMJM
He spends weeks walking her to class, driving her home from glee, and being so Jake that she feels those walls she has slowly breaking.
It's a wierd feeling.
JMJMJM
They win sectionals the second time around and it feels amazing. She sings her heart out and smiles at her mom from the audience to calm her nerves. Jake kept his eye on her, made sure she ate, and didn't work too hard.
There goes her walls breaking down just a little bit more.
Her face lights up when she sees him in the break room and she finds herself asking him, "Ready to go home?"
He knows what she means because it's not the first time she's said these exact words to him. When they were together she'd hint at him that she wanted to go to his house and 'hang out' (make out) by saying ready to go home?
"Yeah," Jake answers, taking her hand. "Yeah, sure."
There's a smile on her face the whole ride to his house. She wants him and tonight she's going to let herself admit it. It doesn't scare her. Maybe it's winning sectionals or maybe it's the way he looked at her during their duet. Either way she's not afraid of falling.
His lips are still attached to hers when the back of her knees hit the mattress and he guides her to lay down. She's not ready to give herself fully to him but she wants something, even if she's not sure what that is. She feels as if she needs to show him somehow that them being apart hasn't been pointless.
"I love you." It surprises her that she says it to him first without question. It's been so long since the words have left her lips. "Take off your shirt."
He does what she says and Marley traces her nails across his now bare shoulders. She traces her tongue across his bottom lip until he opens his mouth for her and their tongues meet. Jake moves his lips to her neck and places open mouthed kiss there, biting occasionally. It makes her let out a moan and arch her back just a little (a lot).
"God, I've missed this." It shouldn't bother her that he says he's missed this and not her. She's told him she loves him and he hasn't even said it back yet, either.
"Kiss me, please." He brings his lips back to hers and this time she meets his tongue immediately.
His hands inch to the bottom of her shirt and she nods her head, signaling for him to take it off while keeping their lips fused against each others. She only stops kissing him so he could pull it over her head. It's new, the feeling of skin on skin. They've never removed each others clothes. She's never let it get that far.
They're pressed so close to one another, she can barley breathe. Part of her is on panic mode telling her to stop him, stop him from seeing all of her, and to just run as fast as she can. Something about him keeps her lying there, kissing and raking her nails over every inch of this 'bad' boy she loves so much.
"What do you want?"
"You." It's the first time she's letting herself admit it. She wants him. She misses him. It's only a question of letting herself deserve him. "Do something, please."
"I love you," Jake tells her, looking straight into her eyes. "Are you ready to stop being stupid?"
"What?"
"Unless you tell me you're ready for this, for us. I'm stopping."
"Jake." It's simple really. He wants her and she wants him. They're two people madly in love. He's let his walls down for her and she still can't do the same for him. "Ok."
"Really?" He questions and she can't help but rock her hips slightly against his because too much talking.
"Yes, yes, really." She whimpers. "I need you."
His smile is so wide before he starts placing kisses all the way down to her hip bones. It makes her shiver and then she's gripping his hair in her fingers and moaning (kind of loudly).
JMJMJM
She walks home that night alone, barefoot with her heels in her hand. It's not that easy to ignore his calls and texts but she manages.
JMJMJM
"You what!?" Unique nearly screams at her on the other end of the phone.
"Don't make me repeat it."
"You're telling me you and Jake had sex and then you escaped while he was sleeping!" She screams. "First of all, congrats on losing the virginty. Second, I didn't think you had it in you to pull off a hit it and quit it."
"I did not do a...hit it and quit it." She whispers. It's an early Monday morning and her mom is obviously working, but she feels awkward enough having this conversation. "I said we kind of hooked up. As in not sex just...mild stuff, ok? We were just sleeping after and I realized how serious everything is. That's why I pretended I was sick today. I don't know how I'd act if I saw him at school."
"I'm going to say this quick because I'm hiding in the bathroom right now and my history teacher is going to think something is seriously wrong with how long I've been in here." Unique says without taking a breath. "Sop being a scardy cat and get back with your boyfriend. Clearly he's in love with you and you know you love him, too. This whole ridiculously long break up or whatever is insane, Marley! Sort out your trust issues and get that boy back!"
"I kind of already told him I'd take him back." Marley says. "I just didn't keep the promise."
JMJMJM
She's being ridiculous and can admit it. She was so scared of Jake leaving her that she left him which makes absolutely no sense. Jake may not be perfect or not exactly who she expected to fall in love with, but she did and he's all she wants.
This realization is what has her swallowing her pride and walking towards his house to wait for him to come home from glee practice. His mother is coming out of their house, leaving for work Marley assumes.
"Why don't you wait for Jake inside?" She asks Marley with a knowing smile. It makes her wonder what exactly Jake has told her about their break up. (Or whatever this was exactly).
She heads up to his room and sits on the edge of his bed and waits. It's funny, she thinks, that somehow she always ends up back here, on Jake's bed no matter how hard she tries to put him behind her.
When he comes home he doesn't even notice her laying across his bed. She watches him with his eyes closed, headphones in his ears, humming along to whatever song is playing.
"Holy shit, Marls!" He shouts when he finally notices her.
"Took you long enough to notice me." She laughs, motioning for him to lay next to her.
He rubs the back of his neck before going over and sitting next to her on his bed. "I always notice you. I just wasn't expecting you."
"I owe you an apology." She decides to get it over with, tell him exactly what's going on in her jumbled up mind. "Everyone around me has never had both parents around, you know? Someone always left and never came back. My dad. Your dad. Everyone. I guess I expected you to leave and when you didn't, I did. It was stupid and I'm sorry."
"Some people do come back, Mar." He tells her and she believes him, surprisingly.
"You never even really left." She smiles, leaning up to place a chaste kiss on his lips. "You fought for us and I love you for that."
"Who would have thought I'd be the stable one in this relationship?" He laughs.
She doesn't answer him, just moves herself so she's straddling him on his bed. "You sure you wanna deal with all my crazy? I think I'm always going to try running away from you."
"I might try to run from you too, you know."
"As long as one of us always comes back then I guess we'll be ok." She reassures him. (And maybe herself, too.)
"Sounds good to me." He smiles, his hands playing with the hem of her sweater. "Don't we have lots of making up to do now? You put me through hell so I think I deserve it."
"Shut up." She laughs. But she kisses him anyway and doesn't complain when he rolls them so she's beneath him.
For once, she's perfectly happy right where she is.
A/N: Um, again I'm not sure what this is. Just a result of my boredom so...review? :)