Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN ANY Twilight characters or anything, or Jerry Springer.
Written with Pinkcatheaven, check out her Maximum Ride fanfic, Never Quit!!!
(She wrote that not me)
Pinkcatheaven: Any publicity is good publicity! XD
The Cullen's Meet Jerry Springer
JS:Ok, we are welcoming to the studio the Cullen family. Woo - hood!!!!!
(Cullen's walk on)
JS:So, why are we here today?
AC:Esme thought we should talk about our issues.
CC:What issues? Esme, is there something you've not told me?
(Carlisle gets ignored)
JS:Erm, so, how many relationships have we got here?
CC:Esme and I, Bella and Edward, Renesmee and Jacob, Alice and Jasper –
RoC:WHY ARE WE ALWAYS LAST!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
CC:(Scared) I didn't mean it like that!
RoC: YOU NEVER DO!!!! BUT SOMEHOW ME AND EMMETT ARE ALWAYS LAST!!!!
EmC:Technically, I'm always last.
RoC:DID I ASK YOUR OPINION??????
EmC:Yes, dear, I mean no dear, I mean, meep.
RoC:STOP CALLING ME DEAR?
EmC:What should I call you dear?
(Rosalie pauses for thought)
RoC:Ma'am.
(Edward says at same time sounding bored)
EmC:Yes Ma'am.
RoC:EDWARD WHO BROUGHT YOU INTO THIS??????
EdC:I did, just then, weren't you listening?
RoC:NO I WASN'T, JUST SHUT UP!!!!!!
EmC:Calm down, Ma'am.
EdC:Emmett aren't you supposed to be the strong one?
EmC:Shut up Edward or I'll break your piano again!
EdC:NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Not Patrick!!!!
(Edward goes into breakdown (Not breaking dawn))
BC:Emmett, you don't know how long it took him to recover from Peter.
EdC:Don't speak his name!!!!
EmC:Oh, shut I only smashed it ... burnt it...and buried the ashes! I don't know why you made such a fuss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
EdC: It's emotional, you didn't even know him!
EmC:You didn't know him either! Don't judge me!
JB:Wait, wait, wait (Times a few more); you're talking about a piano?
EdC:Yes we are, your point is?
JB:You named a piano?
EdC: Shut up, you mutt? Oh, and get your hands of my daughter!
JB: Well, we're getting married?
BC: When did you ask her parents about this?
ReC: Mom! Stop embarrassing me!
JB: Well, Alice said you'd be okay with it... (Pause)...eventually...
EdC:How eventually? Coz I'm ......... pretty mad right now.
BC: That's one word for it.
JB:Alice wasn't very specific, hehe!
AC:Yeah I was, it was 126 years, 3 weeks, 5 days and 13, 12, 11, 10,
JC:Yeah, they get it honey.
AC:Shut up Jasper!
(Awkward silence)
EsC:I think we should be leaving now.
(Cullen's disappear)
JB:Well since I can't disappear at inhuman speed I'm just gonna back away slowly, nice knowing you, erm, see you later!
JS:Well I guess that wraps it up, now we all learnt a good lesson today.
EmC:Wait a minute I forgot my blankey!
(Awkward silence, again)
EmC:Umm ... I mean Renesmee's blankey?
(Hear Renesmee's voice)
ReC:Don't drag me in this, Emmett!
BC:Renesmee...
ReC: I mean Uncle Emmett.
(Emmett backs away slowly)
EmC:I'm gonna take off now...... Been nice knowing y'all!
*Credits*